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Dating: How do you know when it’s over?

When the novelty of a new relationship wears off, a lot of people start to realize the thrill is gone. Maybe the the weight of a real relationship gets too heavy. Or things go sour and it the fights become more frequent.

I think a lot of couples stay in relationships far longer than they should. How do you know when it’s over, though? How can you be sure it isn’t just a rough patch, or a typical growing pain that relationships go through.

Have you ever been surprised by a break up? Is there a way to notice they signs that things are headed to splitsville?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

218 comments Add your comment

Lily

July 19th, 2012
6:19 am

I can’t say I’ve been taken by surprise with a beakup however, I’ve felt a bit of anxiety during a rough patch. I’ve wondered if it was worth the effort but, never fully abandoning the idea to get through it. I believe when there’s still something that remain, both still want to give it a go. Sometimes frustrated, sometimes feeling at your wits end, still seeking ways to work through. Usually for me when it’s over, there aren’t any ideas or solutions. I’ve shut down on even the possibility.

Troy

July 19th, 2012
8:53 am

How things progress once the novelty has worn off will show if there is staying power. It is healthy to experience growing pangs. Running for the hills isn’t always an indicator of bad. Sometimes that sort of reaction means you cut out to quickly.

SlimUno

July 19th, 2012
9:17 am

Good morning peeps,

I have a serious case of tennis/golfers elbow or straight tendonitis. Too much mouse clicking and typing :cry:

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
9:24 am

Good morning.

One way you know it’s over is when you drive home and see his car in the driveway and all you can think about is egging it!

SlimUno

July 19th, 2012
9:28 am

disco

July 19th, 2012
9:32 am

good morning. how do you know when it’s over? the fat lady sings. lol.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
9:35 am

Or she faints when she sees you…

czBrat

July 19th, 2012
9:44 am

HiYas!

how’s every lil thing in blogsville?

frankly, i struggle with wanting to move on once the newness wears off. i suffer from wanderlust.

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
9:45 am

Or when she’s no longer hungry

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2012
9:47 am

Morning

When you try to stay at the gym as long as possible to avoid going home.

When deciding between chicken or steak for dinner turns into “your mama’s always in our business”

When anything they do/say (even if it’s something good) gets on your nerves.

When you’d RATHER sleep on the couch.

czBrat

July 19th, 2012
9:49 am

^ just oh my!
:lol: :lol:

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
9:54 am

When you’d RATHER sleep on the couch.

A lumpy couch at that…

Mike P

July 19th, 2012
10:09 am

It’s over when…
1. When it has become too burdensome for me to show physical restraint.
2. The first time she puts her hands on me.
3. The very instant I lose all respect for her.
4. When she becomes too combative.
5. When I can no longer trust her.
6. If I learn about her sordid past from others and not from her.
7. If she places her personal desires and interests above the family.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
10:24 am

It’s over when….
1. The sound of his voice makes you wanna puke
2. You take the best part of the meat cooked that night for dinner
3. You no longer mask “passing gas”
4. When you look at your watch and say “great, he should be sleeping by now” and head on home
5. When you no longer care if his laundry is done
6. MikeP’s #1….

disco

July 19th, 2012
10:31 am

since we’re making lists, these are real life experiences of folks I know

1. when you go to move your husband’s car so that you can get your car out of the driveway and his “other” phone rings

2. when you feel like your husband is cheating on his girlfriend to be with you.

3. when your husband is served with child support papers in church

4. when your kids tell you that you need judge hatchett

5. when your husband gets deployed and you get your tubes tied before he comes home

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
10:35 am

When you don’t care if you left doo doo crumbs in the toilet…he/she no longer gets that residual courtesy flush

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
10:36 am

Sorry, but I chuckled at #5, disco.

And your #1 is one of the more stupid things cheating men do. Hide a phone that’s not really hidden. Dumbclucks…

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
10:37 am

Oh my goodness, doo doo crumbs….

disco

July 19th, 2012
10:37 am

6. when your husband’s ex-wife still has a key to the house and comes and goes as she pleases unchecked by your husband. you even come home one day to the ex-wife walking around “your” house half dressed (hubs wasn’t home but principal)

7. when your girl has a baby that’s not yours, you forgive her, accept the kid and then she has another baby that’s not yours.

okay. think that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll have to think on it some more.

disco

July 19th, 2012
10:47 am

oops. hope y’all recognize I meant hubs wasn’t home but it’s the principle of the thing. hubs isn’t a principal and to my knowledge he wasn’t off somewhere with a principal.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 19th, 2012
10:47 am

when your husband gets deployed and you get your tubes tied before he comes home

Couldn’t help but laugh at that for some reason…don’t judge me :oops:

when your husband’s ex-wife still has a key to the house and comes and goes as she pleases unchecked by your husband. you even come home one day to the ex-wife walking around “your” house half dressed (hubs wasn’t home but principal)

:shock:

Where they do that at?!?!

I really and truly hope that that hasn’t been anyone’s experience…oh my..

disco

July 19th, 2012
10:56 am

sassy. all on my list are real experiences.

1. friend of mine
2. cousin’s first-wife
3. family friend
4. friend of mine
5. friend of mine
6. cousin’s second wife (same cousin as number 2)
7. acquaintance

Mike P

July 19th, 2012
10:57 am

@disco: what is your list about??

Dynamic

July 19th, 2012
11:00 am

I like the lists

1. When he’s snoring at night and you feel like smothering him with a pillow.

2. When people mistakengly call you by his last name and you correct them with the quickness (That is not my LAST name!!)

3. When people call the house and you tell them that he no longer lives there.

4. When the things you thought were cute get on you last nerves.

5. When you have to fantasize(about a ex, his brother, the mailman) to climax.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:01 am

Had to laugh at your #5, disco.

Your #1 is what dumb cheating men do, try to hide another phone in an obvious place, the car!!!

disco

July 19th, 2012
11:01 am

mike p – first list is what folks told me was their last straw in the relationship. second list just matching folks with the first list.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:05 am

Certainly been there, Dynamic with your #2

It’s over when:
7. You look at him on the side wondering how many times were he in fact dropped as a child.

SlimUno :-(

July 19th, 2012
11:09 am

You know it’s over

when you start entertaining advances from other people…
finding other things to do with the time you usually spend with your SO like, re-caulk the bathroom shower, clean out the gutters, lint brush all your white cotton t-shirts, clean out all the closets in the house.

czBrat

July 19th, 2012
11:14 am

lol @ sassy. disco should write a book. just a nice little compilation.

happy to report that it’s been sooooo long since i’ve been in “i knew it was over” mode.
as for current s/o, all i can say is i know i’m not ready for “i do” every time i think to myself ‘i’m so glad he has his own home to go to’. :sad:

czBrat

July 19th, 2012
11:15 am

when you start entertaining advances from other people…
finding other things to do with the time you usually spend with your SO like, re-caulk the bathroom shower, clean out the gutters, lint brush all your white cotton t-shirts, clean out all the closets in the house.

omg! just DEAD!! :lol: :lol:

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:19 am

Cold cut artist = Tank (Southern Jazz Festival at Wolf Creek Park (404) 741-1075

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 19th, 2012
11:24 am

as for current s/o, all i can say is i know i’m not ready for “i do” every time i think to myself ‘i’m so glad he has his own home to go to’

Don’t feel bad cz..I sooo cosign with you on that sentiment. Everybody wants/needs their own space…

disco all I can say is d.amn really?…If I ever come home and find your ex in my house it’s going to be a problem…

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2012
11:30 am

When you turn going to the store for milk into an adventure just to get some peace of mind.

When the two of you can sit in a room for hours and not say anything to each other.

When you restrict all interactions to one-word discussions like “yeah”, “ok”, “uh-huh”, “maybe”, just to avoid an argument.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:32 am

It’s over when:
8. He passes you in the hall with a good morning and your response is “F U!”

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:36 am

You leave your SO home to go and help a gf who needs a ride because of a flat tire. On your way to gf’s house, she decides she wants a burger from McD’s for the first time in six months. You pull into the McD’s parking lot and the SO that you left at home on the couch is at McD’s buying sweet tea with a chick who works in your building.

I’d say, that’s a clue that it’s over.

disco

July 19th, 2012
11:38 am

brat – I must be a good listener because folks are always telling me their business.

sassy – me, myself, personally (lol) I’m not moving into the first wife’s house period.

dreams – sitting in silence for hours might not necessarily be a bad thing. of course, I live alone and generally have a higher tolerance for going long periods of time without talking. I often find people feel like they have to fill the space.

leggs – that’s funny but sounds like something I would say.

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:38 am

When you leave work on a Friday afternoon ready to go hang out with your girls because your SO has gone out of town for the weekend with his boys. However, you pull up to light at Piedmont and Sidney Marcus, only to realize that the car next to you is your SO’s and the chick sitting next to him is not one of his boys.

That’s a clue that it’s over.

Into the Light

July 19th, 2012
11:38 am

Y’all are keeping me laughing this morning.

You know it’s over when:

You text instead of call because the sound of his voice gives you an eye tic
The thought of his hands on you initiates a gag reflex
You watch talk shows and think, “Hmph! That’s nothing….they should film us!”

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:39 am

When you come home from work and your hubby says that he needs to talk to you. What does he say? “I don’t want to be married anymore. It’s not you. It’s me.”

Well, actually, it wasn’t me. It was the stripper that he was leaving me for.

THAT is more than a clue that it’s over.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:41 am

It’s over when:

9. They touch you and your skin literally crawls right off your body and leaves the room.

disco

July 19th, 2012
11:41 am

SCool – I have to ask. your stories – are they yours, folks you know or made up?

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:44 am

It’s over when:

10. They start choking and you don’t even help by patting them on the back. You just get up and leave the room because of their noise.

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:45 am

Those would all be me. Yuuup! I really knew how to pick ‘em.
But oddly enough, I am thankful for all the bad choices in my life.
They were lessons on how to make better decisions.

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:48 am

“You text instead of call because the sound of his voice gives you an eye tic” – good one!

disco

July 19th, 2012
11:48 am

SCool – well in that case I have to ask, how did these scenes play out? at mcdonald’s did you just look, notice and not say anything or was there a confrontation? at the light, did he notice you, not notice you or try to pretend not to notice you? lol

Single and Happy

July 19th, 2012
11:48 am

You know it’s over when you don’t want to, it doesn’t want too, and you refuse to try viagra

SexyCool

July 19th, 2012
11:50 am

disco – Joey Greco and the Cheaters announcer could have been there announcing, “And now we return for the con-FRON-tation!”

Single and Happy

July 19th, 2012
11:52 am

Leggs have to rearrange a little bit, the only sex you’re having is in passing in the hall ” F U, F U too”

DreamsMaterialize

July 19th, 2012
11:55 am

You know it’s over when you don’t care if you get caught

Leggs

July 19th, 2012
11:56 am

I’ll definitely accept that, Single!