accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Right personality for marriage?

I was having brunch with my brunch chicas this weekend when the topic of marriage came up. I jokingly commented that having a husband that lived in the house across the street or next door sounds perfect!

I think a lot of single people who have not been married before have this fear (unhealthy?) of what life would be like living with someone else. Especially when you actually love living alone, in your space, doing secret single person behavior things all alone.

I wonder if it takes a certain type of personality to adapt to marriage and make those adjustments to living with a mate? Maybe some people find it easier than others.

Do you think some people just have the ideal personality to be married?
How can you know if you are that type? How can you tell if you have what it takes to be someone’s spouse?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

654 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
6:57 am

Maybe not across the street, but separate bedrooms would be great (LOL). But how can a single person that’s never been married answer this? You don’t know what you don’t know.

Bell with Wisdom

August 8th, 2012
7:30 am

My Beau would need a man cave and his own bathroom on the other side of the house….real talk.

Lily

August 8th, 2012
7:41 am

Do you qualify as marriage material or the subject matter expert if you aren’t married? Guess I’ll leave this to the pros and Exiled.

oddmanout

August 8th, 2012
7:43 am

Good Morning!!

Marriage. My Greatest Foe.
I do fear marriage because I have seen and heard so many of therm end in disaster. I don’t think personality has a lot to do with it, however commitment and compromise does. But that is just me.

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
8:05 am

Diva,? you luv living alone..then don’t talk marriage…its as simple as that..

Not that I have even an iota of belief that there are many women out there who prefer to live with cats and dogs than a man with a warm stick.

Many women resort to living with pets out of failure and loneliness!

And the failed to marry woman always resorts to denigrating the idea of marriage,dissuading the young and bouncy thinking marriage or falsely pumping up her independence as a reason for men not gravitating to them blah blah blah hogwash!

But the unhappy contortion on your face on calm days betrays you! Angry,frustrated,failure and lonely. And negative! Negative on men!

Talk men and she is always scowling! :lol:

Coz her kitty hasn’t had a dick shuffle to make her relax and smile. :lol:

Good morning. :lol:

Lily

August 8th, 2012
8:08 am

And there you have it! I knew you’d come through :)

Big Al

August 8th, 2012
8:08 am

50% of all marriages end in divorce. The other 50% end in death. I don’t like divorce or death, so I’ll just stay single.

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
8:08 am

Hope I made you proud Lily!

Lily

August 8th, 2012
8:11 am

As always!

Good day!

ThirdWheel

August 8th, 2012
8:54 am

I am wife material but, the men out there are not hubsand material. I have lived with a man and I have to say that if I decide to do it again he will have his own bathroom. Men are more nastier than woman!!! Yuck!! Also if you snore or scratch your butt in your sleep you can go ahead and get your own room too…. YUCK!!!!

disco

August 8th, 2012
8:58 am

good morning. joke or no joke I can see the appeal in the separate living arrangements. I’ve joked that a duplex would be ideal. we’re in the same house but each have separate apartments. I suppose a home with a split floorplan would work too.

ex – I know a lot of folks are into pets. I’m not the one. I’m not really a nurturer so a pet wouldn’t have much of a chance in my care. I don’t even have plants.

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
9:00 am

Morning!

More and more I’m finding myself, “not having anything on topic.” lololol

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
9:09 am

Yea ThirdWheel if YOU snore or scratch your own butt (LOL)

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
9:11 am

I was watching TV land the other day and the Dick Van Dyke show was on, I was looking at the twin beds, thinking, dang that would be nice (LOL)

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
9:11 am

Mike P

August 8th, 2012
9:11 am

Yes having a marriage personality is essential.

Women: the more feminine, submissive, and pleasant her personality, the more likely “real” men will see her marriage worthy, but most importantly, she will see herself as being “ready” for marriage.

Men: assuming we want to get married at all: we either become ready, or make our way to be ready for marriage, but only when we see a marriage worthy woman in our midst.

Co-sign on Mellooo’s 8:05 am post.

morning

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
9:15 am

Thirdwheel?

U need a Mandingo eye wash!

Problem is not the men problem is the men U see!

See,folks can’t define the problem… so they go about looking at the wrong places.

@Disco so u won’t look for a pet,Good!

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
9:16 am

Mike P, how do you “become ready or make your way to be ready”?

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
9:16 am

I hope to be wife material to the right husband. I enjoy living alone, but it was nice when I lived with a man for almost 2 years. It all depends. Won’t know about all of this until I’m there!

ex – I’m an animal lover and I have cats because I love them, not out of failure and lonliness…

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 8th, 2012
9:17 am

Disco I’m with you on the pets, if it doesn’t have the potential of getting out getting a job one day, don’t need it in my house (LOL)

Mike P

August 8th, 2012
9:21 am

@ThirdWheel: you may see yourself as wifey material, but do the men in your circle agree? maybe you are choosing the wrong types of men.

This isn’t directed to you specifically, it’s just I personally know alot of women who claim that they want to get married or are ready for marriage, but their attitudes, their behaviors, actions, lifestyles, desires , and their choice in men directly conflicts with what they claim they or want in life. smh.

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
9:26 am

Bluz!

U are lonely that’s why u have/ ‘luv’ pets….no sooner had u thrown a dude out and u go and get urself another dude ‘friend’

If u don’t get married u going to breed them,I can tell u that!
:lol:

disco

August 8th, 2012
9:26 am

S/H – you crazy.

as for the whole marriage material and compatibility issue, my thoughts are that I like my life as it is. any man that enters my life needs to fit into it – as it is. if I have to make too many changes and adjustments then he’s not a good fit as far as I’m concerned.

Mike P – you know every woman thinks she’s a good woman. almost every man thinks he’s a good man. I say almost because you do run into men that will take you they aren’t worth a damn. (I just watched juice last night. still got tupac/bishop on the brain. “I ain’t isht. I ain’t never gonna be isht.”

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
9:32 am

While I think that there are cartain people who are not suited to marriage, there is nothing better than waking up consistently next to the one you love. When I look at my hubby, I often think to myself “Wow! And he’s all mine!” I like knowing that he is legally bound to me (maybe a side effect of my career?) Shacking just wouldn’t be the same. I also think that even though 50% of marriages end in divorce, many more dating relationships end in breakups because it is much easier to throw in the towel when you are not legally bound to that person.

ThirdWheel

August 8th, 2012
9:32 am

@Mike P Yes, a lot of the men I hang around just as friends tell me I am a good woman and that I will make a wonderful wife one day. My ex begged me to marry him everyday after we broke up and has told me a million times that I will make someone a happy hubsand. I just tend to pick men who are not mature and not ready for the same thing that I am looking for. I have come to the conclusion that maybe I am better off alone since I seem to keep picking duds. I don’t need a men as desperately as some of my friends do. I find that behavior rather sad…..

@Single and Happy you sound like my dad…. If it can’t work then it can’t eat… LOL

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
9:33 am

Ex – I’ve had pets all of my life. Nothing to do with lonliness. I have volunteered at animal shelters for many years.

And…it has been 6 months since I kicked ex out…

Poppa Grande

August 8th, 2012
9:33 am

I don’t know exactly about the personalty part.

However, if you are with the right person, things work out. It may take time for the two of you to figure it out, so patience will be needed.

As for me & mine, we have our own lives and figure things out from there. There are times where the two of us really need to be around each other a lot and there are times that she does her thing and I do mine. We just take the approach that we both live our lives and we are taking the other along for the ride.

So, it is what works for the two of you.

Mike P

August 8th, 2012
9:38 am

@Single and Happy: its depends on the individual man. each man is different and have his own set of issues he has to address before he’ll be ready to move in that direction towards marrying the girl of his interest; mainly its a mindset change, sometimes its financial, or getting a stable dwelling place suitable for raising a family. Think about it, what since would it make for a man to pursue a woman, propose to her, and then marry her if he himself isn’t ready?

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
9:41 am

Common!

U argued like the Prosecutor u are,good job!

I almost forgot that single folks break up too,jeeving and jiving as they see fit with no accountability to nobody.

You trashed the divorce excuse coz I tell u,there is an lonely and unhappy single woman right now fronting with that divorce hogwash. :lol:

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
9:43 am

This isn’t directed to you specifically, it’s just I personally know alot of women who claim that they want to get married or are ready for marriage, but their attitudes, their behaviors, actions, lifestyles, desires , and their choice in men directly conflicts with what they claim they or want in life. smh.

The problem with most women is that they are more concerned about the wedding than the marriage. Little girls grow up playing with “bridal Barbie” and dreaming of finding their “Ken” while little boys grow up playing with GI Joe and not tinking about weddings or marriage. When two ideals are that far apart, the relationship is doomed to fail. Most women (in their first marriage) have no idea what it takes to actually be a wife. And most men have no idea what being a husband means. Unless there is a very quick learning curve, the marriage will fail.

Leggs

August 8th, 2012
9:45 am

“I do fear marriage because I have seen and heard so many of therm end in disaster.” – This here is a major problem on how people look at marriage/divorce. A marriage is what you’re willing to put into it. It is a partnership and should be treated as a emotional business arrangement. If you were in business, you would do everything to make sure it didn’t fail. Same premise with a marriage. And, if there were to be a demise to the relationship, it doesn’t have to be a disaster. Again, it’s how YOU decide to handle it. It can either be done like little kids in the sandbox always fighting, or it can be handled with an adult attitude leaving all vindictiveness and spitefulness out of the picture. It can be done, if you want it that way.

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
9:45 am

Bluz…u volunteer?

Dont u know volunteering is one of the
MIA blog’s favorite. single females therapies for loneliness and finding company? :lol:

(is my medicine too strong this morning?) :lol:

Leggs

August 8th, 2012
9:45 am

Nice to read you Poppa G.

Good morning!

disco

August 8th, 2012
9:47 am

Ex – fyi, there are lonely married people too. I’m sure you’ve heard that alone doesn’t mean lonely BUT if I absolutely have to be lonely I’d rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone. that’s gotta suck.

Mike P

August 8th, 2012
9:49 am

@ThirdWheel: picking duds don’t mean you should live the rest of your life alone, it just mean that you need to choose better; choose high quality men who can recognize your worth and stop being so picky with the men in your life. everybody has flaws.

Poppa Grande

August 8th, 2012
9:50 am

Hi Leggs :grin:

It is nice to read and be read.

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
9:57 am

disco~ I agree 100%. There are many married couples living lives of quiet desperation. They are lonely and unhappy and bitter. Some of that is the reason for the bad rap that marriage gets. Better to move on to what is for you than to remain in any relationship that is not healthy- married or otherwise.

Exiled!

August 8th, 2012
10:00 am

Hey Poppa!

@Disco…I have heard the phrase ‘ being alone don’t mean I’m lonely’ being expounded by a loner..much like urself.

I question their impartiality or partiality on that.

No single unmarried woman will admit anything in ya face :lol:

except to another sister she knows.

Church! :lol:

ThirdWheel

August 8th, 2012
10:02 am

@MikeP You are right!
@CC You are right about the marriage. I look at my parents and they are both living in He$$. But my dad says it cheaper to keep her and his mother did the same thing. You just deal with it. He tells me I should stay with my ex and deal with it but, I said no way!! I’m not trying to be unhappy just to say that I am married. Bump that!

Leggs

August 8th, 2012
10:03 am

Poppa G ~ your statement reminded me of what a co-worker said last week. He’s going through Chemo and when I saw him last week, I said “it’s good to see you.” He said “It’s good to be seen.”

Poppa Grande

August 8th, 2012
10:04 am

Hey Mel :oops: I mean Exiled!

I trust that things are going well for ya!

I Just GOTTA Ask

August 8th, 2012
10:05 am

Did Mike P get married or something?

Poppa Grande

August 8th, 2012
10:07 am

Leggs

I understand that statement. Life has its way of humbling us from time to time. As you live and learn, it is truly good to be seen and heard. :smile:

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
10:08 am

Ex!~ Being alone doesn’t always mean you’re lonely. In fact, I would submit to you that until you are able to be alone and not be lonely you won’t ever have a realtionship that works. I always tell the hubs “I don’t need you, but I do want you”. In other words, do I need him to make my life work? No. But he enriches my life. That is definitely a key to a healthy relationship. You have to enrich each other rather than needing each other.

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:11 am

Good morning, all!

Nothing to add on topic. Just happy to be here and reveling in the difference a day can make. :)

disco

August 8th, 2012
10:12 am

ex – fine. I’ll be today’s poster child for unmarried women. I’m not lonely (but I argue that everyone is lonely some time). I don’t have, have never had and likely never will have a pet. I volunteer on occasion though I don’t volunteer because I’m bored or lonely. I volunteer because sometimes it’s just the right thing to do. I volunteer because I have the time, the expertise, the desire to help others and I know that you get out what you put in. I’ve needed help before and before I leave here I’ll likely need help again. what else you got in your arsenal against the unmarried woman?

Into the Light - Bye Bye Shady, I Got No Time for You

August 8th, 2012
10:12 am

You have to enrich each other rather than needing each other

Worth repeating

Bluzgirl

August 8th, 2012
10:13 am

Ex – Most of my volunteer work has been while I was boo’d up. I also volunteer for a bipolar research fund. I enjoy volunteering and I meet lots of new people…

Comon Cents

August 8th, 2012
10:14 am

Good Morning, ITL!

Celisea

August 8th, 2012
10:14 am

Are we done with the diatribe on woman and their woes??? Seriously?? Bluzy, y’all better stop taking advice from folks behind a screen. Heck yeah it’s a perfect world (for some), on a blog.