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Are you too picky or too shallow?

We all have certain dating preferences and types that we are drawn to. We may even visualize what an ideal match would look like. I think this becomes a bit of a crutch, though. What happens when we are so focused on this image in our heads that we forget about the other great potentials?

I think a lot of single people have become caught up in what we think we want. I have heard people pick a apart someone down to their choice in shoes. Why do you think so many of us are so picky? Is it delusion? Shallowness?

Have you ever stopped to think about how being picky impacts your love life? Maybe having unrealistic expectation adds to this problem. How do we avoid being too picky or shallow?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

132 comments Add your comment

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
7:49 am

I try not to be but I am picky and likely shallow. I would prefer to think it is as a preference, because I’m not the authority over no one. My expectations are on the real side of life so to me there is no overblown imaginary person that’s perfect. I know on this world there are some people who beleive they are better than others and that’s ok I let them be them.

Good Friday Morning:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
7:59 am

I did it Lily must be on vacation today.

Now making breakfast opening the bar, cabana’s, jacuzzi’s, and the warm water swimming pool. Complete with massues’s ready to relax the week away.

Exiled!

July 20th, 2012
8:05 am

2nd!

We beat her BF!!! :grin:

Lily

July 20th, 2012
8:15 am

Late start this morning, Blackfoote and Exiled LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
8:15 am

Yes we did! Fist bumping with Ex.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
8:21 am

Morning Lily:

LOL……I’ll accept your late start but perserverance prevail’s in every aspect of life.

Exiled!

July 20th, 2012
8:22 am

None of these chics are picky,not even too picky!
They’re All plain Jane Regulars!
Anybody who says they’re not married or coupled up because they’re picky is Masking Big Time,there own failure to close the deal.

Unless anybody on this blog looks like a rhino,they have to be coupled up.

If not then look in the mirror!

You ain’t picky!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
8:30 am

LOL……..@Ex

Lily

July 20th, 2012
8:35 am

@Blackfoote, are you saying the early bird catches the worm? LOL

SlimUno :-(

July 20th, 2012
8:50 am

Good morning,

Heart goes out to those in Colorado involved in the movie theater shooting… Goes to show that folks are crazy out there.

Roberta

July 20th, 2012
8:59 am

Funny how the picky and shallow people I know are still single. How does one avoid being picky and shallow? One doesn’t. It’s a learned behavior, and a person isn’t going to wake up one day and say “Today I think I’m not going to be picky or shallow!”

The goal, of course, is to find a significant other has as few self-defeating behaviors as possible. Or maybe even none at all.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
9:01 am

Lily exactly. I’m king of the hill for a day.

Slim1 that is saddening folks can’t go to a movie in peace and please if there are any copy cats if you’re thinking about it let it go.

Gabby

July 20th, 2012
9:11 am

Given the divorce rate, infidelity, loveless marriages, being locked down isn’t exactly something tho be proud of anymore. If that’s your life goal, well so sad for though. People can afford to be any way they choose. It’s their life. I’d much rather be selective than going in by default. I’m happy with my current SO, but I’m not running to the altar just yet.

disco

July 20th, 2012
9:19 am

good morning. just reading the title I thought “oh boy”. I’ve been told I’m too picky though I disagree. I’ll admit that I’m picky and I’ll admit that I’m shallow but I draw the line at saying TOO picky or TOO shallow. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a match that’s equal to (or greater than – lol) myself. it’s been discussed on here that I’m a “scorekeeper”. if I have to take a short somewhere I expect it to be made up someplace else. i don’t want to be someone’s grand prize while thinking I got the booby prize.

Bluzgirl

July 20th, 2012
9:26 am

I think I may not be picky enough! LOL!!!

Slim…my hearts are broken for those in Colorado. It’s hard to be bubbly this morning when that was the first thing I heard when my radio alarm went off this morning. So tragic. Just shows that you’re not safe anywhere!

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
9:29 am

I was thinking this very thing last night. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am picky and I’m fine with it. Not tooooooo picky, but picky nonetheless. People should pick and choose and not take anything and everything that comes their way. Hell, if I wasn’t picky with morals I could easily be a slut…

A neighbor came sniffing while I was on my patio asking all types of questions of what I plan on doing once my child leaves. My answer to him was keep living and not pay you any attention!

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
9:31 am

Oh and good morning!

Congratulations, BF…coming in first always feels good!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
9:38 am

Leggs I’m laughing at your neighbor smelling blood. You can’t blame a wolf for trying to feed himself……….LOL

And thanks I caught Lily off gaurd this morning.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
9:39 am

Re: Shooting. Black Night = racially motivated??

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
9:43 am

Nice wording, BF. Exactly!!! (lol).

Celisea.....Cocoa Beach bound!

July 20th, 2012
9:43 am

Morning!!!!

Congrats on baby (SwissMocha) Noelle!

Be picky, selective, whatever you want to call it. If you aren’t, don’t complain about what you end up with. Life is too short for making rash decisions just because.

I did laugh at Mmelloo’s post…lol Boy stop

See ya! Headed to the beach….bikini and all :)

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
9:50 am

Ok, the movie is called Dark Knight.

CoolShadow

July 20th, 2012
9:50 am

The description of being too picky and/or shallow is arbitrary and dependent on the person. One person’s extreme pickiness is another’s lack of standards. Most of us have standards to what we want and like in a person and if those standards aren’t met, then the person of interest is disqualified or the issue of settling might come into play. Most people realize that the pickier you are the more difficult it is for someone to meet your standards. But the troubling part is people who are unrealistic about their self-worth but yet can’t meet their own perfection standards they exact on others.

Button

July 20th, 2012
9:50 am

LOL Exile! You have a point there Exile. I would like to add though, that some people are afraid of commitment which may cause them to find something wrong with the other person.

How do we avoid being too picky or shallow? By seeing the person as a human being.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 20th, 2012
10:01 am

Hey there Cely, don’t get the fellas all riled up with bikini talk (just looking out for my blog sister). Between you and Light I see I’mma have to bring my big guns out. Cocoa beach is one of the best of many down there.

Leggs I was wondering where you going with Black Knight.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:03 am

BF, I had you on my mind when I typed Black Knight. I don’t know if the shooting was racially motivated or not. Someone on the news said it might be.

Celisea.....Cocoa Beach bound!

July 20th, 2012
10:07 am

Hey there my big blog bro!!! How are you. Honey, I won’t rile anybody…..lol Just going to spend the day lounging and hiding from the sun….lol You know I’m chocolate :)

disco

July 20th, 2012
10:07 am

general consensus seems to be that picky/shallow people are single and will likely remain that way if they don’t change their unseemly ways. so… my question is, are the paired up folks not picky? are they paired up because the universe just happened to position the person for them in their path and they didn’t have to use any of their own “people elimination tactics”?

O/T – forgive me for sounding “high schoolish” but how many times in the one work week should an individual wear the same pair of pants?

SlimUno :-(

July 20th, 2012
10:08 am

On the reports I was hearing this morning, they said he didn’t appear to have any specific targets in mind to kill. I’m not sure how it could be racially motivated when it appeared to be all races at that showing. I guess we’ll find out

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:14 am

Have fun, Celisea. Sure wish I was on a beach…not really. I prefer pools (no sand).

DreamsMaterialize

July 20th, 2012
10:15 am

Morning
People are entitled to be picky, shallow, or whatever else they want to be. I just like to know up front so I can choose to deal with someone else. Don’t force yourself to be less shallow or picky for my sake. You’ll just end up feeling like you settled, and that always ends badly.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:16 am

I am hollering disco. I have an Asian guy here that wears the same beige courdoroys 3x a week through all the seasons! It’s unreal.

But to answer your question, one time perhaps every 2 weeks.

Celisea.....Cocoa Beach bound!

July 20th, 2012
10:17 am

Leggs – Thanks! :)

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:19 am

SlimUno ~ I’m anxious to hear his reasoning for doing this. Surprised he didn’t take his own life. His mother said she wasn’t too surprised he did what he did. I’m looking forward to them dissecting his life up to this point.

disco

July 20th, 2012
10:20 am

leggs – I think it would be so much easier for a guy to get away with it (well not a guy wearing corduroy – lol) because their stuff is so “basic”. I’d even give a woman a pass if she at least had on basic brown, black, gray slacks but this chick is wearing a denim trouser (already a violation in and of itself) and I know it’s the same pair because the seam is jacked up and the pants look like they’ll be splitting apart real soon.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:24 am

disco ~ when I said every two weeks I thought along the lines of us women. We couldn’t get away with wearing the same pants every week. I used to work with this girl who wore the same black skirt 4x a week. Different tops but same skirt. We used to call her BS (black skirt). Hey, is BS here today???

chick is wearing a denim trouser – ummm, are these also called jeans???

kimmie

July 20th, 2012
10:24 am

Morning All!! I’m so glad it’s Friday it’s not even funny!!!!

I’m kinda with Cool on this – what’s picky to one could be bottom of the barrel to someone else.

I’m a “live and let live” type of person. It’s your life. Who am I to say you are being “too” picky or shallow because you’ve decided you don’t want to accept something that I might think is okay?

Disco – I am with you on this single thing. Those that happen to be boo’d up are just as selective, the stars just happen to line up for them. They were doing everything folks tell you you’re doing “wrong”, they just found someone that found those wrong things “right”.

Personally, I think a lot of people, especially women, are not picky enough.

Single and Happy (spending my last day on the beach too Celisea)

July 20th, 2012
10:25 am

Now ain’t this funny, was just told last night I’m to picky cause I don’t like big girls, My answer was okay, and??
People have a right to live their life by what makes them happy! Life is to short to be living by the opinions of others!

kimmie

July 20th, 2012
10:31 am

Single – Did the person that told you that happen to be a big girl?

Single and Happy (spending my last day on the beach too Celisea)

July 20th, 2012
10:34 am

Celisea.....Cocoa Beach bound!

July 20th, 2012
10:39 am

Single and Happy – I’m in the jeep heading out :) If you grab a souvenir for me, I’ll grab one for you! Let’s swap gifts.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:40 am

awww sookie sookie now…big gurl trying to holla at Single and he shot he respectfully shot her down.

Can you use “respectfully” and “shot” in the same sentence (lol)?

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:41 am

Oh boy, I’m stuttering while typing.

disco

July 20th, 2012
10:45 am

leggs – I suppose denim trousers are technically jeans but since i’ve owned a pair or two I’ll allow for the subtle difference.

respectfully and shot can be used in the same sentence. my reasoning? if folks can start a sentence “with all due respect” and finish that same sentence with any old foolishness then I guess it’s all good to use respectfully and shot.

single and happy – what do the jokes say? the big girls keep you warm in winter and provide shade in summer? guess single and happy said he’ll build a fire and stand under a tree.

Single and Happy (2 shades darker, working on 3 :-))

July 20th, 2012
10:47 am

Leggs wish it was that easy (LOL) this happen to be a friend who wanted to come on vacation with me as “friends” (LOL) now she want’s a little island fling (LOL)

Single and Happy (2 shades darker, working on 3 :-))

July 20th, 2012
10:48 am

Disco I’d rather build that fire, cause one is not going to start anywhere else (LOL)

kimmie

July 20th, 2012
10:50 am

Single – Folks trip me out with that, trying to force something down someone’s throat. It’s plenty chubby-chasers out there – she needs to go find one.

disco

July 20th, 2012
10:52 am

single and happy – I, for one, am not mad at you. it is what it is. I don’t want a big belly on an average sized man let alone someone who’s just plain big all over.

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:52 am

disco ~ you sound like my wingwoman…she doesn’t ever, ever wear jeans (nor sneaks). Don’t recall ever hearing someone say “denim trousers.” Heck, haven’t heard the word “trousers” in a long time.

Singled ~ shouldn’t friends be INVITED on vacation. People kill me trying to pop in on someone else’s fun times!

Leggs

July 20th, 2012
10:53 am

Good point, disco! Because we all know anything that starts “with all due respect” ends up with someone being shot down one way or another.