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Relationships: Do you have a dark side?

I have had Kelly Clarkson’s song, Dark Side, in my head all weekend! She sings, “Everybody has a dark side” and this is the absolute truth. We all have a dark side, so when do you show yours?

When you are dating someone great, you secretly wait for something to be “revealed” because NO one can be this fantastic. Then one day, you witness them lose their cool, or you see something totally unexpected. Are you relieved that you finally got to see a true picture of who they are?

Has that ever happened to you? Have you showed or seen the dark side of personality? How did you handle it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

194 comments Add your comment

Lily

July 16th, 2012
6:19 am

I haven’t dated and waited but, I’ve witnessed an alter ego (i.e dark side) coming to surface ahead of a relationship per se, because there simply wasn’t an attraction or connection. How did I handle? I swear off ever dealing with that kind of person, that kind of behavior. Why should I deal with someone having nothing more than a tantrum??? Get a freaking life!

Good day all! :)

Destiny

July 16th, 2012
7:14 am

Has that ever happened to you? Have you showed or seen the dark side of personality? How did you handle it?

Yes, it has happened to me and it took us spending more time together before I saw it. Dude had a drastic personality change. Looking back he had to be on meds. I ran an never looked back.

Kiki Abramowitz..not Celisea....vacay bound!

July 16th, 2012
8:17 am

Wake up folks! Who’s still sleeping this glorious morning?! :) :)

Kiki Abramowitz..not Celisea.....Florida bound!

July 16th, 2012
8:24 am

Had to fix my moniker!

Mike P

July 16th, 2012
8:57 am

I don’t have a dark side, but I do get angry at times, which is healthy. I won’t allow the so called modern psycho-quackery tell me otherwise. If you don’t go out of your way to piss me off, you’ll have nothing to worry about.

All the truly dark-sided people I’ve experienced thus far in my life were all women; not to say all women are, just that its been my experience, these women were very mean, cruel, cold hearted, and they didn’t care who got hurt when they went on a warpath. All the guys in my circle are cool and laid back, they don’t bother anyone unless you bother them. All the problems they have are usually stemmed from their women who are dark-sided for the most part.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
9:11 am

Good Marvelous Monday folks!

I have seen multiple sides to men i’ve dated but nothing that had me running for the hills. My ex was a pretty even keel type of guy but when he got ticked off, it was nothing nice. He’s a yeller & cusser…As far as the current beau, his other side is a pretty cold and quiet type deal. He shuts down and cuts you off. He doesn’t yell, scream, curse you out or anything like that. So can’t say which is worse. lol I told him he needs to work on communicating his concerns or issues as opposed to leaving me in the dark to wonder about it. So far, I believe he has improved in that dept.

disco

July 16th, 2012
9:17 am

Good morning.

mike P? – have we met? when I’m in my zone I take no prisoners. I’m in it to win it at all costs. I’m always amazed at how people are perfectly okay with you when everything is good and how most cower if and when you have to show out. my response typically is stop doing the stuff that causes me to have to show out. I mentioned on here last week that it’s a shame that some times you truly have to resort to the “angry black woman” to get results.

slim – I’m both of those. I’m a yell/scream/curse type and I’m a silent type. my son will tell anyone who listens that I’m much more dangerous when I get quiet. he says the yelling is more or less just venting but the silence is plotting.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
9:23 am

disco – The cold silence is definitely something i’m not used to. At least if you’re yelling or whatever, I knowwhat is up your arse. When you’re doing the eerie silent treatment, it doesn’t make the playing field very even. I have no way of knowing if it’s me that you have a problem with or something/one else. I’m a communicator type person who likes to discuss things and talk them out.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
9:34 am

Morning,

Yeah, I have a ‘dark side’; worse than the ABM, but that’s a function of my past. What I’ve learned is to temper it, because it’s no longer life or death, just degree’s of (dis)comfort.

As for when to show it, when it needs to be shown. I’m not blowing up becuase my lunch is cold, but if a dude bumps into me or my wife and doesn’t offer an apology – then we’ve got an issue.

I’ve only ’spazzed out’ once or twice, but those were serious issues.

I’ll say this though, it’s good to show all facets of your personality so that no one thinks you’re one dimensional.

i'm swiss

July 16th, 2012
9:36 am

Morning, folks.

Slim — RE: Dudes going silent when upset… This isn’t directed at you, specifically, but we guys get this complaint a lot from women. And here’s the thing: you can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want a whining, soft, weak-sounding dude who constantly complains about all his problems, then you’re just going to have to let him internalize & cope w/ his sh!t in his own way. We’ve been trained (most of us, anyway) to just deal w/ crap without complaining. For many, what that looks like is cold silence. It’ll pass, I promise. :)

Leggs

July 16th, 2012
9:37 am

We all have a dark side, so when do you show yours? = When you piss me off or try to play games like I don’t possess a brain.

Then one day, you witness them lose their cool, or you see something totally unexpected. Are you relieved that you finally got to see a true picture of who they are? – Yes, I am. It gives me a glimpse into how he reacts to whatever made him lose his cool and how big or small the cause was for the degree of his reaction.

Good morning.

abc

July 16th, 2012
9:40 am

What Mike P describes is a sociopath. I wouldn’t call that a ‘dark side’, I’d call that psycho beeyotch, and in my view, it’s pretty common.

Per Dan’s comment, if a dude bumps into me or my wife and doesn’t offer an apology, then I (we) figure he’s a clod and let it go. It’s not as if it’s a persistent threat.

For me, the model is smooth sailing, mild to moderate storms at most, port-to-port safely and happily. Dark side? I avoid people like that. I find them to be self-absorbed and immature.

disco

July 16th, 2012
9:44 am

uh oh. what does it say about me that I can’t really recall witnessing any guys losing their cool with me? it’s always me. I’m always the one going off about something.

I think back on when I was a child and my grandmother went on and on with one of her one woman tirade shows. I’m the same way. I can walk around the house mumbling and fussing about something for the longest time. I’ll be going “it’s a daggone shame. all this crap lying around like there’s a maid up in here. these MF’s must think I work for them or something. SOBs got me stuck. I ain’t picking up another GD nothing. who the heck do they think I am?” now my kids (son/brother) knew what was up and just stayed out of the way. I admit I have scared the crap out of visiting parties. lol.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
9:48 am

@abc

Sup?

So you’re saying you don’t have an aspect of your personality, or rather something in this world that (could/would happen) to bring out the worst in you? There’s nothing a person could do to make you angry?

As for the bumping into me or my wife, no one is that swole that ye’en feel yourself hitting someone else; and I’m not asking for genuflection, just an apology (even a ‘my bad’ wave/nod).

But hey, that’s me; I’m protective of my 6 foot circumference.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
9:48 am

swiss – I can understand how you fellas are brought up to just handle stuff but why does it have to be two polar opposites. If he isn’t whinning like a little biya biya, then why does the alternative have to be to totally shut down? I don’t need to hear about every bump and bruise but if something is really an issue, then why not at least let it be known at least generically, what’s on your mind? Like, I don’t have to have the play by play but a simple, Some sh!t went down at work and i’m a bit bothered but I don’t really want to discuss it right now. That way you’re letting me know the culprit and still keeping your nonb!chtassness under wraps. But you are right. I recall one time when the beau was super cold and to himself….once he back around i asked him about it and he said, he dealt with it in his own way but still refrained from telling me what it was. :roll:

i'm swiss

July 16th, 2012
9:55 am

Slim — You know the old fable about the boy with his finger in the dyke? (No, not the p0rn flick, the other one) Pull his finger out & that one little crack turns into the whole floodgates opening wide. It’s kinda like that. ;-)

i'm swiss

July 16th, 2012
9:58 am

Or you how sometimes, after you’ve had the “Speedy Gonzalez” at El Azteca and you’re feel like your colon is about to explode, and you think to yourself “maybe I can just let a little one go” and the next thing you know, you’ve got to throw away those drawers? Kinda like that. :lol:

abc

July 16th, 2012
9:59 am

Actually Dan, when something gets under my skin, I tend to make like Swiss is saying, just kinda shutup and deal. Now, if something poses a real and persistent threat, different story; no holds barred, nothing off limits, eliminate the threat. But otherwise, I try to not sweat the small stuff. That said, I agree, folks who are clumsy in public without apology are, well, they’re just clods. Not very effective to point out to a clod how clod-like they are, because they’re clods.

I think my general demeanor works in my favor in this regard. Since I was a teenager and even up to today, people tend to regard me as someone that won’t take much crap, so I don’t get a lot handed to me. It must be something about the way I look or something.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
10:01 am

I suppose so :???:

disco

July 16th, 2012
10:04 am

abc – I giggled on the don’t sweat the small stuff. I get it. I really do. but sometimes the small stuff will lead to bigger stuff if you don’t nip it in the bud. some folks by nature are built to take more than the inch you give them. they always want to test boundaries. there’s stuff to be ignored and there’s stuff to be dealt with.

i'm swiss

July 16th, 2012
10:04 am

Slim — D@mn, I really thought you’d appreciate that analogy more… lol

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
10:08 am

swiss – I usually get the Speedy Gonzalez :lol: The ’suppose so’ was in response to the first analogy. The second one is TOTALLY get :oops:

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
10:17 am

It must be something about the way I look or something.

abc – You don’t walk around mean-mugging folks do ya? lol

Mike P

July 16th, 2012
10:23 am

I am the type of man that give you the cold, silent treatment when I am upset with you. When you keep on poking me to “communicate” what’s bothering me, you gonna find out the hard way because you are already F’ing up and your making it worse. You are going to get what’s coming to you and like I said before, I don’t apologize afterwards.

Mike P

July 16th, 2012
10:25 am

—you’re making it worse, NOT your making it worse.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
10:31 am

If I’m upset with something, someone, I usually need a few minutes to process my emotions (i.e. why am I upset, is it really that serious, what’s a proportionate response?), so I may go ’silent’ then; but if it’s at/with/about my wife “I’m processing” is fine.

Limited physical threats I don’t take as much time to process, but some situations (I’ve found) require me calming down and assessing them so that I can state my points reasonably, calmly, and they have the desired effect.

abc

July 16th, 2012
10:33 am

“Don’t sweat the small stuff” is one of my late pop’s favorite gems. He had a lot of them. He said that I’m a stoic, so yeah, maybe I come off as mean-mugging, but it’s not intentional.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
10:33 am

Mike – Well if you’ve shut down on your partner and are upset but have not let her know why, then isn’t that your fault if she asks you what’s wrong? Your partner should be concerned with what’s going with you.

Leggs

July 16th, 2012
10:34 am

And Dan, I can actually see you in the corner pondering how you should let all of it unfold. Thinking before springing into action is a sign of maturity.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
10:38 am

@Leggs

Yeah, I’m growing.

@Slim

If it’s about her, she knows it; but there’s no sense in pressing the issue (with me) because until I’m done processing, I don’t have an answer: “I’m mad at you, but I don’t know why.”

But like Swiss said, there are some dudes that take that time to decide whether or not to swallow it (the anger), let it lie, or let it out. That’s a process that has to unfold for each dude.

kimmie

July 16th, 2012
10:43 am

Morning folks!

I have to be pushed very hard for my temper to show. Time is a friend when something happens to upset me. If I just give it some time and think about it, alot of times it tends to work itself out. Usually its enough that I take the extreme high road for other folks to fall in line.

What I do need to work on is nipping things in the bud. Like Disco said, sometimes you need to address those seemingly small things before they fester. I have a bad habit of letting things build up to the point of no return, and then it’s not pretty. Has not happened many times at all, but I hate being out of control!

As for getting a glimpse of a dudes’ dark side, that’s what not rushing things and really getting to know a man will do for you. I do like to see how a man handles adversity, from the small things to the big things. I’ve not seen someone have a side that truly had me scared for my safty, but my sanity-yes! Dudes that beyotch about every little thing, all the stars have to be aligned just so, or they are completely miserable. If the server forgot to bring him a straw the world comes to an end. Dudes I have to tip-toe around. No can do! Now THAT will have me running for the hills! How would he deal with things if it were truly something serious?

Did anyone catch Breaking Bad last night? Outstanding!!

Mike P

July 16th, 2012
10:44 am

@SlimUno: If I am upset with my mate (NOT partner) is because it has already been discussed but she continues to do exactly that.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 16th, 2012
10:55 am

Is having a dark side the same as being a sypcho path? It’s fair to say we have as side that no one understand or may not want to put up with. And really getting angry, mad, pissed off, or whatever is that having a dark side? If I said I had a dark side I would have to avoid myself because that’s what I do to folks who claim they have one. People I see with dark sides are schyzo, pedophilia, drug smugglers, wife/husband cheaters, ex cons. Do you really have a dark side or just want to be known as a bad ass?

disco

July 16th, 2012
11:00 am

BF – I don’t see expressing anger by way of a tirade as a dark side. still I understand how some people might. some people are so freaking sensitive and some spend excessive amounts of energy trying to be “all nice, all the time”. they never raise their voice, they always avoid confrontation. for that type when they run across someone who is loud and swears and is combative it can be viewed as a dark side. for others (like myself) it’s almost normal. we come from loud families where yelling, screaming, cursing is the norm. lol. I suppose though, we could get into the serial killer types. those guys have a dark side that I don’t wish to encounter.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
11:00 am

@BFoote

I would define ‘dark side’ as an aspect (side) of your personality that 1) differs from your normal/everyday personality, and 2) is an (usu. extreme) reaction based on a prior physical or psychic trauma.

That is, it’s not something you experience until something (usu. a version of a past event) set you off and then you go a little….nuts. That’s not to say that it’s something that happens everyday, but it does happen.

Not everyone has had a Cosby show existence, and for some, that ‘dark side’ is more of a protective response than actual offensive behavior.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
11:01 am

kimmie

July 16th, 2012
11:09 am

When I hear “dark side” I do sort of think the worst. I prefer the saying “bad side”, “you don’t want to get on my bad side”. I took the topic to mean the less extreme definition.

Disco – The super sensitive types can be just as bad or worst than the loud types. That’s the type I alluded to in my post. Not just the “nice all the time” types either. I’m talking folks where the least little thing might set them off. Folks that are super quiet or don’t say anything when they are mad get on my nerves. I prefer you say something, cuss a little, do something other than retreat and act like a dang serial killer plotting your move!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 16th, 2012
11:18 am

LOL……..@disco I know the normality of screaming and hollering in family, my middle sister is as loud as they come she calls herself the blacksheep

Dan Superior I wont sit here and think that for one minute if a dude pressed up against your wife or you and did’nt say a word he wouldn’t have some issues coming his way. We handled things this way a friend would be in a fight if another guy jumped in on it then it was my duty to jump in as well.

disco

July 16th, 2012
11:19 am

kimmie – it takes all kinds because I get your type. my type – I’m talking about the ones that just take every daggone thing rather than confront anything. then they come to me (the ones in my circle) wanting to cry about stuff. I’m like what the eff are you crying to me for!!! take it up with your husband/boyfriend/co-worker/neighbor/whoever. stop letting the world punk you and then resorting to tears. I’m not the one and I don’t want to hear that mess.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

July 16th, 2012
11:21 am

@BFoote,

Not ‘issues’; a questioning look of ‘excuse you?’ as I await a response.

I’m not one to snap off and punch dudes….anymore.

kimmie

July 16th, 2012
11:26 am

disco – Gotcha. I get sick of that too. I’ll deal with my child’s sensitivities, but a grown-a woman or man – no!

kimmie

July 16th, 2012
11:27 am

disco – And to be honest, I’m teaching both boy & girl to quit being so sensitive and “man up” sometimes!lol

abc

July 16th, 2012
11:28 am

Personally, I wouldn’t accommodate a screaming, expletive-laced, combative person. Who needs that kind of drama? I’d be likely to just let them have their own way — likewise unencumbered by my presence. Thank you Lord, for my serene and beautiful wife!

disco

July 16th, 2012
11:29 am

BF – not only loud. In my family a kid was as likely to get cussed out or called out of their name as a grown person. we were told to sit our As down. I was called little skinny tailed heffa. little nappy headed wench. it was nothing for my mother to say you MFs better have my kitchen clean when I get home. when I hear folks say they don’t swear at their children I’m just like “oh”. one of my cousins joined the army way back in the day. he wrote his mom a letter from basic training thanking her for cursing him out the way she did. he said other recruits were buckling under the pressure of being spoken to aggressively. again, it takes all kinds to make this world spin.

Into the Light

July 16th, 2012
11:29 am

Morning, all!

Super sensitive = Manties, size XS

Kiki Abramowitz..not Celisea.....Florida bound!

July 16th, 2012
11:30 am

Getting angry is no different of an emotion than love. Talks of destroying folks is from a dark place :)

My phone is dying… pooh

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
11:31 am

Mike P – Well in the case of ‘it’s already been discussed’ then I can understand the silent treatment. But i’m just asking, in whatever the case, to at least be confronted with the issue if it has not be noted already.

As far as my personality goes, I’m pretty mild-tempered. It take a lot to get me to ‘go off’ but it has happened. I usually try to figure out why a person does/feels the way they do and hear them out. But at the same token, I want that same respect as well.

With regards to pycho behavior or alter-egos, I think you would get more illustrations from someone that was overly insecure or possessive. i.e You don’t return a call or text back in what they deem an appropriate time, so they come looking for you in their pj’s talking about they were worried about you. That is potential crazy behavior….or if you speak to the waiter and smile, then you get accused of cheating….stranger things have happened. (Putting gps on a person’s car, spyware on the phone etc)

Leggs

July 16th, 2012
11:35 am

disco ~ I swore my mother abused the MF word so much I don’t say it very often. When I do, you best believe I’m spitting my words to you and probably stuttering because I’m so hot. I was often called “narrow a$$” or “mouth o mighty,” but don’t recall wench. Heffa may have been uttered a time or two (lol). Along with being slapped a lot, I never used any off these words nor my hands on mine! Wait, I have used “narrow a$$” with her just the other day!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 16th, 2012
11:39 am

Yep Kimmie that’s true with kids sometimes you have tell them to suck it up because evrybody’s butt can’t be beat.

disco i can’t take stuff like that either, I tell them don’t run to me. You gotta get your nose bloody because after the first lick then they’ll realize it wasn’t so bad getting punched.

SlimUno

July 16th, 2012
11:40 am

My mother is not the hollering/cursing type…I probably could count on both hands how many times i’ve heard her curse in all of my 34 years on this earth. So I suppose I mainly have her type of personality with a hint of my fathers…of which he has more of a temper. I’m glad he’s learned to calm down a bit before reacting. When I bubble over, then I act a bit like my dad.