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Dating: Are some people off-limits?

My friend Chris just found out that his ex-girlfriend is dating his cousin. I am sure this will cause awkward moments because they were together for a really long time.

He blames his cousin because he did not ask “permission” to date his ex. I think his ex is in the wrong, because of all the guys in the world, why date your ex-boyfriend’s relative? I get the sense that there is some degree of malicious intent going on.

Should there be certain people that should be off-limits to date? Is it fair to ask someone not to pursue a relationship with someone out of loyalty?

Have you ever dated the friend of one of your exes? What about a relative? Do you think that some people would actually date someone out of revenge?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

220 comments Add your comment

Lily

July 9th, 2012
6:03 am

Married people are off limits.

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
7:08 am

+1 for Lily, all’s fair in love and war.

Lily

July 9th, 2012
7:14 am

You would probably stand to be safe with a friend of a friend over individuals that cannot discern reality from lies. How dangerous is a person that willfully deceive all they encounter? The scariest part of that sort of character deficiency is, they find it okay to operate under such behavior. They cannot discern how revealing the are to those looking on.

...Lily

July 9th, 2012
7:36 am

Single and Happy – All is fair in love and war means anything goes. The longer I live, the less I agree.

Good day!

Lily

July 9th, 2012
7:38 am

Sorry about the dots. I accidentially hit the space bar ahead of my name.

Destiny

July 9th, 2012
7:55 am

Some people not only have no loyalty, but no couth. Instead of checking for a “Big But and a Smile” or “how fine” he is the real fact checking is in their character. That’s some ish and its nasty to come behind a family member or a friend. They probably deserve each other. Lol – BTW, I’m speaking from experience, its happened to me.

Destiny

July 9th, 2012
8:01 am

…..and most def no married folk. There was once a couple that always invited folks over for parties and celebrations and there were a lot of single women in the mix. We all made a pact that they were so special that we would never try to do any thing to harm that relationship or let anyone else do it either ( if we found out or suspected) we all respected that he was off limits. They have been married for 25 years and still going strong. But then again, that’s what real friends will do.

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
8:30 am

Okay Lily let me rephrase that, Almost all is fair in love and war. I would never go after another mans wife. In a big city the dating pool is large, in a small town the chances of you dating a relative or friend is greater. And as far as divas friends situation, he just found out, well did the cousin no he was dating her? How long has the cousin been dating her? Did she know he was a cousin?

disco

July 9th, 2012
8:59 am

good morning. way back in the day I was of the mind that certain folks were off limits, you didn’t date your friend’s ex, you didn’t even date the guy your friend was crushing on because it would hurt her feelings. an ex’s baby’s daddy was off limits because he was a baby daddy and let’s not always confuse baby daddy with ex because the proud parents weren’t always even a couple. lol. these days I no longer feel the same. these days I feel like folks ought to do what they feel is right for them. you have to live your life for you and can’t make all your decisions based on what someone else may think or how someone else may feel. anyone that’s still pining over an ex has bigger issues than who the ex is currently dating and they might want to focus on those issues instead of worrying about who the ex is currently dating. just my opinion though.

of course there are exceptions but for me those exceptions would probably only include parents/children. I wouldn’t look the other way at an ex dating my mom or daughter (if I had a daughter). I might even overlook a sister (if I had a sister) for an ex-boyfriend, not so much an ex-husband. my take is that life is just too short and good men/women are hard to find. heck, decent men/women are hard to find. you are doing good these days if you can find men/women who are just i-ight. who am I to block someone else’s attempts at a relationship?

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
9:03 am

Good tired, dragging your feet Monday

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
9:48 am

Well said Disco,

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
9:52 am

Should there be certain people that should be off-limits to date? – Yes. No family members. Distant cousins I never heard of, perhaps I can stomach, but immediate family and we all at the bbq, holiday parties together. I don’t think so.

No doubt “all is fair in love and war,” but if you have a conscious and a soul, you wouldn’t take that thought so literal.

Is it fair to ask someone not to pursue a relationship with someone out of loyalty? I see nothing wrong with asking. If they decide to go ahead anyway, you have your answer on how they view loyalty.

Good morning.

O/T ~ why do really fat men want to talk to me???

disco

July 9th, 2012
9:54 am

single and happy – well I guess you agree then. last time we discussed this there were definitely two teams and not much gray area. it is what it is. is today skip day?

disco

July 9th, 2012
9:55 am

Leggs – do the really fat guys have cars? if so, all I can say is you can’t have everything. lol. well I can say one more thing – better you than me.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:00 am

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:01 am

:lol: :lol: – hush disco! This one had an F150.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:01 am

Fat guys and guys with no cars need love too I suppose. Or maybe it’s just a matter of opposites attracting. You’re not fat so fat guys wanna holla. You have a car so carless guys wanna holla

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:02 am

This dude would crush me like a sardine.

disco

July 9th, 2012
10:07 am

slim, leggs – later for that opposites attract mess. I’m a “like attracts like” kind of girl. at least in my own mind. the folks the universe sends my way obviously didn’t get the memo. now, my real life friends have said I was too picky and a few blog folks have suggested the same. I say whatever. here’s my most really “for real?” when it comes to this dating game. I met a guy and it seems like in every phone conversation he reveals another illness or ailment. mind you, I’m extremely healthy. don’t even get colds/flu. don’t have any allergies. only go to doctor for my routine physicals, checkups. never been hospitalized for anything other than my one go at childbirth. dude has sleep apnea, arthritis, carpal tunnel, pinched nerves and the list goes on and on. he’s had multiple surgeries for this, that and the other. he was on workers’ comp for this or that. call me selfish but in my mind I’m like he’s not the marrying type because I’d be getting the short end of the stick on the “in sickness and in health” part.

Thirdwheel

July 9th, 2012
10:09 am

Hey everyone!! Is this the same thing as having a friend and sharing an ex? What I mean is I dated the guy first, then she married him and divorced him. I dated him again, met her became friends and dumped the guy. Is there a line about that?

Thirdwheel

July 9th, 2012
10:10 am

LOL@Disco!!! You are right…. that is bad… I’m overweight but I’m in the gym everyday. I refuse to date another overweight man. It’s just not in my DNA. My bed thanks me for that too….

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:18 am

disco ~ I have spoken about sick guys on this blog before. More men a tad older than I are suffering from sleep apnea, gout, diabeties, blue pills, arthiritis, etc. I had to stop talking with a dude because he always talked about his many doctor appointments, bad eyes, etc. I am very healthy, and although there may come a time when I too will be sick, I belive in being proactive to ward off as much as I can. This particular guy has welcomed his sickness by being lazy and greedy. I once sat and watched him eat 4 porkchops in one sitting…oh my!

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:18 am

disco – In that case, I don’t see anything wrong with not investing a whole lot into him with all that going on from the start. With each ailment, the attraction would decrease i’m sure. Just keeping it real

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:19 am

Hey there 3rdwheel. How you been. That whole scene is crazy. But, the two of you came out on the other side, so smile and K.I.M.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:20 am

disco – Heyal, even the beau and I were up one night going down the list of which diseases, ailments or what have you, run in our families. I even spoke with his mother about the high blood pressure issue that both she and her hubby shares…and low and behold the beau is dealing with that now as well. But we’re trying to get ahold of that before it’s a big problem

Thirdwheel

July 9th, 2012
10:21 am

Hey Leggs!!! I’m hanging in there!! Trying not to become a new episode on SNAPPED…. LOL :) Yes I am so glad we made it to the other side :) Some people just think our friendship is strange. We see nothing wrong with it.

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
10:24 am

Disco, I will tell anyone that worries what others may think of you, is that you have to live your life to make you happy, if not you will for ever be sad because the ones you are trying to make happy will never be satisfied.

disco

July 9th, 2012
10:28 am

glad y’all see where I’m coming from. I’ve already blurted out that he was awfully daggone sickly. I’ve taken to rolling my eyes whenever he brings up the next ailment. when he was telling me about the sleep apnea machine that he uses I couldn’t help but think that is so not sexy. I can’t even imagine laying next to a dude with a monster mask on. okay, I guess I don’t really know what I’m talking about since I’ve never seen this machine but still.

Celisea

July 9th, 2012
10:29 am

I have mixed feelings on this issue. Absolutely off limit would be husband or wife, brother or sister, moms or pops. For anyone that falls outside of close relatives I wouldn’t say some adolescent rule should be a hardline, but it would defintely depend.

Intent and circumstance surrounding Diva’s scenario makes a difference in how these type matters should be handled and how they affect. I can’t make the call on who another adult can or can’t date. But I would hope after two people have decided their interaction or relationship or love affair (however you deem) is over, that person would have enough decorum to take it elsewhere. There are a ton of folks on the earth. Why fish from the same pond? IMO, it’s blatant disrespect to intentionally bring emotional harm.

That for me is unforgivable.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:30 am

I can’t picture you laying in the bed next to Darth Vader :lol:

Celisea

July 9th, 2012
10:32 am

some adolescent rule SHOULDN’T be a hardline

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:32 am

I meant to say “can” not “can’t”

disco

July 9th, 2012
10:32 am

slim – is that what it looks like? I was thinking Hannibal lecter? lol.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:35 am

disco – If you find yourself going to bed with a dude who puts on a Hannibal Lecter mask, then yo ass better run….run as fast as you can. lol

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:36 am

disco ~ I’d rather hear he uses a sleep apnea machine than receive a call boasting on a penis pump he just purchased!

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:37 am

disco

July 9th, 2012
10:38 am

slim – it is such a good thing my “cellmate” isn’t here. I literally just bust out laughing. I will say this – you wouldn’t have to tell me twice. I’d be up out that piece. lol.

ATL Guy

July 9th, 2012
10:40 am

Your bestfriend should be off limits and even some in your common circle of friends. Even neighbors or co-workers in my opinion. Too close to home and sets up Drama for yo Momma

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
10:41 am

Leggs it’s funny I just read an article the other day that said single men die earlier than married men because they don’t go to the doctor and take care of themselves.

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:42 am

sorry, didn’t mean to post that

Single and Happy

July 9th, 2012
10:42 am

Hey Leggs how about I meet women with all of the above also (LOL)

Thirdwheel

July 9th, 2012
10:42 am

@Leggs… LOLOLOLOL! A sleep apena machine is small but loud as all get out. The mask does look like Darth Vader and sounds like it too. It is not very sexy and should be hidden during sleepovers unless your apena is severe. Mine is not… Mine is locked away in the closet because I tried using it but, didn’t like it. I will take my chances on dying in my sleep… It’s God’s decision anyway…

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:46 am

A guy I dated some years ago used to snore up something serious and damn near choke during the middle of the night. I saw on his fb page a few months ago that he had got some surgery done to help correct it…got his adenoids and tonsils removed. lol

ATL Guy

July 9th, 2012
10:47 am

I think me dating Celisea is probably off limits …

SlimUno

July 9th, 2012
10:47 am

3rdWheel – Have you ever considered surgery or just not interested?

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
10:48 am

Single ~ Pretty sure you do. My goal is not to be one of those women. I can only work on my body, the strength of my body and my attitude. Some women just let themselves go. I can’t be one of those.

Natasha

July 9th, 2012
11:01 am

To make a long story short “ish”. I had a friend, and on her birthday party I met a very handsome guy. The only problem was, she was trying to play match maker and hook him up with a friend of hers, and she was attempting to hook me up with a different guy friend of hers.

#1 I didn’t asked to be hooked up, and neither did he.
#2 The hook ups were both unattractive.

We ditched the “hook ups” and hung out at the party together, and at the end of the night exchanged numbers.

The next day I get a call from my friend, who had a problem with this, because she said they “messed around.” And it violated the code, and he was off limits. Number one we are adults, you either did or you didn’t, and why am I finding this out now?

People use this “off limits” thing too loosely on the terms of: if they still want that person. If they didn’t they wouldn’t give a flying biscuit! The only people that should be off limits are people who are married.

disco

July 9th, 2012
11:12 am

Natasha – how is it she had a problem with you talking to him but she was attempting to hook him up with someone else? also, she said they “messed around”. in my opinion, messing around doesn’t make a person an ex. lol. that’s another problem you’ll run into if you try to avoid folks exes. some folks aren’t even sure what constitutes as an ex. they are just laying claim to stuff. god forbid you mess around and meet/date (insert favorite celebrity here). somebody or other will be claiming they liked them first.

Leggs

July 9th, 2012
11:13 am

Cold Cut Artist – EnVogue (404) 741-1075 – tix to see Seal and Macy Gray at Chastain on July 28th.

ATL Guy

July 9th, 2012
11:13 am

Natasha – take your friend’s man. Then send her photos to really drive the point home