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Dating dilemma: Lazy courtship

We all like to see genuine effort from people pursuing us. It can be truly annoying to be interested in someone who does not get the concept of courting. Sure it is an old fashioned term, but it’s still very necessary. How are single people supposed to deal with lazy courtship?

What do you do when the person you are seeing lack creativity or consistency? Does it mean they aren’t really that interested or are we now just accustomed to bare minimum efforts?

Why do you think lazy courtship is problematic to the dating scene?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

324 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

July 13th, 2012
5:46 am

Lazy Courtship ha?

You wanna microwave ur dinner but No to microwave courtship?

Real funny!

Guys get it.

We wanna microwave the courtship so we ehhh ehh get to the meat of the matter quickly as well.

Then wings,beer and a movie in ur or my living room!

Exiled!

July 13th, 2012
5:48 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

LiLy real beat today,hands down!

Lily

July 13th, 2012
7:17 am

@Exiled: Oh, just one day out of many for me lol

Just sayin

July 13th, 2012
7:37 am

CeLisEa, iF U mEt dReamsMatErAliZe, hE iS nOt bLaCk. ThE pErp MaY nOt bE PURP. wHerE wAs hE DurIng tHe MeLeE? mYsTeriOuSlY mIsSing. nOw hE cReEpiLy aPpEars?. pAy cLoSeR aTteNtIon.

aTl GuY?

JuSt sAyIn!

Roberta

July 13th, 2012
8:55 am

Why settle for some half-fast courtship? There are plenty of fish in the sea. Existing behavior is indicitive of future behavior. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Bluzgirl

July 13th, 2012
8:59 am

I think I personally am accustomed to to the bare minimum and have my expectations too low. I know it’s because of the men I’ve chosen.

O/T – I’m hurting today. Stayed out a little too late last night and have a bad feeling the burger I ate was tainted. Don’t know if I’ll make it too long at work. Didn’t feel the nauseau until I was almost here…

Single and Happy

July 13th, 2012
9:07 am

You hit the nail on the head Bluzgirl. Lazy courtships happen because people allow them too. Why would any woman date a man (and I’ve seen this happen to the point of marriage) that never courted them in the first place! I have a friend who married the guy and has a second child on the way, and still fusses about him never taking her out. She has accepted that. If any woman has to be courted, she has to demand it, and not settle for anything less.

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:08 am

Morning, all and Happy Friday!

Bluz: Other than the E. coli, how was Darwins?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
9:13 am

A lazy courtship sound like a FWB to me.

Hope you get to feeling better Bluz.

This is macabre to stalk on a blog, with new tech comes new ways to harrass.

Good Morning:

Bluzgirl

July 13th, 2012
9:13 am

Darwin’s was fun last night, but the crowd was thin due to the loss of liquor license and the weather, I think. They lost the license yesterday and won’t get it back until next Thursday. I feel for the bartenders over the weekend. They won’t be making much money.

I saw yesterday you posted about the conga line with Mudcat…there’s a good chance I was a part of that line! LOL! I’m sure you and I have met before and just don’t know it!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
9:18 am

LIGHT of my life, where have you been? Happy Friday 13th.

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:18 am

@Bluz: I’m wondering the same thing! Small world, huh? :)

Morning, BF! What’s for breakfast?

Celisea

July 13th, 2012
9:20 am

Well good dang grief! Is there no end in sight? Thanks for the heads up. I’m watching, trrrrrrust me!

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:20 am

Too funny. I was comment to you, BF, and then saw you had done the same. :) Great minds!

I’ve been crazy busy with work. I was out of the office Wed-Fri after the 4th, and this week I’ve been in Budget Meeting Hades. :(

Celisea

July 13th, 2012
9:21 am

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
9:23 am

Ah I’m sorry Light I skipped I’m in the bar already. (with smirk on my face)

Celisea

July 13th, 2012
9:25 am

Nothing on topic yet

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
9:28 am

LOL……@Cely we’re going to send you off on vacay in style today.

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:29 am

Dang, BF….can I get a bloody Mary? Extra spicy?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
9:35 am

Bluzgirl

July 13th, 2012
9:38 am

I’m heading home…just starting to feel worse and worse. It may actually be a bug. If it was food poisoning, I don’t think I would have been able to leave the house this morning. I’ll check in later.

haha

July 13th, 2012
9:39 am

western /american women and their sense of entitlement. Guys do yourself a favor and order a bride from central america or brazil.

yawn.

Celisea

July 13th, 2012
9:40 am

Blackfoote – I guess so…lol I’m just sick of it and up to my eyeballs. I mean really?

Anyhoo, it’s Friday and we should make it a good blog day :)

disco

July 13th, 2012
9:43 am

hey everyone. I’ve pondered the topic for a minute but only to realize I’d rather not chime in. I’m ready for the off topics to pick up. unfortunately I don’t have any good off topics but I’m all set to jump on y’all’s bandwagons.

Celisea

July 13th, 2012
9:45 am

On topic: Don’t date lazy nor be a lazy dater. There disco. I’m ready to tackle something else too…lol

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:52 am

Today is not a day for work. Today is a day for curling up on the couch in your jammies, watching TV and/or reading a book.

disco

July 13th, 2012
9:53 am

okay ITL. I’m desperate for conversation. if you were home, in jammies, curled up on the couch what would you be watching or reading?

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
9:56 am

Feel better, Bluz.

Dang, disco. I’m not quite sure how to take okay ITL. I’m desperate for conversation. LOL :lol:

But if I were home right now, I’d probably be watching In the Heat of the Night and/or reading The Hunger Games.

disco

July 13th, 2012
9:59 am

ITL – trust me. you don’t have to take it personal. I’m dragging today and even on good days I need this place to help me get through. on slow days I really need it. I’ll talk about daytime tv or books if that’s what it takes. I haven’t read anything noteworthy lately. don’t think I’ve even got anything good on my “to read” list. I haven’t seen in the heat of the night in a long time.

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:04 am

Sup Gang!

Crazy busy too, but just stopped in to holla!

On topic- You get what you pay/work for. You get what you expect. When I encountered a lazy courter, I took it to mean a few things: 1)he was not very interested in me, 2)tired, cheap and not very interesting, 3)he would probably be tired and not interesting in other areas were I to really pursue a relationship with him, 4) his approach to other things in life are probably half-azz too and I need someone with more spirit and drive.

It’s no need after a few years “dating”, marriage and a few kids later to be complaining that you never do anything or go out. What did you expect, things to suddenly change one day from what they have always been?

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:04 am

disco – I usually watch that and during commercials will flip over to a talk show. But too much of that talk show stuff gets on my nerves. I’d rather flip to the Retro TV channel and watch Good Times or Dragnet reruns. LOL

I’m thinking about reading the Crossfire series. Supposedly, it’s on the “If you liked 50 Shades, you’ll love Crossfire” list.

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:05 am

Love me some Heat of the Night. I definitely would be drinking some coffee and watching that!!

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:08 am

Pull up a seat, Kimmie. I’ve got it on in the blog lounge. Sumatra is brewed and ready. :)

PS – No “going out” clothes allowed – this is a sweats/PJs only zone. :lol:

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:08 am

And aloe socks. Must have the aloe socks.

disco

July 13th, 2012
10:10 am

hmm. do you all think lazy daters might be less likely to cheat? lol. I know it’s a stupid question but heck, if a person can hardly put dating energy into one might it be safe to assume that 2, 3 or 4 would be way too much?

by the way, I’ve never seen dragnet.

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:13 am

WHAT?? You don’t know Joe Friday? It’s so bad it’s terrific.

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:15 am

C- You might have to do an intervention. I’m ready to ditch the office and head to Piece of Cake. :(

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:18 am

Light – Cool!

disco – In my experience, the lazy daters were the game players. They seemed to have a lot of other stuff going. Just because they are not putting any effort into you doesn’t mean they are not doing things for/with other women, those that are at least making them work a bit before getting the draws! They are lazy dating YOU cause you allow it and are letting them know your self-worth isn’t much. Folks will get away with what you allow.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 13th, 2012
10:18 am

disco you’ve never seen Sgt. Joe Friday and side kick Officer Bill Gannon. The most straight laced dudes on tv beside Mr. Rogers and Andy Griffith.

disco

July 13th, 2012
10:19 am

ITL – your saying terrific reminded me of a comment my brother made last night. he said a particular person we were discussing wasn’t ghetto fabulous but she was ghetto fantastic. I guess that’s another level.

disco

July 13th, 2012
10:21 am

touche’ kimmie. I was thinking more along the lines of the lazy dater who figured he’d hit the jackpot when he found the chick that didn’t want much, expect much, require much. heck, if I were the lazy dater I’d recognize that I was on to something and I wouldn’t be trying to mess that something up. lol.

BF – never.

DreamsMaterialize

July 13th, 2012
10:26 am

Morning
You get out of life what you put into it. If you want a lot out your relationships, then you need to put in that much and expect the same from those you are courting. If your efforts aren’t matched, then the balance will be off, and one of you will become resentful.

Just sayin Do you know me? I’ve seen a couple references to some things going on in here, but I don’t know the whole scoop. I’m not sure how I’m getting tied up in this, but I’d appreciate if you left me out of it. I pride myself in being respectful to all on the blog and staying above the nonsense. I’ll continue to do that. For the record, while my heritage is mixed with lots of things, I certainly do identify as black.

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:30 am

disco – I would say about half are the way you say about it, and the other half are like I’ve encountered!LOL!!

Dreams – Love and agree with your entire post, especially about resentment setting in. And the other part about staying above the fray!

Into the Light

July 13th, 2012
10:33 am

@BF: TV Land did an Andy Griffith tribute marathon last weekend. I enjoyed my lazy Sunday with Andy and Barney. :) They showed some of my favorite episodes.

Ghetto Fantastic – LOL!

disco

July 13th, 2012
10:35 am

kimmie – I think I my version of the lazy dater first because I think of some of my worthless A cousins. these dudes aren’t worth the spit it takes to talk to them but their women love their dirty draws. I surely don’t get it. they don’t work. they don’t have cars. they can’t take their women anywhere or buy them anything but I guess at the end of the day both parties are happy. the world continues to turn.

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:43 am

disco – Yeah, guys like that are sorry all the way around. And yeah, they still manage to find women that will deal with them. I’m really not talking about guys like that. I’m talking guys that you know have the means to do better and just won’t. I actually can understand the guys you speak of, nothing from nothing leave nothing. They have nothing to give the women. The men I’m talking about do have jobs and cars but still won’t lift a finger.

Oh and don’t let those have-nothing dudes fool ya. A lot of them still manage to cheat like nobodies business! Heck, they have time to, they are not out working!

disco

July 13th, 2012
10:47 am

kimmie – LOL. in my cousins’ cases more likely than not the girlfriends/wives aren’t working either. everybody is at home all day looking at each other. I worked with a chick once whose husband had an affair with a co-worker and she made him quit his job thinking that would end the affair. I hated to ask her (but I did) what she thought he was doing all day while she was at work. meanwhile she’s working hard, carrying the family and calling her husband every 30 minutes to try to keep tabs on him.

DreamsMaterialize

July 13th, 2012
10:51 am

Dreams – Love and agree with your entire post, especially about resentment setting in. And the other part about staying above the fray!
kimmie How are you this morning? Any big plans for the weekend?

Also, many of those dudes you all might call lazy daters really aren’t. They’re just busy using all their energy to give a little (just enough) to alot of women. Of course, the result is the same however you look at it though…you aren’t getting what you need out of it.

kimmie

July 13th, 2012
10:52 am

calling her husband every 30 minutes to try to keep tabs on him.

disco – Goodness, better her than me!

DreamsMaterialize

July 13th, 2012
10:54 am

calling her husband every 30 minutes to try to keep tabs on him.
Sorry, but there’s NO ONE I want in my life that badly. Hmmm, maybe I’m lazy!!!