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Do women love harder?

I finally watched the Oprah’s Next Chapter – Rhianna. I have to admit, I thought the interview was interesting and I came away with a clearer understanding of the personality behind the pop star image.

During the interview, Rhianna mentioned that her Grandmother would tell her that she should marry someone who loves her more than she loved him. I have always been told the same thing from my Grandmother! Honestly, for a really long time, I didn’t get what this meant.

Now that I am older and have had my heartbroken a couple times, I know what the intent behind the message is. Women love harder than men…naturally. So in order to “balance” things out – you have to have a man who loves you more.

Do you agree with this sentiment? Do you think loving harder/more is about power in a relationship? Is that something a couple in love should even be concerned about?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

432 comments Add your comment

Lily

August 23rd, 2012
6:09 am

Diva, I’m on the fence with this sentiment. I would almost default to concurrence because I understand love hard, but because I’ve experienced having been loved harder, I cannot say that assessment is written in stone. I do believe from a high view, yes generally, tis true. I will go on further to say maybe because a woman’s love tend to be all encompassing, more so than men, or so it often seems. More willing, more forgiving, more tolerable. What I’m uncertain about is needing someone to love me more for having balance. It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m loved and it fills me where I’m needing, giving a sense of the our love being whole. Every person can be whole individually, but as a pair any lack will bring the feeling and sense of incomplete.

DreamsMaterialize

August 23rd, 2012
7:10 am

Woman don’t love harder, just differently. When you’re all in, you’re all in no matter the gender. The part about having someone love you more is about power. The person who cares the most has the least leverage.

Lily

August 23rd, 2012
7:17 am

@Dreams, well said.

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 23rd, 2012
8:08 am

When you’re all in, you’re all in no matter the gender.<<<<<<<<Love this DM!!!!!

Morning Crew! Interesting topic……… :-)

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
8:15 am

I think that women are more likely to fall harder and faster because they are more open to being in love. hat being said, I agree with Dreams; when you’re all in, you’re all in.

Good morning y’all!

Into the Light

August 23rd, 2012
8:17 am

Good morning, all!

Great post, Dreams. And I think this: “The person who cares the most has the least leverage” is where the quote WD mentioned comes from. Having the least leverage can lead to feeling taken advantage of or always giving in.

Let’s make it a GREAT day, blog familia.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 23rd, 2012
8:26 am

But if you’re in a relationship and you’re worried about “being taken advantage of” or you’re “keeping score” you need to get out of that jawn im.med.ita.ly

Single and Happy (I’m declaring this a no Magnum day (LOL))

August 23rd, 2012
8:28 am

Being in a relationship with someone that’s keeping score just isn’t any fun, who cares who loves more, the fact that you really love each other is all that matters :-)

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
8:28 am

Dan~ That is easier said than done. When you are the one who is more invested, there are some people out there who will take advantage of that. It’s not keeping score; it’s going into the situation with your eyes wide open.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 23rd, 2012
8:31 am

As for women loving harder….

I’ve seen (anecdotally of course) both sexes but up with some isht. Love is love, and being in love makes you do dumb isht – and put up with dumb isht.

Fact is, why be with someone that you don’t love as much as they love you? To be honest, that sounds like the lamentation of someone that has stayed in a marriage/relationship after dumb isht. It makes sense from that perspective, but really, why would you stay with someone that is lovestruck and you’re just “meh” about them? That’s that “love the one you’re with” mess.

Oh, and if it ain’t the spelt out definition of ’settling’ ion know what is

Good morning

Single and Happy (I’m declaring this a no Magnum day (LOL))

August 23rd, 2012
8:32 am

Comon, and how do you tell when someone is taking advantage of you?

Hey Peeps

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 23rd, 2012
8:35 am

@CC

It’s both.

I’m not saying swim the East River for someone who wouldn’t bring you a glass of water, but, if you’re measuring how someone else expresses Love by your standards and not theirs – it’ll never add up.

In the same vein, if you’re giving of yourself and this person isn’t; then yeah, make an assessment about that relationship.

Trust, but verify. Love, but don’t linger

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 23rd, 2012
8:36 am

Interesting……………..

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
8:47 am

S/H~ If I am constantly putting out and they are constantly taking with no or very little reciprocity, I’m probably being taken advantage of.

LeeH1

August 23rd, 2012
8:51 am

“Because women love harder than men”. Jeez. Women are such sexists.

Single and Happy (I’m declaring this a no Magnum day (LOL))

August 23rd, 2012
8:52 am

Comon but we can only be taking advantage of if we let others do it, I kinda see your point, but usually we don’t think we’re being taking advantage of until someone else tells us. (If it doesn’t bother me, why does it bother everyone else??)

SlimUno

August 23rd, 2012
8:52 am

The person who cares the most has the least leverage

That just maybe the kicker for some folks who have been ‘burned’ or hurt by previous love. No one wants to feel like a idiot or fool. For some, to love someone that hard would mean they are not as strong of a person, open to be too vulnerable etc.

Morning folks

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
8:57 am

S/H~ When you start a relationship, if it is your nature to give, then you will do so. (Where is Bluz this morning? I need some backup!) Oftentimes, it is only when you get into the relationship that you start to notice little things the other person is not doing to reciprocate. If it’s short term, then chalk it up to a bad day, but if it is long term, then changes need to be made.

Besides, everyone puts their best foot forward when they first start a relationship. You’re not really dating the person at first, you’re dating their representative.

Into the Light

August 23rd, 2012
8:59 am

co-signing Slim!

Bluzgirl

August 23rd, 2012
9:01 am

I have once been loved more than I loved him and that was my fiance. I knew I didn’t love him like that after about a year and a half, but I didn’t want to break his heart. I look back and realize that he is the only man who loved me completely. Problem was that we just weren’t that compatible. I was young and trying to figure out who I wanted to be. Unfortunately, he was a little too boring. It really broke my heart to break up with him.

I don’t care about who may love who more…as long as there is mutual love and respect. I thought with my ex that I had finally found someone who loved me equally…I think he did for the first year. Unfortunately, I loved him so much that I was willing to put up with a LOT of isht. Boy…if I could turn back time, but I digress…I learned lessons.

disco

August 23rd, 2012
9:01 am

good morning folks. my grandmother’s version of that advice was to be with the one that wanted to be with you and not the one that you wanted to be with. even as a small child that sounded like some BS to me. y’all know I’m a scorekeeper by nature so that one just seemed like getting the short end of the stick to me. of course, growing up and reflecting I know what was meant by it but as a child I took the words quite literally.

DM – I’m with you on that power statement. I also firmly believe that a lot of men put a lot of store in a woman’s emotions. I won’t go so far as to say they control women because of emotions but I do know that men don’t know what to do with the woman who isn’t “stereotypical” when it comes to being emotional.

dag. I see several folks are dissing keeping score so I have to make a quick plea in defense of it. is it straight tit for tat across the board? of course not. I’m not putting my name on the orange juice. however, I’m not going to ignore if and when things seem to get outrageously one-sided or out of balance. I watch a lot of people give and give and give while simply hoping to one day get something in return. I’m not going out like that.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:02 am

Slim sounds like those folks need to leave that old baggage and take a good look in the mirror!

Bluzgirl

August 23rd, 2012
9:07 am

CC – I’m right there with you. I am definitely a giver, with a very generous heart. I’m trying to reel it back some and not give so much so soon. I don’t want to totally change that because it’s not bad to be generous, but I have to find the right balance to where I’m not taken advantage of.

S/H – I was being taken advantage of and I didn’t see it because I was blinded by love. Several people would say something and I wouldn’t listen. Boy…it was a hard pill to swallow once I woke up and saw it. I LET it happen and I have to deal with that and learn from it.

disco

August 23rd, 2012
9:11 am

S/H – where you going in 3 days?

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:11 am

Comon what you said is so true about the representative, the problem is that these days people call 3 months long term and when the real person show up in 6 months they will spend years trying to get the representative back. “cause I have so much time invested in the relationship” I’m called the runner because I do believe change can happen over night. If we have a discussion about a problem and 3 months later we’re having that discussion again, it’s time for me to either say it’s something I can deal with because it’s not going to change, or it’s time to move on. But there is no more point in discussing it.

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
9:12 am

S?H~ Those who don’t remember their history are destined to repeat it.

Leggs

August 23rd, 2012
9:12 am

I’m with Dreams on this one. We’re in it to love each other. No measuring tape needed.

Can one of you come over here and give me a massage. I can barely turn my head. Slept hard and slept wrong!

Morning.

Mike P

August 23rd, 2012
9:12 am

So Okay, I have to call BS on this topic!

Generally speaking, women do not fall harder than men. Just because women have the uncanny ability to be forgiving yet manipulative, spurned yet too dang clingy while in love doesn’t mean they’re more in love than the man or love harder than he. It just mean men and women express love in different ways than the other, and it gets express more uniquely still when you include the individual expressions of love.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:20 am

Bluz the problem with you and your being taking advantage of is that you value others opinions, ( and some to do have your best interest at heart,) but if you really look at most of their situations they are not doing any better! When I tell most of my friends (which are women) that I’m dating a much younger woman they tell me she’s taking advantage of me, now most of these women have taking care of some man in their life because he had potential, hell some even married them. That gives them no credibility when it comes to telling me about my relationships, and I really don’t care what others think about what I do with my life.

Like I said earlier, YOU can only let others take advantage of you, it’s up to YOU to stop it.

And I’m not trying to come down on you.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:21 am

Disco, I’m going to Jamaica to see my baby :-)

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:21 am

Morning!!

Dreams is spot on. All this other stuff of representative and keeping score is BS and children’s games. Calculated, okie dokie, blinded by….BS

If you can define it and have limitations then IMO, it’s not likely love.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:23 am

Comon: even if you remember your history, if you don’t do something to change it, it will be deja vu!

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:25 am

What adult waits six months to show who they are?? Seriously? Grown folks still do that? Okie dokie then…lolol I guess it leaves me to ponder what’s so awful that you can’t be the real you and bring it to surface? If it’s something that’s gonna make me run day one, I’m gonna run after six month :oops:

Bluzgirl

August 23rd, 2012
9:25 am

S/H – I see what you’re saying. I’ve also been too giving in friendships. Last year I had to drop a few friends because I realized that it was all one-sided. I’m learning…

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:27 am

Bluzy – Love is one sided…but not advantageous. If you’re in it for loving and real love and the person is too…it’s one sided. 100% from you, 100% from them. If it’s to your disadvantage, being one-sided, someone is taking advantage of you.

Into the Light....Watch those Assumptions...Unless of Course you are Already an Arse.

August 23rd, 2012
9:27 am

I’m agreeing with disco. It’s not about “keeping score” but when you are giving 80% and the other person is only giving 20% (emotionally, financially, timewise, whatever) it does create a disconnect.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:28 am

Yes C, some still do that, they try to impress, be the person they think you want them to be, then when they think they have you hook, Shazam, here I am

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:29 am

Single and Happy – I wouldn’t know…lol I haven’t been bamboozled like that. I might talk and interact for the sake of observation but, nuh uh…no hook, line and sinker here…lol

disco

August 23rd, 2012
9:30 am

S/H – okay. I think I knew that. speaking of Jamaica I need to check flights to norman manley. supposed to meet friends down that way in October. what I really need is some buddy passes. oh well…

ITL – thanks for getting it. folks call me out on my tit for tat mentality all the time.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:31 am

Disco, ITL what if what’s 20% for you is 100% for them? I’ve dated women who said they wouldn’t take me to dinner because they felt like if they couldn’t take me to same kind of places I took them I would be disappointed, To me it’s the thought that counts, not the amount of money or time that it is.

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 23rd, 2012
9:33 am

C love your 9:21…..you will be surprise how many grown folks point fingers daily~

Into the Light....Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.

August 23rd, 2012
9:33 am

@Bluz: Good for you re: 9:25. I’ve been through that “spring cleaning” phase myself. If it doesn’t add value or joy to my life….buh bye!

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:34 am

disco what dates, I just got an fair sale from AA to the Caribbean, I hate flying AA

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
9:34 am

If 20% for me is 100% for them, then we don’t need to be together.

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:35 am

Hey there Lady, what’s crackalackin?? Thanks…glad you agree. Staying and cultivating love is enough work. All that other mess is just too much.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:35 am

C, that’s because when the real person show up you have your eyes open, a lot of people don’t.

Comon Cents

August 23rd, 2012
9:37 am

Sorry to be the pessimist, but realistically, there are some people out there who are just users. There is no amount of time you can put in, no magic words and no amount of patience that will change that.

Into the Light....Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.

August 23rd, 2012
9:37 am

@Stamps: See, you’re into the tit for tat and keeping score thing. You know when someone is putting in an honest effort or when someone is just doing something because they feel like it’s their turn. I learned (the hard way): don’t treat someone like a priority if they treat you like an option. That’s it, in a nutshell. If you’re loving me the best way you know how and meeting me halfway…it’s gonna all be good.

@Lady: re your 9:33 – Do you really think any of us would be surprised by that? I see it ALL the time and everywhere.

Celisea......beware of the Son of Belial

August 23rd, 2012
9:37 am

Single and Happy – Yeah, true. Sad, but true. Still why go through that? Hiding who you are? Unless you’re a monster of some sort is that worth it? Won’t the person get the heck out of dodge once they find out?? I dunno, it just seems crazy and a bit much like playing games.

Single and Happy (3 days til paradise :-))

August 23rd, 2012
9:39 am

Comon yes there are, I once had a woman tell me that some people are givers and some people are takers and I just need to learn to deal with it (LOL) yes I did date her for some years, broke up and got back together, dang that was some good puddy (rotflmao) I just knew not to give more that I wanted too :-D