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Dating dilemma: Nobody likes your mate

My new beau (I know, I’m shocked too) has invited me to attend a wedding that will have loads of his relatives. I’m not all that worried because I’m something like a Mom Whisperer. Mothers love me with their sons, what can I say? It’s a blessing and a curse.

I thought about the men (uhh the one guy) that my parents met and how awful I felt when things didn’t go that well. Dad thought he looked like an inmate because he had a scar on his face. My Father, the comedian still jokingly asks me “What ever happened to Scarface?

I digress. The point is, it can be problematic when your new relationship is tested by disapproval of family or friends. If you are from a close knit family, you are forced to become a mediator. You feel stuck in the middle and you never want to choose between the two. The question is, should you have to?

What happens when nobody likes your mate? How do you handle it when everyone around you has negative things to say about your relationship?

Should you take heed and pay attention? Do you think what they say is true, “Love is blind” and you have to listen to the opinions of others?

Have you ever dated someone that caused a serious challenge in your other relationships?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

295 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

July 3rd, 2012
7:09 am

Never had the problem with dating someone that my friends and family don’t like, because I don’t live my life for their approval. It’s what you think of each other that matters. If you live your life to make others happy, then you more than likely are in for a sad life.

Elijah

July 3rd, 2012
7:21 am

I am in the top 2…
If no one likes your mate, run for the hills.
Well I have to scratch Diva off the cat list for now….

I know how to pick-em, beside my family is a party family and if you know how to party u are in.
Some dates do not make it to the meet the family stage….But Celisea will get introduce to the family. BAMMMMM

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
7:40 am

Just wow Elijah….I was heading to take my bath and decided to peek in first. You are relentess if nothing else.

Destiny

July 3rd, 2012
8:08 am

@Diva – I concur most mothers love me. But my family on the other hand, they don’t like no daymn body. While I listen, I truly make my own choices. I’ve heard it all; he needs to get his grill fixed, he too feminine, he acts like a thug, he does not defend you…..I could go on and on , They seem to like the one I have now, but they are wondering why we don’t spend more time together…he got another family somewhwere? SMDH

MissMoni

July 3rd, 2012
8:14 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!
The select few that have met my family were well liked. I have had only 1 Mom that wasn’t absolutely crazy about me. At the end of the day, you and your mate have to do what’s best for the two of you. Just remember people to include family & friends will ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say, good, bad or indifferent.

disco

July 3rd, 2012
8:57 am

good morning. personally it’s not an issue for me since I don’t live near any family. even if I did, I’m not in it for family approval. I’d much rather have a mate that could pull off a work function than someone that blends in with my family. my family, for the most part, is die hard, cut throat, ghetto, loud, often rude, combative etc. etc. am I clowning them? nope. they are mine and I love them. several of my family members have mates that no one likes but for the most part we tolerate them.

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
9:11 am

Good morning.

My ex husband didn’t necessarily like my family because he thought my brother was a thief and conniving. When he first met them during a visit home, we walked into Mama’s house with our cooler full of food and drinks. My family attacked it and from then on he thought they were uncouth. My o my, the pot calling the kettle black with his tacky family all across the board!!

disco

July 3rd, 2012
9:20 am

leggs – funny but I have to ask is your brother conniving? is he or has he ever been a thief?

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
9:29 am

Hush, disco (lol). Yes he has been a thief, but my ex didn’t know it then. I had a thick rope necklace with a gold nugget with an “S” in the middle of it that I lost. I know I lost it on Jerome Avenue carrying lil leggs. I wore it out that day and came back home w/o it. Couldn’t convince him my brother didn’t steal it.

Elijah

July 3rd, 2012
9:48 am

@Leggs u know what they say finder’s keeper even if its a family member…hehehe

@Celisea… In order to date a woman like yourself determination with a touch class is needed just to get your attention,,,So until I return to the ATL I have to be relentless to set-up our date.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
9:56 am

Good morning,

I don’t have much on topic. I see nothing wrong with your family’s opinions say if you’re young and can’t see a thing yet. Say he or she is a bum and you’re the only one without a clue…something along those lines, okay. Even so, them not liking him or her should be because they can sense something you apparently can’t pick up on and he or she is not good for you. Now if it’s along the lines of just not liking your choice of mate because they’re too short, or too tall or not making enough…for them, or too fat or too skinny or of a different race….then you’re silly for listening. Like my daddy and uncle would say, if you like ‘em I love ‘em. I’m not in it for them anyhow…them being my family.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
9:57 am

Elijah – Where are you now that you’re “returning” to the ATL?? In order to date a woman like myself (your words), you cannot display the crazies. Are you ATL Guy (like you’re gonna say yes)? LOLOLOLOLOL

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
9:59 am

I’m not dating blog folks though…Elijah

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 3rd, 2012
10:01 am

How do you handle it when everyone around you has negative things to say about your relationship?

This has only happened once and they were right…albeit once they stated their opinions that was the end of the discussion…they didn’t haggle me about it. I eventually ended the relationship and all is well. When people say, “Mama always knows”, I totally understand…

Now as far as me meeting mothers I always win…I don’t wanna brag or sound arrogant but mothers have always liked me and I them.

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
10:11 am

I’d like to believe mothers would like me as well. I’ve already experienced the MIL with ice in her veins, so I should be good going forward.

disco

July 3rd, 2012
10:11 am

my son brought a little girl home a couple of years ago that I didn’t care for. I told him as much. in may they both graduated together and her mother came up after graduation all grins and smiles wanting them to pose for pics and all that. she took pictures of them, I didn’t. she asked why I wasn’t taking pics and I told her that I didn’t need any. she then kept pressing trying to figure out what we were doing after graduation, where we were going to dinner. did we want them to meet us somewhere. after we got away from them I asked my son if he told that woman about his momma. heck, I didn’t care for the daughter I wasn’t about to even front like I wanted to know the momma.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 3rd, 2012
10:19 am

I didn’t care for the daughter I wasn’t about to even front like I wanted to know the momma.

Ouch…did the daughter do something in particular or did you just have that feeling?…

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

Well so far it’s been one dude for my kid and of course her signature says 1 year and 7 months (ugh)…whatever. So far he’s been pretty decent and presentable. Of course I’m not with him everywhere he goes so I’m not crazy either. His mama and sister came over (separate times of course) and I wasn’t feeling the sister as much as the mama. She talked too much and was too much like “sista girl”…naw, I’m grown. Apparently there’s close to 20 years between the sister and my kid’s bf. She was almost sorta kinda schooling me….I guess…on how he’s been raised to be a good boy. Not sure why she was telling me that. Frankly he ain’t my concern directly…my kid is. But up until this point aside from him wanting and liking ass like all normal boys I can’t find too much I don’t like about him.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:20 am

The signature on her phone….WHATEVER!!

disco

July 3rd, 2012
10:21 am

sassy – no. she didn’t do anything. I just didn’t like her.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 3rd, 2012
10:29 am

Okay disco..to each his/her own. Maybe it was that woman’s/mother’s intuition but either way you have a right to feel how you feel.

But up until this point aside from him wanting and liking ass like all normal boys I can’t find too much I don’t like about him.

I understand that Celi…I have a 12 y.o. niece and I know my brother’s nervous about her dating and whatnot. I know he’s gonna remember the isht he did when he was growing up and he’ll be looking like :shock: when some little boy tries to start coming around..

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 3rd, 2012
10:31 am

R.I.P. Andy Griffith :-(

disco

July 3rd, 2012
10:32 am

sassy – I won’t even put it on intuition. I’m being really, really simple with it. I just didn’t like her. lol. everything or in this case, everyone, isn’t for everybody. that chick wasn’t for me. my son still continued to date her for awhile. he just didn’t bring her back for any visits after that.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:34 am

Sassy – That was the hardest thing to overcome. I had the talk with her repeatedly and over the years. It’s up to her now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not okay with kids acting like grown folks but I definitely cannot police her everywhere she goes. I tell her it’s a choice and to know bad decisions have consequences. It was funny when she said (about a year ago), “oh no mama he don’t put his hands on me or try anything” and I replied “so he’s gay, because if he’s a normal boy liking girls something is wrong if he’s not attempted anything”…she went pale and said nothing…

I ain’t gonna lie, it was hard giving in to this thing called dating and so-called love with young girls. If you don’t though, they’re gonna sneak. You may as well try as best you can to give them a bit of rope (not too much) so that they’ll feel free to be open with you.

I’m still having angst…lololol

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
10:34 am

RIP Sherriff Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith died).

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:34 am

Awwww man Andy Griffith passed?? I so liked him :)

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
10:34 am

I see you now, Sassy!

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:36 am

I will say though, I stuck to the 16 year old threshold like my mama gave us. No 13, 14, 12, 16….none of that…sorry if your friends can. You can’t!

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
10:37 am

Celisea ~ when mine would tell me she’s just friends with so and so, I told her you don’t need that many male friends. Had to let her know they all aren’t coming around because they want to be friends. They’re sniffing and they’re sniffing hard.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

July 3rd, 2012
10:40 am

Celisea I’m not a parent so I couldn’t even pretend to understand your angst..but I do agree with that post b/c as you’ve said you two have had the talk and now it’s up to her to make the best decision with regards to that. It couldn’t possibly be easy but at least you’ve let her know that she can be open with you without fear of some kind of mommy backlash. Good for you mami :lol:

Bluzgirl

July 3rd, 2012
10:42 am

I’ve learned that I need to pay a little more attention to my family and friends. Of course, for my family, no one will be good enough for me in their eyes! Since the recent breakup, I’m finding more and more people who did not like him and hoped that I would see the light and dump him. I wish they had all talked to me sooner, but I probably wouldn’t have listened. My mother never did like my ex and looking back, she had good reason. I promise to pay closer attention with future men…

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:43 am

Leggs – Exactly and soooooooooo true, so so true.

Sassy – Thanks chicks :) :) Please know I’m still having sweats and stuff when she’s with him…lol I’m kidding sort of but I know it’s life and at some point they have to get out there and give it a go. I’m just praying that the hiccups and missteps won’t be too great along the way.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:44 am

That was suppose to be chica not chicks…sorry

disco

July 3rd, 2012
10:44 am

celisea – and I swear I’m not calling you out (I don’t know you or your daughter) but when reading the part about her saying he wasn’t trying to put his hands on her I couldn’t help but think maybe she was the one putting her hands on him. lol. we all know there are some hot-tailed little girls out there (again, not speaking on your daughter) and boys often get the bad rap but I’ve known many girls that were way faster than their teenaged boyfriends.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:47 am

disco – I agree…lol I’m not even offended

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:47 am

Yeah, she’s the fast one in that duo

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
10:51 am

I hate compliance training…ugh

SlimUno

July 3rd, 2012
10:51 am

Leggs – Your post about the boys sniffing hard brought to mind: I’m like a dog in heat, a freak without warning. I have an appetite for sex ’cause me so h0rny

Oh and howdy folks ;-)

czBrat

July 3rd, 2012
11:19 am

What happens when nobody likes your mate? How do you handle it when everyone around you has negative things to say about your relationship?
you marry him anyway. have two beautiful kids. then have a hella time getting divorced. ☺

Should you take heed and pay attention? Do you think what they say is true, “Love is blind” and you have to listen to the opinions of others?
loaded questions. just not in the mood for such today.

disco

July 3rd, 2012
11:20 am

C – yeah. it wasn’t personal. I know I’ve intercepted all kinds of explicit emails and text messages from hot tailed girls talking about what all they wanted to do to, with or for my son. it’s real out there. and part of why I say sometimes it’s not always the little mannish A boys, sometimes the boys just get the blame.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:25 am

Ut oh, the list signs of workplace violence seems normal in the world of folks I know…lolololol I’M KIDDING

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:26 am

disco – I would say it’s ALWAYS mannish little boys, heck that’s their nature. I would add though nowadays it’s girls TOO. How’s that?

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:26 am

Inform your manager of suspicious signs of workplace voilence??? All that does is enable folks to become snitches if you breath hard.

disco

July 3rd, 2012
11:30 am

C – if I don’t know the kids my opinion generally relies on who I’m talking too. when I get around folks who act like their daughter is a princess I point out that no one wants to claim the daughter that’s giving BJs under the bleachers. when someone is acting like their son is all that I point out either he’s getting some, trying to get some or is one of those who just plain can’t get any. growing up I was on both sides of the coin. I ran across some boys that had me beat in the “grown” arena and I admit to being the girl who clowned the guy who wasn’t doing anything.

C – can you share the list? I’m curious to see if I’m on it. lol.

Leggs

July 3rd, 2012
11:33 am

That’s straight to the point, SlimUno!

czBrat

July 3rd, 2012
11:36 am

I’ve intercepted all kinds of explicit emails and text messages from hot tailed girls talking about what all they wanted to do to, with or for my son
sweet jesus.

lol @ slim. how did the blogettes get to talking about younguns sniffin all over each other? lmao.

i’ve never been disliked by any dude’s mama. at least not that i’ve been told.
i’m convinced the dude’s i bring home will never get 100% approval (cuz nobody’s quite good enough for “the baby”), but the fam is quite thrilled with current s/o.

as for the munchkins: i’ve only disapproved of one beau thing 1 brought home, and i told them so.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:41 am

disco – I was taking my compliance course and have closed out now. But some of the stuff listed was normal to me in what I’ve seen

Talking loud
Financial distress
Mental distress
Intimidation
Dislike for employee

That’s just some…lol So you stressing over a bill and you mean to tell me folks can the manager you’re scared cause someone yelled at their creditor???

I’m kidding but not really.

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:42 am

We are leaving early today….shhhhhh (heard it through the grapevine)

Celisea

July 3rd, 2012
11:43 am

And (from what I heard), that’s why she’s rescheduled my 1:1, even though she sent an email saying she had a conflict

disco

July 3rd, 2012
11:45 am

re the grapevine. I wish the “little birds” around here would start chirping. so far, nothing.