Do you have dating paranoia?
I am unofficially calling dating paranoia a legitimate condition that many singles suffer. It is the unreasonable, unhealthy fear that everyone you meet is a murderer, psycho, or sexually confused individual that is out to get you. Newsflash: There are normal people out there and they usually find a way to find one another.
If you are paranoid about everyone one you meet and date, perhaps the issue is you. I’m just saying. At what point do you decide to trust your own instincts? All of us have made stupid decisions in the selection process of dating, but aren’t we supposed to learn from them?
Have you ever dated someone who just seemed too good to be true? Do you get paranoid that they will turn out to be someone else?
Do you get the sense that sometimes we look for things to be wrong with people to avoid getting too close?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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348 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:36 pm
And if your lease is not up until next June, you just re-signed?!? What in the HELL would make you do that?
Into the Light
July 31st, 2012
12:36 pm
And what is this, a 48 month lease? Weren’t you on here last year/early this year talking about the same mess?
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
12:38 pm
Celisea now rubbing ITL’s head, while chanting woo saa, woo saa
I see we have two now
disco
July 31st, 2012
12:38 pm
C – ya heard? just because someone is all up in your face spitting game doesn’t mean you have to play the game. bump that.
CC – and that’s one I’m talking about. lease be damned.
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:38 pm
3rd~ So, what originally attracted you to this man? He’s obese, he smells, he’s got no credit, living conditions are deplorable… Is this an exercise in self-hate?
disco
July 31st, 2012
12:39 pm
C – we have two now. HILARIOUS.
Into the Light
July 31st, 2012
12:40 pm
LOL@Celisea. Yeah, my Wonder Twin Spidey Senses are on high-alert. I see Comon saw it, too.
I told y’all something is rotten in Denmark. Or am I just paranoid???? (Ha – back on topic!)
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
12:40 pm
Well I am off for two weeks in December so that gives me time to move, plus I have to find a place to move or I will be forced back with the parents. Plus I have to give my landlord 60 days and my ex 60 days notice. It was just easier to move at the end of the year. I hardly stay home anymore anyway. I make excuses not to come home and I only come home when he is not there or when I need to sleep.
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:40 pm
Not to down you, I am just trying to understand. I know we sound harsh, but, trust, I let all my crazy out a few days ago. I went through it, now I’m over it. Happy, settled, not a perfect man, but he is definitely perfect for me.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
12:41 pm
No, we signed a two year house to get the house cheaper. I should have never moved in with him but he said he would change….
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
12:41 pm
disco – Exactly. You can’t control (sometimes), things that come your way but you’re definitely in control of how you deal with it. I’m unbelievable amazed sometimes.
bluzgirl
July 31st, 2012
12:42 pm
I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t read through the posts now after all the nastiness discussion! LOL!
My ex got to where he wouldn’t shower often or brush his teeth. It was gross! When he did brush his teeth, I would kiss him a lot to show him that I really appreciated him being clean! There were times I would try to embarrass him into showering and brushing his teeth. Ugh! My mom brought up a good point the other day though…I wonder if he quite being clean because he didn’t want the intimacy with me. He knew that I wouldn’t try if he was nasty…
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:43 pm
Are your parents living conditions as deplorable as his? IJS… you could give 60 days notice, move back home tomorrow and be done with dude. IMO, there is more to this story than you let on. Are you still doing te horizontal mambo with dude? Someting has to be keeping you there. I’m with ITL on this one. Someting is hella funky in Denmark and I don’t think it’s dude’s draws…
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
12:45 pm
ThirdWheel – Sweetie, listen to what you’re saying. Why not go home to a home you’re paying for? When I get off work, I want to go home. My home. My sanctuary, my solace. I’m not avoiding and dreading and running from somewhere I’m having to pay to live. If that’s the case, it is NOT better to go home for a few months until you can get it together? I mean I’m not trying to be hard either but I don’t get you’re reasoning to stay. If it’s THAT bad, then moving out would not be an option. I too, toss a side eye at repeatedly complaining about someone but staying, doing nothing about it.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
12:46 pm
@Common well we dated in high school and he was nothing like he is now. He has let himself go and stopped caring. He was a great guy but, now all I do is have dreams of cutting his brake line in the car so I can keep the house and my dog. So it’s time for me to go because I was not made for jail…I thought I would give him a chance to change himself too and at the time I wanted to be married so bad because I was tired of people thinking I was gay because I never had a man at my beck and call. Well I got him and he was too fat to do anything else but eat so when I went out I was still alone… Oh well I learned my lesson and I will never ever settle or try to change anyone ever again. So I will use google search and stay a little paranoid until I meet the right one if I ever do….
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:46 pm
Bluz~ You need a more expensive therapist. If you think that the issue was you why he wouldn’t bathe, your self esteem is even lower than I thought. No (sane) person is going to subject themselves to nastiness on their own person just to avoid intimacy with you. (Unless they were trying to teach you a lesson about your own bad hygeine)
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
12:47 pm
Lord, I’ll be back when we turn the page…you too Bluzy
disco
July 31st, 2012
12:47 pm
boy oh boy. we have deputy dawg, inspector gadget, inch high private eye and blues clues all on the case. encyclopedia brown and nancy drew are on call.
i'm swiss
July 31st, 2012
12:48 pm
“I think something is rotten in Denmark. IJS…..”
ITL — I’ve just skimmed, but from what I’ve read so far, I’m pretty sure that’s just somebody’s azz.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
12:49 pm
@Common.. my parents are old school and I cannot come home at 4:00 in the morning without getting the speech of I am a lady and a lady shouldn’t stay out that late. Plus my mom smokes and she just stinks with that. Plus I picked out the house and I love the location so the landlord is trying to find me another house just like it to rent. I don’t want to do a lot of moving around. So it just made sense to find another house and then move. Trust me I look everyday.
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:51 pm
3rd~ So he was the hot guy you fantasized about in HS and when you finally got him he was a broken down shell of his old self? And (secretly, in your subconcious) you are hoping that the stellar guy you once knew will reappear if you threaten to leave him or actually leave him for a short time.
Here’s a news flash: He was probably not that stellar back in the day. You have just glamourized te relationship/interactions that you had with him and you’re seeing him through rose colored lenses. No one, and I do mean no one, goes from being a fastidious, great, fit guy to some obese, smelly slob who can’t be botheresd to clean his person or himself. He is NEVER going to change and if you keep hanging around waiting for something different, you are only fooling yourself.
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
12:55 pm
Plus my mom smokes and she just stinks with that.
I would take the smell of stale cigarette smoke above nasty Mcnasty smelly like butt-cheese and old french fries. IJS
disco
July 31st, 2012
12:55 pm
TW – is the fat, smelly man a beard? are you his beard? high school friend, old school parents, delaying the inevitable. that’s my last question. I’m done trying to pick this one apart. maybe after lunch something new will be going on.
Into the Light
July 31st, 2012
12:59 pm
Hold the door, disco and C, I’m leaving too. But before I throw up the deuces, I will leave Third and Bluz with this parting thought:
The blog is made up (mostly) of people who are kind and caring and genuinely want to help others when they can. But nobody, and I do mean nobody short of the sweet Lord Jesus, can help someone who does not want to help themselves.
You both say you are tired of what you have and this and that and blah, blah, blah yet you take no PROACTIVE steps to change it.
It’s been real, ladies, but this sympathy train just derailed.
ITL – out.
Comon Cents
July 31st, 2012
1:09 pm
ITL/disco/C~ Are y’all headed to the bar? Cause I’m in too! I have to echo the same sentiments.
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
1:12 pm
Comon Cents – too earl for this lady to drink but danggit they’re about to drive me there. Just plain foolishness.
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
1:13 pm
Too early. Oh wait, I don’t drink…
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:13 pm
Umm I don’t remember asking for sympathy. I was just telling my story and laughing with the others. Also I know I can help myself but what sense of it would it make for me to break the lease and ruin my credit in the process? Plus does it make sense to move from the house, move back home, find another house and move into that? Plus my stuff would be in storage? That is too much moving. As for the high school fantasy he was not all that but he was a heck of a lot better than he was now. He was athletic like because he got a football scholarship to a private school and he actually smelt like a man. Divorce does different things to people and he just let himself go. I am not defending him but I am telling it like it is. We are no one’s beard… I can’t even stand to look at cooter….ughhh!!!
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
1:14 pm
What else we got to talk about? What’s good?
Celisea
July 31st, 2012
1:15 pm
My cell is acting retarded…. ugh
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:18 pm
My friends were robbed last night and the robers stole their, clothes, computers, tv’s and two of their five dogs……
What kind of person does that???
http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/19153661/burglars-steal-atlanta-mans-dogs
bluzgirl
July 31st, 2012
1:20 pm
CC – I don’t necessarily think that was the only reason he quit with the hygiene. I’m just wondering if it was part of it. He no longer cared about his own body and being presentable. I hadn’t really thought of it like that until my mom mentioned it. He probably was just a nasty man and as he got comfortable with me, he let it really show. Glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore!
bluzgirl
July 31st, 2012
1:21 pm
Stole their dogs?!?! WTF?!?! Wonder if it’s someone who knew your friends…
bluzgirl
July 31st, 2012
1:23 pm
So…here’s a topic change? Any ladies in here read the Fifty Shades trilogy? I just finished the second book last night. I LOVE the books!!!
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:25 pm
Ohhh I don’t know… I think someone was watching the house… their house is in the heart of the ghetto….They are the only white people in the neighborhood.
SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!
July 31st, 2012
1:25 pm
bluz – I’m almost done with the first book. So i’ll probably start the second one tomorrow.
bluzgirl
July 31st, 2012
1:27 pm
Slim…I’m not much of a reader (I have ADD which makes it hard to read), but I’ve been sucked in! I finished the first book in one week and the second in a week and a half. Since I’m stuck home, sick, I’ll start the third book shortly…
Leggs
July 31st, 2012
1:35 pm
Happy, settled, not a perfect man, but he is definitely perfect for me – are you talking about the thuggish drug dealer murderer???
Since you guys are still on 3rdW, I was wondering how long were they seeing each other before she saw the toilet the way she did and why she didn’t take that as a sign? A toilet is one place that should never have black streaks running down its side and it’s water brownish becase the toilet bowl itself is stained. No amount of laziness in the world. Why didn’t you run to the neighbors to use their toilet then sneak out their back door to go home??
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 31st, 2012
1:37 pm
Paranoia is pre-paranormal that will put you in a padded house. You don’t have to be all that, be conscious and alert and the flaws will fall at your feet.
Afternoon Lady’s and Gents:
My cologne Dolce & Gabbana, Burberry, Obsession.
Stinking men don’t know how you put up with that.
SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!
July 31st, 2012
1:38 pm
bluz – I have read many books but i’ve certainly have never read one like this before….so i’m looking forward to the second installment.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 31st, 2012
1:41 pm
Divorce do affect people in different ways, I wouldn’t have never thought stinking would be one of them.
Leggs
July 31st, 2012
1:41 pm
Plus my mom smokes and she just stinks with that. – Here is a classic example of a person offering up excuse after excuse. I’m with everyone else, if you want out of that nasty, infested hell hole, you would leave. With all the nice smelling air freshners on the market will help the smoking a bit more bearable. Smokiness but clean walls, kitchen, bathroom and floors. Alex, I’ll take the clean house with stale smoke for $2,000.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:42 pm
@Leggs It was around dating month two that I saw the toilet. I asked him about it and he said he was depressed because his ex wife use to do the cleaning and if he did it he didn’t have the strength to finish it because he would be sad all over again. I never knew he just liked to live in dirt because after I talked to him about it and helped him clean his bathroom he kept it mostly clean after that. Like I said I ws trying to give him a chance since people told me I set my standards too high and that I would end up alone… plus divorce is hard on some people…He put on a good act… should have gotten an Oscar…
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 31st, 2012
1:44 pm
They got their money worth out of me today, finally finished employee review evaluations. Promoted one deserving young lady, she is so excited she started crying and calling her mom.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:47 pm
@Leggs not if you had breathing problems and the smoke was coming in your room but oh my that is another excuse… What happened to nice fun people on the blog?? Until you are in my situation you can say whatever you like. It’s different when you are actually living in it….
SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!
July 31st, 2012
1:47 pm
Sooooo, what else is going on in the world???
i'm swiss
July 31st, 2012
1:47 pm
“I asked him about it and he said he was depressed because his ex wife use to do the cleaning and if he did it he didn’t have the strength to finish it because he would be sad all over again”
Okay, come on. Now you’re just f__king with us.
“Like I said I ws trying to give him a chance since people told me I set my standards too high and that I would end up alone…”
Well, you’d never have to worry about being alone with this guy, that’s for sure. You’ll always have plenty of bacteria & fungi to keep you company.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 31st, 2012
1:51 pm
3rdWheel: Dear you know what, adversity does make one stronger. In this case you do have a target date in mind so what happens when you get there and you start feeling sorry for dude again.
ThirdWheel
July 31st, 2012
1:51 pm
@Swiss… I can’t make that up…. LOL funny!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
July 31st, 2012
1:57 pm
You gonna deal with a guy who has no strenght? It doesn’t take much strenght to clean a toilet bowl, I can see if you’re talking lifting stuff. A toilet bowl? The only lifting there is the seat, he don’t have enough in him to do that.