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Parents influence relationships?

Recently, I was talking to my friend about his Father’s pending nuptials to wife number four. Obviously, my friend has doubts about how long this marriage will last, but he also commented on his own marriage potential.

He thinks that because of his Father, he probably would not make a good husband. This surprised me because my friend has always said that he wanted to be married with kids. Why would his father’s multiple marriage have an impact on him?

Do you think our parents influence our perception on love, marriage, and relationships? Do we learn from them – either from their mistakes, or what they got right?

How do you think your parents shaped your views on love?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

179 comments Add your comment

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:11 pm

“And/or maybe he’s a little self-concious/shy and it felt less intimidating to him to do it that way.”

That’s my take as well, ITL.

Ok guys, let me give you the rest of the story. The bathrooms are not clearly marked. When I first arrived I saw a gf walk into the men’s room. I followed her in and told her it was the men’s room. She said it wasn’t until I showed her the urinal with was behind a small wall. So, a little after that I went to the woman’s room and he was in there refreshing himself from all the bbquing. I told him he was in the ladies’ room and he said it was the men’s so I had to tell him about the urinal. I say all that to say, all he had on was his long shorts and all his ta tas and belly was all in the sink. He seems like a very nice person with a nice smile and nice teef, but all that jiggling in the belly reminds me of a Walrus.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
12:13 pm

Leggs – I missed the 2nd half of the show, so I caught up online, but that story touched me too! And your story is like that of so many! So many, just like you, excel “in spite of”!

I really liked her and wanted her to do better! Plus, I know so many just like her that use every excuse in the book. Then the next thing you know, they have major health issues and you are praying for them and visiting them in the hospital. I just want more of us to do better – for ourselves and our loved ones!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:18 pm

See there, Leggs? Some might see him as a fixer-upper. :lol: Couldn’t resist, after yesterday’s discussion.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:18 pm

kimmie ~ because of all that, that is my driven force to take the high road with lil leggs father and make sure she has whatever access she needs to see him and spend quality time with him.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
12:19 pm

Light – I’m did not grow up eating a lot of junk. My mom always cooked and we had at least 3 vegetables at dinner. After a point, when I’ve gone a few days eating mess like pizza & fries, my body begins to literally reject it. Like you, it gets to be nauseating. Stuff that’s too rich & greasy doesn’t even sound good to me!

I can see the kids getting to be like me too. The boy doesn’t even care much for cake & sweets and he only likes grilled or baked fish, not fried. He will only eat a few fries. Baby girl’s taste is still like that of a kid somewhat, but she is changing as well. She will see cake with tons of icing and want it, but once she gets it, it is too much for her!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:19 pm

I just want more of us to do better – for ourselves and our loved ones!

Worth repeating. And I needed to hear this. Thanks, Kimmie.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:22 pm

@Kimmie: If their mother can see them now, I bet she is grinning from ear to ear. The love and honest caring you have for the kids honors her, and speaks volumes about your character.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:22 pm

All he needs to do is lose about 100 1bs. If he’s comfortable, what can I say. However, he called me from a Jamaican restaurant last night a little after 10. I asked if he ate heavy like that often and he said “when he wants to.” I left it alone, because that was a defensive answer.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
12:22 pm

Light – You’re welcome! :)

Leggs – I’m getting that walrus visual. Not pretty and a big turnoff!

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
12:24 pm

Light – I really appreciate that.

disco

July 17th, 2012
12:25 pm

oh but kimmie you put me in mind of some good bar food. there’s one little sports bar I go to from time to time that has a sampler with cheese sticks, onion rings, wings, potato skins and something else I can’t think of. it may not be healthy but it’s awfully darned good.

leggs – exactly how big is old boy if you had to guess (height/weight)

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:26 pm

@Kimmie – you’re welcome. I think it often when I read about stuff you’re doing with the kids, but I wanted you to know. :)

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:28 pm

I asked if he ate heavy like that often and he said “when he wants to.” I left it alone, because that was a defensive answer.

Probably not the first time he’s been asked something like that, and likely by people whose intentions were not as kind as yours.

If it weren’t for the weight issue, would you be interested in him?

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:29 pm

disco ~ 6″ maybe 350-360? I’m going by what I’ve seen on the extreme weightloss show.

disco

July 17th, 2012
12:32 pm

leggs – well heck, you’ve already got me beat. I wouldn’t have even humored old boy if he were making advances. I’d be down to be a food buddy if he ever wanted someone to hit the restaurants with but I’d let him know that nothing else was up.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:33 pm

I would be interested in see what he’s about. I’m just not keen on being smothered.

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
12:37 pm

Ok, who has next topic?

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:38 pm

Try being friends. I’d be careful not to give him any false hope, but I don’t think it would hurt to get to know him. You might even inspire him to make healthier choices.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:41 pm

I don’t have a topic, but I’m having a little fixation. There is someone that I cannot stop thinking about. We had a friendship for awhile (that included some fun, flirty banter) but that was the extent. For some reason, he has been on my mind for the last week.

I think I need to take a brisk walk. Or a cold shower. LOL :lol:

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:44 pm

If you’re frisky and you know it, clap your hands (clap clap)

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
12:48 pm

Okay, I’m out. Y’all be good.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 17th, 2012
1:14 pm

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
1:18 pm

Leggs – He would smother you, you are petite!

Not a good look at all!!

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
1:19 pm

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 17th, 2012
1:22 pm

:lol:

Okay off to the lab…

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
1:32 pm

sorry Kimmie, couldnt respond promptly…

I know u are a rabid lefty as Oreailly is a rabid rightie so u wldnt agree on his opinion for the sake oof maintaining ur lefty post…it takes me in the middle to brin g uall to some comfortable accomodation.

Oreilly is a rightie alright but he makes sense sometimes,in fact most times…he aint Drugged Limbourgh! :lol:
Black folks in this country dont want nothing said aboout them by an outsider…but it doesnt take the gorilla/elephant in the room outa sight regardless.

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
1:33 pm

hello, hello, hello…..is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me…..

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
1:35 pm

Ex ~ how can a white man tell how a black family lives and what they go through to survive?? How??

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
1:41 pm

Ex – I really wasn’t waiting on a response!LOL!!!

Even a broken clock is right 2 times a day!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
1:44 pm

I didn’t hear the commentary, but I wonder why it has to be a black or white issue in the first place. Forgive me if I sound naive, but human beings need the same things to thrive and survive.

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
1:50 pm

Leggs.. a white man can simply look at the stats and make a point…the same way a black,latina,yellow,blue person could look at the same stats…
in as far as what he was talking is concerned…..the number are what they are….

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
1:54 pm

ITL..yea u didnt hear the commentary, it wasnt about survival..it was about breakdown of the family unit as we know it+ father and wife and kids together.

black men going Raw
black chics taking it Raw
no marriage
94 % of some such kids being outside the family home

woukld tyhose kids want to get married themselves or be single like their dads..thats was the discusion last nite

I think thats where Diva proly got her cue for todays topic

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
1:55 pm

outside family unit not family home

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
1:56 pm

Ex ~nevamind. Wasn’t talking about stats.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:00 pm

Exiled – Do you think the people that could benefit from knowing those stats heard them and are inspired to take action? I mean, you mentioned elephant in the room, but it’s not an elephant! We here those same bad stats all the time blasted everywhere! It’s nothing new and nothing everyone of every color has not heard before. O’Ri likes to get a rise out of folks and get ratings.

It’s kinda like when we discuss certain topics here on the blog. A lot of the things don’t affect the blog women or men directly. Sure, a lot of people lurk. But do you really think those that would most benefit from some of the discussions and the advice shared are reading this or anything? I would bet my last dollar no.

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
2:11 pm

About ratings…ofcourse i agree there, its all about having an exciting show for ur base and geting more add dollars to ur show..thats the bigger picture for him and everybody with a show..whether its Oreilly or Derrick Bozman

But any issue thats an issue gotta have a solution…i think thats the issue,in my opinion.

These folks who know about the stats cant just say “we know bout trhem”

That wldnt be enough.

(careful, lightining out there!)

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:12 pm

Exiled – In fact, I’ll give you an example. My late brother graduated from Meharry Medical School, an HBCU. At the graduation, where the graduating class was mostly, but not entirely, of color, the speaker reminded all of them what they would be dealing with. The highest rates of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, uninsured, least access to fresh fruit & vegetables, it ran the gamut. The grads were receptive to it because it was coming from a one that had been in the trenches, making a difference.

Growing up, we were constantly preached to about not becoming a “statistic”. Everyone is not as fortunate to hear the bare bones truth, have good examples in front of them, and consequences when they don’t measure up. And all groups and cultures have issues they need to deal with. This nation as a whole, not just those of color, has a lot of work to do.

DreamsMaterialize

July 17th, 2012
2:13 pm

Afternoon
Probably too late to comment on the topic so I won’t.

Leggs & disco Your commentary about the big dudes reminds me of a discussion they had on the Bert Show last week. A guy called in and told the show that he used to be a big guy and had a good friendship with this woman. He was attracted to her, and he let her know. She told him that she really liked having him as a friend, but that she wasn’t attracted to him because of his weight. Fast forward 5 years, and the guy has lost 100 pounds. The same friend who rejected him before approached him wanting to pursue something more serious. He told her he didn’t have those feelings anymore and would rather just remain friends like she initially said she wanted to do. She gets mad and won’t speak to him. What’s the blog’s take on this situation?

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:14 pm

Exiled – Did he offer solutions on his show?

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
2:18 pm

u got a point there…@Kimmie

i think the mssaging gotta be re-inforced and be consistemly preached.

disco

July 17th, 2012
2:18 pm

kimmie – my momma used to say that one. even a broken clock is right twice a day. that and somebody was wrong as “two left shoes”.

kimmie (again) – and as for being a statistic, no matter what you do you will be a statistic. lol.

dreams – if I was the chick in the scenario I wouldn’t even sweat dude. if he thought he was doing something by brushing me off and treating me like I had the vapors I would have reminded him that he was fat before and would probably be fat again but to enjoy his new body while it lasted. wish a joker would try to shut me down. lol.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:20 pm

Dreams – Karma is a B! I personally think she had some nerve to approach him after rejecting him initially. I can understand her seeing him in a different way now and finding him attractive. It’s like the ugly duckling that turns into a swan. I’m not saying she should have hooked up with dude when he was fat, because bottom line, he wasn’t attractive to her at that weight. Unless you are a chubby chaser, it’s not cute! But I would have had to suck it up. Let him approach me and let it all be on him to try another shot at it after the initial rejection. Otherwise, I would have just chalked it up as a loss. Plus, if she had hooked up with him back then, whose to say he would have ever lost weight?

Exiled!

July 17th, 2012
2:21 pm

he is a rubble rouser..his solution is Uall need to stop the raw dogging

he had some black guy on there to counter and give the other side..kinda defensive etc.

To his credit(Oreilly) i heard him admit that even white folks in single homes dont do better..its the same pattern as mirrored in latina and black folks–perpetuation of poverty, altho black folks raw dogg more. :lol:

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:23 pm

I would have reminded him that he was fat before and would probably be fat again but to enjoy his new body while it lasted.

Disco – You are so, so right!LOL!! In fact, odds are he’ll put most, if not all, of it back on! He’s prone to be fat! In fact, I like your answer better!LOL!!

You right, too, we all are a statistic!!!

Leggs

July 17th, 2012
2:24 pm

Dreams, my take is she’s an idiot. If this guy came back to me 5 years later I would have to abide by his decision. No skin of my nose because I initially shunned him. Don’t put out what you can take yourself. She’s childish for not wanting to talk to him, but she’s more embarrassed for being so shallow.

So, am I calling myself shallow. In this regard, yep!

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:25 pm

Exiled – Well I give him credit for that then. At least he had the cajones to admit his folk aren’t perfect too!!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
2:27 pm

Last I checked, no one is perfect. :)

disco

July 17th, 2012
2:27 pm

O/T – a friend of mine was in a job situation that’s been driving her mad for quite some time. she’s finally lined up something else and is putting her notice in. she is some kind of happy. (of course I won’t front, nothing like knowing you are about to put in your professionally written notice while thinking you MFs can kiss my behind). anyway, she emailed me talking about she now understands why I don’t have personal items at work. she’s literally packing boxes. we’ll see if she remembers this when she’s settling in at the new job.

ex – quite frankly i get sick of all the folks tossing their pennies and nickels into the cap on what’s best on raising other people’s kids. don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of it too but at the end of the day everyone needs to stay in their lane and worry about their own children (nieces/nephews/etc.) help the kids you can help and stop passing judgment on everyone else. two parents aren’t necessarily better than one. better educated people don’t necessarily raise their children better than less educated people. single fathers are just as capable as single mothers. stay at home mothers don’t necessarily parent better than mothers who work. rich parents don’t love or care for their children more than poor parents.

kimmie

July 17th, 2012
2:28 pm

Light – You can’t tell some folks that though! They think their ish don’t stink!!LOL!!

Into the Light

July 17th, 2012
2:37 pm