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Anger issues a deal breaker?

I just read about NFL player Chad Johnson’s domestic violence arrest over the weekend. He has been released from the Dolphins and his wife of 41 one days is filing for divorce. Needless to say, he is having a very bad week.

Johnson apparently has a history of physically fighting with his significant other. I wonder if single people bother asking specifically about their date’s history with physical violence?

I know it’s not the sexiest topic, but it could be quite informative to ask a general question about arrests and domestic violence. Shouldn’t a history of violence and anger be a red flag of something to come?

Would you want to get involved with someone if you knew they had problems controlling their temper?

We all go through human emotions, but real anger issues in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. Why do so many of us overlook it when we see that kind of behavior?

When you consider bad dating behavior, is it likely the same thing would happen in a marriage or a committed relationship?

I remember my Grandmother always telling me that if something about a man bothers me during dating stage, imagine that same thing magnified and worse when I marry him. If the issues are there before marriage, they get deeper and more painful when you are tied to one another.

What do you do when there is an issue you are dealing with in your date’s personality that could prove to be a really tough challenge when things get more serious?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

253 comments Add your comment

oddmanout

August 15th, 2012
7:21 am

Good Morning!!

Im not gonna say that it is an immediate deal breaker, I will try to figure out where this well of issues dwells within in my partner. If it something that I can help him get over so the two of us can move on to other thing, then I dont mind it. If not, then Im spitting. I dont have time to figure out how not to hurt someone
Have a Great Day!!

Lily

August 15th, 2012
7:34 am

Getting angry is a natural emotion, but untamed unruly behavior is something I cannot deal with. Untamed anger causes people to fight unfairly. Untamed anger is dangerous. If a person won’t have a problem breaking my heart they won’t have a problem braking my spirit. And if that can be done easily (by them), with no issue no conscious, then couldn’t they easily move on to braking bones? Yes, there are some, for the sake of winning, go no holds barred. In this case, NO THANK YOU!

Paragraph #7 of WISEDIVA’s post says it all

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
7:51 am

When I’m confronted with somebody’s temper mine will flare and nothing gets resolved that way. I don’t like to show force when it’s not necessary to run from it is far from how I was raised. I don’t have anger issues and if my lady friend did I would ask she find ways to vent that don’t put me in a defensive mode. Tactfulness is under used but there aren’t many people that can crawl under my skin. Guys my advice never hit/head butt a woman for any reason just take your anger and walk away with it.

Good Friday (I mean Wednesday) Morning:

Lily

August 15th, 2012
7:52 am

Not too many times have I’ve been left wondering who the hell is that? Or, who in the hell does that? But, there’s been a time or two where I had to ask.

Good day all!

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
7:55 am

Good morning, all!

@BF: Friday??? Where you goin’? If it’s somewhere fun, can I go, too? Your sissy needs a vacation BAD!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
7:57 am

Hey Lily, grandma’s are wise and knows well. “Untamed anger” good catch words for the day.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 15th, 2012
7:57 am

” Anger Issues a deal breaker?” Yep, anger issues is a deal breaker, nuff said.

” I wonder if single people bother asking specifically about their date’s history with physical violence?” How many people will honestly say, yea I use to abuse my S/O.

“Shouldn’t a history of violence and anger be a red flag of something to come?” A red flag, heck it’s a semaphore message!!

“Would you want to get involved with someone if you knew they had problems controlling their temper?” Lets see, she burnt his clothes, broke out his windows, scratched up his car! But I think we’ll make a wonderful couple cause she wouldn’t do that to me. Duh!!!!!!!!

“When you consider bad dating behavior, is it likely the same thing would happen in a marriage or a committed relationship?” Why not, things only get better (worse) then! (rotflmao)

But Diva using that relationship for anger issues? They both have anger issues!

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
7:59 am

co-signing Lily’s 7:34. The more comfortable someone is with you, the more their true colors will show.

As the saying goes, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.” I would add “and run the hella away!!”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:02 am

Hello Light, yes today is my Friday and I’m going back to Tunica to get my gamble on. Come on down the spa and swimming pools are open and ready for to grace your presence. Lots of free food and drinks to boot.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:11 am

LOL…….@Single you breaking out the laughs early.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 15th, 2012
8:13 am

Black, sometimes you just wonder WTF was they thinking (LOL)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:20 am

I’ve seen it too many time can anyone tell me what does rotflmao mean. I think I got the last four letters, “laughing my ass off.” If nobody does that’s cool I’m just waiting on 3 o’clock.

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
8:24 am

BF: I’ll be down Thursday night. Save me a spot at the roulette wheel. :)

Do you fly or drive? How far is it down there? I’m looking for a little weekend escape sometime soon. :)

Oh, and you know to put $20 on black for me, right?

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
8:25 am

rotflmao = rolling on the floor laughing my a$$ off

Comon Cents

August 15th, 2012
8:29 am

Anger issues and domestic violence are a no go for me. If you’ve done it in the past, you will do it in the future without some serious counseling for those issues. I’ll pass. Good Morning to all!

Roberta

August 15th, 2012
8:36 am

Behavior problems take a very long time to develop, and are very difficult – but not impossible – to eliminate as an adult. A person with a bad temper now has had a bad temper for a long time, and will continue to have a bad temper until the person gets help.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:37 am

Light I used to fly thanks to the generosity of the casino’s. I’ve been driving lately it’s about 5 and a half hours drive. Nice little road trip with a possibility of winning some cash. I got your bet on the table like the last time $20.00 on black as always.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:39 am

Light thanks for breaking that down for me. Now I know.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
8:41 am

Hey there Comon:

Good morning a lady your size I don’t think a dude would try to man handle you too much.

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
8:43 am

Five and a half hours is not too bad. I see a road trip in my future. :)

You’re welcome. We need a Blog Glossary somewhere. :lol: :lol:

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 15th, 2012
8:54 am

Five and a half hours, too far for me to drive (LOL)

Comon Cents

August 15th, 2012
8:57 am

BF~ You would be surprised. I had one try and I had to put my pimp hand down on him strong! The relationship was over very rapidly after that. :lol:

Bluzgirl

August 15th, 2012
9:13 am

I’ve told any man I’ve been with if he lays a hand on me, he better run and hide. If I don’t kill him, my dad and/or brother will. I will NOT tolerate physical abuse. I have been emotionally abused in a relationship before and I will NOT tolerate that again.

Everyone gets angry, but you must learn to keep it under control. I have had temper issues in the past, but have gotten much better. I’ve never hit someone, but I have thrown stuff against the wall and broken things. I’m not proud of some of my anger outbursts, which is why I’ve worked on it the past couple of years.

Bluzgirl

August 15th, 2012
9:20 am

Speaking of anger…I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!!! Just seem to be angry at the world…

Exiled!

August 15th, 2012
9:20 am

You got to treat the condition as well as the disease causing the condition

Don’t be an angry wife beating muffa

Don’t be a quarrelsome heifer

Done!

Good morning!

P.S quarrelsome heifers got maad mad phia bootey!!

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 15th, 2012
9:21 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!! Interesting topic…….pondering a bit~ ;)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
9:25 am

Single 5 and a half hours aint bad very therapeutic like running down to Savannah.

Comon I don’t blame you for ending that relationship with a quickness.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 15th, 2012
9:30 am

Hello Lady glad to see you’re back. I got lonely without walking you to your car in the afternoon.

DreamsMaterialize

August 15th, 2012
9:36 am

Morning Everyone.

Anger issues are a no-go. No time for that stuff. If you can’t control yourself, then you’re mentally weak.

Btw, has anyone seen Friday around? I’ve been looking for it all week, but it won’t come fast enough.

Into the Light

August 15th, 2012
9:38 am

Good morning, Lady! We’ve missed you. :)

BF, I’m ready to pack my bags right now. I need to get the hellz up outta here. My nerves are shot.

@Bluz: Buck up, little camper. :)

Bluzgirl

August 15th, 2012
9:44 am

ITL – I’m tryin’!!! I did just get off the phone with one of my customers who always makes me laugh. I don’t like when I wake up irritated!!!

lolalee

August 15th, 2012
9:45 am

Single and Happy ~ cyberstalk , then you get an idea of somebody’s history cuz you know even if they tell you, they gonna spin it some kinda way (’Uhhhh, she waz cra cra…” and “blah blah blah”)

disco

August 15th, 2012
9:45 am

good morning y’all. I’m just getting here and playing catch up but it sounds like someone has to stand up for anger. to quote marty mar (martin payne) “if you don’t like it when I get mad, don’t make me mad”.

lily – untamed anger causes people to fight unfairly. really? it’s fighting. it’s not supposed to be fair. just my take on fighting though.

history of violence a red flag? hmm. depends on the violence and the history. a history of fighting isn’t a deal breaker for me. I’d rather be with someone who would fight than someone who was afraid to fight. ultimately it would depend on who they were fighting and why but I don’t see anything wrong with fighting.

gosh. I’m only up to the 8:00 post. I’ll be back.

lolalee

August 15th, 2012
9:46 am

Dreams ~~If you can’t control yourself, then you’re mentally weak.

You got that right.

Celisea

August 15th, 2012
9:46 am

Morning!

Um yeah…I have a temper. In the past I was in it, blow for blow. Not so much physically but in words and in actions. As I get older, I still have a temper…lol I think I’ve grow A LOT…LOL I don’t go there with words unless I’m pushed. Still working on that. The thing about me though is that I’m not spiteful. Anything along the lines of vendettas, spite, hate, I’m not dealing with. I will take my stuff and go home…lol I’m ever evoling and learning walking away is so much better.

lolalee

August 15th, 2012
9:48 am

disco really??! you good with fighting your man?

Sassy Me...The blacker the berry :-)

August 15th, 2012
9:51 am

Anger Issues a deal breaker?” Yep, anger issues is a deal breaker, nuff said

I soo cosign with that and with what Lily in that the more comfortablea person becomes with you thier real colors start to show. Anger issues and domestic violence are definitely deal breakers…if a man puts his hands on me out of anger then I don’t need to be with him….and he needs to be in therapy….or Imma put his a$$ somewhere else he wouldn’t like(i.e. jail, hospital, morgue….)

Chad and Ev were an accident waiting to happen…those two volatile personalities should’ve never gotten together….

Comon Cents

August 15th, 2012
9:52 am

O/T~ For anyone who didn’t see it, Ochocino’s wife has filed for divorce. Ray Charles could have seen that coming! :lol:

Celisea

August 15th, 2012
9:53 am

Lady – Are you still here? If so….MORNING!!! :) :)

Comon Cents

August 15th, 2012
9:55 am

disoc~ I don’t think anger is a bad thing; sometimes it is neccesary. However, I think we are talking about those “B!tich, you didn’t answer my phone call! I know you were out screwing some dude!” Whap! Whap! Whap!. And you were at your momma’s house where there is not good reception. That constant walking on eggshells because he might decide you need “correcting”. LOL!

disco

August 15th, 2012
9:57 am

BF – re comment about CC’s size and manhandling. is it just me or does it seem like the petite men have more issues with domestic violence than their larger counterparts? don’t know if it’s napoleon related or if women are more likely to try a smaller man. still, from where I sit, it’s almost always the little ones. go figure.

lolalee – actually I’ve never fought a man. well, I’ve never fought a man in a relationship. there’s been a couple of times when I actually had street fights (so to speak) where a male was involved but that’s not what we’re talking about.

as for folks being angry and expressing anger – yeah, I think I want to see it. I’d much rather know when you are angry and see how you deal with it than put up with the person that represses every daggone thing. I can’t stand to watch someone cower in a situation when they should be angry and reacting. sure some may say they are the bigger person and they are taking the high road. in some cases that may very well be true but in other cases they are simply getting punked. I can’t be with the person that’s going to stand by and get punked.

Celisea

August 15th, 2012
9:59 am

IMO, believe fighting (not physical) and releasing anger is healthy. Keeping with issue at hand, nothing wrong with that. Making it widespread and going for the jugular means you’ve gone far past the issue and taken it to a personal level.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 15th, 2012
10:00 am

Black, I can deal with the long flights and even long layovers, but I hate driving.

Lolalee, how do you cyberstalk??

lolalee

August 15th, 2012
10:01 am

Comon ~ That constant walking on eggshells because he might decide you need “correcting”. LOL!

How is that funny?

lolalee

August 15th, 2012
10:03 am

Single and Happy

Start with Googling them. Also check the GBI registered sex offender pages. Most metro county court records are online, so you can check criminal cases, divorces, etc. You can also check real estate records. You can check addresses on googlemaps.

Comon Cents

August 15th, 2012
10:04 am

lolalee~ Because I actually heard someone use that term and it struck me as funny. The only person wo should be “correcting” you is a parent. Definitely not a lover or significant other, but that was how she referred to it when he would hit her. Just a funny term to me.

disco

August 15th, 2012
10:06 am

CC/lolalee – my comments on anger aren’t even focused on domestic violence. I’m not really sympathetic to domestic violence victims. as far as I’m concerned, they get what they get. I’m of the first time shame on you, second time shame on me camp. I won’t be going out like that. I know a chick whose man literally whooped her with a belt. I was like for real? if your man is going to beat you the very least you can do is demand that he beat you like a grown up. what I look like, a grown woman, getting whooped with a belt. crazy heffa.

Bluzgirl

August 15th, 2012
10:06 am

Cel – on what you said…I have gone there with words that cut deep, but that’s when I was pushed really far. Then…I felt so bad about saying what I said. Through therapy, I’ve learned to just walk away and calm down and come back to just talk. I also had to learn to speak up when something was bothering me as it was on my mind rather than hold onto it and lash out later. I was really bad at just holding it in and getting angrier and more resentful. With my ex, he was amazed when I would come to him and calmly say that I needed to talk to him about something that was bothering me. Now…sometimes, it would end up as a fight, but at least I approached it calmly in the beginning!

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 15th, 2012
10:08 am

Disco, about the napoleon thing, if you look at society and the way the treat height for a man, it sort of becomes an issue, people feel like they can talk to or treat you any kind of way, you’re always having to prove yourself, if I’m dating someone and she’s constantly making comments about my height then we won’t be dating long. But some just can’t seem to walk away they’ve always got to prove that they are a man.

And as far as expressing anger, what if it’s a situation that you are angry about, but it doesn’t really bother him.

Sassy Me...The blacker the berry :-)

August 15th, 2012
10:10 am

That constant walking on eggshells because he might decide you need “correcting”.

See that’s when isht gets real…I wish a muhfu@&a would…