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Dating attraction: Variety is the spice?

I did a quick mental scan of my exes and former beaus and you want to know what I realized? They are NOTHING alike. They vary in looks, income, background, race – you name it, they differ. While I always believed I had a type, the reality is who I am attracted to and who I end up dating are remarkably dissimilar.

I believe that attraction is the inexplicable, totally random, sometimes downright confusing part of dating. It jams us up and leads us astray but it also adds excitement and thrill. Talk about a double edged sword!

Do you think is smart to date a wide variety of people? Do you prefer to stick to the same type of person because that seems to work out better? You know that saying, variety is the spice of life – does that mean dating the same type over and over gets boring?

Have you ever thought of what would happen if you dated someone totally opposite to what you are normally drawn to? What do you think would happen?

How similar are your exes? How do they differ?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

313 comments Add your comment

oddmanout

July 24th, 2012
6:50 am

Good Morning,
Whenever I do step out into the ugly world of dating, I try to go for a guy thats different from the last. Gotta have variety in order to grow.

Lily

July 24th, 2012
6:51 am

My preference and my history of dates are similar. Pretty vanilla of me (lol)

A Belle with Wisdom

July 24th, 2012
7:52 am

I find that most people have a type(that they really like) and then there is you… lol .. No, seriously if you pay attention to what they smile at, coo at or talk about you will realize what it is and if its drastically different from you….they will always be looking at that and not you!

Ummmmmmm

July 24th, 2012
8:04 am

Exiled!

July 24th, 2012
8:04 am

When you look at your exes beaus etc….variety?? :lol:

When her number is high,a woman is going to couch the discussion in such a way that she masks and sanitizes the high number trying to make it into a positive.

So now,it’s not a High number anymore Diva is starring at.

She dated a Variety of guys,to spice up her life!

Classic!

Single and Happy 3 shades darker :-)

July 24th, 2012
8:38 am

Morning, hmm this is a good one (lol) If you do the same things you get the same results.
If you date the same type of person you get the same type of results!!

Exile is there something wrong with a woman dating alot of guys?

Single and Happy 3 shades darker :-)

July 24th, 2012
8:40 am

Enter your comments here

HST

July 24th, 2012
9:06 am

I seem to like the business women – I love a well dressed woman – and college is a must. I really only date women who fit that structure – I need a truly independent woman.

In response to A Belle With Wisdom, my last LTR seemed to like guys with tattoos and piercings – I am the direct opposite of that guy.

disco

July 24th, 2012
9:08 am

good morning. i’ve definitely got some variety under my belt. I’ve dated hood type criminal/thug/drug dealers. I’ve dated jocks (well one jock). I’ve dated the intellectual professional type and the blue collar manual labor guy. I’ve dated the sugar daddy. of course, most of this dating was before I was serious about looking for or wanting anything. it was to pass the time, to have some fun, to get good gifts. when you decide in your mind to get serious the pool dries up considerably or at least it did for me.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
9:12 am

Good morning lovelies,

On topic:
Variety is the spice eh? Well, I say the spice is what you like and enjoy. I don’t necessarily agree that you have to shake it up and mix it up to get spicey. Going with what I like is the spice…for me :)

Off topic:
I was re-reading yesterday’s posts (not this morning), and said swanky neighborhood in rural areas…I mean urban areas. I think we were talking about folks in the suburbs getting shocked over crime making it’s way beyond the city.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
9:14 am

My “type” has pretty much all been the same, to my recollection…lol with the exception of one bum…the kid’s dad. Everyone else pretty much mirrored.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
9:15 am

I cannot do short dudes….cannot No matter the race, religion, size (well that depends). No short dudes…lol

HST

July 24th, 2012
9:40 am

“with the exception of one bum…the kid’s dad.” too funny. I have many GFs who say the same thing, or that’s what made them more selective now.

Off topic, Yesterday I read some of the comments about safety. There’s a reason GA has such liberal gun laws, moreover, laws that support using guns appropriately. I don’t think guns are an end all to safety, but it’s really the best start aside from situation awareness.

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
9:42 am

Good morning,

Could it be that at different points in your life, you are very well be attracted to different things? Surely what I thought I liked in high school is vastly different that what I’d say I want or look for now. In my whole dating life, I can say that I’ve only had a crush on one ‘bad boy’. I’m glad I got over that pretty quick….But it did help that my ex best friend ended up helping herself to him 1st (behind my back) lol

disco

July 24th, 2012
10:07 am

Geez louise. where is everyone?

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
10:12 am

disco – For a second I thought I might need to pop a peppermint in my mouth or something. Everyone dipped after my post.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 24th, 2012
10:13 am

Physical variety is easy…

I always tried to challenge myself and see how I got along with different personality types.

That was the variety I was after.

sometimes it went well and sometimes it didn’t. But dealing with variations on a theme (personality) was what interested me.

disco

July 24th, 2012
10:19 am

slim – breath that chases folks off the blog is some bad breath indeed. lol.

dan – good point re physical variety and personality variety. i’d like to say that I’m probably more willing to try different personalities than body types because I’m kind of shallow and have a body type preference (or at least a range) but the reality is probably the opposite. I find that I definitely do better with a certain personality type.

abc

July 24th, 2012
10:32 am

I’m usually attracted to the same physical types: long dark hair, round but not fat, above average intelligence (far above average). There’s been only one blonde, only a couple that were fat. Don’t like dumb chicks at all, no matter what they look like.

That said, does it matter? Not to me so much. Smart is most important to me.

Robert

July 24th, 2012
10:48 am

“Do you think is smart to date a wide variety of people?”

As a Black Man I prefer to date “Black Women” only. In my opinion “Black Women” are the most beautiful women in the whole world. In ATL you will never see a White guy dating a ugly Black Woman but you can see plenty of Black guys dating ugly, fat White Women. That is a fact. No dis-respect intended.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
10:48 am

Still on topic:

I’ve never been one that’s stuck on looks. Even so, I’ve attracted some pretty nice looking dudes. What I find odd is the fact that, although nice looking, it was never their looks that got me. What usually seals the deal for me is a man that “gets” me and like me. There are some that don’t (get me)…lol So, when I speak of a commonality among the men I’ve dated, it’s more so along those lines. I can’t help it if they’ve all been similiar :)

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
10:53 am

I can’t though discount looks altogether because it does register somewhere with me. Just thought I’d put that out there.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
10:56 am

Robert – My sister said the same thing while we were on vacay…lol We were looking at a pretty handsome couple at Sea World. He was white she was black, she looked about 40ish, he looked a bit older. They had the CUTEST baby around 2ish.

I hope that’s not offensive to anyone. It was just a comment and obvservation she’d made. I will say in joking around with my sister and watching that couple, I told her I’m getting me one of those. I’m seeing the trend more and more. Black women and white men

disco

July 24th, 2012
10:57 am

I’ve definitely got a higher tolerance for ugly. I’m far more hung up on the body than the face. heck, y’all hear me (and a few others) on here going on and on about ving rhames all the time. nothing about that man is handsome but he’s sexy as heck to me.

Ummmmmmm

July 24th, 2012
11:01 am

http://youtu.be/eS-y2R9cmnQ
Daymn Shame, but I so understand this, why must he be so daymn good?

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:01 am

disco – I could be way off here, but I’d guess that men versus women, women would have the higher tolerance for the not so cute. I could be wrong. IMO and experience, you’d much rather have a man of character and a stand-up dude compared to a dude that’s too pretty. Too pretty to care, too pretty for you, so pretty that it’s their world, so pretty their mess don’t stink. NO CAN DO. I think men have the edge when it comes to beauty and tolerating dumb as a box of rocks.

I could be wrong though.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:02 am

disco – Of course I understand you’re comparing handsome versus fine…lol

disco

July 24th, 2012
11:05 am

i agree C. guys are definitely more into the arm candy than we are and I don’t think we as women mind being the arm candy. we want fine men but we don’t want them finer than we are (at least I don’t). guess it’s a win win. still there’s a lot of ugly/sexy out there. I remember really having a thing for busta rhymes once upon a time. I remember thinking me and trevor could make it happen. lol.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:08 am

disco – I’m with you. I’ll pass on a dude finer than me or THINKING he’s finer than me.

Ummmmm – I’m watching the video on my phone. Where are you in this? Mr. Wrong or the chick that keeps falling for Mr. Wrong?

abc

July 24th, 2012
11:11 am

“you can see plenty of Black guys dating ugly, fat White Women”

True that. Wonder why that is.

Back in the day I had a few that weren’t that pretty, but as grandpa used to say, there’s something good about all of them. Although, gramps, I have to disagree: sometimes the goodness is difficult to discern.

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
11:14 am

Cel – My sister is now dating an older white guy. Her ex was a black dude but her daughter’s father is also white.

disco

July 24th, 2012
11:15 am

way back in the day I did have a little something with a guy that I’ll admit was finer than me. a Puerto Rican guy. as far as I was concerned he was finer than a lot of people and I wasn’t alone in my thinking. it seemed like everybody was sweating him. even after I moved away from home, years later friends would tell me that they saw him in a grocery store or at the gas station and every conversation included how fine he was. it’s been a good 20 years and there’s still the occasional sighting. he was some kind of special. mmmm.

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
11:15 am

The one bad boy I dated was not in the cute category…maybe it was his energy aka swag that I was attracted to.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:16 am

Slim – This might seem like a crazy question but was it intentional or did it just happen?

Every trip I make to Publix, I see a black/white couple. Her being black and him being white. It’s either something that’s been going on and I’m just now noticing or it’s something that’s on the rise.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:17 am

disco – I bet!!!

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:20 am

Seriously, I think white men are just getting the balls to do what they’ve desired to do. Taste the dark meat…lol

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:20 am

Let me fix that. We know they’ve been eating the dark meat…secretly. I’m talking about being out with it.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 24th, 2012
11:22 am

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against inter (or extra) racial dating, for myself or anyone else.

My thing is, be with the person because you like *the person*, not because you’re ‘curious’. Although, I’ve had (been) my share of curiosity for some people….

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:23 am

Dan – Can’t you be attracted and curious at the same time? No?

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:24 am

I would guess a good number of black men have had their share of interracial dating/experience. I would say I’m sure some were just attracted but I would guess many did it because they wondered what it would be like. No?

disco

July 24th, 2012
11:25 am

C – re the black women/white men. I also think a lot of it is black women are finally accepting that they might have to go outside the race to get mates or mates that meet their criteria. I hate to call it settling but I know of a few women who got so frustrated with the dating scene with black guys that they eventually just said “I might as well start dating white men”.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:25 am

But I’m just a girl….I can’t say really

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:26 am

disco – I’m seeing and hearing that too. I for one though don’t believe the behavior is better. I just think it’s frustration. A dog is a dog is a dog…no matter the race.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 24th, 2012
11:30 am

@Cel

Yeah, you can.

But you know how it go, once them ‘fillin’s’ come out and statement like “I was just curious about…..” that’s an extra hurt.

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
11:31 am

Cel – Was what intentional? Her choosing to deal with a white guy?

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:31 am

Dan – Yeah, I agree there.

Celisea

July 24th, 2012
11:31 am

Slim – Yes…

disco

July 24th, 2012
11:35 am

one of my friends is married to a white guy. she says after she got with him (before they got married) black guys were coming out of the woodwork asking what she was doing with him. she replied with “he asked me out, you didn’t”. they’ve been married like 12 or 14 years now. have a daughter. she says her greatest frustration is that she’s often mistaken for the nanny. someone even said once that she was very good with her daughter (they didn’t realize it was her daughter) and offered her a job.

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
11:35 am

I don’t have anything against the whole interacial thing but it seems this relationship just popped up out of nowhere and he is so much older than her. So that didn’t help the creep factor when I saw he posted, “My sweet & sexy carmel sweet heart” on her fb page. :shock:

SlimUno

July 24th, 2012
11:41 am

Cel – No I don’t believe it was intentional. She has never seen color…might be beause my grandfather is white (RIP). So all of my aunts are on the light side and so is she. I believe in high school she had issues with girls. The black chicks didn’t too much take to her due to her light skin and I suppose maybe the white kids accepted her a bit more. I’m just speculating that the two are related.