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Is inexperience a bad thing?

When you get to be my age *cough*, you go through enough dating misadventures to get a little “wisdom” (see what I did there?) and gain a lot of experience. You figure out what works, what doesn’t. You define what you like and what you absolutely can’t stand. Experience is a good thing. What happens when you don’t have past experiences though?

I was talking to a friend who is seeing a new guy who is a lot younger than she is, which means he has not dated many women. Sometimes, she can tell because of how he reacts and handles certain situations.
Thankfully, she is a patient woman and feels he is worth it.

Do you think that dating someone who has little or no experience is hard? Have you ever been the first love, first relationship, or first lover? Do you feel any pressure?

They say we are the sum of all of our experiences, what happens when our experiences add up to zero??

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

471 comments Add your comment

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
9:45 am

S/H~ What was the old cartoon where the character would use semaphore messages? It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t remember…

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
9:47 am

disco – Yes, I already know. Just keeping with “at least it didn’t happen”…lol

Comon Cents – I’m just trying to stay positive in this whole thing :)

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
9:49 am

Bluz~ You are now officially dating a homeless man and you do realize that if some issue arises (like his parents decide to retire to FL) you are going to feel obligated to house him because he is your man.

Comon goes over to disco~ Did I do good? Can I have some coffee now?!?

Leggs

August 22nd, 2012
9:50 am

mugacide = good one!

Dang, Comon, could have waited until page 2 before we got into Bluz’ predicament (lol).

“we are now dating. I’ll have my guard up and not jump into a relationship…” Ummm, isn’t a relationship. Or are you saying you’re not in an “exclusive” relationship? Did you two speak on exclusivity? If not, that’s when your heart gets twisted if both of you are not on the same page.

Single ~ I was thinking dating someone younger w/o a lot of experience in relationships, even navigating life itself and how things get handled. My mind really was on someone in their late 20’s. Not that I would date someone that young, but that’s the picture I had in mind when I posted that. I simply can’t image someone in their 40’s w/no experience.

Comon ~ main reason I don’t drink coffee is due to me hearing “don’t talk to me yet, I haven’t had my coffee,” or “I can’t function until I have my morning coffee.” As a kid, I thought heck no, I don’t want anything to control me like that in the morning. Plus, coffee stinks….

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
9:50 am

Bluz sometimes when someone keeps having the same problems with different people, it’s because when you look at them it’s the same person with a different body. It’s just the types we a drawn too.

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 22nd, 2012
9:51 am

O_o what in the heezy am I reading this morning!?! wow! lol

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
9:53 am

S/H I cosign on your 9:50. My dad used to say that if you look back on past relationships, you will generally find that you dated/married the same person over and over again, just with different quirks and names.

Leggs

August 22nd, 2012
9:53 am

” I still don’t think there would have been any smashing. Cuddling, sure, but smashing…no. ”

I immediately thought of back in the day when guys would say “I’ll pull out before I come…”

Sorry!

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
9:53 am

If you keep having the same problem with different people, couldn’t it be possible that it’s you and not all those different people??

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
9:54 am

Comon, Popeye, and the one with the captain and the little boys are the only one I can think of.

Leggs and it doesn’t taste good either (LOL)

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
9:54 am

Leggs~ Bluzy should write a book. Every woman in America would be reading it because we all have the girlfriend that is just like Bluz in real life. You keep hoping that the ending will be different, but technically, you know how it’s going to end when you start reading…

disco

August 22nd, 2012
9:54 am

leggs – ditto on the smell of coffee. I can’t stand it. I bought a pint of coffee ice cream by mistake once. imagine my disappointment when I opened the container and smelled coffee. gross. had to throw out the ice cream.

CC – you did good. not only do you get a large cup of coffee but you get to keep the reusable, limited edition collector’s mug.

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
9:55 am

Bluzy – Well, I tried…lol I tried to be happy and uplifted for you. Happy that at least y’all didn’t smash and was able to have a convo without being under the influence. I think that was ultimately your goal when you left yesterday.

So, it’s back to my spreadsheet and music…lolololol

Bluzgirl

August 22nd, 2012
9:55 am

About him living with his parents…he was looking for a new place to live because of a bad roommate situation and his parents begged him to move in to their basement to help them financially, as well as with things around their house. He does pay rent to them. They are in their 70’s and he does a lot for them. I think that’s ok…

Leggs – I hesitate to use the term relationship at this point. I feel that “dating” leads up to a relationship. We did not talk about exclusivity at this point. It’s ok…I’m trying to take this slow and not jump in full speed, like I normally do.

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 22nd, 2012
9:56 am

So, it’s back to my spreadsheet and music…lolololol <<<I am stealing this one!

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
9:57 am

Lady – I can’t shuck and jive today. I have a procedure at 1:00 and work still must go on…lololol

Bluzgirl

August 22nd, 2012
9:57 am

Thank you Cel…I’m glad that we had a sober convo and got a lot out on the table. I’m glad someone is rooting for me! :-)

disco

August 22nd, 2012
10:01 am

does that sound like a version of “I don’t live with my momma, my momma lives with me” to anyone else?

bluz – believe it or not, we are all on your side. we all wish you the best. still, I don’t deny that from time to time I believe we all would like to grab you by the shoulders and shake you back and forth a little bit.

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 22nd, 2012
10:01 am

get it C~ it will be to selfish to wish for May all over again right?!? okay back to longing for the holidays! ha! ***pay me no mind*** lol

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
10:02 am

Bluzy – I’ll be honest and say the situation is not one I would even bother with but that’s me and my level of tolerance. I’m not doing an unemployed drunk. Nope, no go. But like I said you’re wanting it and honestly you both aren’t that far removed from one another. You both seem like trainwreaks (sorry), but if y’all can pull it together and pull one another up, then go for it. People do change, get better, improve.

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:03 am

Bluz~ Please don’t misconstrue; I am rooting for you. But I’m a realist and typically, situations like this do not pan out well. It’s fine to move forward, just don’t fool yourself into wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to who your partner is. Too many women do that and it is pathetic.

I will go one further and tell you that the reason I see your situation so clearly is because I did something very similar with the ex hubby. And it took me 9 years and a lot of mess to fix it. Just don’t settle. In the long run, decide in haste and repent in leisure…

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
10:06 am

Lady – :)

Bluzy – One thing about me, I’ll be straight with you. I will encourage and not “hold” stuff (I’m more forgiving than what most people know) against people. You’re getting a pass from me though because you’re still young. I think too old to make the mistakes you’re making but young enough to get it right before walking around your entire life in naivete.

Now, if you was forty and on here with this BS, I would (virtually) smack some sense into you…lol

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:11 am

Shhhhh disco, don’t say it out loud (LOL)

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:12 am

And I cosign disco’s 10:01. What were his parents doing for all those years before he moved back home? I just can’t IMAGINE how they got by without him… And if he’s unemployed, how much help can he be to them? IJS

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:12 am

C you in this equation would be part of the problem because you keep choosing different people (the same personality) .

Leggs

August 22nd, 2012
10:14 am

“I’m trying to take this slow and not jump in full speed” – I know I’m going to sound old here, but if one doesn’t want to jump in “full speed,” don’t give them your body!

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
10:15 am

Single and Happy – I’m agreeing there. Just wondered.

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:16 am

Bluz from the sound of what you describe your friend likes his situation because how else could he pursue his music career if he had a real job and real responsibilities! In other words, be a real man! IJS

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:17 am

ATL Guy

August 22nd, 2012
10:19 am

Celisea – where do you meet your dates? Last guy you went out with, were did you both meet? Just Curious …

Celisea....He who laughs last, laughs on: Winning!

August 22nd, 2012
10:23 am

ATL Guy – Why?

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2012
10:24 am

Morning, all.

Y’all ever feel like we are being repetitively redundant over and over again?

Bluz, if you really and truly in your heart believed that this is the man for you, you wouldn’t be looking to all of us for validation. You don’t need us to “keep you in check” or “be proud of you.” You are grown!! Be fulfilled in who and what you are and bump what anybody else thinks. I understand insecurity, but you are basing your life around what others think. What your mom thinks, what Magnum thinks, what the blog thinks….. Get in touch with you. Take some time to sit at home alone on a Saturday night and figure out what BLUZ thinks.

Dayum, so much for a kinder, gentler ITL…..

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 22nd, 2012
10:24 am

turns on my music!

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2012
10:25 am

@Lady: Pass me one of those earbuds. :) And a Bud. Got a girl drinking first thing this morning.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 22nd, 2012
10:25 am

Y’all are something else……….LOL disco calling the man homeless, Comon called the man homless……..Leggs the BS breaker aint buying the coitus enteruptus. What else y’all got?

ATL Guy

August 22nd, 2012
10:29 am

C – if you are dating people with similar attributes, is it possible your meeting them in similar environments?

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 22nd, 2012
10:32 am

its MIA blog music all can hear!!! lol Anita Baker station~ Loving her Lately remix! :-)

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:33 am

ATl Guy~ You’re off base. We weren’t talking about C. S/H was saying if it WAS her that would be the reason. Not it IS her.

Bluzgirl

August 22nd, 2012
10:34 am

Now…you all are calling him unemployed and he’s not. He is self-employeed. He works every day and makes money. He does music more on the side for the love of it. Would he like to do music full time? Sure. Does he think that is a reality at this point in his life? No.

I appreciate you guys being straight with me. I know what you mean by taking it slow, I should have held off on the sex. At the time, I really thought it would just be FWB. I didn’t know it was going to turn into something more.

I want to give him a chance to show me. My eyes are open and I’m scared and skeptical. I don’t want to be hurt again. After our convo last night, I see a lot of differences between him and ex. We talked about how my ex was mean to me and I didn’t see it until afterwards. I want to keep the rose colored glasses off. Even today, I don’t feel all giddy like I did because of the fear of jumping in. I just want to keep hanging out and getting to know each other.

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:34 am

Good Morning BF & ITL!

ITL~ We don’t need kinder and gentler. To borrow some words from the Bert Show, that is part of the wussification of America, :lol:

BF~ Technically, he is homeless…

Bluzgirl

August 22nd, 2012
10:35 am

ITL – I did make the decision to stay home this weekend. I have to drive out to Conyers on Fri for work and I just can’t spend the gas money to drive downtown on Sat. Also, he is hosting a jam on Monday and I’m going to that to meet some friends. Since he has to be there anyway, I can ride with him and use his gas!

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:38 am

Comon I tried to spell that out so others wouldn’t assume I was talking about her (LOL)

Into the Light

August 22nd, 2012
10:39 am

There’s two kinds of people in this world – some get it, some don’t.
—-Sheikh Ramon

ATL Guy

August 22nd, 2012
10:39 am

Bluz, when a guy says he’s self employed, he’s either without a job or a drug dealer. Problem is … you’ve already hooked up with the guy early cause you’re still trying to get to know him. Unfortunately, that will set you up for getting emotionally invested and possibly hurt in the situation. You sound like you know what you’re doing, but give it time

disco

August 22nd, 2012
10:39 am

CC – re homeless situation – right right. I’m even skeptical of his being self-employed. collecting scrap metal and aluminum cans can be considered self-employed, knocking off 7-11s can be considered self employed. no offense bluz but if CC, Celisea, ITL, kimmie or whoever said self employed I’d be more apt to buy it than when I hear you say it. when you say it I have to wonder how much is legit, how much is someone pulling the wool over your eyes and how much is you creating something in your own mind.

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:39 am

At the time, I really thought it would just be FWB. I didn’t know it was going to turn into something more.

Sorry, my BS detector just went off. Have you ever had a situation that was FWB and it didn’t turn into someting more?

Single and Happy "I'm not crazy, I'm just upset because my imaginary friend is mad and won't talk to me!"

August 22nd, 2012
10:40 am

Bluz, why do you think of it as use his gas? you just started this and you’re already thinking this way?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 22nd, 2012
10:41 am

Hey Comon how’s it going Mrs. Lady?

Bluz: please don’t think I’m laughing at your circumstance it’s good to have a laugh at something that won’t kill you. And the good thing about it all you are having fun too :smile:

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:43 am

disco~ Technically, I am self employed; but I work WITH a firm. However, if he is self employed, why did he have to move home with the rents? Either he is working everyday and making money, or he is not. I know a lot of contractors who are self-employed or do contract work and that is one field that if you are working everyday, you should be making some cheddar…

Comon Cents

August 22nd, 2012
10:44 am

BF~ I’m all good this morning,. They captured the nut that was threatening to kill all of te partners at my job yesterday. Lockdown is over! Tahank ya Jaysus! :lol: How you do?