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Dating: Coming on too strong?

I finally got a chance to watch Bravo’s new reality show, Miss Advised. The show features 3 dating/relationship experts who don’t always follow their own advice – hence the name.

One of the ladies – Julia, has show some pretty brave, albeit pushy dating tactics. She has practically begged for one guy to kiss her (he wouldn’t), and she tried to impress another guy with a limo ride. Of course, with cameras filming her every move, she probably upped the ante a bit. I literally cringed at her over the top behavior. Maybe my ego is way too big, but I don’t know if I would go to such lengths to get a man.

I rarely hear men complain about women coming on too strong. I am sure it happens from time to time, but how do men deal with it?

Ladies, have you ever come on too strong trying to impress a man? Could you tell you went too far?

What do you do when you are too eager and come across as a little pushy or desperate? Should you scale back and try to recover or cut your losses and learn from your mistakes going forward?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

226 comments Add your comment

Lily

July 12th, 2012
6:34 am

Coming on too strong wreaks of desperation.

Lily

July 12th, 2012
6:44 am

If it’s a first date, presex and the chances are positive sex will happen, men have no problem. If it’s presex and chances are slim to none, men run. If coming on too strong is post sex, forget about it. They are out of there.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
7:33 am

Lily you’re back in form again nice.

I don’t know how to answer this, I can hold my own and so there are no issues with me if she is forward. Course that’s my general view and it may come off as chauvanistic. Don’t get me wrong I’m not that guy that needs to be showered with gifts and limo rides.

Jeff

July 12th, 2012
8:04 am

There are some women are so controlling, manipulative and arrogant (men too, but WD asked how men handle it, so…) that they will ignore any soft, polite, respectful face-saving brush off. At that point, you have to do to them what women do to men who are insultingly agressive:

Put them in their place, leave no doubt and embarrass them. Granted, they’ll turn on you and run their mouth even more and you will be satan. But there is one comment that will always silence any woman who has gone too far:

Honey, if that thing is as awesome as you obviously think it is, go home and lick it yourself.

Silence, I garauunnnnteeeee.

Single and Happy

July 12th, 2012
8:06 am

A pushy woman will and has always pushed me away. Doing nice things is one thing, but begging me do something after I’ve said no is a real turn-off.

CoolShadow

July 12th, 2012
8:31 am

Pushy women are not a regular issue in my experience but in most cases if you ignore women long enough, they’ll go away. And then there’s always the restraining order…

Jazzy

July 12th, 2012
8:38 am

define pushy

ATL Guy

July 12th, 2012
8:39 am

When women come on too strong, it shows desperation. Guys don’t dig that because the next question is “why is this girl so desperate!?”

Exiled!

July 12th, 2012
8:40 am

Lily u spot on!

I’ll forgive your no#1 spot today coz of that post.

Being too pushy will cost a woman puddy,then I’m outta there!!

Good morning!

Jazzy

July 12th, 2012
8:41 am

nothing one-sided either because thats too easy

Exiled!

July 12th, 2012
8:42 am

Jazzy must be a controlling woman :lol:

ATL Guy

July 12th, 2012
8:55 am

I’m going to drop the blog because I’m too busy to keep up with it. Been chatting with you all and Celisea, no hard feelings! Don’t get caught up in negativity, life is too short. All the Best!

ATL Guy

July 12th, 2012
8:55 am

Jazzy

July 12th, 2012
8:55 am

unable to ask a question without negative comments? okay, never mind

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
9:03 am

Jazzy:

I define a pushy woman is one that have to tell her man every step to take. The dude may have security issues and the lady takes advantage of him because of it.

Jazzy

July 12th, 2012
9:05 am

thank you blackfoote, that’s more along the lines of my thinking as well.

SlimUno

July 12th, 2012
9:10 am

Good morning Lovelies,

Vibes of desperation equals RUNNNNNN!!!!!! I don’t like an overly aggressive dude so I can only imagine how men view overly aggressive women.

disco

July 12th, 2012
9:21 am

good morning. jazzy – I too would have asked define pushy.

it may seem straight forward but I actually think it’s relative. some guys are such wimps (for lack of a better term) that you have to take charge and make decisions or nothing will ever get done. it’s not so much that you are being pushy as handling business. I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with a woman making a first move. initiating a conversation, buying a guy a drink or whatever. in and of itself, it’s no big deal. some guys will appreciate it and others will think the woman was pushy.

since jazzy was called out I’ll go ahead and say that while I have been called bossy (and sometimes I am bossy) I don’t think I’m pushy. I just think I’m willing to call a shot or make a decision when necessary. I don’t necessarily try to persuade people to take my view or do what I want them to do.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

July 12th, 2012
9:43 am

Never needed her to beg me to do anything…throw that thang at me, and I’ll catch it for you!

Single and Happy

July 12th, 2012
9:44 am

To woman that tells her man what to do, when to do, and how to do, is a controlling woman, That’s different from a pushy woman is one who’s persistent on starting a relationship, having sex, getting marriage or any other thing that you’ve told her you’re not ready for. They’re not trying to control you, just trying to convince you that you don’t know what you want.

Single and Happy

July 12th, 2012
9:47 am

(To me a woman) I mean

disco

July 12th, 2012
9:48 am

jake – re catching things. some guys can catch and some guys are afraid of the ball. lol.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

July 12th, 2012
10:04 am

Disco…you right, and thats a dayum shame….If I could have an encore presentation on these streets, I would be terrible…lol

Roberta

July 12th, 2012
10:11 am

I don’t think the kiss or the limo ride are signs of a pushy person. They lend themselves more to behavior by someone who may not have a lot of self-confidence or self-esteem.

Most pushy people have agendas, and the person being pushed should try to figure out what that agenda is.

disco

July 12th, 2012
10:25 am

I hate to sound pushy but I sure as heck wish the blog folks would check in.

kimmie

July 12th, 2012
10:34 am

Morning Gang!

I kind of agree with the wimp factor disco speaks of. But I would call such folks as one that need a “nudge”. I would not want to push anyone into anything, and no one better try pushing me or they will get their feelings hurt. Pushy people irritate the mess out of me. My son HAD a little friend that was pushy. He would call the house and when my son was not available or just not there, he would get invasive with the questions like “what is he doing, when will he be back, why can’t he come to the phone, etc”! The nerve of his little behind. I let him know he was being disrespectful and none of that was any of his business!

Some folks are cool with and welcome a little nudge when it comes to romance because of shyness. But when one feels they have to throw themselves at someone, female or male, that’s just pathetic.

Oh, and someone can bark out orders to me until the cows come home, but it’s on me as to whether or not I follow those orders cause I’m a grown-A woman! A person can only “control” you if you allow it. No use in a dude complaining about it, but still hanging around said chick. He must like it!

disco

July 12th, 2012
10:39 am

kimmie. thank you. that’s what I’m talking about. a post with some force. lol. and not that a little kid had the nerve to question a grown up. disrespectful little bastid. I’d give him a pass on asking when he might be back but that’s about it. one thing I disagree with in your post – well not really disagree with, just another pet peeve of mine. your comment re shyness. I feel like shy is for kids. grown folks need to suck it up. you don’t have to be super outgoing and all up in everybody’s face and all but if you are grown and acting like you can’t open your mouth and speak because you are shy – I can’t get with that. I’m quick to reject a guy who sends messages through other people. I’ll tell them to man up and speak to me. some of my friends always counter with “but maybe he’s shy”. shy my A! he’s an effing punk and I don’t do punks.

kimmie

July 12th, 2012
10:47 am

disco – Hey, I mentioned shyness, but I am totally on board with you on that!LOL!!! Some folks can deal with that, but I’m not one of them either. I do think it’s a little juvenile. I like a MAN to go after what he wants, with confidence, no aggression needed. Open your mouth and talk and get what you want. If he’s unable to do that, not only do I see him as a punk, I assume he’s not interested, because I’ve seen the so-called shyest dudes drop that mess the minute they decide they want a woman, a job, whatever! The squeaky wheel definitely gets the oil. You don’t get anything in this world being a marshmellow.

Shy need not apply! :)

disco

July 12th, 2012
10:54 am

I had a party at my house once and a friend brought a friend. I did not know this guy. he was apparently “shy” and just sat in the cut and said nothing. that’s cool. quiet isn’t a problem. the problem was dude couldn’t even open his mouth and ask for a drink or a plate or anything. eventually he asked a person who asked a person who asked me if he could have something. I called him right out and everyone laughed at him. a closed mouth don’t get fed. grown A man scared to ask for a drink. I’m a little aggressive but dang. I’m not going to have you in my home and not welcome you. if you weren’t welcome I wouldn’t have let you in.

kimmie – is it just us? if so, oh well.

kimmie

July 12th, 2012
11:10 am

disco – See that’s just crazy, and even a little creepy if you ask me! I’ve had dudes like that call themselves “liking” me! Always lagging back, just staring, never saying anything. Almost come off like a serial killer! :shock: Folks would get mad when I would not be interested and say “he’s just shy, give him a chance”! H to the Naw!!!

Looks like everyone fell by the wayside!LOL!!

Bluzgirl

July 12th, 2012
11:15 am

Good morning! I’m not into shy either. You need to have the balls to approach me and ask me what you want! I have no problem being flirty and making it known that I’m interested, but if he doesn’t respond, then I go about my merry little way. If he’s too shy to ask me out, then we don’t need to go out.

Willie Dynamite

July 12th, 2012
11:15 am

Morning All,

Disco/Kimmie – I’m shy. Hahaha.

Bluzgirl

July 12th, 2012
11:17 am

Celisea must be exhausted after yesterday! At least she won and hopefully ATL Guy is gone for good! :-)

Celisea

July 12th, 2012
11:19 am

Bluzy – Not even a little…lol :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
11:19 am

Bluz

What happened to Cely.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
11:22 am

Are you ok Cely?

kimmie

July 12th, 2012
11:22 am

Hey Willie! You shy? Yeah, right!LOL!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
11:23 am

I’ll figure it out in a moment.

abc

July 12th, 2012
11:29 am

Turn off your TV and read a book.

So-called reality TV isn’t real at all. It’s purposely staged to mimic a car accident that drives, albeit viewers, rubberneck as they drive by.

Bluzgirl

July 12th, 2012
11:30 am

BF…just read the last few pages of yesterday’s topic

Celisea

July 12th, 2012
11:34 am

Blackfoote – I’m good. Tomorrow is gone!

Celisea

July 12th, 2012
11:36 am

yesterday…..sorry I’m in the middle of debating legal docs. I’m distracted.

GracieL

July 12th, 2012
11:38 am

Gracie don’t give chase.

If a man doesn’t pursue, then he’s just not that into me. I will save my time & efforts for a man who is.

That being said, I have seen women who go over the top in hard pursuit. Yeah, sometimes it works because there ARE men who are lazy, and frankly, they like having it all dropped in their lap w/o having to put forth any effort. No decisions to make. Easy as pie.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

July 12th, 2012
12:01 pm

Well just damn. I’m blown away and confused as hell. I know who cares but it’s still good no matter how things roll.

SlimUno

July 12th, 2012
12:15 pm

Awww, the beau just surprised me at the job and brought me lunch. :D I figured it tied into the topic because he calls my desk phone and tells me to bring my arse outside. (being a bit pushy) but it was for a good reason. lol

Celisea

July 12th, 2012
12:17 pm

Blackfoote – I’m the unspoken reference. Certainly not to rehash….make sense? Dead and buried.

Celisea

July 12th, 2012
12:20 pm

Rain rain go away

disco

July 12th, 2012
12:21 pm

slim – that’s what’s up. I’d be happy if somebody brought me a snickers right about now.

SlimUno

July 12th, 2012
12:21 pm

BF – Why the confusion? Cel ran ATL Guy off the blog, or so he said anyway. He threatened her with destruction and she called him out on it. lol

SlimUno

July 12th, 2012
12:23 pm

So if we get any new monikers on the blog soon, should we assume that it is AG reincarnate? lol