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Trust your ex around your next?

I am stumped on this latest dating misadventure. I am lucky enough not to have experienced this one:

One of our readers is slightly freaking out since her ex ?? (um ex-fling/hook up/random guy to past the time with just befriended her new man. At this point, she is unsure if it was deliberate or if they simply met each other through friends innocently. To make matters worse, he has a little dirt on her. Just enough to make the new man’s opinion of her change. (She won’t say what it is, specifically but my imagination is working overtime).

I can say that if an ex of mine met my new beau, I’d probably freak out a little bit too. I just don’t know what my exes could say or do to wreck things. Why would the want to?

What would you do if your ex and your new mate became buddies or BFFs. Would you worry about what would be revealed about you?

Is this good reason to have full disclosures in a new relationship. That way, you won’t worry about something coming out before you want it to?

Have you ever met an ex partner of your significant other?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

409 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

July 25th, 2012
5:52 am

If ur ex befriends your current and u think some dirt will come out,go All Out on offense..be proactive…say dirt about him or her to your current ahead of time.
That way when he/she starts heating stuff about you from him/her,the truth is now clouded and in a knot. Lol

Don’t wait there there like a sitting duck for people to try to define you. Define them before they define you!

That’s gangsta!

(beating Lily is now a routine)

Exiled!

July 25th, 2012
5:52 am

oddmanout

July 25th, 2012
7:14 am

LOL!! I love this one!! The only problem that I might have, if this was to happen, is when the two of them start to compare stories/activities amongst themselves. I try to do diffent things with other guys, cant do the same thing twice and expect different outcome from it. #IJS

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
7:39 am

If I’m an ex, I have no interest telling the new guy anything concerning a relationship with an ex girl friend.

Good Morning:

SlimUno

July 25th, 2012
8:05 am

Good morning and RIP Mr. Jefferson (Sherman Hemsley)

Ray Charles to the BS

July 25th, 2012
8:19 am

Lol, when I met my ex’s, ex wife, we got a long so well that after meeting her and spending time with her and their kids( she is doing a great job with the kids too) I knew it was his arse that he had been the real a/hole. He talked about her like a dog, but it was mos definitly him!

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
8:44 am

Well, I have to be frank….

First off, never do something that could possibly haunt you and if you do, never be ashamed. If it’s something you decided to do sans the new man or woman, it was your choice and decision to make. You’re an adult, that’s a priviledge that comes with :) IF by chance something transpired, say you aren’t ashamed of and someone wants to shake salt on your new thing, then I’m looking at your new person with a side-eye because it was prior to your connection with him or her.

As said all the time on here, everyone has a past. If you can’t look past that then too bad so sad for you. If you like that person and want to give it a go, you have to be open enough to not be affected by their past (I know…I’m having an out of body experience right about now…lol). Seriously, if your new person can’t detect or discern someone is trying to shake salt on y’alls new thing then maybe they aren’t the one for you.

Oh…morning lovelies!

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
8:46 am

Oh…I forgot this piece…

You owe no one full disclosure. You’re a dummy to “splain” stuff that had nothing or no connection to the new person. Now, if it’s stuff you doing while with new person, then um yeah…that’s different.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
8:47 am

And if you’re THAT afraid, stop being Ms or Mr Freak of the Week…lolol

Ray Charles to the BS

July 25th, 2012
8:52 am

@Celisea- lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
8:55 am

Cracking me up already Cely, thanks I need that.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:00 am

Ray Charles – You see me?? LOLOL How are you?

Blackfoote – Heeey there big blog bro? What’s crackalackin?

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning.

ex – your move isn’t gangsta. it’s junior high school “mean girl”.

C – I lean much more toward your approach. I owe no one any explanation for my behavior. quite frankly if new man is willing to sit back and listen to ex then that’s between the two of them. if ex feels better about himself for slinging dirt he can sling on. no matter what he says about me he knows at one point he still wanted me and probably still does since he can’t seem to get me off his mind.

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:06 am

Morning, all!

Heeey, BBB (blog big bro). What’s for breakfast?

Nothing to say on topic (surprise, surprise….bring on the Romper Room comments!).

RIP Sherman Hemsley; we’ll miss you now that you;ve moved on up to the deluxe apartment in the sky

Ray Charles to the BS

July 25th, 2012
9:08 am

@Celisea- Your light is so bright I can see you from ova here! lol I’m good!

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:09 am

disco – My sentiments exactly

ITL – You rolled in this morning and didn’t speak? To me, your twin twink? SHAME ON YOU!! :)

Ray Charles to the BS

July 25th, 2012
9:11 am

@ Light- everyone should know by now that the slinging of dirt is clearly a sign of scorn and scorn never comes from a trusted source.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:11 am

Ray Charles – :) :) Awww, that was sweet. That added to my already good mood. In a good mood for no reason…lol Didn’t get laid last night, I have the same amount of money I had yesterday (except 2.52), no good news of any sort….just in a grand ole mood :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
9:13 am

Morning Lady’s:

The breakfast buffet and bar is open, ya’ll help yourself.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:14 am

Blackfoote – Thanks but no thanks. I’m going light today. I have a small cup of grapes and cheese (2.52) :) No buffet for me today…way too heavy

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:15 am

BF – I know you mean well but that’s not funny. I would tear up a breakfast buffet right about now. folks might be looking at me like “you can’t take some folks anywhere”.

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:17 am

Sorry, C, my bad. My stomach got ahead of my manners and me wondering what BF was cooking us for breakfast! :)

MORNING, TWINK!

@Ray: I have no idea why you addressed that to me, but um, okay.

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:18 am

C – nothing wrong with a good mood. the other day I was in a bad mood (for no apparent reason) and was attempting to explain it to my brother. he summed it up by saying that I was mad and had the nerve to be mad because I was mad.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:18 am

We’re going to miss Sherman Hemsley. I about as fond of The Jeffersons as I am Good Times :) :) My two most favorite syndicated sitcoms. I can watch them over and over and over. When I’m at my mom’s on holidays and I have it on the tube, my sister is having a caniption. Of course they have a gazillion tvs in that house…lol My mama, bless her heart is cool watching whatever I like. She laughs just as hard as I do…all over again. My sister is like, of all the movies on cable you’re watching Good Times and The Jeffersons.

George brought the madness and was NOT afraid to do so :)

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:19 am

disco – It happens that way. I could very well be walking in b!tchdom tomorrow…lol

ITL – Morning!!

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:19 am

I was mad and had the nerve to be mad because I was mad.

Some days be like that….. :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
9:20 am

LOL……@disco you have a interesting family I can relate to.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:21 am

Some days be like that….

Yeah, when Aunt Flow comes to visit…she brings it all out of me. The headaches, the bad mood…all of it. Oh and will make you horny as ever KNOWING nothing you can do about it….in that moment

Sorry, went off the deep end there for a sec :)

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:21 am

I thought about y’all last night when I was watching Good Times. It was the one where the little boy on Florida’s bus has a hearing problem, but everyone thinks he’s slow. Well, everyone except Perfect Ms. Florida, who figures it out and proceeds to tell his mom.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:22 am

can’t do nothing about it

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:22 am

can’t do nothing about it

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:26 am

ITL – You know Flo was the matriach and was right all the dang time…lol

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:29 am

ALL the time. And had her nose in everybody’s business. It’s a wonder nobody ever caught her down in the laundry room and gave her a beatdown. ;)

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:33 am

BF – interesting is a nice way of putting it. lol.

C – I watch the jeffersons on tv one before leaving home each morning. I already mentioned I’ve got good times on dvd. been meaning to get jeffersons but haven’t got around to it yet.

as for me and my janky moods I recall once waking up in the morning literally having an attitude because the birds outside my window were singing to loud. attitudes/moods are most definitely unpredictable.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
9:33 am

LOL

Do y’all remember episodes where Flo and Maude would get into it.

QueenZee

July 25th, 2012
9:34 am

If my ex and my new mate became buddies or BFFs, it won’t stress me at all. Even though I won’t like the idea, I still wont border, I am confidence that my new beau will only listen to my words not the words of a broken heart or a possible hater. my ex can say or do whatever he wants, I am a woman who knows what she want and what she can keep, lol….and my ex is not one of the things I want to keep…lmao…u feel me????

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:34 am

Twink, you okay today??

Yeah, Wilona should have done it….lol It’s a wonder James, with his bad temper (and nostrils flared), didn’t smack her. He was around there smashing (not breaking) the one or two chairs they had…lol Hit Flo and keep the chairs…I’M KIDDING I’M KIDDING. Celisea does NOT advocate violence. Domestic violence at that.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:36 am

Blackfoote – I do. Remember when James would pick her up? They called him Henry on Maude.

disco – Not the little birdies….lol Po thangs, what ever did they do?

Single and Happy 3 shades darker :-)

July 25th, 2012
9:37 am

Morning

What are we still in Jr high? If my SO wants to listen to what my ex says, they will have a lot of time to do it because they will both be ex’s.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 25th, 2012
9:38 am

Those episodes were on the Maude show before Flo went on to do Good Times.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:39 am

Speaking of BFFS….I was sitting next to my nosey, greedy, cheep aunt that was all crack on behind her back (sorry..that’s mean) after church service had ended. Why oh why was my brother texting me…lol First he was like “y’all sho is sitting mighty close and tight”, then he sends a text that said “BFFs for life” I was caracking up because I was trying to read AND SO WAS SHE…lol She was peeking over in my hand. When I looked across the church, he crossed his fingers to indicate that we were tight. I was laughing sooo hard and so was he and some of the other deacons sitting with him. She was the only one looking dazed and confused and wondering about the joke…that she knew nothing about

That was mean but my brother cuts up like that.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:40 am

that we all crack on behind her back…we as in the entire family

Into the Light

July 25th, 2012
9:46 am

@C: Yeah, Twink, I’m fine. Busy, but good. :)

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:46 am

It’s been kind of nice the last couple of weeks around here… Last week I was gone, no meetings, no calls…nothing. The week before, everybody was out, gone, no meetings, no huddles..nothing

I have a 10:30 in the cute white guy’s office in which I’m dreading…ugh

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:47 am

ITL – Okay…just making sure you’re okay :)

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:47 am

C – since you are talking BFFs I have to get in a pet peeve. I hate the word “frenemy”. I hate when people use it. I hate that people embrace it. I will not call a person my friend and my enemy. you are either for me or against me. all that friends close, enemies closer stuff is for the birds as far as I’m concerned. frenemy is nothing but phoney. who has time?

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:48 am

disco – Really. I like the word frenemy. It means you got a faker on your hands!!! They’re pretending to be a friend and holding the knife.

Celisea

July 25th, 2012
9:51 am

Lord, we’ve veered away from the topic…lol Anybody want to speak..on topic? I’m going to hush now :)

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:53 am

C – I can accept a faker, they exist. I don’t see the point in pretending to be friends with said faker. just not my style. to quote you (I think it’s you, I could be mistaken), I’m not down for all that shucking and jiving, skinning and grinning. get out of my face with the phoney.

disco

July 25th, 2012
9:54 am

C – we are on topic. the ex that’s running off at the mouth is a frenemy. lol.