Dating: How to end FWBs?
I don’t know how many of you have been in this situation, but I am curious to read opinions on it: You have what you thought was the ideal Friends With Benefits arrangement. You are both starting to enjoy the perks that come with the no strings attached set up. Alas, all good things must come to an end. How do you terminate the benefits of Friends with Benefits?
Maybe one of you starts to catch feelings and violate the terms of the FWB arrangement. Or perhaps you have found an actual relationship potential. Whatever the case, how you handle the situation can make a big difference in the amount of drama or hurt feelings.
Have you ever had to end a FWB situation? How did you go about it? Were you straight up and honest? Did you remain friends (with no benefits?) Or did you choose the fade to black, disappearing act approach?
What is the best way to end it? Does it depend on what the benefits were?
Happy Tuesday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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386 comments Add your comment
Lily
August 7th, 2012
5:40 am
Seeing FWB situations aren’t all that deep and it’s not like he or she means more than a hump, scream, yell, right? What do you care about the ending process? You shouldn’t have,to say a thing, right? They can fall off the side of the earth, right?
This one is way easy.
oddmanout
August 7th, 2012
6:48 am
Good Morning!
Honestly, I am without words.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
7:25 am
How do you go into a FWB situation without the understanding that it’s just that, it can end at anytime. If you were really friends, then you will remain friends. If they can fall off the side of the earth, then that wasn’t FWB you were just F**k buddies, and there is a difference.
Bell with Wisdom
August 7th, 2012
7:39 am
@S&H – Agreed! If the friendship falls off that easy…there was never a freindship to begin with. The wisdom is… in all your getting, get an understanding. As a footenote, I think men take being cut off harder than women.
Lily
August 7th, 2012
7:48 am
FRIENDS with benefits? I have it now!
Roberta
August 7th, 2012
8:37 am
Sex sex sex. Your blogs never seem to stray too far from this topic. You’ve got the internet at your fingertips, for crying out loud. How about a little variety?
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
8:44 am
Morning,
Nothing on topic as I’ve never been in a FWB situation. I know…a bit vanilla by today’s standards…lol
Single and Happy – While I’m gone, can you define FWB versus FBuddies? I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts
Maybe I’m thinking about adding a bit of color…lol
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
8:44 am
I guess I should have said I’m heading for coffee….that’s what I meant by while I’m gone
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
8:48 am
Let’s revist this for old time sake
THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to herein as the “Agreement”) is entered into as of the _____ day
of __________, 2012, by and between ____________ and
____________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND
PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over – UNLESS IT IS VERY GOOD AND WE
NEED TO REPEAT IT IN THE MORNING.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks
before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9pm – (we don’t have anything to talk
about).
4. None of that “lovemaking” stuff -strictly mind
blowing-sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions…(ex. Where are we
heading with this? Do you love me – Hell naw- so don’t
ask stupid sh!t.)
6. No plans made in advance … that is why you are
called the “backup” unless you are from out of
town-then its only a one time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts excepted – (money and diamonds are always
good)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers(its
really none of your dayum business)
10. No kissing (too intimate except to other body
parts- no mouth kissing-yuck)
11. No calling each other “friends with benefits” (we
are not friends just sex buddies)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK
- don’t be offended
13. No extra clothing (I don’t want your ass
leaving anything behind when you leave.)
14. No falling asleep right after sex-get your
azz up and go home-its over dayumit.
15. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you
enjoyed it (I don’t care).
16. You can not borrow my car for any reason
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response
will be, “My roommate’s girlfriend/boyfriend”
18. Doggie style preferred (just hit it hard and right
or get the heyal out.)
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the
better.(Don’t want to look at your azz -just want to
have sex with you)
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes -
ME (so don’t keep calling dayum)
21. The most important one – no condoms – no sex
- carry your azz home.
22. Bring your own drink-I am not your liquor
store.
23. No phone usage please-don’t want anyone calling
back looking for your azz.
* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The
aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder
of the agreement. If the other party attempts to
change or alter any terms of this Agreement, this
Agreement will automatically become null and void and
you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST
and deleted from phone memory and email list. You will
be BLOCKED from all communications until
your silly azz understand the rules.
Participating Party Signature:
_______________________________________
Date:________________
Participating Party Signature:
_______________________________________
Date: _____________
Button
August 7th, 2012
8:53 am
I’d say you end it just like you end anything else. Simple.
Good morning
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
8:57 am
Celisea FWB = someone that will be there for you as a friend, even when there is no sex involved, some that you would hang around with before you started having sex, and after the sex is done.
F**k/Cut buddy = sex and that all it is, not other involvement
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 7th, 2012
8:57 am
Perfect explanation of that contract Slim
Though, I’ve seen it called something else
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
9:00 am
Oh and Good morning all,
Roberta – We all have the ability to suggest topics to Wise. Do you have some new topic ideas?
I had a fwb situation back in college. He had a girlfriend back home and I had a boyfriend back home. We both were part of a circle that we hung with on a regular basis and partied with. So it ended up happening and we both knew what the deal was. Contrary to the booty call agreement, we did hang out, sleep over at each other’s spot and all that. I can’t really recall what the reason why it stopped but i think the newness or excitement wore of. We were still cool afterwards and into the vaulted closet it goes and has stayed. I don’t recall any jealousy or anything of that sort. I suppose when you are younger, many folks aren’t really looking at every relationship being THE ONE.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
August 7th, 2012
9:03 am
On topic
You just end it.
I’m one for respecting the other person enough to tell them the truth. So, a simple “I think we should be ‘just friends’” phone call is enough. After the isht I’ve done to her, least I could do is end it with ’somekinda’ respect.
Bluzgirl
August 7th, 2012
9:05 am
I’ve had to end an FWB when feelings got involved…we remained friends, but no longer had sex. I just told him that I needed to stop unless he was starting to have feelings. This was about 10 years ago. He admitted that he did not feel the same way, so we just went on as friends and the feelings went away. It was pretty easy. It’s not like ending a relationship…
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:06 am
I think I got it! So we can be cool and hang out and stuff and if the mood strikes us, we can take it there….being FWB
As FBuddies, don’t say jack to me, ask me for anything, don’t be nice to me…just do me?
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:07 am
Bluzy – Come sit next to Auntie ‘Lisea…lol Some of us can’t roll like that.
disco
August 7th, 2012
9:11 am
good morning good peoples.
Slim – and let the church say amen. lol.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:15 am
Cel yep that’s it
Slim a booty call is different from FWB
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
9:16 am
Cel – A fk bud is probably that one person you know you can call at 2, 3, 4 in the am after leaving a club buzzed and ready to get that thang beat up. They already know what you’re calling for and what you want. Yall don’t go to breakfast or anything like that unless it’s a Waffle or Huddle House. This ain’t no Ihop type of deal lol
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:16 am
Oh slim I see in your 9:00 you know what the difference is.
Bluzgirl
August 7th, 2012
9:16 am
I have been able to have no strings attached sex before without feelings ever coming into the picture. Just this one guy back then…of course, it went on for almost a year. At least I knew that I had to stop before it got to be too much!
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:17 am
Slim’s agreement (while reading “ironclad”) sounds more like FBuddies…lol Don’t look at me, okay to scream someone else’s name, can’t be seen before dare? Too funny
Into the Light
August 7th, 2012
9:17 am
Morning, all!
Agree with the definitions re: FWB vs. FB. It sucks, though, when you do end up catching feelings beyond friendship for an FWB. That happened to me once, and we had to end the benefits and the friendship.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:18 am
Slim going to those places is to far, Hell sometimes as fbuddys you may never see the bedroom, just do it soon as you walk in the door and leave.
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:19 am
Single and Happy – I guess I catch pretty quickly.
Slim – LOLOLOLOL….you can get that thang beat up by your man no? Okay then I’m going to assume FWB and FBuddies are for times in between relationships. Orrrrr, do you have a FWB or FB while in a relationship? That would then be cheating though, I guess
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:21 am
Cel it aint cheating if you don’t get caught (LOL)
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:22 am
Single and Happy – Ummm, I’m not going to go there today…lol I know, I know, “IT WASN’T ME”
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:23 am
“I DID NOT HAVE RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN” or something like that. Even ole Slick Willy…lol
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
9:23 am
S/H & Cel – Yeah that agreement is more for the fk buddy situation. So if you think you’re in a regular FWB but it seems to fall along the lines of the agreement above, then you may want to take a closer look at your current situation.
Cel – Usually the FWB and FB’s are for those drought times in between times. However, I’d say it’s risky to have either setup when you are in a relationship because you never know how it’ll turn out or what the other person will do if things go south.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:24 am
Cel yep you got it (LOL) if you didn’t put your hands on me, it wasn’t me.
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:28 am
Slim – Yeah, I can just see things popping off now. The FWB or FB got the nights mixed up and shows up while your steady is there. Somebody has some explaining to do…lol
Single and Happy – Mmm hmmm, tell us more
Into the Light
August 7th, 2012
9:33 am
The FWB or FB got the nights mixed up and shows up while your steady is there.
If you have a steady, you shouldn’t have either a FWB or FB…unless you’re a cheater. IJS….
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:33 am
Celisea, the FWB knows how to play it off. The FB knows not to show up unless called, when that happens time to find a new FB
Into the Light
August 7th, 2012
9:34 am
@disco: Missed you yesterday! Glad you’re back.
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
9:35 am
S/H – I notice that you have a lot of ‘knowledge’ on the topic. Are you addicted to FB/FWB? lol
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:35 am
ITL – See my 9:19 and then see Single and Happy’s 9:33….some folks apparently have a SO and a FWB and a FB. Go figure We’re learning more and more about Single and Happy. That’s right, get all nice and settled in…lol Open in, relax, tell us more about yourself.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:38 am
Slim I’ve been them, even the one who caught the feelings (LOL) but addicted is a strong word. (LOL)
Into the Light
August 7th, 2012
9:40 am
C: mmmm hmmmm.
(ITL now giving the side eye to Green Stamps) Stamps, are you a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater?
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:42 am
ITL – A cheater cheater pumpkin eater that’s not aware of the CT nor how it works nor what it is, nor how to recognize. He’s gonna need a GPS…lololol
Exiled!
August 7th, 2012
9:42 am
Good morning!
To answer the question,if she starts catching feelings I guess she hints it or u debug by circumlocution.
When she starts getting ’spooning needy’ you know she caught the bug.
Time to withdraw that good stick!
No explanation required,just pretend you busy.
Shell get it.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:42 am
ITL once again, it aint cheating if you don’t get caught
Bluzgirl
August 7th, 2012
9:43 am
Just think…ya’ll get to find out how my FWB works out. I thought of a nickname for him…Magnum!
Leggs
August 7th, 2012
9:44 am
Single, I agree with your 7:25
If you’re truly FWBs, you can simply let them know the sexing part is stopping and your moving on. If you’re truly friends, you will remain friends. The two of you may fall on top of each other err now and then just to get the transition to stick (lol).
Morning!
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:45 am
Cel, I may be old, but I learn new things everyday
Cause I really got confused when swiss posted the picture of the real CT (LOL)
Into the Light
August 7th, 2012
9:45 am
LOL@C! A CT GPS. Instead of a Tom Tom, it could be a Hoo Hoo.
Magnum….me likey, Bluz.
But um….I think you might be on the line of FWB and hoping for more… Maybe I’m wrong; just one girl’s observation.
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:45 am
cir·cum·lo·cu·tion /ˌsɜrkəmloʊˈkyuʃən/ Show Spelled[sur-kuhm-loh-kyoo-shuhn] Show IPA
noun
1. a roundabout or indirect way of speaking; the use of more words than necessary to express an idea.
2. a roundabout expression.
Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"
August 7th, 2012
9:47 am
Leggs that usually happens when you have the special talent that the SO just doesn’t know how to do.(LOL)
Celisea
August 7th, 2012
9:47 am
ITL – LOLOLOLOL….okaaaay How are you a puddycat pro but you don’t know it when you see it??? IJS
Single and Happy – Yet again….WE BELIEVE YOU
SlimUno
August 7th, 2012
9:48 am
Cel – I see we were thinking the same thing regarding SH. lol
The two of you may fall on top of each other err now and then just to get the transition to stick
Leggs
errrrr now and then hahaha