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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Should you confess indiscretions?

One of our MIA blog readers would like a little advice about what he should do. He and his girlfriend recently had “the talk” and decided to go exclusive. Soon after the talk, he goes on a weekend trip with his boys and has a little inappropriate contact with random girl at bar.

He knows that since they had “the talk” he should own up to his indiscretion. The problem is, his girlfriend broke up with the last guy for a similar offense. Although he believes what he did was “not as bad” the fact that he didn’t actually sleep with someone else means he should keep it to himself.

If you are in an exclusive relationship, would you confess if you did a little dirt on the side? Would it matter the degree of the offense?

If someone you were seeing did something inappropriate with someone else, would you want them to tell you?

What would do if you your new boyfriend/girlfriend had an encounter with someone else, right after you decided to be exclusive?


P.S. For the record, I believe that if you hook up with someone else on vacation/out of the country or state..it’s still cheating. Seriously, don’t ever ask for a pass on something like that.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

394 comments Add your comment

SlimUno

August 6th, 2012
8:51 am

Howdy Doody and Bah Humbug to Monday lol

WrightIdea

August 6th, 2012
8:59 am

He needs to keep it to himself. He did cheat, but the only reason he wants to share it is to relieve his guilt. He should live with the guilt and learn from the mistake. If he had slept with the new girl, I think he would need to confess, because it increases the risk of STDs, but since they did not go that far, he just needs to live with the guilt. Poor girl (his girlfriend) – the guy can’t even his commitments this early in the game. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson..

SlimUno

August 6th, 2012
9:04 am

Temptation lurks around every corner…

Where is everybody? I hope this isn’t a setup…seems a bit eerie round her this morning.

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
9:11 am

This topic is too much for a Monday morning! :-) I gotta wait until coffee kicks in…

Good morning…

SlimUno

August 6th, 2012
9:15 am

BLuz – Is that what’s keeping folks at bay this morning? lol I know a some counties started school today so maybe folks are out taking care of Back to school biz…

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
9:21 am

I think it is because it’s so dreary and the back to school hubub…hopefully folks will join soon. I know that I did not want to get up this morning, but that’s because I helped a friend move yesterday and I’m hurting!!!

SlimUno

August 6th, 2012
9:34 am

Bluz – Did you hear from your bed buddy over the weekend?

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 6th, 2012
9:35 am

Hello everyone, Next topic

Leggs

August 6th, 2012
9:37 am

I may be hit with some bean bag pellets, but I don’t think he needs to say a thing. He should keep this little indiscretion to himself and the fact that he’s feeling bad about will hopefully dictate his actions going forward.

Hey blogger, since you are reading these comments, respect your woman, the relationship YOU AGREED to be exclusive with and keep your hands, your tongue, your feet, all other body parts to yourself and share only with your SO!!!!

Good morning!!!

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
9:44 am

Morning,

I’ll start off saying, “how about no indiscretions to start with.” You start a new relationship and “nearly” cheat? No such thing as nearly…btw Did you not know your own level of cans versus cannots? I think if you know within your heart of hearts that you love having a variety or that you are not one for resisting temptation, then you probably shouldn’t take the path to exclusivity. Should you tell? Probably not? What will likely happen if you don’t tell? You’ll do it again.

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
9:44 am

We did text a little back and forth. Flirtations texts. He’s a pretty funny guy!!!

Leggs

August 6th, 2012
9:47 am

Celisea ~ I stated to say if you can’t handle the tempations around you, only means you’re not ready for an exclusive relationship. All the women walking around are not there for you to sample just because you think they’re pretty, sexy or what have you. Even if the woman gives you an opening, be a man and turn down the offer. That’s what a real man does who respects himself, his woman, and truly wants to work on his relationship.

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
9:49 am

I guess I can comment now that the coffee is running through my veins! I do not think he should tell her if it was just a kiss (although I still feel that is cheating). BUT…he better not do it again. I’d like to know why he did it in the first place if he had just had “the talk.”

I don’t think I would handle it well if my brand new boyfriend admitted to doing anything with another woman right after the talk. I just don’t see how you could trust someone who does that. This guy has broken trust immediately, whether she knows it or not.

Anyway…that’s about all I have for this topic.

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
9:54 am

Leggs – Exactly. I was about to say people will say and do ANYTHING to get what they want…even if it means going exclusive, knowing you aren’t ready and not caring if she’ll end up hurt. All for what you want. Buuuut, I didn’t want to be read as “strong black coffee” this morning…lol

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
9:57 am

Morning,

Sounds like she wanted to make sure they had “the talk” before he went on that trip. lol. Which means it was a forced under pressure decision he wasn’t ready to make. I’m just trying to read between the lines. In a brand new relationship, a random chick shouldn’t sway you. Besides why is he bring his dirt back with him. Women are too intuitive, she was probaly picking up his guilt before he even got home.

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
9:59 am

Which means it was a forced under pressure decision he wasn’t ready to make.

Yeah, put that gun to his head….

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
10:00 am

Excuses, excuses, excuses…lol Must be a man talking…lolololol

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
10:00 am

The devil MADE me do it!!! Yea, that’s it

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
10:04 am

Where’s ITL and Comon Cents today??? Ladies?????!!!!

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
10:04 am

Lol, Get out of here C…. There are two sides to everything.

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
10:06 am

Well Mr. U, if you weren’t there, then you can’t drawn any conclusions. You know, “probaby, maybe, sounds like.”

Celisea........gooooooo Gabby!!

August 6th, 2012
10:06 am

draw not drawn

SlimUno

August 6th, 2012
10:11 am

Mr. U – Now tell me how you came up with that scenario unless you are the one that offered up this topic…Hmmm???

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:13 am

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 6th, 2012
10:13 am

I’ll weigh in here, if he did tell her, she should leave him! If he’s cheating this early why invest in more time into the relationship. And if you’re cheating this early, why are you in a relationship?

Leggs

August 6th, 2012
10:20 am

“Sounds like she wanted to make sure they had “the talk” before he went on that trip. lol. Which means it was a forced under pressure…”

Unless you were in the room and you witnessed him being strong armed, you don’t know if there was any pressure or not. The last I heard, “men” despite ultimatums and pressure. You can’t force a man into a relationship!

Leggs

August 6th, 2012
10:27 am

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
10:29 am

Slim~ Lol, I wouldn’t broadcast my dirt. C~Yeah I hear you, I will stick to the idea she got nervous when she heard about the out of town trip with the fellas and decided now was a good time to have “the talk”. Single~ “why are you in a relationship?” Same question I asked, He felt the pressure to add the Exclusive tag before going on the trip.

We can’t give a scenarios or the reasons for what transpired?

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
10:34 am

Leggs~ “The last I heard, some “men” despise ultimatums and pressure.” Just because “some” don’t like it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:35 am

How about we don’t guess, conclude or assume…leaning to his favor. He had the option to forego exclusivity (the pressue behind a gun must be beastly) or even better, he could have opted to take a pass on cheating.

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:36 am

Why get nervous all because of an out of town. Heck, you don’t have to hit the islands to cheat. Folks can get that down right under your nose, if you aren’t careful.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 6th, 2012
10:37 am

The thing that stick out is being on a trip with his boys. It look as if he want to impress them and not the woman he had the talk with. Now he feels guilt and a need to tell because the boys are not around and he has her exclusively. He do need to use another phrase “my/his boys” sound too high school and you can’t have it all even if it’s there for the taking. I’ld pass on the confession because it’s meaningless, the verdict is guilty of perpetrating “with his boys”.

Good Morning:

Into the Light

August 6th, 2012
10:37 am

Good morning, all!

Somebody is gonna get smacked before this day is over, I can just feel it in my bones. I have a headache, I don’t feel well in general, and people are on my nerves. Recipe for disaster.

On a brighter note, I don’t think purging your own guilt is a good reason to tell. HOWEVER, if it’s an indicator of things to come, better tell her now and save her additional heartache later.

Here I am, C! :)

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:39 am

I’m surprised this dude is asking. I thought their motto (those that’s not grown up yet) is to deny, deny, deny…lol

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:41 am

Heck, it won’t get to that, unless his guilty conscious gets the better of him and he tells on himself by way of “acting” guilty. The body and conscious is a powerful thing. I hope his conscious eats his insides…lololol

Leggs

August 6th, 2012
10:41 am

Unknown ~ sorry, what I was alluding to is “men” don’t allow themselves to get suckered into ultimatums, just those who can’t pull up their own drawers! Yeah, I know it happens.

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:43 am

My coworker, our admin’s sister was coming home from out of town this weekend with friends, had a massive heart attack and died. So sorry to hear this.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 6th, 2012
10:44 am

Cely the story does have a youthful conotation to it. I don’t know of anyone who wants to know your every move or conversation you have with people.

Celisea....shoo fly, don't bother me!

August 6th, 2012
10:45 am

Hey there my Big Blog Bro! Exactly. Who is still going on excursions and tossing aside all caution to the wind and THEN thinking about the ramifications of said actions?

Celisea

August 6th, 2012
10:51 am

Into the Light

August 6th, 2012
10:53 am

Hey, C! How was your weekend?

Single and Happy "don't judge others simply because they sin differently than you"

August 6th, 2012
10:53 am

Celisea, we have a new motto, don’t ask don’t tell, then, it’s it wasn’t me

Celisea

August 6th, 2012
10:55 am

ITL – My weekend was QUITE delightful :) :)

Single and Happy – Um, that’s not a new motto…lol Is that not a secret code in the MLB? Don’t you have to be a man for the ink to appear or something like that? Yea, that’s it. It’s written in invisble ink and shows up if a man reads. :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 6th, 2012
10:57 am

Hi Leggs, Light, Slim1, Bluz, and Cely. y’all get this I know. Dude not ready for exclusive, he wants her to be there when he gets back so she can be exclusive to him.

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
10:58 am

Telling someone to just end your guilty feelings is not a good enough reason at all…it would really hurt her. I just hope he doesn’t do ANYTHING like this again and that the guilt hurts him enough.

Back when I was 20-21, I cheated on my then fiancee. It was the worst thing I could have ever done. I didn’t love him anymore and was too chicken to just break up with him. He worshipped me. I had thought about coming clean, but knew it would destroy him. It wasn’t worth it to hurt him just so I felt better. I promised to myself that I would never, EVER cheat again. I learned a lesson.

My recent ex had been married in the past and his wife cheated on him with the best man only a few months into the marriage. He said he wished she had never told him. It started a spiral of him cheating on her, resenting her, staying too long, and being broken. They’ve been divorced about 10 years and I know it still bothered him a lot. He would say that he was over it, but would get angry if the subject was brought up. It really messed him up. But, he’s screwed up anyway!!!

Into the Light

August 6th, 2012
10:58 am

Morning, BBB!

Yep. He wants the old “do as I say, not as I do” relationship. Un uh. Commitment is a two-way street.

Bluzgirl

August 6th, 2012
11:00 am

Hi BF! I need a coffee with Bailey’s this morning! Is the bar open yet? :-)

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
11:00 am

Leggs~ Maybe in a perfect world we could generalize all men or just the ones that you have history with but the world is a big place and these types of actions happen to all sorts of folks. It maybe a measure of insecurity or tactic used by said person but none the less it happens. Even to grown folks that have the ability to pull their draws up. Can we agree to disagree?

Mr. Unknown

August 6th, 2012
11:04 am

What happened to Lady and her sunshine??

Into the Light

August 6th, 2012
11:06 am

Yay, Twink. I’m glad to hear it. :) :)