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Dating: The returning ex

There always seems to be one constant in our dating lives: the ex that won’t stay gone. It’s almost as if they have some kind of silent alarm that rings the moment we are completely over them. They show up and say the right things and suddenly we make a bad decision in a weak moment.

What is it about the one that resurfaces and makes us forget the reason we broke up with them? Is it ever a good idea to reunite with a former flame?

What would you do if your “one that got away” came back and seems to have changed? Do you give it another try or find a way to keep your distance?

Have you ever reunited with an ex and things turned out great? What do you think made the difference the second (third?) time around?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

236 comments Add your comment

czBrat ♀

August 14th, 2012
11:35 am

single/disco, i think you ladies probably have a pretty good handle on where i’m at. some things are just too complex to blog. *sigh*

disco

August 14th, 2012
11:38 am

S/H – part of it is relishing in the “emancipation” but another part of it is where I’m simply a like attracts like chick. I’m one that will whoop a kid’s behind so I have little patience for folks who want to timeout their kids. I called my son out of his name just because that’s how I talk so I’m not a huge fan of the folks who only call their kids precious/sweetheart/baby/princess and god forbid if they ever swore at or in front of their kids. i started telling my son as early as kindergarten that when he graduated high school he graduated out of my house. he could go to college, join the military, get a little girlfriend with a project. I didn’t care but he knew he had to go. consequently I’m not a fan of the parents who obviously have no desire to put their adult children out of the house. all these traits are all well and good but as far as me and a relationship with a person who has these traits – don’t see it happening.

kimmie

August 14th, 2012
11:48 am

disco – You are being true to yourself and anyone you get involved with. That’s a very good thing.

To be honest, I wanted kids but the only ones I could take would be the ones I have now! Someone with some bad and/or spoiled bratty kids with smart mouths I could not deal with. Also, someone with a sorry adult son still living at home or adult daughter living at home that was a “daddy’s girl” with a stank attitude. None of that I can deal with.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
11:50 am

“I’ve never been the one to burn a bridge, or dismiss a Miss”

Sometimes the only way to light the path in front of you is to burn the bridge behind you. IJS…

disco

August 14th, 2012
11:54 am

kimmie – I always figured lying should be reserved for other people. what’s the point in lying to yourself? lol.

CC – I like that. puts me in mind of how folks like to say the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. I usually counter that with you don’t stay in hell because you know the names of the streets.

HST

August 14th, 2012
11:55 am

SO…

I came home from the PP drunk as hell. I knew it was wake up time in Russia, so I decided to skype.

I set the computer on the coffee table, got the hounds beside me on the floor, and I made the call.

She looks at the 4 of us, and starts crying. I’m already an emotional bomb myself, so I ask immediately ‘what’s wrong?’ She says how much she misses us, and loves me – I lost it. Now were both crying, talking over each other about how much we miss each other. My GSD starts howling because Mommy is crying – he’s very protective of Mommy, and loves to herd her. It was an emotional powder keg! So drying my eyes, in my drunken stupor, I immediately sober up, and get right to the point.

Before I can, she says “I want to come home.” I told her ‘I’m dying for you to come home, it’s not without you, and the hounds miss their Mommy.’ She says “I’m putting in my notice Monday,” and I tell her do it first thing.

She didn’t mention her debt, monetary concerns, or any such detail. I’m so glad I didn’t have to say anything, but I did. I told her that I’ll wipe her debt, give her money to play with, and she can ride with me – mi casa es su casa.

Yesterday she skped me and told me her boss was being a prick, and she couldn’t even understand some of his words, because he was using a regional dialect in an angered voice. I told her to leave that crap, we’ll pay some movers, tell her boss to GFHS, and book a flight. She laughed, said she only had suitcases, and was living in a corporate apartment. I booked her a flight on my lap-top, sent her the info, and Wednesday she’ll be back.

I made it seem so hard, when all I had to do was ask, or show my sincerity. I’m not the best, or even well versed on being emotional. The ER will do that to a person, and my failure at marriage will never leave my thoughts.

I haven’t even told my family yet, and it seems surreal until she’s in my arms. I hired a photographer to get photos of her/us when she arrives. I’ve had to drink myself to sleep since Saturday, the anticipation is killing me – I never thought I cared, or would care about a person the way I do her.

*he exhales deeply*

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
11:58 am

Awww… HST, you just made me all weepy at work.

kimmie

August 14th, 2012
11:58 am

I’m jumping up and down!!!! :lol:

That’s the best I’ve read on here in awhile, HST!!!!

Congrats!!!!!

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:00 pm

HST – great story (all except for the part about you crying – LOL)

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:00 pm

I LOVE a happy ending. Congratulations, HST! :)

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:01 pm

LOL@disco. How did I know you would say that??? :lol: :lol:

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:03 pm

HST ~ I’m already emotional over my child leaving for college and now I read your emotinal, drunken, heartfelt desire for your woman to be by your side. That was indeed a very nice read. Although I didn;t let the tears fall, they were there…thank you for sharing, and I wish the two of you all the happiness.

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:04 pm

ITL – because I have been very vocal on this blog re my dislike for tears. I was willing to give his woman a pass (though as far as I’m concerned she could have sucked it up – lol) but I can’t give old boy a pass. if I were to ever break down crying to a guy and he in turn broke down crying too I’d have to blow my nose, wipe my face, talk about him and walk it off.

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:04 pm

s/n: Anybody but me have an image of HST, in his best smoking jacket, settled onto the leather sofa in a the study which smells of bay rum, cigar and brandy snifter at his side????

Release the hounds! :lol: :lol:

Sorry, HST. Just the mental image I had, and I needed some comic relief. No offense intended.

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:04 pm

Disco, I hear ya about the adult-child syndrome. My sister has a severe case of it, and lived rent free in one of my rentals for 7 years. Held the welfare of my nephew over my head, and never paid any utility. Her reasoning, I had everything, and I was the Devil to hold something over her head.

I quit trying to fix her from that point on. She recently – 2 months ago – moved out, and never thanked or paid me a thing. Furthermore, she owes – well did, I said for get it – 44K and was trying to pay me $100 a month. I told her I wasn’t a bank or mortgage company, and if I had to see her once a month for $100 it would take longer than a 30yr mortgage.

She still hasn’t said thanks…

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:05 pm

LMBO@disco. Don’t tell me you would point at ole boy as you walked away, too. :oops:

czBrat ♀

August 14th, 2012
12:05 pm

well, i’m not familiar with the backstory, so for a while i was like :shock: “why the hell is dude sobbing on skype? not a good look. NOT A GOOD LOOK.”

but i must admit, you had me in your corner by the end of it all. that’s the sweetness. indeed!

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:06 pm

Don’t listen to disco (lol)…even the part of your crying was good. I would like to see my man cry at some point in our lives together. It’s very refreshing (for me) to see that a man can cry sometimes.

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:07 pm

I’m sure being a little schnockered didn’t make it any easier to hold back the tears….. darn firewater. :lol:

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:08 pm

I’m surprised I cried as well, I deal with death constantly, informing relatives, stupid family members, but after our conversation, I was an emotional powder keg. I also buried my BFs father last Tuesday from battling cancer for 3 yrs. I guess, I’m getting older, and my heart that was filled with blood, guts, and black stuff has a pulse.

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:10 pm

s/n: Anybody but me have an image of HST, in his best smoking jacket, settled onto the leather sofa in a the study which smells of bay rum, cigar and brandy snifter at his side????

Hell No. I have an image of a man stripped to his core, slinging snot, slurring his words looking like he has a big head on Skype pouring his heart out. :wink:

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:10 pm

ITL – yeah. I was being a little bit nice.

leggs – you know I have a disco approved list of acceptable reasons for crying and I reserve the right to amend said list at any time. said list doesn’t just apply to men, it applies to men women and children age 2+ – lol. unfortunately, because you miss me is not on the list.

HST – god bless you re the sister. I have one brother who is on the sorry side. he gets one “gift” from me per year, that’s it. just the other day my niece’s mom (brother’s baby momma) called me asking for help for getting back to school stuff together. I sent a little something and decided to not even call my brother on it. it is what it is.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:11 pm

I think that it shows a true sign of character for a man to be able to cry AND to recognize that he has had a change of heart and be willing to be vocal about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a dude that cries when he sees a cute puppy or watches a chick flick, but I do love a man that can be vulnerable when it is require. (And in this situation, I think it was warranted) Bravo to you, HST!

czBrat ♀

August 14th, 2012
12:12 pm

I have been very vocal on this blog re my dislike for tears… I can’t give old boy a pass. if I were to ever break down crying to a guy and he in turn broke down crying too I’d have to blow my nose, wipe my face, talk about him and walk it off.

oh jeez. it seems we were actually triplets separated at birth; kimmie, myself AND disco. :lol: :lol:
s/o now recognizes the look of disgust that clouds my eyes as soon as voices begin to tremble and/or eyes begin to well-up.
and that goes for either gender over age four!

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:14 pm

I enjoy releasing the hounds. Good ol’ Montgomery Burns style.

I gave up my cigars, and rum diaries, but I have ABs. Although, bourbon is my friend right now. My GF won’t have that ish – she keeps me in check, or tries as she’s put it…

czBrat ♀

August 14th, 2012
12:21 pm

(And in this situation, I think it was warranted)
like i said, i don’t know the backstory. so imma just give him a pass and whistle while i work.
lol

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:22 pm

thanks brat. sometimes I have to remind myself that contrary to what the general population may think I am not a monster. lol.

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:24 pm

“sometimes I have to remind myself that contrary to what the general population may think I am not a monster.” I know exactly what you mean.

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:26 pm

I know, you have a list of acceptable times a man should cry in front of you. I think we all do.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:27 pm

diso~ You strike me as very matter-of-fact and straight forward (no BS, no chaser) but I don’t think that makes you a monster. LOL! I think it makes you refreshing in a world where everyone wants to sugar coat everything and we all hang out by the fire and sing Kumbyah. Sometimes ish just can’t be like that and you are a good person to help one remember that.

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:28 pm

My GF won’t have that ish – she keeps me in check, or tries as she’s put it…

Just to be clear, is this the one in Russia, or the one you’re currently playing with????

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:28 pm

I think y’all (disco, kimmie, cz) must be rubbing off on me. I was watching TV the other night and this guy starts welling up and I caught myself saying, “Aw, suck it up!”….. That said, if I was on the other end of the skype convo, I would have cried just watching HST cry. Something about a man making himself vulnerable (OCCASIONALLY!) cuts right to the heart of me.

HST: We went out for happy hour last week, and I told my co-workers I was “in training for tailgate season.” LOL. Can’t fault a girl for getting her liver primed.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:31 pm

Moving on with topics~ You guys gave me your opinion on the footbal situation with my son. I talked to his dad on Sunday when he dropped him off and he gave me the sob story about how he is making less money than he used to make or he would help me out with my son’s extra expenses but he still believes that it is in his best interest to participate in all the sports this year. The ex has 3 other children (1 before my son and 2 after) and he says that with their extra expenses this year, he just can’t swing anything more. So, were do we go from here?

czBrat ♀

August 14th, 2012
12:31 pm

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:32 pm

CC – I am indeed a piece of work. one of my cousins told me once that I was going to be the little old lady on the block that if a kid’s ball came in my yard they’d be afraid to come over and get it.

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:33 pm

Times I’ve cried…
Broken (not fractured) collar-bone in 3rd grade.
The birth of my Son.
The death of my Father.
My Divorce.
Last Saturday morning.

Seriously, I’ve always said my heart was filled with blood, guts, and black stuff. I’ve never seen my buddy cry in the 32 years I’ve known him, or his brother, but at their Father’s funeral they weeped. I was having flash backs to my Father’s funeral, seeing my BF cry for the first time ever, and what it was for…I had to take several deep breaths. When the flag gets presented by the Military Branch that was served – it’s really hard to be dry eyed. When they say “On behalf of the President of The United States, we present you with this flag.” – oh boy.

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:34 pm

HST, just messing with you. I know you said you’re ready to give up your playboy ways (lol).

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:36 pm

CC – this is where I put my two cents in and I don’t suggest anyone listen to anything that even remotely sounds like advice because mine is usually of the ghetto variety. me, myself, personally – I’m all for truly accepting any kid that came before me/mine but the kids that came after – not my problem. i wish a ninja would tell me my child couldn’t have because he had to do for his other ones. it would get real ugly, real quick.

HST – I give you 2 out of your 5.

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:37 pm

When the flag gets presented by the Military Branch that was served – it’s really hard to be dry eyed. When they say “On behalf of the President of The United States, we present you with this flag.” – oh boy.

Amen, HST. I was okay during my cousin’s funeral, but when we go to the graveside service and Taps was played and the flag folded and presented to his wife, the waterworks came on. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:38 pm

Leggs, yes.

ITL, I think I need a drink now…is that bad? One does have to prep for stringent drinking – I preped for Rally season.

CC, suck it up, you have the money, but that doesn’t mean the men should be irresponsible, or not give what they can. They should give something, and participate fully, or give them the reality check they need.

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:39 pm

Comon ~ I may not remember it all, but I thought you paid for the extracurricular activities. Or is that you pay for “one” per year??

Leggs

August 14th, 2012
12:39 pm

Meaning, if that’s the case, then the decision on what to do rests solely with you.

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:40 pm

@HST: Nope. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Not that I feel compelled to wait until 5…EVER….but you know…. :)

@CC: I agree with HST.

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:44 pm

CC – I agree with the others. I’d suck it up BUT – just so you know – I wouldn’t suck it up quietly.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:44 pm

disco/HST~ This was my opinion as well. I feel like a) I have been very good over the time my son has been alive about NOT asking for extra stuff that a lot of ex-wives ask for simply because I am able to provide them on my own. and b) therefore, when I do ask, I shouldn’t have to hear a song and dance about what you have to do for your other kids. Additionally, it should be noted that my son is almost 14 and I have never gone back to court to have child support modified. He is paying based on what he made 13 years ago. hat alone should be enough to make him cough up the cash IMO.

Into the Light

August 14th, 2012
12:45 pm

I wouldn’t suck it up quietly.

I’m shocked, disco! :lol: :lol: :lol:

HST

August 14th, 2012
12:45 pm

ITL, it’s hard to explain the emotions when you hear and see that. It’s something that can’t be forgotten…
Well, it is past noon here, so bloggers, HST is having a bourbon neat. Any vicarious drinks that need to be served, please ask, and you shall receive.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:47 pm

Leggs~ When we agreed on how to split his expenses, I pay for extra-curricular, but only because it made it balance out to 50/50 at the time. To simplify, rather than having to go to him on every little thing and ask him for his half, we figured out what the expenses would be total and decided who would pay what to make it come out half and half.

Comon Cents

August 14th, 2012
12:48 pm

HST~ Can I get a shot of Tequila? Dark, 100% Agave please.

disco

August 14th, 2012
12:50 pm

ITL – hush!!! I make no bones about the fact that I was the baby momma from hell. I, alone, am probably the reason baby mommas the world over get a bad rap. my son is my only and his father’s oldest. I don’t give a rat’s behind about any of his other kids. when my son graduated high school I went home to PA and had a graduation party. my brother mentioned that he happened to run into one of the “other” kids and invited them to the party. I made sure to let it be known that none of them had better show up at my party or there would be consequences and repercussions. if they wanted a party they needed to throw one. a lot of people told me I was wrong and I told a lot of people that I didn’t care. bump that.