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Are prenups making us pro-marriage?

I have heard from many male friends that the idea of marriage could be more appealing to them if the risks were minimized. Apparently, things such as child support, alimony, and asset protection are valid concerns men have about picking the wrong mate.

It seems that prenuptial agreements are more commonplace than ever. Not only the wealthy utilize prenups, anyone who wants to protect their worth and their future earning potential can take steps to do so.

All this makes me wonder if more ways to “reduce the risks” involved with marrying, shouldn’t we more open to jumping the broom?

Do you think that prenups are helping us to become more pro marriage?

Is it a worthwhile effort to reduce risks associated with marrying the wrong person?

Why do you think so many people take that leap of faith and decide to ignore the divorce rates, infidelity statistics, etc.?

Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog.

186 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 20th, 2012
5:36 am

Without considering the question, I’m still wondering where those people are with enough money/assets to even consider a prenup?? Wouldn’t you at least need more than a couple of nickels? I can’t really answer because I have yet to meet someone threatened as a resultof divorce. I’ve seen a few well put together hard working people but not on the scale of losing say “half.” Maybe that’s just in your circle Diva.

Lily

June 20th, 2012
5:37 am

Did I beat Exiled? :)

DreamsMaterialize

June 20th, 2012
6:13 am

Prenups don’t make people pro marriage. They just make already marriage minded people pro prenup. I’d surely sign a prenup. Seems the ones usually against this are the ones with nothing to lose (and everything to gain). I’m not balling out of control, but I did bust my a$$ for what I do have.

Jeff

June 20th, 2012
7:00 am

I think it’s a natural reaction to look for a little protection when the odds of you getting screwed over are pretty high. The real question that should be asked is why we allow such an imbalance in the process to begin with.

Tiff

June 20th, 2012
7:04 am

I’m so in Love with my dude that I don’tt care about signing a pre-nup. Granted he has much more than I do….. but I’m good I got my own.

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2012
7:09 am

If you’re already thinking prenup because this might not work out, why are you getting married?? And yes I know marriages do fail, but why would you start anything thinking you’re going to fail? Protecting what you already have shouldn’t be a problem, just keep it separate. Everything after your married was earned for the family. And anyone who doesn’t want to support their children shouldn’t have them!!

Lily

June 20th, 2012
7:30 am

Prenups simply means you’re taking on someone you don’t fully trust with your assets. Why would you consider marriage in an already what’s mine is mine mentality? No having a preup does not make one promarriage, at least not how I see it.

Lily

June 20th, 2012
7:33 am

Good morning Leggs! I’ll be long gone by the time you get in. I’ll have to check y’all later once I’m done working.

Good day!

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2012
7:34 am

Everything I had before we got married, is mine, and what you had is yours, after that is ours.

Lily

June 20th, 2012
7:38 am

I’m not doubting that nor confused, I just don’t understand the fear if you’re going into a union under trust and love.

Liz

June 20th, 2012
7:51 am

Prenup? No marriage.

Jeff

June 20th, 2012
7:52 am

Lily, one of the first comments when a relationship starts to go sour is “you’ve changed”. People change all the time. Maybe we should start being more critical of women who become vindictive and consider it their life’s mission to ruin the man’s life from that point forward. Maybe we should be more critical of attorneys who actually advise women to make false accusations of abuse to gain a legal advantage in a divorce.

A man should be smart enough to protect himself financially even if the only reason is so he has the means to be an active and involved father if the relationship deosn’t work out.

After all, don’t we all want fathers to be more active in the lives of their children even in divorce? Taking away every penny they have doesn’t help them do that.

Lily

June 20th, 2012
7:53 am

@Exiled, I believe you nailed it with your post!

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2012
7:59 am

If there is no trust, then you shouldn’t get married, but these days with children before marriage, there is more to think about than going for broke. 2 people young just starting out, don’t need a prenup, older established, it is something to think about.

Lily

June 20th, 2012
8:00 am

@Jeff, is that not what love and taking risks all about? I don’t condone any man or woman becoming vindictive or spiteful or vengeful or a liar. But in this thing we take on and chance called love, that’s the risk. There’s always that possibility that things will go sour. Does it make it right? Not at all. Should you become mean and spiteful and jaded as a result? Never.

Better Future

June 20th, 2012
8:00 am

Married for love. After marriage and new home, without any discussion at all, she quit her job and refused to work. Jobless and unable to control her spending, our marriage spiraled downward. When the divorce came, this all worked in her favor garnering her more alimony and assets that she never worked to obtain. Why? Because in the eyes of he courts she didn’t work and needed help to retain a lifestyle she never contributed to. Prenuptial? Do it!

Lily

June 20th, 2012
8:08 am

I sincerely hope for any person badly burned by someone you ultimately trusted, you can find the healing you so desperately need.

Gotta run!!

Big Al

June 20th, 2012
8:08 am

Prenups are like insurance. They protect our assets in the event that the marriage doesn’t work out. Every married man should have one because women are only interested in our money.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 20th, 2012
8:36 am

I get it what she has before I came along is hers. I won’t be worried not having marriage insurance if we don’t make together fine she still have her stuff and I mine. If we win the lottery then we get half other than that if people want it do what you have to do, nope I don’t need it. Better Future I’ve been there and beyond what you’re talking. My ex made more money she had her own accts., when we split we had a son 5 years old. I left them a house fully furnished and paid 13 years child support through payroll deduct with no complaints. You can’t go back so go forward and rebuild yourself it can be done.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 20th, 2012
8:48 am

I didn’t mention when I moved away, I moved into an empty apt. Slept on the floor for months until I began to slowly rise up. I’m not saying it was easy just that I made it through and pushed on. I don’t do excuses and whining and if you put down the effort it becomes easy.

disco

June 20th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning. as usual when pre-nups come up I think of “If you love me you’d sign it” and “if you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to”. lol. personally, I’m all for them.

dreams – that’s what I’m talking about. I’m rich by no means. may never be rich but what I have now is mine and I plan to keep it that way.

exiled – re charity and tax deductions. it’s still charity even if you take the deduction. it’s a win win.

better future – I’ve heard that tale time and again.

DreamsMaterialize

June 20th, 2012
9:15 am

You don’t need a prenup. If you think there’s even a possibility that your marriage might now work, then you don’t need to get married.

You don’t need car insurance. If you think there’s ever even a possibility that you’ll get into a car accident, then you should just never drive.

Banks shouldn’t have FDIC insurance. If you think there’s ever a chance your bank might get robbed or become insolvent, then you should just never have a bank account. Put your money in the mattress.

You don’t need a warranty on a new car. If you think anything might ever go wrong with your car, then you should just never buy a car.

You don’t need protection. If you think there is even a remote possibility that you will contract a STD or get/become pregnant, then you just should never have sex.

Your kid doesn’t need a helmet. If you think they might fall learning to ride a bike, then they should just never learn to ride a bike.

There are risks in every aspect of our lives, and we protect ourselves against those risks (probably are considered responsible for doing so), but somehow doing the same when it comes to marraige is unfathomable.

button

June 20th, 2012
9:19 am

Already divorced and haven’t even married..lol, with that being said, MARRIAGE is not the problem! it’s folks marrying for all the wrong reason or marrying the wrong person. Marriage takes work! nothing easy about it, if the person is selfish, stubborn, manic or any other unhealthy attitude while dating why do some think majically that person will change after the I do’s? I said all of this to say, Pre nup is a big joke! I will never sign one. My current beau has assests and his profession has great earning longivety, and if he were to ask my hand in marriage on the conditions of me signing a prenup then I guess I’ll just say thanks but no thanks. To bad so sad! Material things come and go. Theives steal, fire burns, things blow up folks get laid off and market crashes.

Why do you think so many people take that leap of faith and decide to ignore the divorce rates, infidelity statistics, etc.? Because they are stepping on faith!

Good morning

disco

June 20th, 2012
9:20 am

dreams – tell it like it T-I-is.

DreamsMaterialize

June 20th, 2012
9:28 am

Theives steal, fire burns, things blow up folks get laid off and market crashes.
Button And all of these things have insurance to protect you in case they actually happen. A person who lost everything in a fire and had no homeowner’s insurance would be called a fool. If someone got hurt in an explosion at their job and didn’t receive workman’s comp, they’d be called a sucker. A person who go laid off and had absolutely no savings would be called financially irresponsible.

czBrat

June 20th, 2012
9:35 am

HiYas!

i have no prob with prenups. i have nothing against people protecting their hard earned assets.
but i don’t see how planning conditions in case of divorce could ever be considered pro-marriage.

for the most part, i’m reading real sensible convo here today.

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
9:39 am

Morning,

Let me just say I LOVE MMeello’s 7:51…totally agree and Blackfoote’s posts. I guess yes, we can all define and rationale the what if’s but that’s not what love and coming together is about. It’s not about the cushion…just in case I fall. Love is not to be treated the same way an insured car, your bank accounts and anything else you provide a safety net for. It’s about going all in…the good the bad the uglies.

I could say more but I not gonna…lol

Elijah

June 20th, 2012
9:40 am

Good Morning Everybody!

Celesia I will be ready to sign the pre-nup in 2014.
Dreams is dropping conventional wisdom this morning..

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
9:40 am

Of course just my HUMBLE OPINION…. :)

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
9:42 am

Ummm, Elijah I was kinda hoping it would be you NEEDING the prenup. Sort of puts a different twist on things…lol You say 2014? Can’t wait that long. :)

button

June 20th, 2012
9:47 am

Dreams wow marriage is surly being dumb – down.

disco

June 20th, 2012
9:48 am

brat – I couldn’t imagine getting married and never even considering the “what ifs”. there are always what ifs. I wouldn’t go in comparing my marriage to others’ but I’d also have to acknowledge that countless people before me went in thinking their marriage was going to be forever and it wasn’t. heck, I’ll even go so far as to say that there are some marriage dealbreakers. some things in the marriage that I’m just not going to work through. yeah, I’ll go in with an exit strategy.

question to the divorced folks on the blog – did you go into your marriage believing it would last forever? did you never consider beforehand that it might not work out?

kimmie

June 20th, 2012
10:02 am

Why do you think so many people take that leap of faith and decide to ignore the divorce rates, infidelity statistics, etc.?

I don’t know about everyone else, but if I based every decision in life on statistics, I’d be living in fear, and that I refuse to do. I don’t do things based on what happened to other people. Truth be told, I took a survey recently and out of 10 friends, only one has not been divorced. And that’s a relatively new friend and new marriage. ALL of the rest have been divorced at least once. So it was love and faith that convinced me to marry.

As for prenups, I’ve never known anyone where that was a concern or an issue. I get wanting to keep what you worked hard for all day. But most just had debt, like mortgages and student loans. A little in savings. You can keep that. I dated a guy once that used to talk about a prenup because he had 2 small daughters he wanted to protect. I get that all day.

My pride I guess, is showing when it comes to this topic. My parents not only provided me & my siblings with a nice living, but they provided us with the tools to do it on our own. So I don’t want no dudes ish. I did just fine on my own and would continue to do so without him. I’m a hustler and a survivor. Never took much from men anyway.

czBrat

June 20th, 2012
10:04 am

disco, i married my hs sweetheart. THAT was supposed to be the fairy tale. there was ZERO consideration that we would divorce for at least the first ten years.

i move forward with eyes wide open now. there is always the hope, prayer and effort to see a marriage through to the last breath, but i’m too well aware that is not guaranteed.

i think one thing you should know about yourself and your mate before taking vows is how hard each person has proven themselves willing to work toward fixing the things that break over a long-term relationship. if you’re both ready to dig in to the trenches if that’s what it takes to win the war, then you know the prenup is more of a precaution than a plan.

disco

June 20th, 2012
10:09 am

kimmie – in general, I agree with your points made. thing is some men and women if/when it hits the fan and anger, bitterness, resentment kick in they turn that divorce into an all out I’m trying to hurt you anyway I can. they may not have been the type to want the other person’s stuff in the beginning but in the end they want it just to be spiteful.

if I’m sounding all anti-marriage, anti-love, anti-trust, anti-hard work that’s not it at all. I’m just for seeing the pros and the cons and putting those rose colored glasses away for a second. I’m for hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 20th, 2012
10:13 am

disco in anything I do I go in with a begining and end in mind. Marriage can’t and shouldn’t be held to the same level as paying car insurance, banks failing, and protecting assets. If you been married you don’t even think of such you beleive in protecting the whole family not an indivdual. Nobody wins after a divorce and it doesnt’ matter who gets what because nothing last forever so if somebody want to feel like they won something then go ahead with a pre-nup.

Cely just what I was trying to say you said it better.

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
10:17 am

Blackfoote – :)

If you been married you don’t even think of such you beleive in protecting the whole family not an indivdual.

I agree here too….that “individual” being yourself. Imma just hush though because if you go in single in heart, single in thought, single, single, single….then why do it

Too, if a person flips the script and burn you, could there have been signs there before? Just asking or wondering I should say

czBrat

June 20th, 2012
10:24 am

we can have mad, crazy love and be “all in” all day, but we are human. we are fallible.

when it comes to marriage, love is what gets the dude down on one knee and the chick sobbing like miss america. life is what teaches them the best way to sit down and handle it.

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2012
10:24 am

Hmmm

The law says I have to have car insurance or I can’t drive

the government says that banks should be fdic insured up to a certain amount, after that you’re on your own

I will never pay for a warranty when buying a new car it comes with it if it doesn’t i’ll take my chances

Sex is a sin before marriage, and outside of marriage

I’ve never worn a helmet, my kids learned how to ride without helmets.

Protecting what you have before marriage is one thing, but being so selfish that you want to keep everything after that’s yours is totally different. I have nothing against separate accounts or credit, but you bet my wife will know all about them in case anything happens to me

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
10:25 am

I’m ever grateful moms and pops made it 54 years until he passed. Never separated no brawling and beatings, no cussing and hanging out all night. Pops was a man’s man….through and through. I’m glad that was the example set before me.

Dani

June 20th, 2012
10:26 am

Disco- I thought my marriage would last forever. I always had one deal breakser infidelity. I was always upfront about that. I was willing to put in work and was already doing that. My parents have been married for 46 years and my dad was no saint the first 15 years. I always said I would never be disrepected and devalued like that. So with a 5 year old and a 18 month old I asked him to leave. I keep the house, the kids, all the furniture, and all the martial debt. Piece of mind like Kimmie always says is priceless.

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
10:27 am

My pop’s ritual every Friday (payday) was to hand his check to my mom. He never thought twice about it nor did he complain, nor did he not trust her to put it towards the household. My grandma passed before I was born but from what I hear, he was the same way towards his mom before he married.

kimmie

June 20th, 2012
10:28 am

disco – I agree, having seen some of the changes my friends went thru with their divorces. One’s soon to be ex in particular has seemed to change into a totally different person. Of course, I’m only hearing one side.

I’m going on how I feel and the type of person I know I am. I’ll live out of my car first before I try taking some dudes stuff. I’m used to nice things and having all of what I need and most of what I want. I got family that’s got my back. Trying to take some guy’s material things or money is not my style of fighting. A lot of this ish a lot of dudes trip on about and dangle a prenup about is chicken ish to me, seriously. I’m so not impressed. He really can keep it.

disco

June 20th, 2012
10:29 am

BF/celisea – I get all that re the single mentality and everyone getting shafted in divorce. I’ve seen so many estate cases where someone ends up shafted (usually the children of previous marriages or relationships) because of a spiteful, vindictive spouse. as someone mentioned earlier, I’ve seen folks quit jobs and bide time just so the other party owes them a larger financial obligation in the settlement. a pre-nup can aid in preventing that kind of stuff from happening. am I all for happily ever after? you betcha. do I think every single relationship is going to be that? nope.

MissMoni

June 20th, 2012
10:29 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning All!

Would I sign a prenup? Absolutely NOT!
I’m NOT making any plans or agreements for what happens IF we get a divorce. Why, because when I get married I don’t plan on getting a divorce.

Single and Happy

June 20th, 2012
10:31 am

Enter your comments here

Celisea

June 20th, 2012
10:35 am

disco – I’m never signing a prenup if presented because guess what, I have my own. I take care of myself (through the grace of God) and I have enough sense and conscious to know vengence don’t belong to me. So if I wanted to, I wouldn’t because of my belief.

With that being said…even so and still, I wouldn’t sign it because I’m free falling going in and I need him to be on the same page. For better or for worse IMO encompasses the bitter fallouts. When you state that you should do so unassuming. Really truly not knowing really how this thing could go or how it’s gonna end…if it ends. So if it goes awry your vows holds to you dealing with it…good bad or indifferent. Dealing with it sometimes means packing it up, picking it up and moving on. It might sound rose colored or naive…but really it’s not. Folks make committment saying words and NEVER really giving it some real deep thought. When it’s a bust theeeeen folks are confused, dazed, angry, etc.

DJ Sniper

June 20th, 2012
10:35 am

Neither me nor my wife were rolling in the dough when we married, so a prenup wasn’t ever discussed. However, I can’t blame people who do have a lot of assets and want to protect them. Call it what you want, but there are so many people out here (usually men) who get raped by the courts in a divorce, so I totally understand wanting to have one.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 20th, 2012
10:36 am

LOL….@disco

We used to use that term when I growing up, “getting shafted”. Brought back funny memories.

kimmie

June 20th, 2012
10:38 am

Protecting what you have before marriage is one thing, but being so selfish that you want to keep everything after that’s yours is totally different. I have nothing against separate accounts or credit, but you bet my wife will know all about them in case anything happens to me

Single & Happy – I love your above statement. In my world, I’ve actually seen more women get the shaft after a death than a divorce. It’s so sad. That’s a real man, one that’s taking care of the family in life and death!