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Broke and busy men date too

A reader sent me this article that was featured on The Good Men Project, entitled Dating While Broke. The author basically said that men with no money, limited free time will find it difficult to date. To wit:

Most women gauge a man’s interest by his spending of (a) money or (b) time. If the guy has no money, how can she see that he deserves a shot? If the guy has little free time because he is busy working so that he can someday have money, how can she still know that he cares for her?

I can certainly understand his point, however, I don’t know if this is a fair statement. It leaves out emotional support, affection, and attention which can absolutely make a woman fall for a guy. All that is free and takes genuine effort. That’s actually what a lot of women want to see.

Maybe I am over analyzing, but why would a woman stick around for anyone who does not make time in his life for her because he is chasing money?

What do you think? Can broke and busy people date? I am both and I do all right! What about you?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

486 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

August 10th, 2012
6:06 am

People in any circumstance can date. You just have to find the person who understands your situation. It’s all about compatibility.

oddmanout

August 10th, 2012
6:47 am

Good Morning,

Any one in any situation can date. If you are broke, there are a lot of things that you can do to show him/her that you care. Also, there is no such thing as “too busy”, if he wants to spend time then he will find time. Some men need to realize the world does not revolve around their watch and money. No matter how busy or how broke there is ALWAYS a way!

single and happy

August 10th, 2012
7:16 am

It’s this little thing called balance in you life when it come to being to busy, you have to have that in your life whether in a relationship or not. If it’s not there before getting into a relationship, it’s not going to be there after. And what really is being broke? Most have different definitions for that word, so that all depends on the person.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 10th, 2012
9:09 am

Shenanigans

An unemployed man can.not “date” an employed woma – regardless of their ‘connection’, ‘passion’, or ‘compatability’.

First, her peers ain’t letting it go down; followed closely by her relatives, and lastly by her fear of being seen by other people in a way she’en comfortable with.

Shenanigans

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
9:12 am

I see no problem with a man with little resources going out on dates. Sure there are women that will find him unacceptable and that’s fine they can do that. On the other hand there are women that gives a guy a pass when she see he is doing his best. All dates aren’t money infused and being too busy sounds like a cop out but you don’t know dude could be a nuclear physicist. In that case he wouldn’t have time for her either.

Good Morning:

Exiled!

August 10th, 2012
9:17 am

Maybe a broke woman should date a broke man.
Lets see how that works out!

Morning!

disco

August 10th, 2012
9:18 am

Good morning y’all. I don’t know whether broke folks are actually “dating” (y’all know I can get caught up in the definition of the word – lol) but broke folks are sure enough pro-creating which means they are actually getting some which for a lot of folks is the end goal of dating anyway. like dreams said, it’s the compatibility factor. I’m not checking for a broke man but there are women who don’t mind carrying the broke man. there are also broke women who feel like “I’m broke so it’s okay if he’s broke because we can be broke together”.

now the busy man is a different monster altogether. a lot of factors come into play with the busy man. is he ambitious busy, laying a foundation, getting things together or is he street-runner busy? not really about anything just moving around a lot, talking a good game and accomplishing little. different people have different time requirements. some need to be up under folks all the time, some can handle separation a little better. it goes back to DM’s compatibility factor.

SlimUno

August 10th, 2012
9:21 am

SlimUno

August 10th, 2012
9:29 am

I think Dreams pretty much summed up today’s topic. If I recall correctly Leggs met a guy that was unemployed ( which I don’t think he initially told her that) but he didn’t have a car either. So there ya go. lol Oh and the friend of mine that just got married to a dude with no car, no cell phone, no ‘job’…there ya have it again. lol

Is it time for a topic change now? j/k bnr

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 10th, 2012
9:31 am

As to the “busy” person, I’ve always lived by the motto of “work hard, (so you can) play harder”

My ‘busy’ is really in preparation for the time when I stop and vacation well

disco

August 10th, 2012
9:37 am

slim – with your friend the plot just keeps on thickening. boy oh boy. god bless her.

Celisea.....ha, I laugh!!

August 10th, 2012
9:37 am

Time and money are the two things I say men will spend if they’re feeling you like that.

That is all :)

Celisea.....ha, I laugh!!

August 10th, 2012
9:38 am

Oh…morning

Leggs

August 10th, 2012
9:38 am

“I can certainly understand his point, however, I don’t know if this is a fair statement” – I agree. A man with limited time needs to find an understanding woman. When he does have time to spend with her, it’s “quality” time in that he shows her how important she and the blooming relationship is to him. Even with limited time, consistency is key. But, the more important key is an understanding woman who can hang with his schedule.

If your funds are limited, there are still great ways to date. Although no one wants to date “inside their own home,” it’s ok to do so sometimes. Atlanta is filled with inexpensive outings to free options. Just have to broaden one’s perspective and possibly date “outside the box” of dinner and movie.

Morning.

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
9:52 am

I would submit to you that man people are broke and just not cognizant of it. People who work to pay bills and have no savings are, in essence, broke. If you lose your job and could not go more than 6 months without a paycheck, you’re broke. Yet they manage to successfully date and even go one to marry. There are also unemployed people who are not broke. They have planned to be unemployed and the choices that they made earlier in life and their careers have given them the means to not work. That would be an ideal situation in my opinion. S/he is financially able to do all of the expensive,fun things and has the time to do them.

But, I digress. Back to the original topic, being broke does not equal undatable. There are many free and expensive things to do in Atlanta (and I am sure everywhere else) that could be fun and romantic. When my mom and dad got married, she is fond of saying he didn’t have a pot to p!ss in or a window to throw it out of. But he had potential. And, boy, did that potential pay off for her. After 32 years with a Foturne 500 company, they are reaping the benefits of their sacrifices. So, the short answer would be, in my opinion it is possible to be broke and date.
The busy part is much easier. Anyting that one wants to have in their life, they will make time for.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
9:53 am

“If your funds are limited, there are still great ways to date.”

Leggs there’s plenty to do that cost nothing only time to get there. Glad you know it only takes an offer, she can either turn him down or walk along the shore lines with him. I’ve posted no cost cheap dates on here, not that I’m cheap but to remind folks that likes to see cash being spent that it’s not necessary to splurge when you don’t have to.

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
9:54 am

I have experience with the broke men! LOL! There are plenty of things that you can do without spending a lot (or any) money. Honestly, I’d rather a man cook a good meal for me than to take me to an expensive restaurant. I’m not a materialistic woman (obviously). As long as you can be creative and make time for me, then all is good.

As far as being too busy…if you’re too busy, you’re not very interested. I am very busy in my life, but if I like you, I’m going to make time for you.

disco

August 10th, 2012
10:00 am

yeah yeah yeah. blah blah blah. we all know that you can have cost-effective dates and give sentimental gifts and that money isn’t everything. we get it. still, I’m not going to front. house dates ALL THE TIME ain’t going to cut it. sack lunches on park benches ALL THE TIME ain’t going to cut it. a dried out flower that you plucked from the ground on our first park bench date will get to be your sentimental gift ONE TIME only. don’t be stepping to me with that same dried out flower over and over and over. y’all get it. lol.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
10:04 am

I know I’m from a different era than some here and they’ve probably only heard how things were in the past. In the past it was clear that if you showed any amount of potential you were accepted broke or not. Now a days people see dollar signs instead of the human side, and that’s ok. Generally folks do that until a bad situation falls upon them and then they want empathy.

Leggs

August 10th, 2012
10:10 am

“…walk along the shore lines with him.” = A great date in my book.

disco

August 10th, 2012
10:12 am

BF – I’ve often said that at 20/25 even 30 you can work with potential but by 40/45/50 if a person hasn’t done anything with that potential then proceed at your own risk.

I know able bodied, able minded folks who aren’t even trying to do anything and I know folks with disabilities or other serious obstacles in their lives who strive constantly to meet goals. guess today’s essay is “what does potential mean to you”.

Robert

August 10th, 2012
10:12 am

“Can broke and busy people date”

Just like yesterday’s topic you need to “read the book” not the cover. Lots of men and women are struggling in this bad economy. For example working people who lost their jobs through no falt of their own, young people graduating from college and entering the workforce, military veterans returning home from war and inmates released from prison. They all have found a way to survive and find love & happiness. My grandmother would always say “you don’t know nothing unless you have been through tough times”.

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:14 am

I can say that I’ve learned a lesson with “potential.” Now…determination and drive are what’s more important. I need to see that you are working towards your goals. I’m getting too old to wait for someone to meet their potential…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
10:16 am

disco going to somebody’s house is not a date to me. If dudes are only wanting to date you at home something needs to change. More likely him. I’ve seen dudes with money and did nothing for his girl but would take it to the strip club and blow it all.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
10:21 am

disco I agree with your 10:12.

disco

August 10th, 2012
10:25 am

BF – I don’t typically do the house dates especially with new guys who are still in “prove yourself” mode but the house date is real. nothing wrong with it unless you realize/recognize that’s all that’s being offered to you.

bluz – lol. you learned your lesson re potential. I think most of us have.

Exiled!

August 10th, 2012
10:25 am

Blackfoote,how about if I bring her home and we grill on the patio,play and dance to some music and drank some cheap juice juice?

Not a date?

I think it is!

Broke folks have fun too if not more fun than fo with money in savings like Common says.

It is the company and compatibility that makes a date not what is in his wallet.

Only the thirsty chics elevate the quality of a date to the amount of $$$ in his pocket.

Exiled!

August 10th, 2012
10:30 am

Although I be honest it’s hard to ‘keep’ a woman when u have it but get broke or loose some of the shyne.

Only virtous strong women stay when their man hits the ropes!

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:31 am

disco/Bluz~ Don’t you think that potential can be encouraed/cultivated by the woman in his corner? While my dad was the success in the business world, it was definitely my mother who pushed/coached/coerced/helped him to succeed. Even my father says he would not have recognized his total potential without my mother. I don’t disagree about the determination and ambition, but I think sometimes a man is “given” his purpose by his woman.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
10:32 am

I will book a hotel stay on Groupon or Living Socials does that mean I’m cheap or broke. Don’t think so, I had a coupon sent to me by email from Red Lobster for $10.00 off two adult dinners. Well some folks don’t like Red Lobster and that doesn’t bother me because I do and my coupon expired before I could use it. Does it mean I was too busy probably, I hate I let it expire but I only had 5 days to use it.

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:34 am

bluz – lol. you learned your lesson re potential. I think most of us have.

disco~ Why you stronking that girl’s ego this morning? Learned her lesson about potential? Magnum has potential… :lol:

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:35 am

I will book a hotel stay on Groupon or Living Socials does that mean I’m cheap or broke

No. That means that you aare planning for the future. he rich don’t get richer by giving away what they already have.

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:38 am

CC – I’ve tried to cultivate potential a few times in the past and I just ended up frustrated!

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:39 am

CC – Actually, Magnum has more than potential!!! ;-)

disco

August 10th, 2012
10:39 am

CC – I’m all for that woman supporting her man stuff BUT there’s only so much support you can give him and he’s got to be about doing his part. a lot of men are walking around worthless talking about it’s because so and so didn’t support them. ain’t nobody got time for that. also, I have to say it depends on what kind of support you need. I went out with a guy once who was divorced. his thing was that he worked and supported the ex-wife while she went to school and he was expecting the next chick to support him while he went. puh-leeze. I’m not that chick. ex-wife (or whoever else) should have done it.

BF – I am all for groupon, living social, entertainment book, whatever. I carry coupons in a coupon organizer that I carry on the inside pocket of my car door. nothing wrong with being frugal or fiscally responsible. being cheap is something different altogether.

CC – I wasn’t gassing bluz up. just saying we have all had a lesson on potential.

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:43 am

I’m always looking for coupons and vouchers on groupon and such. When Magnum and I went out before he left town, I had a voucher to a Mexican restaurant that I had been holding onto. It was for two meals and two margaritas. We went and had that and he put down the tip…

single and happy (Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is mystery, Today is a gift, Get out and enjoy your gift!)

August 10th, 2012
10:43 am

Cultivate potential = build a man workshop (LOL)

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:45 am

disco~ I think we ALL know the guy who blames everyone else for his shortcomings. To me, that’s not potential. He wants to be a victim. I’m talking real, bonafide potential.

bluz~ More than potential = big d!ck :lol:

Exiled!

August 10th, 2012
10:46 am

Cultivate potential = date a thug( street hustler)= date a up an coming rapper = date Lil Scrappy

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:46 am

S & H- Sometimes if they don’t make one that fits, you have to build the one you want. :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 10th, 2012
10:47 am

Exile
Good point, if I bring her to my house in a sense it’s considered a date. I will cook for or we may catch a late movie at the theater, a lot can be said for home dates. And not labeling him cheap it’s just they way the evening went down. I’m ok when my friends come over when I feel like putting up with them, we dance, play cards, shoot the breeze, and drink a river of booze but none of them are romantic with us or think we had a date.

disco

August 10th, 2012
10:49 am

bluz – when magnum gets a permanent place to stay that isn’t in someone else’s name we’ll re-visit his potential. lol. (not saying homeless folks don’t have potential. they do. I’m just cracking jokes).

CC – in my opinion, some of those guys do have potential. they just don’t have what it takes on the inside to make use of the potential. a lot of “sorry” individuals have true, god-given talents. I think I can say this because I’ve got lots of raggedy A friends and family members. they ain’t about jack but they are capable, they just lack desire or commitment or something.

Comon Cents

August 10th, 2012
10:49 am

Ex~ Dating a drug dealer? That is not potential. That’s just stupid. Dating an up & coming rapper? Depends on if he is Lil Wayne or Doo Doo Brown on the mic. Realistically, you know if someone has “true” talent, like “Imma be huge one day” talent, when you see them perform.

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:51 am

CC – darn straight!!!! LOL

Bluzgirl

August 10th, 2012
10:52 am

disco – How did I know you would bring that up? :-)

single and happy (Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is mystery, Today is a gift, Get out and enjoy your gift!)

August 10th, 2012
10:52 am

comon most of the time it doesn’t matter, they’re always thinking like the six million dollar man (I can make him stronger, faster, better than ever before) ain’t that right blackfoote, the others are probably to young to remember that show

disco

August 10th, 2012
11:01 am

bluz – because I am fixated on it. all my real-life friends know it. roommates are perfectly acceptable for 25, not so acceptable for 45. one friend tried to hook me up with a guy who still lived with his ex-girlfriend. my friend insisted he was “good people”. I insisted he was homeless and obviously not on his game if he couldn’t afford a one bedroom apartment on his own. homeless people want to spend too much time in your house and tend to get too comfortable too quick (if you let them). I’m just not on it. I’ll own it, it’s my issue.

btw – I know guys (some I am related to) who are 40+ years old who have never had a place of their own. they have always lived with some little girlfriend or another while staying with their mother or other random family member in between. as far as I’m concerned these men are chronically homeless. again I advise, proceed at your own risk.

kimmie

August 10th, 2012
11:01 am

Morning Gang!

I must say I’m feeling Disco’s posts today! You keeping it real, girl!

Yes, I have seen dudes cry broke when it comes down to doing something for their girl, but blow large bills on stuff for themselves. I’ve also seen dudes work 4 jobs and make it happen and don’t sit around crying about how broke they are! I’m more like that 4-job dude, I’m a hustler, so I would need to see that same spirit in a man.

To be honest, I’ve never had a flat broke guy really step to me and expect me to carry him. I have had some that didn’t have much money because they were just starting out or in grad school or had a lot of obligations. I was young and in about the same boat at the time, so I didn’t mind so much. We still managed to have fun. Plus it was obvious these dudes were not bums with no ambition. All good. But the difference is we were in our 20’s.

My issue in those days and up until I met hubs was meeting men willing to share their time. Make the relationship A priority. I wasn’t asking a dude to sacrifice time with his children or risk losing his job to hang out with me. But it did take me awhile to realize people make time for the things they want, period, just like they find the money for the things they want too! Yes, ER surgeons, top attorneys, investment bankers, CEO’s, etc – very busy folks – manage to date and marry if they want to. When there is a will, there’s a way. You’re not THAT busy.

Leggs

August 10th, 2012
11:02 am

“Now a days people see dollar signs instead of the human side, and that’s ok.”

BF, sorry but I had to laugh because the guy who wanted me to meet him up at QT and sit in MY car and talk said the exact same thing.

disco

August 10th, 2012
11:08 am

kimmie – my real might not be the same as everyone else’s real but it is what it is.