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Dating: How do you know when it’s over?

When the novelty of a new relationship wears off, a lot of people start to realize the thrill is gone. Maybe the the weight of a real relationship gets too heavy. Or things go sour and it the fights become more frequent.

I think a lot of couples stay in relationships far longer than they should. How do you know when it’s over, though? How can you be sure it isn’t just a rough patch, or a typical growing pain that relationships go through.

Have you ever been surprised by a break up? Is there a way to notice they signs that things are headed to splitsville?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

218 comments Add your comment

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:56 am

It’s over when:

11. You start cleaning out his part of the closet so you can put more of your stuff in it (and he hasn’t even moved out yet).

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:57 am

Scenario One – Chick ended up wearing the sweet tea. Ended up leaving my GF in the McD’s parking lot for my SO to take her home. (He did.)

Scenario Two – Forced buddy to pull over in the QT parking lot on Sidney Marcus. We had a pleasant (or not so much) conversation. I dinked him in the head. He grabbed my neck in a choke hold. Had a nice little conversation with APD. No charges were pressed.

Scenario Three – He moved in with the stripper. A week later, I found out I was preggers. I moved to Atlanta. Lost the baby. Got a divorce. Lived happily ever after.

disco

July 19th, 2012
11:59 am

well this one’s not relationship related but I once worked a job and I knew it was over when I got a new boss and one day she put her little hands on her hips when talking to me. my whole mindset was “who the eff does she think she’s talking to”. granted that wasn’t the primary issue but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

dang SCool.

kimmie

July 19th, 2012
12:00 pm

Sup Gang!

Some of these “It’s over when” are cracking me up!!

Yayyyy!!!! My work computer crashed!! I’m happy because they are sending a technician out and maybe finally it will be fixed!!!
Blogging at a spare one now but can’t get to my email! Yayy!!!

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
12:02 pm

It’s over when:

12. Someone calls for him and you say he’s not there even though he’s just in the bathroom. He then asks who it was and you say “wrong number.”

Exiled!

July 19th, 2012
12:02 pm

Ladies, u doing just Great,H..I..L..A..R..I..O..U..S!!! :lol:

keep it coming!

Sexcool…u told me about that Mcdonal’s scene…not the confrontation after..

how did it go… ??

As for me: Its over when I dont come home to sleep anymore! been there,done that.

Its over when i direct payroll to remove that automatic deduction that goes into her account.

Its over when I mistakenly holla at a friend of her sister :lol:

kimmie

July 19th, 2012
12:03 pm

SCool – God is good, isn’t he?

Actually some of these are sad. I am thinking back on times I knew it was over. That’s a really bad feeling. In a few, I hung around FAR TOO LONG!!!

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
12:05 pm

All the time.
Gotta go conduct an interview.
Two fangas…

Exiled!

July 19th, 2012
12:05 pm

Kimmie…u hung around far too long…just give us the play by play Kimmie..comeOn! :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2012
12:05 pm

“You know it’s over when you don’t care if you get caught” also tranlates into “Its over when I mistakenly holla at a friend of her sister” lol

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
12:06 pm

In a few, I hung around FAR TOO LONG!!!

Me, too. :(

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2012
12:07 pm

In a few, I hung around FAR TOO LONG!!!
kimmie I think the common theme in a lot of these is that USUALLY it’s over long before it’s over. How are doing btw?

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
12:08 pm

It’s over when:

13: He asks “what’s for dinner?” and you say “I don’t know cause I’m not cooking” (because you ate out before you got home),

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
12:12 pm

It’s over when:

you pretend to be asleep when he comes to bed, just so you won’t have to look at or talk to him
you don’t care if he’s cheating

Exiled!

July 19th, 2012
12:13 pm

Its over when, when u smash,its to fulfill a routine and present her a facade but u hardly foreplay and u never kiss! :lol:

disco

July 19th, 2012
12:14 pm

I started to type out when it was over for Jodi and Yvette in baby boy but it was over too many times to count and in the end it wasn’t really over. lol.

kimmie

July 19th, 2012
12:14 pm

Exiled – Nothing interesting to tell really. There were at least 3 that I knew were not working, all the signs were there, but I kept hoping against hope things would work out. 2 were long-distance and a lot of the efforts to see each other were falling on me. One came to ATL for a week(had a house here) from a project he was working on in DC. His mom & daughter lived in his house here. Anyway he had been here 2 days and kept talking about other plans he had that did not include me. I asked him about it and finally he said seeing me was not a priority when he came home, his daughter was. Mama let it slip to me though, that he was not spending time with daughter at all because she was babysitting! I should have shut it down right there…. but I was a fool.

Finally broke it off when I found out he’d put a stalker virus on my home computer and stole from my hard drive! Have not talked to or laid eyes on him since. Last time he called I was on my way out the door to my 1st date with now husband.

kimmie

July 19th, 2012
12:15 pm

Dreams – Doing great man, just trying to keep this workout thing going!!!

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
12:18 pm

@disco: I don’t know what it is about Baby Boy, but if I’m flipping through the channels and it’s on, I have to stop and watch. That scene where Jody tells Yvette, “You’re my rib, girl!” gets me everytime.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 19th, 2012
12:24 pm

I don’t know what it is about Baby Boy, but if I’m flipping through the channels and it’s on, I have to stop and watch

You are not alone ITL…I like that movie,too but for other reasons…Ving Rhames. Every scene he’s in does it for me…even him cooking breakfast buck nekkid…

disco

July 19th, 2012
12:24 pm

ITL – I heard tyrese in an interview joke that the movie comes on even too much for him. apparently, according to him, the networks that air baby boy all of the time say they still get outrageous numbers of viewers when it’s on. I guess as long as folks keep watching it they’ll keep showing it.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
12:28 pm

Have you ever been surprised by a break up? – Once. Had dinner plans, but he wouldn’t answer his phone. When he finally did he said he was busy and hung up. Didn’t need a magnifying glass for that.

disco

July 19th, 2012
12:34 pm

sassy – not to harp on ving rhames since we covered him some time back but I love the man too. have you seen phantom punch where he plays sonny liston? in the movie he says he only knows how to do one thing and that’s “knocking MFs out”. I love it.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 19th, 2012
12:41 pm

disco- I haven’t seen that movie but I might have to look for it when I rent movies this weekend…I loved him even more after I saw the movie “Rosewood”…when he introduced himself and said ,“They call me MAN”..I was like uhh huh I”m sho they do

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
12:46 pm

You know it’s over when:
He leaves you in Charleston the same night you arrived to go make very little money and comes back to pick you up two days later. When he comes back, you’re to livid to speak to him, so you party it up with friends while he sleeps on the couch.

He hires his ex girlfriend (the only person you’ve been in a physical fight with) to play a gig with him while in town and only tells you because you found out he spent over an hour on the phone with her. When you ask when he was going to tell you, he says “when I have money to give you.”

When you’re mom is going into a major surgery and he’s travelling and decides it might be more important to stay an extra night and play for free at a jam rather than come be by your side when you need him most. (he did show up at last minute…he knew better).

Now…to previous S/O
When he tells you he loves you and wants to marry you one minute, then calls you horrible names the next and blames his bipolar disorder.

When you’re on the phone with him and find out a friend committed suicide and you start crying and he asks if you ever slept with him. Then, when you tell him you don’t want to talk to him anymore that night and will get support from others, he threatens to take a bunch of pills and lies about going to the hospital.

When you spend a lot of money on a plane ticket to go see him and on the way to the airport, he calls you his ex girlfriend’s name.

When you wear a t-shirt of a local band and he yells at you because he is jealous and accuses you of sleep with said musician.

Boy…I could go on and on…

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
12:46 pm

when you rather stay upstairs folding clothes, than be downstairs with them mean mugging while they watch tv.

disco

July 19th, 2012
12:48 pm

bluz – you deliver every time. I laughed out loud re be called the other chick’s name on the way to the airport. so how’d that turn out? did you continue the trip or turn around?

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 19th, 2012
12:55 pm

bluz – you deliver every time.

For real right?!…just shut everything down with all of that. Chile you’ve got the patience of Job to withstand that… Sounds like that MiMi/Stevie J. syndrome…

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
1:00 pm

It’s over when the chick on the side calls the house asking for him and you actually give him the phone and ask her how she’s doing or what they have planned, while waiting till he gets the phone…

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:07 pm

(he did show up at last minute…he knew better). – justification on your part. When women stop accepting things like that, they’ll be treated better. Sorry, but last minute is not acceptable (for me).

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:08 pm

Don’t start with that fake/staged nonsense known as MiMi/Stevie J.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:10 pm

That 1:00 is so very, very true!

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:11 pm

It’s over when:

13. It takes too much energy to give a damn!

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
1:13 pm

Leggs – Not to get the train wreck of Stevie J/Mimi started but I overheard someone talking about Stevie J and Joseline supposedly being engaged now. :lol:

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:14 pm

If that’s the case, Frick and Frack belong together.

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
1:16 pm

disco…I call him Psycho in Seattle. This was my second time visiting him. I called one of my best friends and she begged me to not get on the plane and that she would come pick me up. For some reason, I got on the plane anyway. It was very awkward when I got to Seattle and the trip was doomed. It was about two weeks after I got back, when my friend had killed himself, that it was done.

Sassy…I did have the patience of Job, but I think that patience has run out with the crap I choose to deal with. I will no longer allow myself to be disrespected by men!

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
1:18 pm

Leggs…the only reason it was enough at the time is because of my mom’s serious surgery. I couldn’t handle a break up also and I forgave him (for some unknown reason). Looking back, that was really the beginning of the end. I don’t think I ever really forgave him for not being there with me at least the night before the surgery. He literally pulled into the hospital parking lot right as they were taking my mom in…

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:20 pm

Got it bluz.

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
1:23 pm

I’m sure I have more to input on the lists! I’ll have to think! Maybe some funnier ones that I’ve experienced. :-)

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
1:31 pm

How about just for a date and not a relationship…

You know you don’t want to continue when you’re sitting at a restaurant on the patio with families and he uses the “f” word with every other word. Then he refers to strip clups as t*tty bars.

When you come back from the bathroom and he’s taken the only seat available at the bar and doesn’t even offer it to you, so you are forced to stand next to him.

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
1:36 pm

You are not alone ITL…I like that movie,too but for other reasons…Ving Rhames. Every scene he’s in does it for me…even him cooking breakfast buck nekkid…

Now I LOVE Jody, but I sure don’t change the channel when Ving is on there….

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
1:36 pm

Did I run everyone off?

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
1:39 pm

That’s a description of a jack a$$, bluz.

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
1:48 pm

when he introduced himself and said ,“They call me MAN”..I was like uhh huh I”m sho they do…

This made me LOL.

Dynamic

July 19th, 2012
1:50 pm

You know it’s over when….

You’re in labor and he’s no where to be found.

You’re throwing away old papers and find a write up from his job. The write up lists all the times he has called off to work and you thought he was working.

Guy comming in from work: “Hey baby how you doing”

Girl in the kitchen on the phone rolling her eyes: “Damn it I thought they had mandatory overtime this week, girl let me go you know this dude gone wanna talk to somebody”

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
2:07 pm

…….aaaannnnnd scene.

disco

July 19th, 2012
2:08 pm

dynamic – those are some good ones. not that old boy was fronting like he was at work.

ITL / sassy – and scrappy called him “mr. man”.

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
2:10 pm

Leggs…see why it scares me to be back in the dating scene? :-)

Bluzgirl

July 19th, 2012
2:11 pm

Oh and…both of those dates were two different guys who thought they were going to get sex at the end of the night! Boy where they wrong!!!

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
2:12 pm

@disco – I’d call him Rumpelstilskin if he wanted me to. You know I love those big ‘uns. Ooooh, what if they did a Good Times flashback and Ving was wearing James’ corduroys? CHILE…….