I’m always amazed when I read a profile on Match.com with a long laundry list of what they want in a mate. I wish them luck but would bet that i would see the same ones two years from now, with an even longer list.

Not that difficult for me…1) easy on the eyes, 2) intelligent, 3) has a genuine heart and not totally self absorbed , 4) am comfortable with but always waiting for the next interesting twist, and 5) when I am away from her, I am looking forward to being with her as soon as possible.

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…and the most important requirement for actually connecting is (drum roll please) —- NOT EXPECTING MORE FROM YOUR SOULMATE THAN YOU EXPECT FROM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! You want a hottie, become a hottie, you want a PHD, become a PHD, you want a successful, financially stable mate, then become a successful, financially stable individual.

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YUP DM…always full disclosure and not try to sell yourself. Better to have those New Balances laced up early than late!!!

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Dang exile, why don’t you tell us what you really feel!! (LOL)

Maybe that’s my problem, I need to make a check list (not!!) If I’m attracted I get to know them and decide from there.

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Ex playing hard ball.

Being picky is not all bad but be real a 100% match is in your head and may distract you from genuine people. Ultimately you can find yourself with nothing on your list to pick from and don’t forget being picky somebody has to choose you.

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Being picky is a priviledge. As long as you’re single, you’re well within your rights to take a pass on someone not working for you. Wouldn’t you much rather be single than to be the many unhappy married couples? It took me a long time to find my girl but it was well worth the wait. I would guess she’s about 90% of what I want in a wife.

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@DM: Ditto on your 6:22! BTW, it’s only 8:20ish and I feel like I’m playing catch up. I see the EARLY BIRDS are wide AWAKE today!

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good morning. I’ve had this list discussion countless times and have discovered some folks are totally for it and others are totally against it. me, I think a list has merit. if nothing else being able to list what you want confirms that you at least know what you want. in my opinion there is nothing wrong with that and I actually appreciate a person who knows what they want and who will put the work in to get it. personally, I’m very self aware. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, what’s wrong with me, what’s right with me. I know what areas I probably need to work on but probably won’t (lol).

exiled – it’s much too early for you to be shooting us down for not having graduated. some of us aren’t even in school and others are studying very hard.

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I don’t really have a list, but there are a few must haves:
1. Bright
2. Accomplished
3. Kindhearted
4. Good character
5. Educated
I’m bringing all that to the table, too, so I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

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When it comes to being with the someone you can build and share a life with, what is the one thing you believe could seal the deal for you? honesty.
Is the one thing something you would keep waiting for if you are not finding it anywhere?
yes. i can find anyone willing to lie to me in order to lay with me. i’ll hold out for honesty.

*handclaps for me-lo*
way to go, early bird!

great reads so far, gentleblogmen.

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for the most part I meet the standards that are on my list. one exception – it’s not in the “deal breaker” column but it’s on the list just the same. I don’t really care for short men and since I’m short I guess I could be called out for that. a lot of people think because I’m short that short men should be perfectly acceptable but I beg to differ. would I completely discount a man because he was short? not necessarily, but as previously stated he’d definitely have to make up for it by meeting other criteria.

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We’re not short, we’re vertically challenged!! (LOL)

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single and happy – spoken like a short person. lol. also, only short people say things like I’m 5’6” and one half inch.

leggs – my friends clown me because I admit to having a higher tolerance for ugly. I’d take ugly on a good body over cute on a jacked up body any day. tall and ugly over short and cute. ugly and smart over cute and dumb. you see where I’m going with this. some of my friends are really caught up on looks. me, not so much. I’m a lot more shallow when it comes to body types. I be checking for those “prison cut pounds” someone on here mentioned once. little, slightly built men don’t do much for me.

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Leggs I’ve been waiting on those words from a lady, honesty, respect, and empathy for people in general. It takes a knowledgeable woman (mature) to put these words in the same sentence.

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Empathy is an irrelevant characteristic.

Concern for your partner’s (or others) well being is all one can (should) ask for.

As for “a list”, I’m with abc, though with an addendum; most people don’t know what they want until they don’t have it anymore.

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I’m going to agree with abc, a list? Really?
A bunch of “what you must have or bring”, IMO it comes off as judgemental. Everybody wants what they want and like what they like. Even so and still…live by the same standard you carry. That’ll give you a clean wash…lol

I like what Dreams said, trying to convince folks will have you running yourself ragged. And even if I meet every mark on your list, just for having one…go ahead and miss me with that.

Morning

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Morning All!! Working hard today!!

I gotta catch up, but just let me settle a little something with Exiled:

Foolish checklists are the reason why nobody in your MIA class has graduated Diva..well except Kimmie!

I DID NOT have a checklist!!LOL!! Never have I had one!!! Like any normal, free person, I had things in my head that I would like to have in a mate, and some non-negotiables(no smokers, druggies, ex-cons or radically different religious beliefs). I mean, come on, I do have standards! The thing is, people seem to think if a woman has reached a certain age she should accept any ole thing that comes along and be glad someone paid attention to you! Sorry, I waited awhile for the one I wanted and LOVE and was prepared to go it alone if need be!! Like I said yesterday to 4 Real, happiness and peace-of-mind are key for me. Miserable, but able to say “I got a man” just never cut it with me!! I didn’t need perfect, just the perfect one for ME!! Believe me, plenty of women have said to my face they could not have dealt with my situation. Fine. They aren’t the ones that are in the situation, are they??

Now let me catch up!!

Oh, and on topic – If you really are expecting the perfect one to come along, the one that meets everything on your “checklist” you need therapy!

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hey kimmie. here I go again, not trying to be my general contrary self. in my opinion, while you say you didn’t have a checklist the argument could be made that the standards/non-negotiables that you required were essentially your list (or would have been on your list had you decided to have one). do I literally have a list written down on paper someplace that I use to size guys up? no. do I recognize the qualities that I prefer? yep. do I know which qualities I’m unwilling to compromise on? yep.

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@Hey Kimmie – hope all is well.

Yeah, that like is a muthasucka. Anybody that has a checklist that only include physical and ‘meta’ characteristics are really missing the point. Education, accomplishments, goals, dreams, finances, etc don’t matter when you’re not 100 percent comfortable with a person.

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you hear folks say all the time that the older you get the less picky you’ll become. personally I don’t buy into that one. I think the older you get the more you learn about yourself and what works for you. if you are strong enough to be willing to have all or nothing then you don’t have to worry about the “settle syndrome”. my mother’s been visiting for 3 weeks now. I’m starting to wonder if I should put “willing to live separately” on my list. lol.

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When yall start to get off topic, please tell me if yall saw the Love and Hip Hop Atlanta show.

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@Disco

Let’s not confuse ’strong’ with ’stubborn’. [Note: this is not a comment on/towards you personally.]

But if a person ‘holds out’ in life for 100 percent of what they want – not accepting the 80 – 90 percent option – then that person is stubborn and prideful.

The wise man knows that he doesn’t know everything, just as the wise person should know you can’t be everything to everyone (or require that from anyone else). But hey, let it be what it T.I.is

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@ slim, yes. i did. and just
seriously, who the he!! are these people???

dan, i’ve told s/o there are times that my “liking” him so much makse it possible for me to continue loving him. w/o that “like”, that dude could really rub me the wrong way (at times!)

and along with “you don’t know what you want til it’s gone”, i have learned you don’t know how critical some characteristics are to a successful relationship until you find and experience them.
dude doesn’t necessarily have to add to my happy, but he absolutely CANNOT take away from it! that’s a must on my “list”.

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LOL……@Kimmie

“maybe you’re a jerk or a beyotch! Fat and sloppy and smelly!”
Sometimes I wonder how this fails to get added onto their list about themselves.

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Blackfoote – Oh, you’ll never see that!!LOL!!

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First of all, in reading MMeello’s rant and I must say I’m a bit disappointed. Not surprised but disappointed (love you still) at all the assumptions and stereotypes and double standards.

People should be free to do what they want, date who they want, void of judgement judgement. People shouldn’t be held or measured up against what you feel you’ve accomplished as your “to do” list could very well not align with theirs. Nor should you feel they ain’t living because they aren’t doing what you consider “living.” There are a bunch of things I read on here that’s not my cup of tea and I know vice versa. I’ve posted stories from my past as it relates to the various topics but for selfish reasons and stereotypes and clowning (lol..yeah I do it too)and the broken busted women bashing/syndrome, I WILL NOT post anything personal and currently happening. It’s private and personal. But there shouldn’t be biased assumptions just because a person hasn’t said so.

Now, unless you’re just a receptacle (and I don’t believe any of us on here are), you have something in mind as it relates preferences, what’s do-able, deal breakers and so forth. Your right, your choice. Who am I to bash you for that? Even to folks posting stuff that’s apparently and seemingly stupid it’s them and their life and frankly if they like it I love it. But for the most part everybody wants to be happy and your happiness just may not mirror mine. So as I said earlier, keep with your standard and live by a standard (or not) and go on and get your happy on.

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czBrat – That show was like watching a car accident…just couldn’t turn away

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Cely I learn soemthing new everyday from you guys and I’ll admit it’s been very helpful to me. Y’all keep it so real, blunt, and straight forward even when joking and the way y’all gather and pull each other up instead of down is gratifying. Thank y’all for helping me to remain a balanced and happy dude. I wasn’t always that but now I am.

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I did learn how to spell “something” I promise I did. Something, something, something, something just aint right.

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Captain Caveman is in the building…you should not compromise much on what you want if you really know what you want, but understand that no human will ever be 100% perfect, because they are human, and the person that you meet; will always be the same person. They may change some behaviors, but a person’s core doesn’t change.

Slim-I didn’t watch it, but I saw pieces as Mrs. was tuned in and I must say, its trash TV, but they have found some nice fat bootays to put on the screen. I also noticed that they were panning in on said bootay’s in a way that you don’t typically see. Shawty in the torquise mini looked delicious!….lol

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BF-11:57, I see you, dropped some cool on them didn’t you, where you get that sheepskin…lol

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Awww shucks thanks Cely. Elijah bruh, you know you got come correct to see Cely.

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ex – I know a lot of guys go for the path of least resistance and some claim to love the challenge of chasing “out of their league.” of course, there are some guys who don’t admit to anything being out of their league – lol. anyway, my question is – are any guys on here willing to admit that they actively seek out “low hanging fruit”?

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There was a guy on here during the holidays that said almost every other day that his goal in life was to now only date low hanging fruit…I can vouch for him that he was one. He’s not here now…I don’t think…lol…or maybe he is…hmmm

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“I for one appreciate you and never taking an opportunity to bash and degrade and disrespect women.”

Now Celisea-who does that, you might not agree with some of us “others” belief system, but I’m not sure I ever see degradation and disrespect…

I gotta back Ex, the women that he is speaking of exist, he didn’t say the entire gender is this way!

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they have found some nice fat bootays to put on the screen. I also noticed that they were panning in on said bootay’s in a way that you don’t typically see

Jake – Dayum you too? lol The beau was all up in them bootays on the show and was sitting there smiling and shaking his head. Even I had a little bootay envy for some of those shots.

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Cely and I’m just a sucka for a pretty face. Remember that song?

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Blackfoote – Yeah I do

Mmeello – If he goes to wrk,nine to five,join ur 35$k with his $36 and uall got $71k Progress!

I don’t know why but that read funny to me…lol

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Jake – We did clown a bit didn’t we? On those days, I for one am responding but more so cutting and having fun. I guess though I should see it that way when a certain someone LOOOOOVES to talk about having 12 kids by 18 different baby daddies and a grandma by the age of 30…lol I actually agree with your 12:42. A friend was just saying the same thing to me….almost verbatim.

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Its true, not just the being easy and whatnot, but everything else. That one crazy friend, which in many cases is the hoe as well, as she has gone crazy from hoeing…every woman has that friend, the friend with the bad childhood who makes bad decisions, but is really a good person, every woman has that friend, the schemer, if he can’t help me with this or that, every woman has that friend, the church girl, who screwin the deacon, yep seen it before, etc……..we just get a chance to tell yall about it

Both men and women are looking for a needle in a hoe stack…we just don’t mind fiddlin around the stack, we figure, if you keep waddlin through the stack, the needle will find you!!

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And the hoe always thinks the hoe is someone else (just felt like jumping on the bandwagon)

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disco ~ easy on the eyes for me mean, you don’t have to be FOINE, just pleased when I open my eyes. Never been with an ugly guy, but some of my friends may have thought so!

SlimUno ~ I saw Love and Hip Hop last night and I was surprised at many things, Pimptress Mama Dee, that skank of an artist Stevie J has, Stevie J himself, and his gullible woman trying to hold onto to the belief that she’s not sharing her man. Good grief, that show is a freaking mess. The skank artist (whatever her name is) has crossed so many boundaries she needs a muzzle. AND, Stevie J’s woman needs to check that trick with the quickness!!!

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oh yeah, Attaboys, fist bumps and a virtual drank to the fellas for holding it down so far today. Men in general took a collective beating from the female-folk yesterday.

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Slim-you are welcome to jump on this wagon anytime you like…hehe

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you are welcome to jump on this wagon anytime you like

(Slim chanting to herself, “i’m not da hoe, i’m not da hoe, not gonna be da hoe..uh-un, no sireee)

czB – Home girl looked a bit scary. The beau was like, does she have an accent or does she just sound dumb lol I get to work and one of my co-workers said the same thing

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That’s my point, SlimUno, who is she to tell his woman she can’t come to the studio with an attitude messing up her musical flow??? She should have been cold co*cked just on GP! And, if she’s not emotionally invested in him, why take the time to throw your drink at him. The show had me laughing and tsk tsk tsking much of the time.

Yeah Mon, a bit too hard trying to be Rihanna. The Pimptress is bipolar….

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i was slack-jawed at “you betta act like you know”. what woman can say that to a man that is not HER man? – Yeah, what woman would have the nerve to say something…she’s a isht starter.

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@Slim

It’s Atlanta, what else they going to focus on?

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As for the ‘act like you know’ comment, any (most) chicks would say that. From the perspective of the show, ole girl (the skripper) looks like she’s the side piece. For all we know, the BM could be the fries…

Either way, that arse was……..

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I was cracking up with Scrappy’s mom was saying his ex Diamond needed some massengil and should’ve put that hoe on the track

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This show gets a 10 for the GHETTO GIGGLES category

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Leggs – Yeah I caught how he threw that LL Cool J look with the “I love you” in there. HOLLERS But honestly, some chicks eat that up. He was trying to pacify (shut her up) with a large house purchase probably in lower Alabama…far far away from the studio

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Too much testosterone from the both of them…

HOLLERS, I thought the same thing especially when she first shows up at the studio and sits across from him talking about how much she’s been in the gym. Came off quite manly to me

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Leggs you are devoting too much time to work, let them folks know you are wanted here with us on the blog……..LOL

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czB-I know its TV, but I guess i live in my own bubble, cause I have never had a woman act out like that on me…my bad, I have never allowed such…

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I’m having flash backs about Donna Summer what a beautiful 62 year old woman. Same age as Pam Grier, both those women could be my cougar, since Donna is gone Pam always been on the top shelf. I’m thinking about women of color aging so graciously I mentioned to y’all about this 72 year old lady looked like she was in her fortys, don’t know why but it just hit me.

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kimmie – Wait, i think someone did mention it on here a while back..can’t recall who it was

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okay – since things have slowed down a bit here’s an off topic. I’m reading my daily dose of news and come across a news article where they found an unconscious male rape victim lying by the side of the road. I don’t know if I’m the only one but I always associated male rape with prison. certainly never associated with random street violence. wow.

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“Single people catch a lot of flack about being too picky”

Nooooo it is just some of us know what we want and will not settle for anything less than what we want. And what I am looking for isn’t too much, but the things I am looking for are key, but I am not telling what those are because that’s cheating the system and I would like those things to come naturally, not being taught.

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Basically I want the Steak, not the left overs.

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disco – When you put it that way, I get what you’re saying. Hard to visualize that as well.

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disco – that’s sad. I know he’s a grown man, but these days you have to watch out for your sons as well as daughters!

Sorta back on topic – Old tired Michael Baisden has had these shows where he asks do women know what they want. I’ve seen articles and blogs discussing the same thing. They all say women don’t really know what they want in a man and they should decide on that before they attempt to date. But, when women do know what they want and say it, then they are accused of being too picky or not wanting the “right” things.

Can’t win for losing!! That’s why you just live your life and everyone else be damned!

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I’m so afraid for my kid and everybody elses because this world seems like it’s getting worse by the minute. You can teach and teach and teach but if what’s around them is more appealing then you’re in for a battle.

On getting a steak….make sure you don’t come wrapped in a SPAM can yaself…lol I KID I KID…sort of. Everybody is somebody’s leftovers but like we said earlier go for what you want. Just saying to get someone not used means hitting up prek-ers…lol

I’M KIDDING!!!!

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I know ya’ll are off topic now, but I thought I’d chime in real quick. I’ve been told in the past that I set my standards too low (which I’m sure ya’ll would agree). I’m learning to set them higher, but not too high. I don’t have a list, but I’m learning the things that I will and will not tolerate anymore. I guess I should say that musicians and clowns are now non-negotiables!!! LOL

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Kimmie – Not to co-sign Baisden as I am not one of his fans. I will say for the most part people in general (Men and Women) don’t know what they want. They can tell you quick what they don’t want. It is a dayumed if you do or don’t scenario. You don’t strike me as the type to care either way tho.

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Bluz ~ especially short short clowns!

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I actually have my new stun gun fully charged and ready to go

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Speaking of stun guns, I’m investing in one and a pistol….it’s bad in the streets and those same people want to take if out the streets and into stranger’s homes!

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Celisea~thanks for the props awhile back. Your posts alway keep my head nodding up and down and a few times left and right But always smiling

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@WD ~ oh…I’m gonna get a gun….

I wouldn’t necessarily automatically think of “slavery” when I saw those sneakers. My initial thought would be “dang, those are some ugly sneakers.” Then, I may think of slavery.

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With that combination in front of me, disco, slavery will be front and center!

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cba – I know I know…sometimes with the craziness you can’t help but go left and right

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LMAO @ disco. foolish woman!

my first thought was actually jailbirds. i think cuz of the orange color choice. but yeah, i asked myself is there NO ONE in that company with enough sense to say “bad idea!” before that shoe made it to somebody’s sales floor?

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Leggs – My next move will be to get a gun…I just haven’t found one I want to call my Ride or Die on the side, just yet. lol

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Now that I’m living alone again, I’ve been thinking about a gun, but need to take courses on how to use and maintain it. I’m not comfortable at all with guns. I’ve thought about a stun gun, but those are just as expensive!!!

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Yeah, bluzgirl, nobody wants a musician. The musicians themselves can understand it.

I think pretty much every player I’ve ever known has had a girlfriend or wife that tried to make them quit playing, including me. It was fairly commonplace that upon returning from a tour, one of the guys would go home to an empty house — his wife and kids were now living with their pastor or something.

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bluz, i have a date at the range with my brothers next month. i cannot wait!! after my lesson i’m gonna have to go into baby sis mode to see if i can con one of them out of a glock. i refused to have a weapon in the house while my kids were kids, but i’m ready now!

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Yeah, czB, I too am ready.

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abc – You live where you don’t need a gun…and exactly where is that because I figured we live in times where no neighborhood is exempt from crime. (Unless of course you’re living in a hidden underground bunker with a secret entrance

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WOW

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And I do that daily….every morning before leaving and every night before I lay me down to sleep.

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And if I lose my life, Heaven ultimately is my goal. I don’t want to die at the hand of someone breaking in or rape or even the cross fire but if that’s the way I’m destined to go….again Heaven is my goal. That’s why you can’t sweat the small stuff. None of this stuff we talk about or worry about is going to cross over into eternity.

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There is a musical couple that live next door to me. Both have full-time jobs, husband plays sax/trumpet & wife sings. Even their young daughter plays piano and sings. They perform in their church and the husband is in a band that plays local gigs. The wife sings with the band from time to time. They are a beautiful, talented family.

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Also…thanks for the info for Divas in Defense. Gonna check that out. Also, need to save the money for a gun. I’ve been to a shooting range once and it felt pretty good to shoot a gun. I’m sure they offer classes at the one close to me.

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Hurry hurry! Get your new Adidas shackle shoes, along with Brooks Brothers custom maede cashmere orange jumbpsuit, and the soon to be released Rolex diamond double wrist shackles. This new style is taking over. It’s called Penitentiary Chic!

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Dreams – Your post reminds me of In Living Color where the Wayans Brothers had the Homeboy shopping network…..Mo money, mo money, mo money! lol

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