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Can you unbreak a heart?

I wish there was a way to corral all the bad girls in Atlanta together and make them face the trail of broken hearts they left behind. There are so any wounded men walking around this city. Talk about The Walking Dead – dead inside!

I have heard a lot of horror stories from men who are left bitter, scorned, gun-shy. They tell me they are in no hurry to take a leap of faith on another “pathetic broad” – (That’s right, women often become broads or females post bad breakups).

I have personally had to listen to a man call his ex Satan on our first date. Another, said his ex-wife had no soul. Of course, I sympathize and empathize with broken-hearted men. I have been there before too! I just don’t know if I can handle the challenge of un-breaking a guy’s heart, restoring his faith in women again. It just sounds exhausting! (I’m lazy, I know)

What can you do when you meet someone great but they are not open to anything meaningful because of what the last person did to them? Do you think waiting it out and proving you are different then their ex is a smart move?

Have you ever met someone who is suffering from a heartbreak, yet they want still want to date you and see where it goes?

Did you ever go through a bitter phase? How did you get through it? Did you put dating on the back burner or were you actively seeking a rebound person?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

597 comments Add your comment

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
10:16 am

But couldn’t we turn that question around? Any time a relationship fails there is definitely enough blame to go around on all sides.

disco

July 26th, 2012
10:18 am

BF – re the parenting trend. I’ve joked that I come from a long line of teen parents. while there is the obvious downside one of the pluses is that we grew up with tons of grandparents, great grandparents, great great grandparents. some of my friends never experienced any grandparents at all. my grandfather is 80 years old and only just lost his mother a few years ago. on both sides of my family we go five generations strong.

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:20 am

BF – I think they were discussing young grandparents and great grandparents on the Bert Show this morning. They had folks calling in trying to top the youngest grandparents from the previous caller.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
10:21 am

I used to work for the state and I had a 23 year old grandmother on my caseload. She had a baby at 11 and her baby brought her a baby at 12. I think the grandmother was only in her 30’s. Sad state of affairs…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:22 am

Chicken franks? Where do they sell them at? The steak sounds delicious over a fire grill, but it have to be surrounded with some scallops or a rock lobster. If the staek is right no sauce needed, now I’m thinking about the bone-in rib eye I had for dinner. I had breakfast this morning, talking steak done brought my appetite back.

Robert

July 26th, 2012
10:22 am

“What can you do when you meet someone great but they are not open to anything meaningful because of what the last person did to them?”

When we are young and we experience these feelings for the first time we struggle to understand why this happening to me. As we get older we should look at ourselfs rather than what someone else did. For example I always ask myself;
1. What is wrong with me for allowing anyone to treat me bad?
2. Why do I attract the wrong kinds of women (bad girls, etc.)?
3. Why did I not see the signs – “hand writing on the wall”

Some people are prone to repeat the same mistakes and struggle with new relationships because they can not “forgive” in their heart & mind and forget about the past and thus lack “trust” which is a key ingredient in a new relationship. Getting over past relationships should make you stronger, wiser and better.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
10:22 am

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:23 am

I think there is a story out of a 10 year old that just had a baby recently. Now that’s just plain crazy…

Lets see, My niece is 3yrs old, my sister is six years younger than me at 28, I’m 34, my mother is 51 and my grandmother is 74. My mom had me she was 16 turning 17. So far, I don’t have any kids ;-)

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
10:23 am

ITL- Right?!? Sadly, we had both the “mother” and the baby in care at the same time… SMDH

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
10:24 am

BF: I am SO with you on the no sauce needed. You’re making me hungry for some surf and turf. I love scallops. Lobster, too. And skrimps.

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:26 am

“Any time a relationship fails there is definitely enough blame to go around on all sides.” – Not necessarily. Some times, it’s the guy being a manhore, she a skank, he has a double life unbeknownst to the wife, she’s a call gal at night…a host of things can go wrong where the blame can easily rest on one person’s shoulders.

Celisea

July 26th, 2012
10:26 am

Some people are prone to repeat the same mistakes and struggle with new relationships because they can not “forgive” in their heart & mind and forget about the past and thus lack “trust” which is a key ingredient in a new relationship. Getting over past relationships should make you stronger, wiser and better.

Robert, I agree

disco

July 26th, 2012
10:27 am

I’ve said before “old enough to bleed, old enough to breed”.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:28 am

What the heck a 23 year old grandma.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:30 am

LOL……@disco

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:30 am

BR & ITL – Well since you two are talking lobster tails and steak, I’m sure you’d be disappointed to read this story about a 17lb lobster lol

http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/man-frees-17-pound-1484327.html?cxntlid=thbz_hm

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:34 am

I know a guy and this dude was serious when he said this, from 18 to 79 he would take them on. He was about 48.

disco

July 26th, 2012
10:34 am

BF – it’s funny but it’s real. I think a lot of people forget that. they recognize that little girls are having periods, some as early as 8 or 9 years old. we all know some little girls that are bigger at 8 or 9 than some grown women. people still tend to think “oh, they are just kids”. they don’t think that with periods come “certain feelings”. throw in innocent little games of house or doctor and opportunistic predatory friends/family members/neighbors and things can and do happen.

D Dub of the ATL (back to his roots)

July 26th, 2012
10:36 am

Disco… to say someone is doomed is a bit harsh, but it is usually self-inflicted as well. I guess I should add another caveat in the mix that he must be willing to allow that exceptional woman into his life. Time may be the catalyst to let that happen sometimes, but at the end of the day you must let go of the past to be able to get to your future. Few people can do that on their own – I certainly needed that push.

Celisea

July 26th, 2012
10:37 am

No man is worth your tears. And when you find the one who is, he will never make you cry.
Unknown

When a love comes to an end, weaklings cry, efficient ones instantly find another love, and the wise already have one in reserve.
Oscar Wilde

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can” live without but have to let go.
Unknown

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as I lived.
Margaret Mitchell

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.
Javan

There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go.
Tennessee Williams

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:38 am

Slim1, Larry the lobster would have been on a oversized plate. 17lbs. of lobster would last almost a week.

kimmie

July 26th, 2012
10:38 am

Morning Gang!!

Hey 3rd, didn’t you tell us you were on a path to getting fit and healthy? Concentrate on that! It’s something about losing weight and getting fine that just does WONDERS for the self-esteem! Yours will go thru the roof. Trust me on that. In the meantime, God will help you find a way to be able to physically separate from your ex that’s living with you. It’s probably better to put dating on the back burner awhile until you get in a better place physically and emotionally. You will attract a better caliber of men. Your positive spirit will be infectious!!

disco – Love your post!!! Most of that broken-hearted man mess is all game, if you ask me. I’m not saying men can’t be hurt, but going around beyotching about it to anyone that will listen – miss me with that!

On topic – It is entirely too exhausting to try to deal with a bitter person. I’ve found men especially tend to hold onto that bitterness for a very long time. Oh sure, alot will jump on out there quickly and sleep around, but that doesn’t mean they have truly dealt with the hurt. Some will even marry someone else, but deep down, still isn’t dealt with. Plus, too many times I’ve seen these very dudes GO BACK to the very chick they claimed caused them so much grief. They liked that mess all along or they wouldn’t have hung around and taken it! It’s a thin line between love and hate, they say!(another song title). So do yourself a favor and if you come across a dude like that – RUN! He’ll probably go back to her real soon anyway!

(you probably can tell I may have some experience with this. yep I have and it wasn’t pretty!)

Sassy Me...The blacker the berry... :-)

July 26th, 2012
10:40 am

I love scallops. Lobster, too. And skrimps.

I sooo cosign on that!! Speaking of seafood did you see the way Benzino cooked for his date on Love n Hip Hop Atl?(yeah I watched it)…dude had skills.

On topic: It’s already been very eloquently well stated that you can’t “unbreak” someone’s heart…that’s something they have to do for themselves. You can be supportive to a point but after a while it may feel like therapy. I think after a break up the person would need to take time and: 1. Reflect on what happened and accept ownership,if any, then 2. Heal yourself and your soul cause going through a breakup can be a grieving process of sorts and lastly 3. Just chill out, do you and don’t rush into another relationship until you’re READY. Unfortunately some people think the best way to get over someone is be getting on or under someone else but that’s a fleeting, short lived moment that only leads to more of what they were trying to escape in the first place.

Celisea

July 26th, 2012
10:41 am

When a love comes to an end, weaklings cry, efficient ones instantly find another love, and the wise already have one in reserve.
Oscar Wilde

Meant to take this one out…I copied the page

D Dub of the ATL (back to his roots)

July 26th, 2012
10:42 am

Celisea – time has helped me get over it, so I think my tone and outlook has changed significantly.

SlimUno – we are still friends, but realized that we were at different points in our life and she lives in the city with Grimace – I needed to be closer to my family (I have a 18-month old nephew) and her moving here wasn’t an option with her family being there.

Leggs – Thanks!

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:43 am

Dang, just got busted coming out the closet with my space heater. Oh well, write me up because I’m cold. Walked to my desk with him following behind me. I plugged it up anyway, listened to his spiel , nodded, then he walked away because he knew I wasn’t really trying to hear what he was say.

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:44 am

3rd Wheel – You are too young to be chanting the ‘you’re probably just meant alone mantra’…in the words of Cuba Gooding Jr in that movie RADIO….”Doooon’t quit! Dooooon’t quit!” lol

kimmie

July 26th, 2012
10:47 am

3rd – I agree with Slim – you’re too young for all that. Eff those dudes. Don’t give them the power to break your spirit!

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
10:48 am

“Not necessarily. Some times, it’s the guy being a manhore, she a skank, he has a double life unbeknownst to the wife, she’s a call gal at night…a host of things can go wrong where the blame can easily rest on one person’s shoulders.”

1. If he was a manwhore/she was a skank, s/he didn’t get that way overnight. Know who you are involved with. If you choose to say in the face of evidence that he’s a cheater that’s your own blame. You can’t fix stupid either.

2. No one is perfect. Even if you love you SO dearly, there are those traits that make you want to strangle them almost daily. The trick is not to find someone perfect; it’s to find someone as messed up as you so that they can deal with your shortcomings and you can deal with theirs.

Celisea

July 26th, 2012
10:48 am

Ut oh, Chad Ochocinco is doing the Wesley Snipes…just listening to the radio

Celisea

July 26th, 2012
10:49 am

I agree with the DJ…go for what you know and want, but don’t assisinate the character of black women….overall

compliments of V103

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:49 am

Leggs – I have my space heater plugged up, Live and in action! Hace frio!

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
10:50 am

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
10:51 am

No one is perfect. Even if you love you SO dearly, there are those traits that make you want to strangle them almost daily. The trick is not to find someone perfect; it’s to find someone as messed up as you so that they can deal with your shortcomings and you can deal with theirs.

Agreed

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:52 am

What the, Leggs it’s almost a hundred degrees outside and you’re cold. Here you can have a heated blanket to keep you warm until I arrive.

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:52 am

Comon ~ you’re right, no one is perfect. Simply going on your statement that the demise of a relationship is usually both parties fault. Not always.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
10:52 am

ITL – Love you twin twink. Turn your frown upside down :)

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:53 am

Oh yes, snatching that heated blanket…thank you!

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:54 am

kimmie/3rd – I was talking to an older lady just yesterday. She said she has a friend who is 62yrs old. She has never been married, nor has had any kids. She lives alone and has no idea what to do with her money. Anyway, she said she knows that God has a husband for her and she is waiting but until then, she’ll shop, travel or whatever until they meet. Now that’s faith for yo azz!

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:54 am

Not directed entirely at you BF, but why do people say “it’s 100 degrees outside and you’re complaining about being cold?” Yep – my desk isn’t outside…..

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 26th, 2012
10:56 am

Cely wasn’t Ochocinco involved with the gal on DWS?

SlimUno

July 26th, 2012
10:58 am

Cel – I was on another station, so what exactly did Ocho say?

kimmie

July 26th, 2012
10:58 am

Slim – Go on with her bad 62 self!!

Leggs

July 26th, 2012
10:59 am

BF ~ he supposedly had a brief affair with his dance partner..very brief.

kimmie

July 26th, 2012
11:02 am

Cel – Chad & Evelyn just got married & he’s going back to his birth name of Chad Johnson. He just got picked up by the Miami Dolphins. Life seems to be going good for him. I didn’t hear the radio spot, but why the putdowns?

He just seems to have a stank attitude anyway when I’ve seen him on BBW.

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
11:03 am

Blackfoote – Not sure

Slim – They said on his twitter page he asked for thoughts surrounding interracial marriages. That he went latino because with black women you can’t win….something like that. I logged into twitter to see if I could see it…couldn’t. Pretty much the same thing as others that feel that way. On the radio, they’re saying he’s had his comeuppance and pretty much adopted the same drab attitude. She asked where were the latinos when he was broke??? She was also asking how he could feel that way when his daughters are black? Overall, the same we said the other day….if you’re experience was a bad one with a black women, fine we won’t discount. Just because though, don’t assisinate the entire race of black women with blanket statements and a dumb point of view.

Into the Light

July 26th, 2012
11:03 am

Awwww, thanks, C! :)

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
11:04 am

Kimmie – I just read that on his Twitter page. I didn’t realize they were married. They said when he did his reality show, he asked the producers to limit the number of black contestants. I watched a bit of it when it aired but stopped because I got the same vibe….stank attitude.

Comon Cents

July 26th, 2012
11:05 am

Leggs ~ Didn’t he just change his name because he got married and didn’t want the new wifey to have to drag OchoCinco around? Ain’t that some ish!?! Marry you and THEN disclose he was sleeping with his dance partner. SMDH…

Celisea....just agreeing today :)

July 26th, 2012
11:05 am

ITL – I’ve played too much this week, I’m playing catch up. Just wanted to send some rays your way :)