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Do you have dating paranoia?

I am unofficially calling dating paranoia a legitimate condition that many singles suffer. It is the unreasonable, unhealthy fear that everyone you meet is a murderer, psycho, or sexually confused individual that is out to get you. Newsflash: There are normal people out there and they usually find a way to find one another.

If you are paranoid about everyone one you meet and date, perhaps the issue is you. I’m just saying. At what point do you decide to trust your own instincts? All of us have made stupid decisions in the selection process of dating, but aren’t we supposed to learn from them?

Have you ever dated someone who just seemed too good to be true? Do you get paranoid that they will turn out to be someone else?

Do you get the sense that sometimes we look for things to be wrong with people to avoid getting too close?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

348 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

July 31st, 2012
6:14 am

If a woman is paranoid about every guy, I just like to know about it sooner than later so I can move right on past her.

Lily

July 31st, 2012
6:31 am

If he’s too good to be true, how am I paranoid? I don’t mind being called that if my “craziness” repels the craziness thats infiltrated dating. I’ll proudly wear paranoia like a banner. :)

oddmanout

July 31st, 2012
7:18 am

Good Morning!!

Do you get the sense that sometimes we look for things to be wrong with people to avoid getting too close?

Ok fine! I will admit it, I do look for things to go wrong. Whether its a clash of interest, if he is too shallow or too fast. Dont get me wrong, Im open to dating all types of guys….well almost all, but if I can detect something off right away then Im gonna be on the defensive. Having said that, I know that its a habit that I must drop or better yet work on.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
8:07 am

In this day and time, I don’t think that’s paranoia; I think that cautiousness. With all of the crazy dating stories you hear or have been through, I think a natural defense is to look for the red flags early in a relationship.

Lily

July 31st, 2012
8:11 am

Diva seems naieve

CoolShadow

July 31st, 2012
8:30 am

If you are paranoid about everyone one you meet and date, perhaps the issue is you.

If you encounter people like that, realize that likely everyone in their eyes is flawed or have shortcomings except the person in their mirror. It’s one thing to endure another’s vetting process but when you have to defend yourself against non-issues and relationship mistakes of their past, evaluation time is definitely in order.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
8:44 am

On the other side of that coin, though, is the girl who waxes philasophic about every man she dates and glosses over all of his shortcomings in the effort to find “Mr. Right”. At that point, they may not even be red flags anymore; they are full blown five alarm fires and she still chooses not to see. I think I would rather be on the paranoid side. IJS…

Ray Charles to the BS

July 31st, 2012
8:50 am

Okay, daymn I guilty. lol Not so much because I’m paranoid, but realistic about that fact that people (including me) bring all there stuff with them. I’m just hoping that it’s stuff I can deal with.

Ray Charles to the BS

July 31st, 2012
8:51 am

OOPS should have been “I’m”.

disco

July 31st, 2012
9:03 am

good morning.

dating paranoia? interesting concept. can’t say that I think every guy is a murderer, psycho or sexually confused though sometimes I do wonder if I might be paranoid about other issues. goodness knows I run into more than my fair share of “homeless”, broke, needy men.

SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!

July 31st, 2012
9:04 am

Good morning Witches!

disco

July 31st, 2012
9:20 am

slim – not that you are bringing back “wiggety wack”. you aren’t wearing any of your clothes backwards are you?

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
9:28 am

goodness knows I run into more than my fair share of “homeless”, broke, needy men.

disco~ that’s called a bum magnet and at some point in her life almost every girl has that. I swear to God, in my 20’s if he had no job, no place to stay and no car he was completely and utterly attracted to me.

SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!

July 31st, 2012
9:32 am

disco – I wouldn’t be shocked if I did…I may just be a weee little bit still buzzed from last night. :lol:

Warm it up Slim!
I’m about to
Warm it up Slim!
Cuz dat’s what I was born to do!

disco

July 31st, 2012
9:34 am

CC – well how does a sister de-magnetize? lol. I am a bum magnet and a single parent father magnet. if there’s a man within a 100 miles trying to raise some kids alone he’ll find me. I am also an old man magnet. just last night an old man (around 65/70) used that “don’t I know you/haven’t we met before” line on me.

slim – you crazy. got me thinking about the mack daddy and the daddy mack.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
9:37 am

well how does a sister de-magnetize?

If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be dealing with criminals all day; I’d be Oprah.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
9:38 am

Slim: Daaaamn! We getting buzzed in the middle of the work week?!? Where dey do that at? Cause I’m trying to be there! LMAO!

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
9:39 am

just last night an old man (around 65/70) used that “don’t I know you/haven’t we met before” line on me.

Don’t know how old you are, but you should have been like “Daddie?!? Is that you? I KNEW you’d come back!” LMAO!

disco

July 31st, 2012
9:45 am

CC – my parents aren’t even that age yet. lol. he was walking around the track and I spoke to him as I jogged by. I didn’t even humor his little comment, just kept on running. I was at a play recently and a guy who looked like he went to school with moses was all up in my face telling me that he was retired (I should certainly hope so!!!) but that he volunteers at such and such place. guess he wanted me to know that he had money and was still active. the friend I was with had a very hard time holding her laugh in. yep. they flock to me.

where is everyone else?

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
9:51 am

Good morning folks!!

On topic: Call it what you want but paranoia will keep you from hiccuping like Bluzy (sorry gal). It’s needed nowadays. Go ahead and believe everything you hear and tell us all about……eventually. A little bit of paranoia in the mix will save a lot of drama, heartache, diseases, regrets. The only folks I’ve seen getting impatient are those where you might need to exercise a bit of paranoia….lol In my experience, normal folks don’t mind and understand not being sure sometimes means a little “extra.”

Off topic: I was a bit bummed yesterday. Our mid-year numbers came out and I fell TWO POINTS, yes TWO POINTS shy of ranking as an “exceed.” The silver lining is this is just mid-year. I have the rest of the year to pull it up. “Exceeds” associates get the big raises and bonuses. I mean, you’ll get a raise and bonus performing at a normal level, but exceeds is where the moneys at.

disco

July 31st, 2012
9:52 am

no worries C. we all know you aren’t normal. lol.

SlimUno - back to reality, wiggety wack!

July 31st, 2012
9:55 am

CC – I’ve been off since last Friday and just came back to work today. So i’ve been in mini-vacay mode. ;-)

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
9:55 am

disco – Trrrust me, I’m not worried…lol My abnormality is all good! :)

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
9:58 am

disco – At least I’m not a bum magnet…all the time. A crazy magnet maybe. I can do you better than the 65 year old pappy hitting on you.

There was the eye candy (that kind of eye candy that I haven’t seen in a looooooooooog time…fine, down to the marrow), that watched me as I walked into the cafe this morning :) All the way in :)

As I was leaving the cafe, a pretty nice looking fellow held the elevator and asked “how did I know you’d be going my way today” He was looking pretty dapper

I can tell you, neither were out of their 30s :) How’s that for crazy? lololol

abc

July 31st, 2012
9:59 am

I think for guys, it’s more like chicks are so nuts it’s not worth the bother. Except for the occasional necessary.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
9:59 am

C~ On the off-topic, mid-year numbers are for exactly what just happened. You know where you are, and you know where you need to be. Therefore, you will rise to the occasion (because you strike me as that kind of person) and by the end of the year you will be where you want to be. JMO…

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
10:01 am

I think for guys, it’s more like chicks are so nuts it’s not worth the bother. Except for the occasional necessary

TRANSLATION: I will put up with her crazy when I want to dip my wick and then act mystified when she goes all Charlie Sheen on me…

abc

July 31st, 2012
10:03 am

Exactly.

By and large, the drama isn’t worth the trouble. Except.

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:04 am

Comon Cents – Awwwww, that was sweet of you to say. I’m trying and I’ve got a bit of humping to do. While the score is cumulative, the biggest weight is how the team score, some of that other crap (i.e. eating out of clients’ butts) is what’s gonna push me over. I’ll get it done but I won’t be eating out of butts…lol

What I found disheartening was how the ballplayer ranked the chick they replaced for me. She fell below. I can guarantee it was how he ranked her. Just a dang shame.

disco

July 31st, 2012
10:07 am

C – you crazy. yeah pops last night was definitely over the hill. the type that would make you think of “old man smells”.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
10:13 am

C~ I don’t know what you do, but I am totally confused by your response. LOL! I read it like 5 times and then gave up. LMAO! But I have no doubt that you’ll pull it out (and without eating out of client’s butts…)

abc~ You can do it that way, and that’s your prerogative, but then don’t act all mystified when she goes psycho. I love how men pretend that they don’t understand that the girls (and yes, they are girls, not women) that they choose to eff with are not stable from the jumpoff because a stable woman wouldn’t let you play her like that. Maybe if you changed the caliber of woman you dealt with, you wouldn’t say all women are nuts. IJS…

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:13 am

disco – Just the fact that he thinks he’s still got it, is bewildering…lol

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:16 am

Comon Cents – What was confusing? I said…The score cumulative, with the biggest weight being my score from my team…overall. My team scores me because my manager is in a different state. The rest of the score comes from “other stuff” that I have to do. I received a great score from the team but “eating out of clients’ butts”, are the things that I know sent others over the top as will be what will send me over the top. The “extras.” I don’t believe in doing “extras”, as I believe in just be good at what you do. I said, I will get the extras but it won’t be by way of butt eating.

How’s that for clarity :)

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:18 am

That’s how most roles are scored that works in a virtual environment. Not just my role.

disco

July 31st, 2012
10:20 am

CC – and you make me think of martin Lawrence with his “crazy, deranged”. you know females are so “unstable creatures”.

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
10:20 am

What I found disheartening was how the ballplayer ranked the chick they replaced for me. She fell below. I can guarantee it was how he ranked her. Just a dang shame.

It was the latter part that confused me. I followed the first part. LOL!

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:24 am

Comon Cents – For you, since you’re so “special”…Of all that she did, again…as the score is cumulative, the ballplayers ranking of her is what pulled her score down overall. That other extra (of eating out of clients’ butts) didn’t matter so much because of his low rating. Crystal enough?

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
10:30 am

I guess it was the “ballplayer” reference that threw me off. Again, since I don’t know what you do for a living, the term was odd to me.

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:35 am

I’m a stripper :)

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:36 am

I KID, I KID :mrgreen:

Long story behind the reference to the ballplayer

Leggs

July 31st, 2012
10:42 am

Good morning.

I don’t immediately look for things to go wrong. What I do look for is a connection and once the connection, chemistry, conversation is on point, why I’m told some of the things I’ve been told. E.g., “you’re too nice and I don’t want to ruin your life,” or “you have what I’m looking for in a woman but I don’t think I’m the right guy for you” (:?: :?: ), or “I enjoy speaking with you let’s go out sometime” never to hear back. Some people really don’t want to date, they just want someone to talk to.

Celisea ~ since Comon is new, she doesn’t know anything about the shennigans of the conceited ballplayer who really doesn’t know how to do his job and has poor personal communicative skills (lol). Umm, guess she knows now (lol).

ThirdWheel

July 31st, 2012
10:47 am

@Disco… he went to school with Moses…. LOLOL I just fell from my chair…. LOLOL

As for being paranoid yes, I am a little bit… I mean I still live with my ex and he spit out a good game and I fell for it. Who knew he was a gambling, non bill paying, non showering man?? I was misled!! Also that new channel on Comcast doesn’t help matters either… The ID Network…. they have shows like Dating stories from heck, I married a mobster, blood lies and alibis, Deadly Women, Scorned love kills, Happily Never After and my personal favorite…. Who the bleep did I marry?? I rest my case… LOL

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:49 am

Leggs – My bad…I think…lol

ThirdWheel – Yep, it’s a business out there. A con business. You better keep the wall halfway up or else, you’ll be a victim over and over again. A con is the biggest salesman of all time.

Into the Light

July 31st, 2012
10:54 am

Morning, all!

Welcome back Slim! You know you’ve got me “jump jump”ing over here, right? :lol:

@disco: Old man smells? Like moth balls, grey flannel, and a little peery? :lol: :lol:

I think there’s a difference between cautious and paranoid. Cautious is good; paranoid will get you a room at Charter Peachford.

Morning, C!! ;)

Celisea

July 31st, 2012
10:55 am

Hey there ITL, I was just about to beckon for you :)

Into the Light

July 31st, 2012
10:55 am

@Third: Non-showering?? Ew, ew, ew… Do you Febreeze him when you get home?

Into the Light

July 31st, 2012
10:56 am

Just got out of a staff meeting. And can I just say that men who whine get on my nerves? Women who whine do, too, but men whining….GTHOHWTM!

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
11:00 am

3rd~ I love ID too! I am addicted! The hubs is always like “Don’t you get enough of that ish at work?!” and I’m like “Hell naw!” LOL!

Comon Cents

July 31st, 2012
11:01 am

And how did you not know he was non-sowering when you first hooked up?!? I always think that would have been the worst thing aboiut living in Medeival times; the lack of bathing. Ewwww….

disco

July 31st, 2012
11:03 am

ITL – re febreze. a friend of mine was sleeping with a guy who was juggling chicks. the other chick steps to my friend about said guy. how come my friend said to the girl “don’t you ever wonder why his sheets smell like febreze”. I was too through.