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Dating without a job?

The unemployment numbers are bleak, so logic dictates the dating numbers of the unemployed are equally sad. According to a recent survey conducted by It’s Just Lunch, most women are not willing to date a man without a job.

Now, this does not mean that women are gold diggers. I think it is a reflection of how women view men as providers. Aside from that, have you ever dated someone who didn’t have a job? They often have a lot of internal issues going on, understandably. They may not be able to focus on which restaurant their date may want to try.

One thing I found interesting is the double standard involved. Men don’t mind dating unemployed women! I suppose that makes sense:

“Though joblessness is a social stigma for men, unemployed women have much better odds of meeting someone. Almost two out of every three men are open to dating a woman who is out of work. 19% say they have no reservations at all and 46% were positive, but interested in knowing how unemployed women spend their time.”

How difficult would it be to date someone who was in between jobs, or out of work for extended amounts of time?

Have you ever been out of work and continued to date? How did you make it work? When do you tell your date that you are jobless?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

126 comments Add your comment

Stonethrower

July 6th, 2012
5:24 am

Before God gave Adam a woman he gave him a job. No Romance without finance.

Lily

July 6th, 2012
7:01 am

How difficult to date a jobless man? Diva, is that a trick question? No job means you should be seeking to become gainfully employed. Period. I think the bigger issue is not understanding your priorities.

Single and Happy

July 6th, 2012
7:52 am

Hello all. In my younger days dating a woman without a job may have been okay. But as an older man, it’s hard to date a woman with a low paying job. With the expectations of some people these days it would be a very hard thing to do whether woman or man. Especially with the extended families these days.

kimmie

July 6th, 2012
8:40 am

Morning All!

I’ve never “started” a relationship with a man that didn’t have a job, but I’ve had some to lose their job mid-relationship. One guy, while he rebounded pretty quick, he seemed a little too content with well-paying but temp positions. And this was not a time of economic downturn either. What helped to break us up, though, was not so much his lack of ambition, but poor money management and prioritizing. It caused a strain I had a hard time dealing with. I’ve always been a hustler – I’ve worked 2 & 3 jobs at a time before, all while going to school at times. I make it happen. I needed someone with that same spirit. The other men I dated that faced a job loss rebounded quickly.

I’ve been thru 3 downsize/layoffs. I have been fortunate to bounce back and bounce back hard each time. After one of them, I was not dating and not looking to date until I could handle mine. So it didn’t and doesn’t matter if dudes don’t mind dating unemployed women – that was never an option for me, probably because I’ve never been one to depend on a man financially for anything. The way I was raised, can’t help it. The other times I was briefly unemployed, but seeing someone, I was prepared and never missed a beat.

disco

July 6th, 2012
8:54 am

good morning.

kimmie – re that hustler’s spirit. that’s what I’m talking about. some people have it. some people don’t. I have it and I’m not looking to attach myself to someone who doesn’t. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been gainfully employed my entire adult working life with the exception of the transition periods during relocations. even those periods were short – maybe a couple of weeks – to get the move complete and get the kid situated in school etc. would I begin a dating relationship with an unemployed man? nope. not only that, I wouldn’t begin a dating relationship with a grown man who was content with just having a “piece of job”.

CoolShadow

July 6th, 2012
9:02 am

When I was unemployed in the recent past, I opted to stay on the sidelines so as to not deal with the stigma that Wise Diva mentioned earlier. Life is not always fair and it can be truly unfair to men regarding unemployment. Women can still operate in the dating world while unemployed but for men it’s much more difficult. Just from reading previous blogs and talking to women in general, it seems that if a man who’s currently dating and loses his job, he might get some compassion and support from a girlfriend. However, if you’re an unemployed man and trying to meet women, in most cases his road gets very steep and rugged. Although he may have enough reserves to cover his expenses until the next job, the unemployed label will likely get him assessed as trifling and lazy with misdirected priorities by some women without them knowing the full details of his situation.

disco

July 6th, 2012
9:08 am

cool shadow – I had to giggle. yep. it’s a double standard alright but it is what it is. would I say an unemployed man is trifling, lazy and has misdirected priorities? yes and no. I understand that in life sometimes some people are going to be in between jobs. some of these people are hard working, determined, focused and will rebound accordingly even if it takes time. I also know some people that have been in between jobs since the late 80s until now. lol. slight exaggeration but not much. I hear some folks complain about the economy and the recession and the hard times and I’m looking at them thinking “please. as if you were working before”. some people wouldn’t work a job if a job knocked on their door every morning at 9:00.

Roberta

July 6th, 2012
9:12 am

To each his/her own. There are many factors involved in starting and maintaining a viable relationship, and a “one size fits all” mentality is a bad way to approach it. You could have an unemployed person with an MBA, and you could have an unemployed person who never made it past the 10th grade. Big difference.

Funny how preconceived notions often cloud our judgement. You wanna be happy? Not judging others is a very good place to start. Never say never.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
9:14 am

Good morning all, hope you all had a good 4th..

Um I would not feel too comfy dating an unemployed dude off the rip. It would seem to me that his focus should be on getting back on his feet. But ya just never know….I have been in a situation where a boyfriend lost a job and I ended up having take up the slack because we were actually living together. It was a very stressful time because I didn’t feel he was trying hard enough to find employment. I guess he was a bit relaxed in feeling that I would ensure everything was taken care of.

kimmie

July 6th, 2012
9:28 am

As for not “judging” because you don’t know what that person’s situation is, that’s easy to sit back and say. You don’t know that person, so the 1st impression is all you have to go on. Plus, it’s not just the “situation” that’s the factor – it’s that person’s drive and ambition to change their situation that’s the big unknown to me. Yes, I’ve seen folks unemployed with MBA’s, PHd’s, JD’s, etc stay unemployed because while very educated, they had no drive or ambition. While the guy with the GED went out and hustled and got a better-paying gig that the educated ones.

A lot of men define themselves on their ability to provide. I’ve never been interested in taking a chance out the gate with an unemployed man that’s dealing with the emotional toll being out of a job can bring. His focus needs to be on getting his situation right.

disco

July 6th, 2012
9:31 am

Roberta – re to each his own. sho’ you right. as for folks judging, we all judge. me, myself, personally – I will not date a man whose living situation doesn’t meet my standards. this includes the ones that live with their parents or other relatives or who have roommates. there are guys in homeless shelters and halfway houses but that doesn’t prevent them from trying to holler. am I wrong or am I judging them? maybe but that’s an area I won’t compromise on.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
9:33 am

Morning.

It would be hard for me to date an unemployed man. Not only that, what needs to be taken in consideration is how long he’s been unemployed. No job, no car, no me!

disco

July 6th, 2012
9:38 am

leggs – no job, no car, no you. funny but I’m right there with you. no job, no car, no disco either. lol.

Celisea

July 6th, 2012
9:42 am

Morning,

No, I would not date someone unemployed. Yes, life happens and I would venture to go the other way in saying life is fair you just have to roll with the punches. We all take a lick from life in some form or another. How you bounce back makes the difference. It’s not that women aren’t understanding but many times if you support a dude on the down side of things, oftentimes he gets too comfy in that set up. So for fear of a man leaning and laying on me, that’s the reason I wouldn’t want to. And in all honesty, a man (and woman) need to work. I don’t even believe so much that women snub or look down their noses at umemployed men but if you’re concern with venues and outings and you can’t even fund what does that say about your character? Should you be trying to date and hook up, when pounding the pavement should be your one and only goal?

I have been blessed and can say by the grace of God I haven’t been without a job in the last 15 years. Not saying it can’t happen, so never say never. I’ve been where my entire team was shut down since being employed here, everyone having to re-interview during a merger and only 3 of us was kept. Again, the grace of God and favor. I was laid off once. That’s when I landed this job. Hadn’t work or touched a computer in four months. Went in and blew them away. I was hired the same day.

As it relates to double standards, I’d say much of that is true in this regard…a man being jobless equals no dates. But so is the double standard that women can’t sleep around like men, void of the backlash that comes with it. So yes, it’s one of those double standards that is what it is.

kimmie

July 6th, 2012
9:42 am

Leggs – Exactly. It may not sound pretty, but it’s not too much to ask of another adult, in my opinion.

For those who don’t want to “judge” and take that leap, by all means have at it. There are plenty of dudes out there that would happily take them up on the offer!

lolalee

July 6th, 2012
9:53 am

I had a long term relationship with a man who lost his job. At first, he was all focused on fiding something new, and worked hard at finding a job. But, gradually, he became comfortable “doing things around the house”, and not really looking for a job. One the one hand, he was “contributing” something so he wasn’t a total slacker. On the other hand, I never agreed to support him, and his “doing things around the house” wasn’t going to pay the bills. Eventually, he became content watching movies most of the day, surfing the internet, and doing whatever he pleased. The end of the relationship followed shortly after that.

The unemployment situation is tough, I know. But, I also think a lot of people start to slack off over time and then really don’t want to work. So for that reason, I wouldn’t date an unemployed man. It’s just too hard to know whether he’ll become a slacker, or whether the situation is indeed temporary.

Exiled!

July 6th, 2012
9:56 am

Well count me as a Gold digglish kinda man…I would not date a woman that’s unemployed!

A man ought not be out trying to woo women when he’s unemployed(I’m talking of the average poor guy like myself) I would have my angssst so high that I would not have the confidence to holla. I mean,even if I was so talented to woo her to the crib so I xan cook for her,what do I do for the 2nd,3rd etc dates. I may not even have enough toilet paper in the house. :lol:

So………

Happy weekend MIA

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
9:58 am

Exiled – :lol: If you can’t afford toilet paper to wipe yo ass, then you shole can’t get none of this ass. lololol

abc

July 6th, 2012
10:00 am

Technology sector unemployment in Atlanta metro is less than 3%. Not too worried about unemployment — but, never say never.

Of course, it’s a bigger deal to women regarding a man’s employment status than to men about a woman’s employment status. In choosing between a successful businesswoman, a retail sales clerk and an unemployed woman, a man is overwhelmingly most likely to pick the one with the biggest teeots.

disco

July 6th, 2012
10:00 am

kimmie – re the less judgmental leap takers (lol) I think back on some of the guys that I wouldn’t give the time of day to that someone tried to convince me I should give a chance. met a guy who was so forthcoming as to tell me in the first phone call that he had just been released from prison after serving 12 years for bank robbery committed in his teens. all I could think was that he grew up in prison and that I couldn’t date a parolee because I liked to travel too much and he couldn’t leave the state without permission. I thanked him for his honesty and that was that. several people told me I should have given him a chance, he’d served his time, blah blah blah. nope. I’m not the one. one friend called herself playing matchmaker and hooked me up with a guy who still shared an apartment with his ex-girlfriend because, apparently, neither of them could afford to live without the other’s assistance. I was like really? my friend didn’t see the problem. she kept insisting he was “good people”. to this day we still joke about that. yep. I admit, I’ll generalize and judge guys on some things without giving them an opportunity to show me different. have I possibly missed out on something/someone good? maybe but I certainly have no regrets.

ex – no toilet paper! you crazy. the reality though is I know so many women that date and even marry men that as my grandma would say are “no count a’tall”.

lolalee

July 6th, 2012
10:09 am

disco ~ I’m with you on the ex-con thing. Folks who have served hard time develop a lot of negative stuff. Plus, there are tons of restrictions on felons, beyond traveling. Lots of employers won’t hire, landlords won’t rent, can’t get mortgage, etc. etc. I can’t step up to take that on, sorry. Yep, might miss a rehabilitated, perfectly wonderful person, but odds are that it would be more trouble than not.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:15 am

disco ~ I can understand your response to both guys in your post. WTH would someone give someone a chance that still lives with his ex gf because he cannot sustain a residence on his own. I could give a rat’s a$$ how cool she is and how nothing is going on with the (yeah, ok), I need him to be able to sustain his own life before embedding himself in mine.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
10:24 am

In choosing between a successful businesswoman, a retail sales clerk and an unemployed woman, a man is overwhelmingly most likely to pick the one with the biggest teeots.

hahahahahaha I guess that leaves me with the short end of the stick almost always :???:

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:25 am

Don’t worry SlimUno, in about another decade you’ll have bigger ta tas (lol).

disco

July 6th, 2012
10:28 am

leggs – I have very little patience/tolerance for able bodied, able minded grown folks not supporting themselves. I’ve got cousins who are just worthless. one in particular is in his 40s and has never worked to my knowledge. he generally lives with a girlfriend for as long as it lasts and then moves in with his mom or sister until he snags another girlfriend. he’s not the only one though. there’s several of them who have never owned a car, never had an apartment in their own name, never worked consistently. it’s a shame really.

actually, the whole “house husband” phenomenon is sweeping the country. personally, I want no part in it.

Hairy-Chested White Gentleman

July 6th, 2012
10:29 am

I know all too well how difficult it can be to try find love right after your employer has gone out of business through no fault of your own.

If any of you ladies are interested, and would not penalize a man for being currently out of work due to factors beyond his control, I’ve had a craving to try my first taste of Blackberry Cobbler for some time now.

FYI: Momma always taught me to clean my plate.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
10:37 am

Leggs – Yeah, I’ll be able to afford a pair by then lol I like my handful though ;-)

HCWG – Laughing at you soliciting for a test dummy. lol

disco

July 6th, 2012
10:38 am

I’ve long joked that if women stopped sleeping with unemployed men there might not be as many unemployed men. I’ve been told the pootang is a powerful motivator. guess this is the other side of why buy the cow. lol.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:39 am

I am eating cherries that I purchaesd from Aldi’s ($2.69). They are so sweet.

{swiss/Ex, leave it alone (LOLOL)}

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:42 am

Calling us “blackberry cobbler” will get you 0 points!

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:43 am

Not afford a pair, silly. Your’s will grow when you put on a little more weight (lol).

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
10:57 am

Are we playing hide and seek???

disco

July 6th, 2012
11:02 am

hide and seek? leggs that won’t get the blogs attention. offer up a game of hide and go get it.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
11:15 am

I thought SlimUno’s comments on small ta tas would have started something.

I see Freaky Friday is turning in Frosty Friday!

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
11:16 am

I was at Publix yesterday and their cherries were $5.99 so I took a pass on that.

If I push out these twins then maybe my real twins will begin to grow. ;-)

Row 125, Seat 11B

July 6th, 2012
11:17 am

“Sup folks….. I guess I feel what everyone is saying, But there was a time when I was out of work for nearly a year and I continued to date as I always did…Those that I met and wanted to date never knew that I was out of work… I think I might feel a bit different if I were not able to maintain my regular living standard, but since I kept things running as always it never became an issue…..

disco

July 6th, 2012
11:19 am

leggs – or farewell Friday since folks seem to have dipped. personally I think they are all selfish. being a part of the blog is a responsibility. when folks go missing they force those left behind to pick up the slack. those who are not present are shirking their responsibilities. shame on them all.

Albert

July 6th, 2012
11:21 am

I am disabled. I have had an internship which paid well, but the money was not paid by the company that took me on. As soon as the internship ended, suddenly the job became “unavailable” because now the company itself would have had to pay. Otherwise I have had only volunteer jobs, never a paying one. I would hate to think that this board is full of women who wouldn’t date me because of my situation, because I wouldn’t give a damn whether a woman I wanted to date had a job. Perhaps if we were really involved I would think about that, but when it comes to dating, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Celisea

July 6th, 2012
11:25 am

I have a friend that I haven’t talked in in a while. He’s been in and out of work now for about 5 years. We worked together for years and was cool after he left the company. He’s heavily degreed but won’t work under a certain amount. He’s corporate bred…lol He’ll do odd end jobs and he’ll do things where he can make his own money (i.e. hustling). Problem is hustling for his lifestyle can’t really sustain. Signing up to punch somebody’s clock for him is not happening unless it’s for about $125 grand or more…seriously. On his last job, he made more than that. Talk about being a snob. So now his wife (who makes mad mad money herself) carries their load. Fine home, top of the line cars and two kids. One in private school one with a full time nanny. Ummm, I don’t care how much I pull in as a woman, I would just be tired of you being a snob when at this point when you can’t afford to be. How do you feel good riding fine, dressing fine, smelling fine and looking fine when someone else pretty much support you? Get on out there and do something, heck anything.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
11:26 am

disco – Daaaang, I didn’t realize we had to be held accountable for keeping this thing going when others lack. lolol What a way to put it.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
11:27 am

SlimUno ~ I had the $5.00 coupon off after buying something for $40, but my total only came to $11.44. I wanted those cherries, but Aldi’s are just as good.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
11:28 am

“…personally I think they are all selfish. being a part of the blog is a responsibility. when folks go missing they force those left behind to pick up the slack. those who are not present are shirking their responsibilities. shame on them all.” – This is hilarious, but so true (lol).

Celisea

July 6th, 2012
11:28 am

I had cherries as well yesterday from Publix…2.49 on sale. I ate a few…not a pound but they were delish! Yummm

disco

July 6th, 2012
11:29 am

slim – I just realized I forgot to add the lol. I’m sure most will realize it’s a serious joke.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
11:36 am

disco – You had me checking my desk for the blog contract I signed when I first became an official blog citizen lol

Leggs – I ended up just grabbing some grapes instead….from Target lol They’ve just opened up their grocery side (off Camp Creek) so I said, hey let me try it out and they were really good. Not sure how long they will keep it up though

disco

July 6th, 2012
12:01 pm

see? i knew it. a bunch of slackers.

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
12:03 pm

“I would hate to think that this board is full of women who wouldn’t date me because of my situation,” – Don’t fret, Albert. We are on a blog in cyberspace…we don’t know you to date you.

“…because I wouldn’t give a damn whether a woman I wanted to date had a job.” You’re perhaps a horse of a different color….

Leggs

July 6th, 2012
12:09 pm

Albert ~ I must commend you because you wouldn’t care if she had a job and you’ve never had a paying job, you must mint your own money….I kid, I kid.

disco

July 6th, 2012
12:18 pm

leggs – I get the feeling we are going to have a long afternoon. sucks because I’m really looking forward to getting up out of here.

SlimUno

July 6th, 2012
12:22 pm

I’m counting down until 3pm myself…Let’s get this thang crackalackin!