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Dating: Reformed player?

Some single people get a bad dating reputation because of past mistakes. Whether it’s breaking hearts or breaking cars, we have all done things we are particularly proud of. There are some things that are harder to live down though.

When you decide to grow up and start “dating responsibly” you probably will face a few challenges in cleaning up your rep. Do people believe you when you tell them that you have changed? A lot of people won’t! You probably will have to show them more than tell them.

A friend of mine found out that she is seeing a guy who has quite a bad dating record. The things people have told her about him so far are enough to fill up a soap opera. Of course, she does not see this side of him at all. He has convinced her that everything she heard was when he was young and dumb. Maybe he is a reformed player?

Do you think there is such a thing as a reformed player? Someone who has learned from their mistakes and cleaned up their act?

Are you reformed? How can one tell for sure that the person they are seeing has turned over a new leaf?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

482 comments Add your comment

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
8:48 am

disco

July 11th, 2012
8:58 am

C – we are really slipping when 8:48 is first. funny thing is I had the nerve to log on before I left home hoping to get a jump on things but the topic wasn’t updated yet. that’s what I get for being ambitious. reformed player? don’t know that I can agree with that. I’ll allow for a player to be in retirement but reformed? nah.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:00 am

Morning,

I can say what I think but that would be like being on the outside looking in, as I’ve never been a player and haven’t been wrapped too tight with folks considered playas….I don’t think :neutral:

On the flip side of this or “receiving” end I should say, I dunno. I believe people can change but if you’re say 40 or so and just coming into the need to “change your ways” phase, likely I won’t believe you…lol

Being able to tell for sure? I would guess time would reveal it all.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:00 am

disco – I was worried that we broke it or something yesterday…lol

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:02 am

disco – You DID NOT say retired? LOLOLOL I think a true playa, a playa down to the marrow will die being a playa. Stuff may not work no more but that’s what they always be.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:06 am

Truthfully, I’m a cynic. Whatever you show me is what will forever be in the back of my mind. It takes a miracle to erase or undo what I’ve come to know.

disco

July 11th, 2012
9:06 am

looks like it’s just us so far. I’ve got a couple of off-topics to toss out there before I forget. first and foremost I understand that just because I’m not a fan of animal prints doesn’t mean there isn’t a strong market for them. I know plenty of folks who LOVE animal prints. I have to ask the guys though – do you all really think animal prints are sexy?

second – I know there are a lot of runners on here. any of you doing the black girls run conference in September? I ask because I’m thinking about coming down and making a weekend of it.

C – I say retired as in not active right now. his player skills are still there, just dormant.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:07 am

But……..like said on yesterday, people can change.

Single and Happy

July 11th, 2012
9:09 am

Reformed playa, now that’s an oxymoron! Playas don’t die, they just multiply (LOL)

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
9:09 am

Interesting topic. I have a friend who insists he wants to start seeing me and only me. Thing is, his actions don’t coincide with those words. He has always been a player and we’ve swapped life experiences over the years. He has zilch follow-up skills, and also has a fear of what he deems “checking in” with his mate. Of course, all red flags. I know too much about him to even think of becoming serious/exclusive with him. He doesn’t understand my areas of concern and insists his younger years are now hindering me from seeing the change in him.

So, to answer the question, some may change, but my friend hasn’t.

I think a true playa, a playa down to the marrow will die being a playa. – That’s my take as well.

Good morning.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:09 am

disco – I understood on the retired playa…lol

What’s the deal with animal prints? Your coworker is back? I have a couple of things that are animal print but RARELY will I wear. I’m talking a sweater or tank top. I think you can pull it off as sexy, but animal print leans towards cheesy real quick if you don’t know how.

I’m not a runner…boo for me

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:12 am

Leggs – Your friend? That’s what I was just saying. If you show me too much and I know too much, likely that’s seared into my brain/psyche. I dated a “friend” that was truly a friend. No kidding, we had this conversation. After getting into the core of the relationship, it was hard for me to turn off what I knew about him and what we’d joked about previously….with him and other women. Once I know, I know. Yeah, it was a problem for him too cause I couldn’t let go and see him differently. I guess that’s a playa. I was trying to think if I’d dated a “real” playa.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:14 am

disco – You wouldn’t be thinking of re-doing your bedroom with animal print sheets and matching drapes? lol

disco

July 11th, 2012
9:14 am

I have two co-workers who both wear animals prints 2-3 times per week. I’ve got three real life, personal friends who not only wear animal prints but have decorated their homes with animal prints. it’s on their throw rugs, towels, picture frames. everywhere. I just don’t get it.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:15 am

disco – For you 9:14, never mind on my 9:14….lol I guess not.

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
9:16 am

I think people in their 20’s or early 30’s date around and tend to not really settle. That could probably change over time, but if someone has a track record of cheating or deception, that would most likley carry over. Can people change and be steady, of course, but its not a switch that happens over night. Never date someone to try and change them, but be cautious dating someone with a tubulent dating track record.

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
9:17 am

@ Disco – they’re probably from Jersey

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:20 am

I have a gray and black animal print sweater that I wear with all black. That’s not too bad…I don’t think. But if you’re wearing an animal print dress, or jacket and slacks/skirt with the matching dickie, you’ve gone into being cheesy with it.

disco

July 11th, 2012
9:22 am

ATL guy – I get the jersey joke but none of these chicks are from jersey. and they have different backgrounds: black/white, country/ghetto. guess animal prints have universal appeal. lol.

kimmie

July 11th, 2012
9:23 am

Morning All!!

disco – I hate animal prints! I have a few “touches” of them in my wardrobe, but very little. I just can’t get with them!!

On topic – It depends on the age the player decides to reform. If he was wild during hs/college and a few years after, then about late 20’s/30 decides to chill, I could believe it. After about age 32 & beyond I’m afraid it is a bit too set in. There are exceptions, but I believe he is what he is at that point.

I have a good friend who married a really bad reformed player. He was about 34. She knew all about his past and is normally a real skeptic. He convinced her he had changed, and more importantly, showed her. They have been happy for about 4 years now and have a son. So far so good. In fact, he seems to be quite the family man.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:26 am

Yes, people can change…if they want to. As easy as you can be a playa, you can easily not be. I bet all playas would beg to differ….lol

I would really like for the men to chime in. Not to bash or anything but I’d love to understand how the head brain ticks as it relates to oodles and oodles of women. Why is it so hard to have just one?

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:27 am

A plethora, a smorgasbord…I’M KIDDING…sort of

I’m in a GREAT mood today. Vacay vacay is on the way :)

Ms. ATL

July 11th, 2012
9:30 am

First, Celisea- matching drapes? Really? Ugh! Lol. Now, on topic- I don’t know if a playa can reform. I think it would depend on if he was a dabbler or a true playa. If a true playa, I agree with the consensus that they just retire rather than reform. If he ran the streets in his early twenties and is growing up and maturing, then maybe. If this joker is 45 and trying to act like he woke up one day and decided to put away his playa hat, I don’t think so. But she will have to see how his actions play out in the long run. When you first start dating, you are seeing the representative, but the real person can’t stay hidden for too long.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:33 am

Ms. ATL – I was trying to see where disco was going…lol Didn’t know if she wanted drapes and sheets but wasn’t sure and was polling us…lol

disco

July 11th, 2012
9:33 am

“as easy as you can be a playa, you can easily not be”. hmmm. that’s one to ponder. I might make the argument that some men are players by nature and just can’t help themselves. sure you have the “wanna be players” who put work in to be players but some guys are just born with the right combination of all it takes to be a true player. for them, not to be a player might be going against who they really are.

ms atl – guess we both recognize the difference between those dapplers and those true players.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:34 am

disco – What I meant was mind over matter. Not mind on groin…lol Anything is do-able if done with the mind. But….I did say, I bet playas, true playas would beg to differ.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:34 am

mind OVER groin

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
9:35 am

So guys like what we can’t have, proven fact. Its really about the chase and maintaining an interest. I’ve been in a relationship and met someone I would totally go out with, but knew if I started that, then things would get messy and cause drama. A playa lives for the moment but usually gets burned when it all crumbles. Chasing the superficial is fun, but end of the day it hold little substance.

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
9:42 am

There are Players and there are Women who Allow guys to be Players. Don’t get Played or you’re in compliance

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
9:43 am

I have a gf who is obsessed with leopard print. Now you know, that print doesn’t go with everything, but she mixes and matches it all the time…sometimes she looks horrid, but she has her own sense of flair and who am I to say anything. What’s in my eye as fashionable is not the same as what’s in her eye…different strokes for different folks.

disco ~ my friend’s blow dryer is leopard print. Her cell phone case is leopard print, her rugs are leopard print, her coats are leopard print or zebra print. Zebra paintings on her walls. Prints all over her house! Now, when you match a leopard print top with a leopard print bottom, but both are different leopard prints, not so much a good look. She loves it, I accept it…

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:46 am

I’m no playa but my guess is if you can’t seamlessly pull it off, you ARE NOT a playa.

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
9:47 am

Who has groin on the mind so early (lol)?

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:47 am

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
9:48 am

And that’s a true trademark of a playa, being able to “seamlessly” pull it off.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
9:48 am

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
9:54 am

Seamlessly pull it off by playing women who are naive or fools to allow it and not know the difference

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
9:58 am

I don’t think you necessarily have to be naive or a fool. Some really smart women, keen to the underbelly side of dating, have been used. It’s all about how much tint are on the glasses she’s wearing.

Ok, guess that all falls under being a fool (lol).

disco

July 11th, 2012
9:59 am

Leggs – one of my friends had moved to a new city and I went to visit her. I was walking around the apartment complex trying to figure out where her unit was. I came across an animal print welcome mat with an animal print little décor thing hanging on the door and I said “that’s her”. and it was.

and for our quote of the day, how about “I’m not a player, I just crush a lot”.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:04 am

Being able to seamlessly pull it off is attributed to the playa and his skills (for lack of a better term). Just because though he a playa, does not mean all women fall for the okie doke.

Just thought I should state that :)

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:05 am

And let’s not try to act like being a playa is a big oooooooole thing unknown. All day long folks are silly rabbits. There are though, a select few of us (women), that’s bobbed and weaved all of our lives to avoid falling prey to playa-ism…lol

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:07 am

That’s an art to being a playa and there’s definitely an art to not getting played

disco

July 11th, 2012
10:12 am

post was eaten twice. I wasn’t even saying anything other than player’s have a purpose. play on playas. lol.

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:16 am

We are having a conversation about playas and none have showed up. I would say we need an expert! Otherwise, we’re just talking…lol

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:17 am

Or a victim…those are truly the ones that can testify

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
10:17 am

I think Women could be considered more of a Playa than the Fellas! I’ve seen so many girls hustle guys for drinks, dinners, mercedes, tuscan villa, etc. If they know guys want the attention, they provide that and get what they want. There’s a trade off to these things, but females I know in Buckhead straight up play some guys

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
10:18 am

I played you all yesterday Celisea ;)

Leggs

July 11th, 2012
10:19 am

There are though, a select few of us (women), that’s bobbed and weaved all of our lives to avoid falling prey to playa-ism…lol”

Yes ma’am!

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:20 am

Atl Guy – Ummm, okay…I guess

ATL Guy

July 11th, 2012
10:22 am

Where’s my girl Slim – I miss her sparkling personality

Celisea...tiptoeing through the tulips headed for vacay!!

July 11th, 2012
10:24 am

I guess that wasn’t the response you wanted…lolololol