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Sex on a first date?

If guys only knew how much women go back and forth in their head about whether or not to seal the deal on the first date. There is always worry about sending the wrong message or killing chances of anything serious from happening later on. There is no easy answer and a lot of times, we just want to not regret it afterwards!

One of our readers wants to know what she should do after hooking up on the first date. She does not regret it, but she does feel that the guy looks at her differently. Should she bring it up and let him know that she doesn’t want it to change things?

What do you do when you are in a new romance and things get physical? Should it change the dynamics of the relationship? Will your expectations change?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

154 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 22nd, 2012
5:42 am

Diva, not everyone ponders or mull over such a matter. To each his or her own, just not for me

Exiled catch me if you can. :) :)

Manny

June 22nd, 2012
6:33 am

A lady practices control. Respect goes out the window when a woman is too easy.

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
7:01 am

I’ll respect a woman more for doing what she want’s to do, and not worrying about what others may think of her. If I don’t respect her for having sex with me on the first day, then I can’t respect myself because she didn’t do it by herself! Let grown folks be grown, Life is to short to worry about what someone else may think of you.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 22nd, 2012
8:12 am

My goodness Lilly did you go to sleep last night?

Ex you know how to say what have to be said.

Everybody is familiar with the rules, no sex on date 1. If her man is cautious because she gave it to him he has a problem not her. If it was a bad idea why did he participate and how can you look at somebody sideways when you do the same exact thing? I’m nuetral but wouldn’t consider it a wash out if we did it on the first go round.

Good Morning:

Lily

June 22nd, 2012
8:41 am

@Blackfoote – I’m the early shift. I know I’m a cheater! :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 22nd, 2012
8:54 am

Ok Lily, not a cheater in my mind early birds gets the worm. Imagine that!

disco

June 22nd, 2012
8:54 am

good morning all.

single and happy – I agree with you. I actually know folks who have had sex on the first date and gone on to get married. I’d rather a woman have sex on the first date if it’s what she wants than to be sitting around calculating how many dates, how many dinners, how many phone calls, how much he has to spend on me before it’s okay to do this or do that. and yeah, I know chicks who won’t give it up until he starts spending the money. I’m not judging anyone for how/when they do it, just saying do what you want to do and to hell with convention. just be sure you can handle what you are doing. don’t be whining and crying about whatever the consequences and repercussions are.

SlimUno

June 22nd, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning even though I’m still trying to wake up after a long night watching the game.

Exiled – High Five! ;-)

I don’t mull over whether or not to give it up on the first night…can’t say anyone has given me that urge to jump their bones after just meeting them.

I NEED COFFEE!

MARK

June 22nd, 2012
8:57 am

I AS A MAN WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX ON A FIRST DATE AND IF A WOMAN WANTED TO SHE WOULD NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!!!!

2CPTG

June 22nd, 2012
8:59 am

g’morning…..

sex on the first date? of course! After it happens, though, don’t go writing Steve Harvey tombout you broke the rules, and how to get back to square one…..Slim….hey baby!

disco

June 22nd, 2012
9:03 am

slim – re never wanting to see anyone whose bones you want to jump. just last night I’m in the bar with my mom (and everyone else watching the game). super fine sexy guy comes in alone and sits at a table next to us. I’m sneaking serious peeks at this dude and thinking “ooo wee, if I wasn’t with my momma”. meanwhile I continue my watch. after about 30 minutes some chick (girlfriend I assume) shows up. I even had the nerve to roll my eyes.

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
9:11 am

Kudos to Manny for being honest and keeping it real and not saying one thing and doing another (probably) post smash.

Live and let live, yes but don’t be talking out of the all sides of your mouth and your neck too. I know hypocrites that live their life performing for attention so they’ll lie and say anything to smash. Right who does that? Hypocrites, liars, rogues (lol).

Hit mute any and everytime they speak, put blinders on if and when they appear and always for eternity keep about 100 feet between you and them :) ALWAYS!!

Ass is always safe around men (a man) of character. It’s just the coochie crooks you better beware of. Sorry but sadly it’s true and mostly it’s the adults you have to keep all three eyes on.

Good day!

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
9:12 am

Disco, we agree, “lisbeth I’m coming to join you” (LOL)

disco

June 22nd, 2012
9:15 am

lol. don’t fall out on us S/H.

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
9:16 am

ooops…Good morning!

now….Good day folks!

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:20 am

Morning.

I’m with you Lily. If it’s something you want to do and both are consenting, then go for it. Some strong marriages exist with sex on the first date. Some relationships don’t get off the ground because of sex on the first date. It’s all up to what both are looking for in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with her talking to him about it.

Heck two weeks ago I met a nice guy at the fight party. He left me his number. I called two days later and he told me he apologized for giving me his number but he thought against it because I was showing too much clevage. :shock: He thought about it and realized my image wasn’t what he was looking for. Dang, as conservative as I can be, a little clevage scared him. Well, my above the knee skirts/dresses would have him running for the hills. Stop worrying about others expectations and concentrate on your own.

“sex on the first date? of course! After it happens, though don’t…[try] to get back to square one…” – EXACTLY

kimmie

June 22nd, 2012
9:28 am

Morning All!!! Still sleepy even with the coffee!

just be sure you can handle what you are doing. don’t be whining and crying about whatever the consequences and repercussions are.

disco – I agree. Be grown about it. I have a few friends that really get on my nerves with their second-guessing of everything they do. Own it! One in particular is “religous” on one hand, and on another hand a freak! She will go on a guilt trip about sex outside of marriage, but taking her clothes off at the same time. I told her if remaining chaste before marriage was really a concern of hers she would behave accordingly and not put herself in such situations. This is one that grabbed a dude to see what he was working with before they did the do. I told her to get out of my face with the holier than thou!

When I was dating, I got physical when I felt comfortable with the guy and the timing felt right. Depending on the guy and the situation, it could happen sooner or later. Can’t say I was ever comfortable on the 1st date, but to each his/her own.

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
9:29 am

Leggs the cleavage is probably what he was looking at in the first place, you must have too long to call (LOL) How you gone give someone your number and then think about and say they’re not your type because of something physical. Were you blind when you gave it to them??

kimmie

June 22nd, 2012
9:30 am

Leggs, you have GOT to be kidding! Please tell me you are – too much cleavage????

I’m at a loss!!! :shock:

SlimUno

June 22nd, 2012
9:34 am

2C – What’s crackalakin cap’n?

disco – Now that is FUNNNNN KNEE rolling your eyes :lol:

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:35 am

Single, no doubt he was looking at the clevage AND, it wasn’t a lot. I have one dress that shows a lot of clevage IMO, and I tug at it most of the night when I do wear it.

kimmie ~ girl, what to do, what to do. I have to keep laughing just to keep my sanity. These jokers are off the chain. If you’re at a loss, you can only image my thoughts. Nonetheless, I keep the faith…

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:36 am

2C ~ I gave away a lot of my clothes last month, but kept those 2 blouses. :lol: :lol: How you doing?

disco

June 22nd, 2012
9:43 am

slim – it’s funny but it ain’t. lol. I very rarely run up on something that I feel like I’ve got to have. I’ve been pondering if my mother is the catalyst. this is the second time it’s happened since she’s been around these past few weeks.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 22nd, 2012
9:44 am

Leggs you had too much happening for the guy, cleavage is no big deal. We don’t want to bite off more than we can chew/handle. Mistaken id, for that alone he lumped you in the catagory of easily targeted women.

Big Al

June 22nd, 2012
9:44 am

Sex after first date = Yes
Sex after second date = Yes
Sex after EVERY date = Yes
Sex after marriage = No

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:49 am

I suppose, BF, I suppose.

SlimUno

June 22nd, 2012
9:50 am

Leggs – That’s is pure D CRAZY…If he feels that threatened by cleavage, he may need to join the monastery or something.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:55 am

And, I don’t have big boobs!

May have went more like once the liquor wore off, he remembered he was married or living with someone. Anything other than too much clevage…

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
9:57 am

To the blogger who sent the topic into Diva – If you really like this guy and feel there’s a chance for a relationship, talk it out with him. If not, your insecurities will manifest itselft in how you carry yourself going forward. Hey, it may not even have bothered him in looking at your differently. Communication is everything…

kimmie

June 22nd, 2012
9:57 am

There are some women that because of their size, if they wear anything short of a turtleneck they are going to show a sliver of cleavage. Leggs is not built that way, and like she says, she dresses like a woman, very tasteful.

Dude had issues.

The men on here talk about how men are not that complicated and easy to please and don’t stress over clothes or status or education & such. What you all don’t realize is that there are a LOT of men that ARE complicated. They DO stress about image and superficial things. You would be surprised. They might not tell their buddies they are that way. Heck, this topic is a prime example. Some dudes have the nerve to judge a woman because she slept with him on the 1st date, even though he was a ready, willing participant! Or, on the other hand, complain if she’s too much of a “good girl” and makes him wait awhile. Some dudes just mess it up for themselves! :shock:

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
9:59 am

Now why you wanna bring me back? lol I’m fighting a migraine. You can trust Celisea knows the game well and have bobbed and weaved many a snakes in my lifetime so no no fronting or regrets or okie dokrs. Just agreeing with those keeping it real. Naturally clowns and jokers and busters will spout the obvious answers. Anything otherwise would be out of character for them…lol

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
10:00 am

that’s for MMEELO

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
10:04 am

Leggs he expected to see more of that cleavage in the morning, not get a call 2 days later (LOL)

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:07 am

Thank you, kimmie! How one perceives another can be mind blogging. Hell I don’t even step outside w/o a bra. Wouldn’t want anyone singing “hang low, sweet chariot.”

Ode to disco’s song choice the other day. :wink:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 22nd, 2012
10:08 am

LOL…….@Leggs/Kimmie/Cely

I can count on you ladys to bring the heat, no back stepping or moving to the side. I like that in your face stuff, without flinching.

kimmie

June 22nd, 2012
10:08 am

Single – You really think 2 days is a long time??

No, I think it’s more like Leggs said, the liquor wore off and he suddenly remembered he’s otherwise “involved”.

Personally, I think he’s a punk. Even if he changed his mind or met someone else or something, why put Leggs down in the process?

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:09 am

“that’s for MMEELO” – I did laugh out loud!!

DJ Sniper

June 22nd, 2012
10:11 am

I’ve had a couple of relationships develop out of first date sex, and there are others that I didn’t see or talk to at all after it was done. Whatever the situation, I’ve never been one to judge a woman for having first date sex, knowing good and well that I was a willing participant as well. Dudes who do that really need to get a clue.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:11 am

let’s rephrase, kimmie, “why heTHINK he could put Leggs down?” :lol: :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 22nd, 2012
10:11 am

Cely get better dear. We gonna need you later on.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:11 am

Ex ~ sorry dude, I had on jeans.

kimmie

June 22nd, 2012
10:13 am

Leggs – Exactly!!!

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:13 am

“I know ur tatas ain’t all that” – ummmm, ummmm, and how do you know that?

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
10:14 am

Blackfoote – Alright nah……only a man’s man get it. Let me get out and get to work.

Leggs

June 22nd, 2012
10:14 am

Hope you get to feeling better real soon, Celisea! We definitely need you here with a sharp mind.

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
10:16 am

Thanks Mmello!

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
10:17 am

Leggs – Thanks lady. You are sweet.

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
10:18 am

Leggs, no I don’t, but he may have thought you would give him a call later on about hooking up, and when you didn’t he looked for an excuse, stranger things have happened.

Celisea

June 22nd, 2012
10:18 am

Thanks Blackfoote!

Single and Happy

June 22nd, 2012
10:21 am

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