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Right personality for marriage?

I was having brunch with my brunch chicas this weekend when the topic of marriage came up. I jokingly commented that having a husband that lived in the house across the street or next door sounds perfect!

I think a lot of single people who have not been married before have this fear (unhealthy?) of what life would be like living with someone else. Especially when you actually love living alone, in your space, doing secret single person behavior things all alone.

I wonder if it takes a certain type of personality to adapt to marriage and make those adjustments to living with a mate? Maybe some people find it easier than others.

Do you think some people just have the ideal personality to be married?
How can you know if you are that type? How can you tell if you have what it takes to be someone’s spouse?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

654 comments Add your comment

lolalee

August 8th, 2012
10:16 am

Better to move on to what is for you than to remain in any relationship that is not healthy- married or otherwise.

Comon ~ well that’s part of the problem that causes a high divorce rate — people move on too quickly and easily becuase they aren’t happy. Mostly I think that’s because they think everything is going to be a honeymoon forever. Or they have the attitude (like somebody said above!) of ‘you have to fit into MY life’, instead of ‘let’s build OUR life together.’

Of course, it matters what “healthy” means in the relationship. Bored, bitter, unhappy… not a reason to walk away. Abused, dangerous… a reason to walk away.

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
10:16 am

disco~ No matter what you say, some people will believe you are lonely rather than being alone because you are not willing to settle. To them, give them your a$$ to kiss. ou are going about it te right way, and when you finally do settle down, it will be with the person of your choosing rhather than settling for something less than your expectations. As my grandmother used to say “Marry in haste and repent in leisure”

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:16 am

LOL! Bluz said “boo’d up”….the blog vernacular kinda rubs off on you, doesn’t it? :lol:

Morning, CC! :)

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
10:18 am

Common..

I’m alone in the house slot of times while Queen and kids are up and about. I like the peacefulness smetines

But alone ur entire life and not be lonely?

I challenge u Common..at some point a sister will get a pet

Believe that.

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:19 am

Anybody else hear that oinking? Is someone playing barnyard noises??? Oh, no, wait….it’s just our resident chauvenist pig. :lol:

Blog love ya, Ex!! ;)

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:20 am

Comon Cents – No matter what you say, some people will believe you are lonely rather than being alone because you are not willing to settle. To them, give them your a$$ to kiss.

Now, THIS I can agree with. It ain’tcha damn business what I’m doing…lololol And you assume because I haven’t said? Um, okay

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:20 am

a lot of folks have commented on how quickly and how easily folks seem to be willing to leave a marriage. I agree that maybe they don’t put as much work into as they can or should but I also believe that people are more likely to get married on a whim than to get divorced on a whim. it’s been my experience that folks contemplate divorce for a long time before they actually get to the point of filing for it.

CC – I know. thing is I’m the only expert on me.

Leggs

August 8th, 2012
10:23 am

Yes indeed, Poppa G. Yes indeed!

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:23 am

Mmeello – You have a really warped mind and attitude against women overall. I love you to death (blogly) but I don’t take a lot of what you say to heart. You seem jaded against women. I don’t know if it’s cultural but you really need to catch up with the times.

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:24 am

ITL – Good morning! I tried to submit something to you on Draw Something again and it wouldn’t let me. Try me using my email address…

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:25 am

C – he’s just lonely and he comes on the blog trying to fill the void in his life. lol.

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:25 am

@C: I knew I wasn’t the only one that heard that oinking (my 10:19 and your 10:23). :lol: :lol:

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:25 am

disco – LOL…I was thinking he can’t play like them other dudes and because of such, he beats up on women.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:25 am

Comon at your 9:43, that’s sounds like my philosophy when it comes to men having midlife crises (which single men don’t have by the way) The women are saying the men need to grow up, my argument is the women never grew up, most of them had the life they always dreamed about, the grew up playing house and weddings, and that lived that life. Most men grew up playing with cars, having dream cars only to put that aside when they got married and had kids. So when the kids get old and out the house that’s what they go back too.

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:26 am

@disco: Maybe he should get a pet. :lol:

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
10:26 am

Bored, bitter, unhappy… not a reason to walk away. Abused, dangerous… a reason to walk away.

Bred bitter and unhappy are reasons to walk away if one is not willing to put in the effort to change those things. People always say a marriage is 50/50. It’s not. It’s 100/100. At the point at which we are not willing or able to each give 100%, the relationship will suffer. You can only suffer in silence for so long before the relationship becomes stagnant and unhealthy. And stangnant+unhealthy = dangerous/abusive. I have to love me one hunnert before I can love anyone else one hunnert and if I allow myself to stay in an unhealthy (aka abusive) relationship, I am not loving me.

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:26 am

ITL – Notice he’s absent unless it’s freaky freak or an opportunity to trash and rag on women.

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:26 am

ITL – Yes…I have never ever used the term “Boo’d Up” in real life! LOL!

Cel – Obviously, I don’t always take advice from people behind a screen. :-)

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:29 am

Bluzy – Cause you know, most are degreed experts in blogsville…lol Notice how all the scenarios are rightly played out with if you do this you’ll get that or because you’re this, that’s not going to happen. Or, BECOME THE SLUT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE AND SEE IF YOU WON’T BREED CATS….lolol

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:29 am

Disco @your 9:26, you mean you can’t teach and old cat any new trick either (LOL) I love when a woman tells me I’m old and set in my ways, (hell like they aren’t) LOL After people get past a certain age and are used to living and doing things a certain way, there is no changing, there may be some compromise, but not much changing.

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:30 am

ITL – or volunteer. lol.

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:30 am

Bluz: Sending it in just a minute. :)

C- I know, right? But you know he tries to come across all mean, but I bet you Queen has him wrapped around her little finger. ;)

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:31 am

Exile, I’ve live alone since I left my parents house, don’t believe in shacking, and traveled alone, but I’ve never been lonely.

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:31 am

ITL – He betnot sniff anywhere but around Queen. We already knows he’s bark is WAAAAY worst than his bite. Yet he promotes getting laid more than any man I’ve seen blogly (well, maybe not)

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
10:32 am

I challenge u Common..at some point a sister will get a pet

Challenge taken. My sister in law is in her late 40’s. Never been married. No children. No pets. However, I will tell you she has one of the most enriched lives I have ever seen. She has a very good job, travels at will, nice house, and nice cars. She has dated but she finds that men these days don’t live up to the standards of men like her father and she refuses to settle. She is currently dating a guy who may be her soul mate. He seems to be a great guy. But I would tell you that what attracted him to her is that her life was full without him. They enrich each other. I believe in togetherness, but you have to also be separate. Like guitar strings; we are separate, but together we can make beautiful music. (Poetic enough for you this morning?)

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:33 am

we already know his….is what I meant.

I guess I’m wondering if it’s cultural. Meaning, I don’t get degrading and betting up on sisters…your sisters I don’t get taking EVERY opportunity to trash. I don’t.

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:33 am

Cel…I think I’ve learned what to listen to and what NOT to listen to! LOL

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:34 am

Bluzy – Good girl!! :) :)

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:36 am

“at some point a sister will get a pet” In the neighborhood I used to live in there were several single women when I was a child and majority of them didn’t have pets. No cat ladies there (LOL)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 8th, 2012
10:36 am

I did the marriage once a upon time and enjoyed it, it wasn’t for forever but that’s life. I love living alone and I would never say never to it again. I don’t see where it has anything to do with my personality and I certainly don’t feel lonely. I do realize if I were to get on the road to exclusivity I would need to make a few changes in my lifestyle.

Good Morning ATL:

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:36 am

CC – I like that analogy!

One of my closest friends didn’t find her soul mate until in her 40’s…that gives me hope! I can say that I thought my ex was my soul mate and that showed me that I have a lot to learn!!! I will wait until I know it is right because I plan to only marry one time!

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:38 am

lawd y’all done exiled exiled again? lol. come on back ex. I know you aren’t scared of the comments of a bunch of lonely, bitter, unhappy women.

single and happy – you probably grew up around women who had a hard enough time trying to make sure their kids ate. women like that aren’t checking for any daggone pets. lol.

Into the Light

August 8th, 2012
10:39 am

Heeeeey, BF!

@C: I know, right? He talks the talk, but I know who makes him toe the line. Shoot, Queen rules that roost!

@disco: Or volunteer with pets! :lol:

@Bluz: Girl, you are gonna crack up when you see my pitiful drawing. It’s sad. :(

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:40 am

ITL – LOLOLOL

disco – Smile….lol

Robert

August 8th, 2012
10:43 am

“How can you tell if you have what it takes to be someone’s spouse?”

Robert’s Rules of Dating – Top 10

Men & Women -
1. Maturity. Ready to make the right choices. Act like an adult not like a child.
2. Confidence – Not too jealous or protective. Get rid of all cell phones and other gadgets.
3. Committment – Understands that love is not a “four letter word”.
4. Respect – Each others space and time.
5. Compromise – Rather than fight. Be flexable.
6. Dependable – Can be counted on to do the little things as well as the big things.
7. Trustworthy – Tells the truth-the-whole truth-and nothing but the truth – all the time.
8. Responsible – Goes to work and provides for the family. Pays the bills.
9. Personal Appearance – Live a healthly lifestyle. Eat the right foods. Diet and excersize.
10 Passion & Desire – Find quality time everyday (hugs, kisses, etc.). Never forget to “love”.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:43 am

Disco, the ones I’m thinking about kids were grown and gone, and you know in those days they didn’t come back, so it wasn’t that.

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:44 am

ITL – don’t feel bad…I’ve done some pitiful drawings myself!!!

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:44 am

I am caracking up….all that comes to mind is what James said to Florida

“women ain’t good for nothing but two things….the kitchen and the bedroom”

Willie Dynamite

August 8th, 2012
10:44 am

Morning All,
O boy, I think I’ll co sign Poppa G’s post this morning. I will say that per the topic there is a right personality for Marriage. The biggest personality I see I see is folks are downright selfish. I dont/wont knock a person for it because I too was selfish for most of my life. I will also admit the times I’ve had Marital problems are when I was being selfish. Being selfish is counter to compromise. Without compromise there is no Marriage. Just a small snippet and we haven’t even gotten into Love, compatibility, trust etc etc.

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:45 am

Robert’s Rules of Dating – Top 10

Dang, guess I’ll never get married (LOL)

Into the Light

August 8th, 2012
10:46 am

“The kitchen and the bedroom, Florida, the kitchen and the bedroom!”

Lawd, I can still see him standing there in those corduroys, nostrils flaring, big juicy lips just ripe for…
(never mind….y’all go on without me for a few….)

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:48 am

ITL – “Don’t say it James, don’t say it!”

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:48 am

celisea – and that’s only if the woman can actually cook. let’s face it. there are a lot of non-cooking women out there. non-cooking as in can’t and non-cooking as in won’t.

ITL – you can go there. makes me feel not so bad about my “ugly” crushes. I swear the other day I was watching get rich or die trying and I was so caught up in what I would do to 50 cent that I could hardly watch the movie.

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:50 am

disco – I’m mostly seeing “won’t”…lol That would be me. I’ve done my share of cooking. I’ll cook on occasion and for “special” events but as a whole, nuh uh. I’m done in that department.

Into the Light

August 8th, 2012
10:50 am

LOL@C.

J: “women ain’t good for nothing but two things”
F: “Don’t say it James, don’t say it!”
J: “The kitchen and the bedroom, Florida, the kitchen and the bedroom!”

Shoot, Flo can have the kitchen, I’ll handle the bedroom. :oops:

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:51 am

ITL – You MUST be equipped with both to be that “whole” complete woman…lol

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
10:52 am

Cel, so it goes Him: what we having for dinner, You: I don’t know but what ever you stop and get bring me some too (LOL)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 8th, 2012
10:52 am

Morning lady’s I don’t fall for the lonely stuff, too many things going on in my world. Living alone I have the satisfaction of friends coming over and doing get togethers, nobody is sexing each other just good ole damn times. When a nice lady emerges my friends know how to back off and let us be. Still she knows what type of life I have and is included along with the friends. I get whooped up by them a lot because I change women too often.

Into the Light

August 8th, 2012
10:53 am

Don’t get me wrong – I love to cook. But it’s just not as much fun cooking for one as it is cooking for my boo (when I’m boo’d up….:lol: BLUZ!)

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:55 am

I guess my thing is and will likely always be, I don’t have it much for men that pounce on women and all that they’re not, hand out lists, yada yada yada but will NEVER skip on an opportunity for ass. I see Robert’s little wholistic list but in peeking in, I saw him hop on the FWB issue. Yeah, you let your hair down didn’t you…lolololol

If women are soooo bad, please, please by all means, skip on ass until you’ve found one that’s just the perfect one for you. Otherwise, you are marring and tainting the next dude’s woman.