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Can you unbreak a heart?

I wish there was a way to corral all the bad girls in Atlanta together and make them face the trail of broken hearts they left behind. There are so any wounded men walking around this city. Talk about The Walking Dead – dead inside!

I have heard a lot of horror stories from men who are left bitter, scorned, gun-shy. They tell me they are in no hurry to take a leap of faith on another “pathetic broad” – (That’s right, women often become broads or females post bad breakups).

I have personally had to listen to a man call his ex Satan on our first date. Another, said his ex-wife had no soul. Of course, I sympathize and empathize with broken-hearted men. I have been there before too! I just don’t know if I can handle the challenge of un-breaking a guy’s heart, restoring his faith in women again. It just sounds exhausting! (I’m lazy, I know)

What can you do when you meet someone great but they are not open to anything meaningful because of what the last person did to them? Do you think waiting it out and proving you are different then their ex is a smart move?

Have you ever met someone who is suffering from a heartbreak, yet they want still want to date you and see where it goes?

Did you ever go through a bitter phase? How did you get through it? Did you put dating on the back burner or were you actively seeking a rebound person?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

597 comments Add your comment

disco

July 26th, 2012
12:27 pm

comon – I figured I’d hear that the daughter looks nothing like him. trust me when I say there is always something. it may skip the notice of the common observer but the wife knows her husband. she’ll pick up on little mannerisms that you may not even pick up on. she may laugh just like him, smile just like him, tilt her head just like him. any of a zillion things.

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
12:29 pm

ITL ~ calm down pookie, just joking around.

BF ~ boss man is here today holed up in his junky office. I’m fine with that . Yes, they trip the breakers. BUT, since only a handful of us still seem to have our heaters, I see nothing wrong with pulling it out every so often. My legs are cold and the heat feels good on them.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
12:29 pm

@comon: Never mind. I see your earlier post answered my question. I think you are walking some shaky ground with your future relationship with her by not telling her.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:29 pm

disco~ True. She very well may pick up on someting that I have missed, but that will be his row to hoe; not mine. I suggested to him that he be honest with her BEFORE they said “I do”. I was honest with my now husband before we got married.

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
12:30 pm

Comon ~ I think the letters in the safety deposit box is a good step, but hopefully you won’t need to have her read the letters and you would have told her yourself at some point.

HST

July 26th, 2012
12:31 pm

“I am contemplating terminating his rights. Opinions?”

No way that you can blame the ex for being hurt, which is why I’m assuming he’s giving you crap via social media. You have to expect some backlash from him finding out the child wasn’t his, moreover, your timeline that you typed only leaves the BF now husband to be the only other father. That is an ego crusher, and just very hurtful, especially when he raised her as his child all those years.

I say, deal with him, and his emotions. He obviously wants to be Daddy to his child no matter what, and you shouldn’t take that from him. After all, you not only gave it to him, but in the most traditional sense – a child from marriage. Even though it wasn’t the most conventional, it was your marriage, and you chose to be there.

This is going to take time to heal, and I can only imagine what your daughter is going to think.

You sound very co-dependent, you need professional help. I don’t mean that negatively, but after your statement, it’s clear as day. Everyone has problems, yours are a little unique, but you shouldn’t just run away (taking the child away). I don’t think you’ll grow as a person until you find out why you have co-dependency issues.

Jake...SPJTWB

July 26th, 2012
12:32 pm

I’m sure this has been said, I’ll read back..but, ladies, do not waste your time on a dude who is heartbroken, he soft ass hellz for telling you about “her”. We are like hotels, if the no vacncy light is on, you cannot get a room (in his heart), no matter how much you offer to pay. (no matter how great, sexy, phat azzeded you are).

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
12:32 pm

ITL ~ calm down pookie, just joking around.

@Leggs: and so was I. Sort of. I didn’t comment the other day, but it seems to me if we (all people) are always looking for the things that make us separate and divided, we will never be unified. I’m not saying that people should give up the cultural identities and traditions that make them who they are. But I think that even in 2012 there are a lot of misconceptions about other races – by all sides. It’s disheartening.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:33 pm

ITL~ With everything that is going on, she is seeing a therapist and we are trying to find the best way to tell her that the ex is not her father (since I am seeking to terminate his rights I don’t want her to feel abandoned by someone who has been around her all of her life) but, she is only 5 so I am treading very lightly.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
12:33 pm

Common Cents I had to re-think and say we are in Atlanta and lifestyles like that are on the rise.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
12:36 pm

@Comon: I’m glad you are getting assistance on a professional level. I know this is going to be a tricky situation to navigate, and I wish you the best of luck.

Bluzgirl

July 26th, 2012
12:37 pm

Thanks BF!!! Time heals all wounds. I felt broken hearted for a bit, but have realized that my heart was only a little bruised and it heals more and more each day!

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:38 pm

HST~ Not co-dependent. He is a very volatile personality and my fear is that if she does not know that he is not her father, he will have a disareement with her at 11 or 15 and yell out “I’m not your dad anyway!” He is that type of person. Also, realistically, he KNEW there was a possibility he was not her father or he never would have taken her to be paternity tested. Instead of manning up and asking me (I would have told him the truth) he snuck off to test her. And the BF (now husband) is NOT her father. He and I broke up in 2002 and reconnected in 2011. I dated someone else during the 2005 separation.

disco

July 26th, 2012
12:38 pm

HST – you brought a whole new perspective. I’d tell ex hubs where to go, how to get there, and when to get off.

ITL (again) – I agree with you that some folks tend to seek out differences. there are always going to be differences and there are always going to be similarities. personally, I appreciate open dialogue about both the differences and the similarities. if I can have a little fun with it, that’s all good too. I don’t mean to offend but it happens sometimes just the same.

HST

July 26th, 2012
12:42 pm

IMO, any guy who whines about an ex on a first date, or the first few is not over her, and needs help himself with emotions. I would be embarrassed if I even mentioned another woman while on a date – much less complain. The women I date would put me on the friend list, or do not call if I said anything of the sorts.

I’m surprised at what some put up with in the dating arena.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
12:42 pm

personally, I appreciate open dialogue about both the differences and the similarities. if I can have a little fun with it, that’s all good too.

Agree 110%, disco. I think we run into issues when people can’t differentiate between stereotypes and reality. :)

(again)?? Did you agree with me earlier? Am I 2 for 2? ;)

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
12:43 pm

ITL – Hugs :) We’re just discussing, no offense intended. Still you have to understand if you’re talking among predominately blacks, there’s going to be “that kind of discussion”

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:46 pm

disco, C & ITL~ My issue is not people dating outside of their race, it is when they say they “only” date a certain race or don’t date a certain race that I start giving them the side eye.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
12:47 pm

Comon Cents – I agree, whole heartedly

disco

July 26th, 2012
12:48 pm

CC – (I got tired of typing comon since spell check keeps correcting it) – I think we covered that yesterday or whatever day we had our Wesley snipes segment.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
12:48 pm

HST I gotta say I wouldn’t know how to start a conversation about an ex while out on a date. I wouldn’t say anything negative if at all because the lady I’m with will think if this nut is talking about an ex this way what will he say about me.

Into the Light - White on the Outside, Multicolored on the Inside

July 26th, 2012
12:48 pm

@C: I know, Twink. And I’m not offended. Those conversations just read a little awkward for me, because it’s not clear if people really think that way, or they’re just kidding, or a little of both. :)

Into the Light - White on the Outside, Multicolored on the Inside

July 26th, 2012
12:49 pm

@CC: I agree!!

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
12:50 pm

ITL – :) :) Hugs and kisses and I completely understand from where you’re coming

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
12:50 pm

Cely we got Light wrapped in nothing but love she knows it.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:50 pm

ITL~ If it makes you feel better, I got the rainbow coalition going on over at my house right now. I have a half Philipino, a half Guatemalan, a half white and two blacks. We don’t discriminate! LOL!

HST

July 26th, 2012
12:51 pm

“HST~ Not co-dependent.” ~Yes, you are.

“He is a very volatile personality and my fear is that if she does not know that he is not her father, he will have a disareement with her at 11 or 15 and yell out “I’m not your dad anyway!” He is that type of person.” ~Way too judgmental, and you put that aside yourself, deal with your actions. You let him be the father and he was your husband. If you’re in GA you will lose this legally if he purses, because you let him think he was the father.

“Also, realistically, he KNEW there was a possibility he was not her father or he never would have taken her to be paternity tested. Instead of manning up and asking me (I would have told him the truth) he snuck off to test her.” ~Knowing a possibility is an unknown; if you wanted to be truthful, you would have told him in the beginning.

“And the BF (now husband) is NOT her father. He and I broke up in 2002 and reconnected in 2011. I dated someone else during the 2005 separation.” ~I thought you married the fling, my mistake. Have you told the fling he’s the father? Is he?

Into the Light - White on the Outside, Multicolored on the Inside

July 26th, 2012
12:52 pm

Awwww. Nothing like being wrapped in Zinger Trio love. (ITL getting a little teary now)

This blog really does make my day so much more amusing.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
12:52 pm

Blackfoote – Zingers for like

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
12:53 pm

life not like

disco

July 26th, 2012
12:53 pm

BF – that’s because you aren’t the predator out there seeking gazelles. lol. a gazelle wouldn’t think you were a nut. a gazelle would think your ex didn’t understand you and didn’t deserve you. a gazelle would be trying to be the best gazelle she could be.

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
12:54 pm

I feel like we need a group hug. :lol:

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
12:55 pm

@disco’s 12:53: that is Truth with a capital T.

HST

July 26th, 2012
12:57 pm

Exactly BF, If I hang with someone, and they talk poop about one of our friends whom isn’t around – I feel I can’t trust them. I would think nothing less if a date did the same about an ex.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
12:59 pm

“Yes, you are.” ~ So glad you can deduce that from 3 paragraphs of text. I am a lot of things, but co-dependent is DEFINITELY not one.

“Knowing a possibility is an unknown; if you wanted to be truthful, you would have told him in the beginning.”~ I shortened the story for the sake of space, but to give you some background, before the marriage was “open” we had 8 failed pregnancys together. When they gave us the due date of my daughter, I was pretty sure he could not be her father. I tried to broach the subject several times but he shut me down. During that same period, he told several mutual friends that he did not believe that he was her father but NEVER asked me or spoke to me about it. It is only when he sees that I really don’t want to have anything to do with him other than regarding our child that he pulls the paternity test stunt.

“I thought you married the fling, my mistake. Have you told the fling he’s the father? Is he?”~ See the earlier posts. A. It was not a fling. He was someone I dated and B. He is the father & knows he is the father.

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
1:00 pm

I’m hungry. I wish Ruby Tuesday’s was closer. I could go for one of their salads.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
1:00 pm

LOL……@disco

You have that big country, sophisticated citified world knowledge, gotta like a lady like you.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
1:02 pm

ITL – I’m hungry too. I think I’m going to grab a bit to eat. Not too many choices where I am.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
1:02 pm

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
1:04 pm

There’s a Greek place across the street that’s pretty good. I might do a Greek salad with gryo meat on top.

HST

July 26th, 2012
1:05 pm

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
1:05 pm

ICK on gyros…lol There’s a REALLY nice spot down the street that I frequent on “lunch dates.” I’m heading downstairs.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
1:08 pm

I like the Zaxby’s House Zalad. But we wonder why America is so fat – You can get a cheesburger for a dollar but a salad will cost you $7…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
1:08 pm

I’m still thinking about the steak I mentioned this morning, the bad thing is I ate it last night. Sitting here watching the Chew and they’re grilling chicken I wish I could grab through the tv set.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
1:09 pm

Blackfoote – Are you playing hookie today?

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
1:10 pm

@CC: AND some of the salads are as bad nutritionally, if not worse, than the burgers. It’s sad, really.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
1:11 pm

C~ I thought you were just agreeing today? You better get on those gyros, gurl! LOL!

Into the Light - Zinger to Infinity....and Beyond!

July 26th, 2012
1:12 pm

I’m getting to the point that I only want to eat food I’ve cooked. Between that show “Hoarders” and realizing some of those type people are handling our food, and all the mystery stuff they keep finding in food…. makes me feel yucky.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
1:12 pm

Comon Cents – Yeah, I did say that…lol How about I’m agreeing with her lunch selection? That’s being agreeable…lol

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
1:13 pm

ITL~ I read that some of those Mickey D’s salads are as fattening as a Big Mac! Although, if you load a cheesburger on top of some lettuce IDK why you’re surprised when it’s more fattening. **shrugs** Oh well! Thank you God Jesus I don’t have a weight problem… I think I’m having wings for lunch.