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Parents influence relationships?

Recently, I was talking to my friend about his Father’s pending nuptials to wife number four. Obviously, my friend has doubts about how long this marriage will last, but he also commented on his own marriage potential.

He thinks that because of his Father, he probably would not make a good husband. This surprised me because my friend has always said that he wanted to be married with kids. Why would his father’s multiple marriage have an impact on him?

Do you think our parents influence our perception on love, marriage, and relationships? Do we learn from them – either from their mistakes, or what they got right?

How do you think your parents shaped your views on love?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

179 comments Add your comment

Mr. Unknown using a MacOS for the first time.. Interesting

July 17th, 2012
2:39 pm

Whats up Good folks…

DMaterial~ Sounds like buddy is harboring some resentment because she was honest with him from the beginning. This was his way of feeling brand newish or better than her. Probably made his day to actually reject someone. Buddy was/is still salty. Big people that lose a lot of weight don’t know how to handle the new found attention. Funny and sad. I’m sure he was physically attracted to her when he approached but now he smelling himself a little too much.

MervTheTerrible

July 17th, 2012
2:43 pm

“nuptials to wife number four”

I stopped right there, can anyone guess why??

disco

July 17th, 2012
2:44 pm

mr. unknown – and that’s why I would have called his big behind out. lol. and your comment re brand new made me think of those ford commercials. I cracked up the first time I saw them.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 17th, 2012
2:45 pm

Majority of parents single or married have an influence whether it is good or bad. The child learns from interaction and incorporate it into their life.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
2:49 pm

Or, maybe his feelings really had changed. Five years is a long time.

(waving) Heeeey, BF! I was wondering where you were today. Missed my big bro. :)

disco

July 17th, 2012
2:50 pm

BF – agreed. my post was regarding o’reilly and whoever all else trying to put groups down collectively. to them I say you can’t base a parent’s parenting skills or ability on a bunch of statistics.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:52 pm

disco – Everybody thinks they know best, and always offering their 2 cents.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 17th, 2012
2:54 pm

My eyes are still adjusting to disco’s 2:27 second paragraph.
I knew you would strike gold, although said with temperment it is the warmest I’ve read you. I know you don’t care but that was a good thing to say. Better watch yourself next thing we know you will be on here shouting bible verses…….LOL

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
2:57 pm

What are the solutions? How do we bring about significant, lasting change that finds our children better educated, healthier, and more successful than we?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 17th, 2012
2:59 pm

Hey there my Flo Light, where’s that For Real? Has he brought baby Rella some milk and cash yet?

DreamsMaterialize

July 17th, 2012
3:00 pm

wish a joker would try to shut me down. lol.
disco Why is she mad though? She shut him down and said she wanted nothing more than friends. He accepted that and moved forward with her as a friend. I think her lil’ pride just got hurt. And what’s the point of downing dude and saying he’s doomed to be fat? If ya’ll were really friends, wouldn’t you just be happy for him that he’s more healthy now?

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:00 pm

kimmie – I know. that’s why I said I do it too. lol. I just recently clowned someone for purchasing an engagement ring for her son to propose. I’m like if dude can’t buy a ring maybe he’s not ready to be getting married. still, momma was pushing for the marriage and I guess if she had to buy a ring to make it happen she was all for it. I wish my son would step to me about buying an engagement ring. I’m constantly telling people they should beat their kids. most recently I’ve been telling lots of folks to put their kids out. in my circle there are a lot of adult children living at home and parents who are super stressed out behind it. I don’t get it. I’m not going to be uncomfortable in my own home especially behind a child of mine.

BF – I had to go back and see what you were talking about. trust me, my comment wasn’t all that. just me saying that some times folks really just have to mind their own business and tend to their own children.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
3:02 pm

BF – Nope. I think I’m gonna have to send my brother over there to ’splain it to him. LOLOLOL :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 17th, 2012
3:04 pm

LOL……..@Light I got it dear heart.

Folks enjoy the rest of the day.

Mr. Unknown using a MacOS for the first time.. Interesting

July 17th, 2012
3:05 pm

Disco~ Exactly… lol

I’m out.. have a good day folks.
I finally figured out how to eject my Flash Drive safely (google= time saver)

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:05 pm

Disco…the stats dont back ur rant! Lol

u think raw dogging and popping babies that weee wee wee,crying for their Awol daddies is good?

Yes or No? :lol:

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:05 pm

dreams – I don’t know why she’s mad other than she’s the type that thinks someone is supposed to want her. I find that those types don’t take it to well when they realized they aren’t wanted. I agree that her pride was probably hurt. as for me putting dude down – in my post I said that if he “thought he was doing something” by rejecting me I would have come back at him. if it was just a basic little I’m not interested right now I would have been big enough to chalk it up.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
3:08 pm

Bye BF! (and baby Rella says Bye Uncle Zing!) LOLOLOL :lol:

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
3:08 pm

disco – You sound a lot like my mom in that post! My mom used to say nothing I brought home in a blanket is going to run my house!LOL!!

As for the mom buying an engagement ring for son – see that right there is why we have, what Bert from the Bert Show says, the wussification of America!! She is worrying about the absolute wrong thing! The only thing mom should be concerned about is raising a son that is self-sufficient and able to take care of a wife & family on his own. If he can’t even muster enough money for a simple wedding band, or even care that he can’t, he needs to be getting married like he needs a hole in his head!

Light – I don’t know, but I believe in the old-school ways. They worked on me & everyone else I know that was raised that way. They seem to be working now. Beating, punishing, holding accountable, high expectations, setting a good example – all done with much love!

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:09 pm

disco ~ I believe in beating kids (to a point). You hear about the woman who got 20 years for beating her 3-year old with a branch out in the woods because he woke up crying? What an idiot. Now she’s bawling her eyes out in court making all that noise. The same noise her baby was making. Only difference, he did what 3 years old…cry and whine. What I don’t understand or perhaps I missed, why leave the house and take the boy to the woods to beat??

Destiny's Door

July 17th, 2012
3:13 pm

What are the odds of backtracking? It’s not likely to conjure up feelings all over again once a person has moved on, just because of improvements. Sounds like someone is saltly over being rejected, hoping for an opportunity. Hope springs eternal…lol

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:13 pm

EX – we could go back and forth on this all day. first off, you seem to really like the term raw dogging. why is that? second of all, absentee fathers come in all forms. the one night stand who never knew the chick was pregnant, the guy who bailed when he found out the chick was pregnant, the married man who works all the time to avoid the wife and kids, the military man or the man with the traveling job who is never home, the hardworking low wage earner who works 2, 3, 4 jobs to make ends meet. I could go on. my point is – stop passing judgment!!! if the father isn’t there then the mother steps up (or should). period. it’s not as big an issue as you are trying to make it. at the end of the day, all of these stats mean nothing because there will never be controlled circumstances. as has been previously mentioned, each person is different. each mother, father, child is different.

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:14 pm

I even wonder why she likes him now.
Folks who loose lots of weight look droopy in the eyes and face and have funny bodies..look at Al Sharpton or Al Rocker on NBC.

I wouldn’t hazard to look at a naked pic of chic that was on the View and had a procedure to loose weight.
Her tummy would be hanging like umbilical cord of a cow that just gave birth! :lol:

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:15 pm

odds of backtracking for me is 0%…never believed in backtracking.

disco ~ guess you haven’t noticed, when it comes to “penis” Ex his in awe….

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
3:16 pm

dreams/disco – She’s embarassed. But really, all she’s doing is making herself look stupid and childish.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:16 pm

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:17 pm

Ex ~ most who lose that amount of weight also go in have the excess fat surgically removed (if they can afford it, that is).

Destiny's Door

July 17th, 2012
3:18 pm

@Leggs, I don’t either. Moving on :)

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:20 pm

leggs – he must be. either in awe or in “raw”. he’s awfully caught up on it. lol.

SexyCool

July 17th, 2012
3:20 pm

55 days and counting….
Now…if I could just get these darn invitations in the mail.
I’m so terrible…(lol)

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
3:22 pm

@Kimmie: Yes ma’am! :)

But what about the kids who don’t have parents who care enough to discipline them (in a loving, firm way)? Do we turn our backs and pretend we don’t see it? Do we stay silent to avoid hurting someone’s feelings?

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:25 pm

Raw dogging? Why u don’t like the term Disco…

If u say single parent is caused by All those things you mentioned u are stretching the discussion to include other issues which weren’t the subject of the discussion.

Let’s keep it narrow to what we(I) meant. Mind u,I don’t mind stretching the discussion to include All of that. I have been working away from home lately and I muss my k
Family. It has an effect on me and on them. It puts too much on my wife. It’s hard.

Now it’s harder for single moms and kids who never saw their dads or hardly ever. Or are missing. I am talking about the raw doggers who never care!

It causes a breakdown if the family unit and kids can’t be policed or disciplined adequtely. One parent can’t do it,at least that’s how it us showing.

The numbers don’t lie. I’m not sure why u miss that!

As for judgment,u judge I judge everybody judges

I know u a single mom but that’s not the point. Its not personal

It’s the truf.

By the way raw dogging just sounds colorful! :lol:

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
3:29 pm

Light – While it takes a village, you have to be careful about other folks kids, even those in your own family(neices, nephews, cousins). If you are in a position to affect other kids, like a teacher, counselor, boys & girls clubs, etc, do what you legally can to help is all I can say. Volunteer, Sunday School. Everything nice and above board.

But really, if everyone would concentrate more on being the best parent they can be to their own – it helps the whole world!

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:29 pm

The numbers don’t lie. – yeah they do. Anything can be manipulated.

Also, don’t you remember Bush referring to it as “tricky math” Anything is possible (lol).

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:31 pm

whew….(that was my deep breath). EX – I don’t give a dadburn about the numbers because they are just numbers. what the folks who care so much about numbers need to focus on is the people. My parents divorced when I was young. neither remarried. I was essentially raised in a single parent home (two as a matter of fact – lol). I was a teen parent. I finished high school. I went to college. I raised my son. he recently graduated from college TWICE. at the end of the day none of these effing numbers matter. the people and the decisions they make are what matters. I’m not sure why you miss that.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
3:32 pm

Light – I remember my mom saying you raise kids for the world.

DreamsMaterialize

July 17th, 2012
3:32 pm

But what about the kids who don’t have parents who care enough to discipline them (in a loving, firm way)?
ITL Lots of people beat their kids out of frustration rather than love or corrective discpline. There is a line between discipline and abuse, and parents don’t always err on the discipline side. There are kids out there hoping and wishing someone would rescue them from some very horrible circumstances.

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:34 pm

Leggs are serious? :lol:

Using bush to try prove a point about ‘tricky math’

Its ‘trucky’ coz it tricks him.

Mentally Bush wasn’t(isn’t) the sharpest knife!

Nice guy tho.

Nice try Leggs! :lol:

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:34 pm

Ex – the same numbers argument can be made when it comes to “black women whining about not being able to find a man”. you hear all the stats about black men in prison, black men that are gay or on the low, black men who refuse to date black women. the list goes on and on. we (black women) would truly be doing ourselves a disservice if we worried about the numbers. we have to live our lives each day and make it the best way we know how. we can’t live worrying about freaking numbers.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
3:36 pm

Using bush to try prove a point about ‘tricky math’

Ae you serious? I wasn’t proving anything. Anytime you hear “tricky math” you should immediately know someone is making fun of something. Give me a break!

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:37 pm

I knew u were going there Disco! :lol:

U are a model of a single mom done absolute fantab!
U are an outlier…ever heard the term? :lol:

We wish So many could be like u…

Unfortunately on the ground it’s a different story.

There

For Real

July 17th, 2012
3:40 pm

Me..LLO: Your argument or Bill-O-Da-Clowns argument is a made up strawman. I wonder what his kids learned from married father about Andrea Mackris?

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:40 pm

U hate math I see! :lol:

Uall are funny

Tricky math

Leggs :lol.

It’s tricky when it ain’t advancing ur point! :lol:

It’s not tricky when u want more money on the job.

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:41 pm

leggs – re tricky math. I think – one for you, one for me, two for you, one, two for me, three for you, one, two, three for me. lol.

ex – I’m not the only one. I’m not even the most accomplished. all I did was raise my child which is all I was supposed to do, which is all any parent is supposed to do. the world is filled with wonderful, successful people who came from single parent homes. ben carson comes to mind. heard of gifted hands? lol. leave me alone ex.

DreamsMaterialize

July 17th, 2012
3:41 pm

Also, there are different types of statistics. There are descriptive statistics and there are predictive statistics. Citing various percentages as they relate to different subgroups of the population is merely descriptive statistics. So, it doesn’t have any bearing on what you are personally likely to do. However, predictive statistics necessitate much more stringent conditions to establish a causal relationship. There are behaviors/conditions that cause certain outcomes. For example, a person who sells drugs will likely at some point cause them to go to jail. Can you sell drugs for an extended amount of time and not go to jail? Sure, but the likelihood is very small. So, if someone wanted to decrease their chances of going to jail, then choosing not to sell drugs might be one possible solution.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
3:43 pm

@Kimmie: I agree 110%. Unfortunately, so many parents today leave parenting their children to teachers, counselors, ministers, etc, or don’t really parent at all.

@Dreams: I was not referring to physical discipline. The “loving, firm discipline” I referred to is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I think far too many parents find it easy to spout punishment, but not to stick by them when they realize that with no TV/computer/iPad/phone, their children are no longer “entertained” and now require some interaction. That is not to say that under the right circumstance I don’t think corporal punishment is warranted; I do. But it has to be done appropriately.

For Real

July 17th, 2012
3:46 pm

Ex: Number don’t lie but the people using the numbers do. Now, you seemed to change the topic from single parents not married to fatherless homes. Which is it?

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
3:46 pm

Disco,if I weren’t married I wld date u…

But that’s missing my and Bill’s point! :lol:

Black folk u so much fun today :lol:

I’m gone to watch msnbc now. Al sharpton politics nation

We in this together folks

Tmrw! Nite!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
3:46 pm

In an ideal world, all people would do the right thing. But we don’t.

disco

July 17th, 2012
3:47 pm

ITL – a lot of people are quick to say don’t make a promise to a child if you aren’t going to keep it. I like to say, don’t threaten a kid if you aren’t going to follow through on the threat.