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Best breakup advice?

I was getting my car checked for emissions the other day, and the technician randomly asked me for dating advice. He wanted to know what the best way to get over your ex.

Now I was surprised by a couple of things: How did emissions technician know I was a dating blogger? Men actually worry about this kind of thing too?

I have gone through a couple of break ups, so thankfully I have come a bit more resilient. I didn’t have many tips to offer the brokenhearted emissions guy. Time makes it a lot easier. Distractions are good. What is a good amount of time to get over a relationship that lasted years?

Some people think that men get over break ups faster, but I think they are just better at hiding their pain. What kind of things do you do when a relationship ends?

258 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 26th, 2012
6:31 am

There isn’t a time or event or a day or a way or something in particular you can do. All the silliy answers of getting under another blah blah blah perpetuates whoring. Just move on the best way you can, time being the one thing that works in your favor. Stay busy and don’t keep hoping or wishing. You take your hands off and time will do the rest.

Don’t let it work on your psyche either. If he (or she) was a dog or trifling or no good, a liar or a pig, not worth you spitting on, they’ll be the same piece of crap of undisciplined nothing with the next person. People don’t flip over and change like that. Let them become the same nothing for the next. Rid yourself and free your space of negativity and bid them on. If you’re smart enough to sniff them and their deeds out, honey let someone else gladly have them. He or she will get the same, just initially wrapped in a different, same content though.

Lily

June 26th, 2012
6:42 am

I have someone that comes to mind as you can probably tell. lol Poor little chicken head is all I can think for the next woman. She’s pretty dumb but that’s her fault. I will also add having someone of quality come behind your “walking away” really helps. NOT jumping bones. Not the same. I said someone new, much better, a quality person. Someone that validates you and your decision to stand your ground and your decision to move on. :) Yes, it definitely helps!

Single and Happy

June 26th, 2012
6:57 am

time heals all wounds, but getting hobbies really helps, basically getting a life that didn’t include that person.

Exiled!

June 26th, 2012
7:48 am

Lily..for All ur morning moaning and beotching bout this ‘little’ somebody,the s e x was off da meter,I can tell. That counts for something so don’t be so bitter!

By the way Good morning!

So what did he do to U that left such a Big impression on U?

On topic: the best way to get over an ex..

If I benched the chick then there is Nothing to get over. I benched her! Ofcourse I can always s e x her if I want go back and get some.

If she benched me and I really wanted her like that,yes,find something even temporary,to house the ego untill such time when you get a more permanent starter.

A man can’t shave their hair,pubs,get tattoos, etc the way woman mourn and beyeotch when they get dropped.

At least women can get cats etc. Shave All ur head and nether hair coz u thinking of an ex? Please! :lol:
Man can’t do that!

Morning MIA!

Lily

June 26th, 2012
8:05 am

Exiled – Good morning! Surprisingly this has absolutly nothing to do with sex more so than how insulting the person became? I can’t help but respect a person for being who they are openly, even if I don’t agree. Just trust me and take my word when I speak to their actions being more insulting to a woman’s intelligence than the obvious issues of getting sexed and dumped. Absolutely nothing to do with sex!

Good try although you’re off the mark on this one. lol I did get a good tickle though from you this morning.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 26th, 2012
8:09 am

“If he (or she) was a dog or trifling or no good, a liar or a pig, not worth you spitting on, they’ll be the same piece of crap of undisciplined nothing with the next person”

Lily wow that’s saying it with conviction.

I don’t know what to tell somebody after a break up with romance. If I did find something it would be cool your heels and don’t let heartache make you do something you normally wouldn’t. I’m here for the long haul today.

Good Morning:

Lily

June 26th, 2012
8:11 am

My morning break is over. I’ll have to peek back in once my shift has ended. See you later Exiled!

Lily

June 26th, 2012
8:12 am

Hello (and goodbye) Blackfoote :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 26th, 2012
8:32 am

Lily @8:12 describes my love life in detail……LOL

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
8:36 am

Morning, all!

Wow, Lily said it! :) And Blackfoote, I love this: cool your heels and don’t let heartache make you do something you normally wouldn’t.

PS: Blackfoote, what’s for breakfast? :wink:

Elijah

June 26th, 2012
8:43 am

Good Morning!

Having a balance life is the key to getting over a break-up quickly. That would include hobbies, friends, family, exercising, when you are busy their is less time to think about the break-up.

If that does not work try Man-Law Number 199. As Exiled would say “always have someone on the bench that is ready to get promoted to the starting line-up”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 26th, 2012
8:47 am

Hi there Light, I wanted to tell you I put 20 on black and it hit how about that. Breakfast will be catered in with love from Chic-fil-a today.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
8:57 am

WOW! Congrats, BF!! I’ll send you my contact info, so you can mail my share. LOL :lol:

Mmmmm, Chick-fil-A. I dig their breakfast burrito.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 26th, 2012
9:08 am

Light You got it!

MissMoni

June 26th, 2012
9:19 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning!

Getting over breakups is different for every person. Occupy yourself with something helpful and or useful. Continue to do you and move forward.

abc

June 26th, 2012
9:30 am

You don’t ever really get over it. You just accept it. Men are better at accepting reality, so it seems like we get over it faster.

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
9:31 am

Morning,

Ooooowee, look at Lily with all her girl power this morning! Don’t listen to Mmeello, big ups to you this morning…lol Whether you can directly relate or not, I understand being irked at those folks that’s made a life of operating under no conviction. That’s alright Lily, find solace in knowing for all the games people play no stone goes unturned. People yell “karma” but I like to call it like it is. Somewhere in their life, for every shovel of dirt tossed two shovels gets tossed back on them, reaping what was sowed. They ain’t got to tell you and you don’t have to see it but you can be certain it will come to pass.

Now, on topic: Like someone already said, I don’t have any advice either. There are a number of things that can come into play. Because of such, how you deal with something may not be what’s in the best interest in how the next person deals with it. So no, I can’t or won’t advise. For me, I like spending time with someone new and staying occupied. Out of sight, out of mind…and the sooner the better. I tend to stay a bit irked though if I have repeated encounters or reminders….lol

Think about it, if it’s the great love of your life and a keeper and maybe you caused the demise or something along the lines where the two of you couldn’t work it then naturally that’s going to hit pretty hard. If it’s some player peeing in the same field but on different trees, see it for what it is and skip and a smile. Be happy happy happy for the blessing of dodging that madness.

In essence, do what works for you and is best for you. Just don’t kill nobody or start shooting folks up. Sometimes you might want to but killing folks have repercussions…lol

Leggs

June 26th, 2012
9:33 am

Good morning.

One should keep themselves busy, not trolling for someone’s taco meat. Get your heart and mind in order then re-enter the dating world. If you’re in the “wallowing” stage, stay home and get out of your system. Time and quiet goes a long way.

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
9:35 am

ITL/Blackfoote – I like the breakfast burrito too. I always get my in a bowl though…it’s minus the shell :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 26th, 2012
9:40 am

“If it’s some player peeing in the same field but on different trees, see it for what it is”

Cely I’m still crackin up.

Leggs how are you, have you had any wallowing days…….LOL

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
9:42 am

Blackfoote – LOL I tell you, I’m wondering if we were reared in the same neighborhood, on the same block…lol I just love folks that “get it”

Heeey, you didn’t bring us no breakfast!! Can I get my burrito in a bowl please?

SlimUno

June 26th, 2012
9:43 am

Good morning and I’m already hungry for lunch :-(

Mike P

June 26th, 2012
9:50 am

WD wrote: “He wanted to know what the best way to get over your ex…Men actually worry about this kind of thing too? Some people think that men get over break ups faster, but I think they are just better at hiding their pain.”

My reply: For a lot of men, we’ll enter into a relationship with a women that we actually do like, have feelings for, can see the possibilities with her and most importantly enjoy the sex. But lots of time the relationship will end (regardless of who’s at fault) before our hearts are “fully” vested into it; thus allowing us to rapidly moving on… So in this case, in our minds, its as if it was just another fugg-buddy “relationship” On to the NExt One! However; when our hearts are vested, whole different ball of wax!!!

Leggs

June 26th, 2012
9:56 am

BF~ I don’t wallow much. I might get a little pissed at stupidity, but when I know it’s no fault of my own, I K.I.M…I don’t tend to wallow over something that wasn’t really anything.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:02 am

(waving) Hey Cely, Leggs, and Slim!

C – I get mine in a bowl, too! We are so twinkies!!! :)

disco

June 26th, 2012
10:02 am

good morning. since I represent the ghetto faction on here I’ll say the first step in getting over someone (if you are the dumpee) is verbal assault. yell, scream, cuss, talk about their momma, their grandmomma and their funny looking little kids. second step is property damage/pranks. pour bleach on their clothes, spray paint their walls, slide sardines in the curtain rods and let them try to figure out what in the house is smelling so bad. third step is stalking. if you manage to get through the first three steps without criminal charges, consider yourself lucky and move on to step four: acceptance.

abc

June 26th, 2012
10:03 am

Unless you’re a man. Then, just go straight to acceptance.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:05 am

@disco – you left out pouring milk in the carpeting of their car :wink:

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:07 am

ITL – Twinkies? I love that :)

Leggs

June 26th, 2012
10:07 am

Hey there, ITL!

You are bonafide crazy, disco (lol). Seriously, why even expend so much energy like that thereby giving him power over your healing?

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:11 am

:) @ Cely.

@Leggs: Although I’ve never done the things disco listed (or even the thing I mentioned) but I know that after my last big breakup, I wrote countless letters to him that I never mailed. Some were angry, some were sad, but it helped me get past it, you know? I think there’s a lot to be said for venting your emotions…..so long as you stay on this side of the iron bars. :wink:

DreamsMaterialize

June 26th, 2012
10:13 am

Morning

Now I was surprised by a couple of things: How did emissions technician know I was a dating blogger? Men actually worry about this kind of thing too?
Naw he was just trying to holler, and that was his way of letting you know he was single and interested. Come Wisey! lol

I’m probably not the best person to ask for advice on what to do after a break up though. I force myself to move on forward, never looking back, no regrets. When it’s done, it’s done. I know I gave it my best shot, so I’m at peace when I walk away. I don’t fight what’s meant to be. So, when something doesn’t work out, I just accept it as a stepping stone to something better. It’s worked out that way my whole life, so I have faith that it will continue to be the case.

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:15 am

ITL – I agree with your 10:11. It’s unhealthy (IMO), to just move it along all for the sake of saying or wanting to feeling like you’re taking the high road and not “giving them power” over you. I think that’s been a cliche for years but I disgree (just me though). I think if you’re angry be angry, if you’re hurt be hurt, if you’re sad be sad. Those are all true emotions…nothing to do with them per se. It’s the reality of a bad situation. Too, I think it does more hurt to not validate your feelings. No you don’t need to put sugar in his gas tank or like I said earlier go shooting folks up but telling him or her to kiss your ass is a.o.k. with me…IMO Just saying

DreamsMaterialize

June 26th, 2012
10:16 am

Oh yeah. Hey ladies.

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:18 am

C – right on the nose! (but of course you were – we’re twinkies!) :)

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:18 am

ITL – :) I’m loving being a twinkie to you.

disco

June 26th, 2012
10:21 am

leggs – it’s just a release. may not be a positive release but it’s a release just the same. gotta get all of that angst out of you. it’s transference of energy. I was angry, I messed up his stuff. I felt better and he was angry. lol.

dreams – I agree with you that dude was trying to holler. his game was weak but maybe he’ll tweak it.

itl – of course you know I couldn’t list everything but you know the list would be long.

Leggs

June 26th, 2012
10:21 am

ITL ~ no doubt venting helps, even writing letters you never intend to mail. But, don’t take action that now make yourself look foolish. Now, you’ll have to vent about those actions (lol). I have friends that have jumped on cars, keyed cars, sugar in tank stuff. Never understood any of that. Sure, I’ve been angry before but never to that point.

Bluzgirl

June 26th, 2012
10:21 am

One thing I learned is that if you keep yourself so busy and not give yourself any time to grieve, it can get worse at times. Yes…it is important to keep busy and pre-occupied, but you have to give yourself time to mourn the end. It can feel just like mourning a death if you truly loved that person. You have to let yourself “feel” the emotions. If you keep them bottled up, you will explode later. Time does heal all wounds. My mom gave me some good advice…she said that your heart feels like it’s broken, but it just bruised and bruises heal in time.

Bluzgirl

June 26th, 2012
10:24 am

I also have tried to get better at writing in my journal. It really helps to just get the feelings out on paper. Keeps you from actually reaching out to the person who hurt you!

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:25 am

Buenos días, Dreams. Encantado de verte! :)

@Leggs – I’ve never crossed the line into sugar in the tank, keying the car, etc.. but in my mind, I’ve done far worse. Something about slathering him with honey and staking him down over an ant bed. Something like that….my memory is fuzzy. LOL

Into the Light

June 26th, 2012
10:26 am

@disco – On a slow blog day, we should make the list. Just in case….. ;)

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:31 am

And that’s the thing. Everybody is different and grieves or I should say are affected differently. What may be a breaking point or the bottom line for one may not be for the other. I for one am not giving chance after chance after chance because I’m not that kind of person. I can’t find an appreciation for trying to make a fool out of me or trying to use me or trying to abuse me. Not saying that’s what anyone else is saying…that’s more of an example. Even so and still, I don’t give second chances because I’m not forgiving like that. My level of dislike on something gone wrong is way up there when it’s not my fault. Mainly because it’s bad behavior. People are fully aware I believe in most cases of their behavior. So consciously behaving badly is not forgivable. Now someone else may be more tolerant and won’t reach that level dislike and could be operating or dealing under the same exact capacity.

Just my thoughts

Leggs

June 26th, 2012
10:33 am

Celisea ~ I agree we experience the sadness, the hurt, the disappointment, even regret. Just don’t do disco alludes to (lol).

Into the Light - Celisea's Twinkie

June 26th, 2012
10:35 am

….or if you do, make sure you notify the WLB first, so we can have your honeybun/hair braiding money on your books. :lol: :lol:

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:35 am

Leggs – LOL…hide the gun, the 5 pound bag of sugar and the poisonous darts :evil:

disco

June 26th, 2012
10:35 am

I admit I’ve done my share of payback dirt in my day. not so much lately though. a few years ago I go out with an acquaintance and a guy she was dating was in the spot with another chick. acquaintance started crying and then proceeded to tell me that she had just given him $1000. she starts boohoo’ing all up in the joint. I get her out of there and ask her what she wants to do (naturally y’all know that crying mess wasn’t going over well with me). I advised her that her money was gone, she wasn’t likely to get it back and he had probably paid for the other girl’s hair or outfit or at the very least drinks with her money. I then asked her what did she want to do. she’s still crying and snotting all over the place. I suggested all sorts of wrong doing but she wasn’t having it. all I know is it wouldn’t have been me. first off, I wouldn’t give a man money but if I had I would have made sure that he would have spent that $1000 on deductibles or repairs.

ITL – good idea. I put you in charge of remembering it though.

Celisea

June 26th, 2012
10:36 am

ITL – You CANNOT make me laugh out loud right now. I’m in a conference room full of people…lol

Celisea....ITL's twinkie

June 26th, 2012
10:38 am

Into the Light - Celisea's Twinkie

June 26th, 2012
10:40 am

if I had I would have made sure that he would have spent that $1000 on deductibles or repairs

disco, you crack me up!! :lol:

uh-oh, C. Did you have to do the muffled laugh/cough/snort thing? I HATE it when that happens. LOLOLOL