Dating: Faking it?
One of the many challenges of a new relationship is figuring out the other person’s quirks. You can only put your best foot forward so long before you have to let it all hang out. This can be a great thing, though! Well, until you start to wonder what was real and what was fake.
You know I always say that you meet the person’s “dating representative” in the first couple of weeks of dating them. The dating rep is supposed to reel you in, but what happens when the rep leaves?
A friend of mine is trying to determine how much was real and how much is fake in his new woman. Specifically, he is wondering if she was faking the Big O – early in the relationship, or is she faking it now. Apparently, there are stark differences and he doesn’t know what to make of it.
Would you want to know if someone was faking it in bed? Do you think you would come out and ask if they were?
When it comes to sex and dating, where does the real vs. fake come into play before you know the real person? How do you know when someone is being authentic or fake with you?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta.
P.S. I am officially spinsterlicious!! It’s my birthday! Thanks for all the wonderful birthday wishes, you guys are the best!
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552 comments Add your comment
disco
June 28th, 2012
11:51 am
leggs – It’s written in the snow for us. bluz hasn’t seen it yet. perhaps if she asks and gets a direct answer she can move this show along.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
11:52 am
I WOULDN’T give him one drop of flirty…is where I was going
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
11:52 am
Ummm, sorry. Sometimes I don’t know my own sassiness. Bluz, no offense to you, my wrath is for him and his cowardly ways.
SlimUno
June 28th, 2012
11:53 am
Bluz – You can…so do whatcha need to do and don’t mind little ole me. I just know you said you previously struggled with impulse control and want to take things slow but then it always seems as if you go back to the regular routine of jumping to action before really thinking about what it is you say you want. Chillax a little that’s all. It’s not like yall have much of anything invested other than songs on fb, emails and texts so don’t get so upset at his lack of communication lately and statement of not wanting to be too flirty. Do you think maybe something you’ve said in previous chats came off too aggressive and caused him to take a half a step back (since yall really haven’t done much)??? Just curious…oh, and did I forget my manners?….Welcome again to blogsville
Randyt (fake it til you make it)
June 28th, 2012
11:53 am
Thunder from Under, Pocket Rocket…if one of you pulls out one of those monster ‘Rabbit’s, I’m going to hide. Those things scare me.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
11:53 am
Now if you were my age, I would say something different…lol I don’t have one drop of tolerance for games and the lies people tell. Nuh uh, nothing doing, not having it. You got a tiny tiny tiny window to show me something or I’m pulling out.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
11:55 am
Alright, I gotta wrap this project due Tuesday or I’ll be working the weekend…blah
Randyt (fake it til you make it)
June 28th, 2012
11:56 am
@ BF…you ever slept on a waterbed when the heater wasn’t working? That is effing COLD!!!! I’ve been out all night in snowstorms on multiple occasions and even that won’t chill you to the bone like a cold waterbed.
SlimUno
June 28th, 2012
11:58 am
Cel – While i’m out for lunch i’ll be sure to pick up an economy sized box of kid gloves.
I surely don’t want to discourage anyone from being open and honest.
Bluzgirl
June 28th, 2012
11:59 am
Weird thing is that the flirtyness (?) wasn’t even much. We NEVER touched on anything sexual. It was just cutesy little things…smiley faces, some sweet things. Nothing major. I think it’s just weird, I guess.
I’m not really sweating him. He lives in CT anyways…not like we’ll be seeing each other anytime soon. Trust me…I’m not heart broken if he doesn’t like me. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:02 pm
Slim – Lord knows sometimes I need to wear a pair…lol
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:03 pm
Slim – Get kleenex too while you’re at it.
Bluzy – You gon’ be alright
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:06 pm
One more before I step away…and off topic
Somebody voice their concern this morning and ain’t exactly happy that all of our interns are from either GT or Emory. They’re wondering why no interviews and recruitment at any of the black colleges. Hmmmmm I’m not wondering
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2012
12:07 pm
Howdy, peeps.
On topic: I think I fall somewhere between Randy and abc on this one. Dudes claiming they “always know” or even better, they “always give a woman the big O” is just a bunch of BS machismo. On the flip side, however, if a woman isn’t feeling what I’m doing, but decides to fake it, that’s on her. I’ve been with lots (okay, well a few, anyway) of different women in my day and I’ve yet to run across two women who like it exactly the same way. So she’s gonna have to give me some direction (or at least accurate responses) if she expects me to get her there. And faking it is sending me in the wrong direction.
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:08 pm
why is it that I don’t feel hungry but my stomach is up in here hollering? just plain embarrassing I tell you.
Bluzgirl
June 28th, 2012
12:08 pm
You know…I just have to say something. I sometimes feel beat up on because after I post about something to maybe get some advice, I get people saying stuff like…”here we go again,” “Oh Lord,” “I’m exhausted.” It’s really making me think twice about sharing anything on here anymore. I was starting to really like this place, but I think it sucks that I’m looked on negatively when I have an issue…
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:10 pm
Bluz ~ just throw back the clownfish.
Ok, I’m done with the clown jokes.
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2012
12:12 pm
Having said that, though, I’ve been pretty fortunate in that for the most part, the women I’ve been with haven’t been shy about telling me what works for them and what doesn’t. Maybe I’m just easy to talk to that way…? lol
Bluzgirl
June 28th, 2012
12:13 pm
That damn clown! LOL!!! I shouldn’t have told anyone about him, but even I thought that was too funny! Trust me…my friends haven’t let me live that one down either!
Blackfoote: I'm The Zinger With A Dinger
June 28th, 2012
12:14 pm
Randyt you bet, my friend and I would settle in her son’s room just to keep warm. Once it got a leak and it just poured all over the floor I told her we can’t doing it on there no more.
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:16 pm
Bluz ~ I’m going to be honest because it’s the only way I know how to be and I like you.
Sorry you feel like you’ve been beat up on. But, when you see things like “here we go again,” “Oh Lord,” “I’m exhausted,” it’s because many can’t believe you don’t see what we see and we aren’t even in the picture with you. We’re on the outside looking in on YOUR WORDS. It just that what we hear from what you’re typing and what you hear from what you’re typing are two different things. Also, most on the blog see things the same way with you seeing it differently. Doesn’t that say something to you. Everyone is really trying to guide you to a better understanding, but you may not like the growing consensus.
“…but I think it sucks that I’m looked on negatively when I have an issue…” – Again, I think the problem is is that the issue remains the same and you don’t seem to want to take heed to any of the advice you’re seeking. Again, I may be wrong.
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:17 pm
Bluz ~ I’m glad you can take the clown jokes in stride because that’s all it is. Ammunition like that is hard to put away. Glad you can laugh with us here and your friends there.
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:18 pm
bluz – the thing is you talk a good game when it comes to having learned your lessons or about sticking by decisions you made but then you keep coming back posting the same old same old. some days folks take it in stride, some days folks feel like enough already. at the end of the day, it’s all good. you continue to do you. the blog peeps will continue to do them.
i'm swiss
June 28th, 2012
12:18 pm
Bluz — I don’t think anyone here means to pick on you. It’s just that from the outside looking in, it appears that your issues all follow the same pattern. Specifically, that your self esteem seems completely tied to whatever man may or may not be interested in you at that moment. (Just an outside observation from cyberspace, to take that for what it’s worth). You’re clearly a very clever, funny and intelligent person, and I’m sure you’re an all around great person, but you don’t seem to recognize that yourself. That’s the part that I think some here find “exhausting.” We’re just ready for you to recognize your own worth & stop fretting so much over what some guy thinks (or doesn’t think) of you.
Hope that didn’t come across as harsh — it wasn’t intended to be.
Exiled!
June 28th, 2012
12:18 pm
The President is speaking
Listen up!
Yes yes we Can!
Yes ObamaCares!
Blackfoote: I'm The Zinger With A Dinger
June 28th, 2012
12:20 pm
Bluz @12:08 stop beating yourself up, folks know only what you tell us if someone have a problem with your posting what’s they gonna do nothing but type words. Give yourself a break, hey I know you don’t listen to me but I’m not with the down trotten and negative flings at you.
Bluzgirl
June 28th, 2012
12:23 pm
Leggs…I can appreciate your honesty…Maybe I don’t see some things…that’s why I post on here. I like honesty, but I don’t like being talked down to. It makes me not want to share anymore…
I’ve said before that I’m here because I am new to the dating game. I’ve gone straight into long term relationships. I’m learning how to do this. I’m trying to do things differently than I have in the past because what I’ve done before hasn’t worked.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:23 pm
Bluzy – You’re not beat up on. You’re told the truth. You don’t listen or take in the advice. Based on the two sides you’re telling, folks around you can see what you’re not seeing….again based on what you’re telling. Now, if for every scenario you give the outcome is the same then that means you haven’t learned a thing. You’re just letting folks talk and clinging to the stuff that sounds good. Take the stuff that’s hard to swallow. That’s what’s gonna help you in the long run. You have to do differently if you want a different outcome. It’s like having a hardheaded kid, bump it and keep going in circles or wake up and take a different path. Yes, it becomes a pull on the ears to hear the same story told time and time again.
Take the musician. You started talking about him I know over a year ago and EVERYBODY pretty much told you the same thing based on the both sides you painted. Well, you would toss out all the direct seemingly harsh advice and thanks those smoozing things over for you. You would defend all in the same breath of complaining, all the shenanigans. What are we to do with that? Now come a year later you concede that pretty much everybody was right. I mean who wants to hear that when we all knew what the outcome would be…again based on the scenario you painted? Not because we know you personally, not because we don’t like you but the scene in which painted, THERE is no good or different outcome.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:27 pm
And if it’s that you don’t see things as you stated, then if you want to see you have to be willing to at least digest what people are telling you. Not start crying or get defensive if it’s not all sweet and soft and cuddly like you want to hear. When you have your kid(s), you’re gonna REALLY come to understand “tough love” and the capacity in which it serves
SlimUno
June 28th, 2012
12:27 pm
Bluz – My intention was not to talk down to you or make you hesitant to share with us but everyone else pretty much explained my reaction. In life, folks are going to say things you don’t want to hear and you will say stuff they don’t want to hear. My apologies so carry on, keep sharing and keep working on YOU. No bad blood here but i’m just sayin though
Blackfoote: I'm The Zinger With A Dinger
June 28th, 2012
12:29 pm
“what’s they gonna do nothing but type words.”
Damn did I type that, I need to go through grammar class again.
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:29 pm
bluz – do you hear the words that are coming out of our mouths? lol.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:30 pm
disco – LOLOLOL….stooooop
You are a nut
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:31 pm
Bluz ~ swiss said it ever so sweetly. Print his post, cut it out, and put it on your bathroom mirrior where you can read it every day.
“I’ve gone straight into long term relationships. I’m learning how to do this. I’m trying to do things differently than I have in the past because what I’ve done before hasn’t worked.” – #1 VALUE YOURSELF, #2 think with your mind and not your heart, #3 love yourself and not wait for someone to love you, #4 refrain from bitterness (its a downer), and #5 don’t make someone a priority where you’re merely an option.
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:32 pm
yesterday we brought up things our parents used to say. don’t know if I said this one yesterday or not but my mother always said “a hard head makes a soft behind”. in this instance the translation is if you don’t listen, don’t pay attention, don’t learn the lesson you will pay for it and the payback might hurt.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:35 pm
Now for all of the men that had target practice on Larry Fishburne’s daughter I want you to be just as endearing and speak with just as much love and concern…lol
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:36 pm
….for her. It’s only fair
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:38 pm
disco ~ you know darn well your mother didn’t say that. If she’s anything like my straight talking mother, she said keep it up, “a hard head mades a soft ass!”
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:38 pm
makes…
SlimUno
June 28th, 2012
12:39 pm
Cel
Chica yous a fool
Randyt (fake it til you make it)
June 28th, 2012
12:39 pm
Bluz, i come and go on this blog so i am unfamiliar with your struggles. I do think that from what I have read here, ‘I’m swiss’ hit the most important issue on the head. To paraphrase him, you are going to have to separate your self esteem from any man, woman, or anyone else but yourself. That is codependency when you allow someone else to affect your feelings about yourself. I know becuase i have been there, done that, and have a bunch of those t-shirts (fortunately buried WAY back in the closet now).
I can honestly say that when i broke the bonds that others once held over me, my life started climbing quickly. For any of you that have followed me on this blog, once I was a poster boy for codependency, and now I don’t have it at all. NEVER allow others to control your self image or self esteem. As for this blog, it is good to allow others to look at you from the side, and can be honest due to the anonymity. Listen to them Bluz, and try not to take it personally becaue they really do mean to help…even when it hurts.
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:40 pm
leggs – not that my mother didn’t curse us up one side and down the other but that particular quote is as is – “a hard head makes a soft behind”.
Bluzgirl
June 28th, 2012
12:41 pm
There’s a difference in tough love and just being mean (I guess to try to be funny). Maybe I’m a little sensitive…idk. I’ve told ya’ll before about some of the issues I deal with. I would like advice, but you don’t have to be mean in the process. It makes me feel unwelcome when people say things like they are too exhausted to deal with me. Well…don’t deal with me. You don’t have to say anything. No one HAS to respond to my post. I’m hoping for helpful advice. I’m not saying I want you all to sugar coat everything, but there’s no need for rudeness. That goes for all posts…not just the ones directed at me.
Ok…I think I’m done venting right now.
Leggs
June 28th, 2012
12:43 pm
Blackfoote: I'm The Zinger With A Dinger
June 28th, 2012
12:46 pm
Bluz good one, you got what it takes your MIA’s are no worse than anyone else here. Well mine are.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:46 pm
Slim –
Bluzy – Well I’m one for stuff just coming out. I’m working on tact though. I will say, I’m not one for faking it. And I’m not going to fack it just for the same of smoozing up against another.
Randyt (fake it til you make it)
June 28th, 2012
12:47 pm
After rereading my post, Bluz, I want to add one other thing…the best time of one’s life and the most liberating one is when we are free to choose. what I mean is that when one is no longer trying to fill a need, and is instead just concentrating on enjoying life, with or without another person, then one is free to truly enjoy and embrace a real and meaningful relationship when it finally does come along. cut those bonds and just enjoy being you…and the rest will then fall in to place in the way it is supposed to.
Celisea....ITL and Blackfoote...the zinger triplets
June 28th, 2012
12:47 pm
fake it for the sake of smoozing….
Blackfoote – We suffer from the same disease…lol
disco
June 28th, 2012
12:52 pm
bluz – girl you will take folks there. just think, if you can take imaginary blog folks to the point of virtual frustration imagine what you do to the people in your real life? that is if you share with them. maybe you keep it under wraps and then just unleash it all on here. I don’t know. I asked once before – do you notice folks shaking their heads a lot in your presence? do you ever hear that “tsk tsk tsk” sound? that’s not said to be mean or to attack your delicate sensitivities. it’s a tool. pay attention to how folks react/respond to you. actions speak louder than words.
SlimUno
June 28th, 2012
12:53 pm
THIS is what I actually said: “You said everything I was thinking but I was feeling exhausted before I even began to type it out” No where in this line does it state that I was too exhausted to deal with YOU. Like I said, as well as everyone else here, it wasn’t, by any means, a post to hurt your feelings or not make you feel welcomed. My statement is no different than you talking to a girlfriend and she always asks the same thing and you get tired of telling her the same thing when she never takes heed to the advice asked for. If your feelings were honestly hurt by me saying what I said, then i genuinely am sorry but come on, are we really going to now have an extended pity party for the rest of the day?? Surely, I dont have that much power over you…some of these folks have been on this blog for YEARS, as have I ,and I’m not a ‘mean girl’ or blog bully. I’m here to entertain with my wit or share an opinion on whatever is posted here. I see how I have to go forward from here on out but suck your lip back in, get yourself together and get back in the game. EVERYONE has said it all comes from a place of LOVE…but maybe just maybe you just aren’t sure how to receive love. Because You act like I called you out of your name or something….
And that’s all i have to say about thaaaat (in my Forrest Gump voice)