Relationships: Almost doesn’t count?
Single people catch a lot of flack about being too picky, having loads of items on their dating checklists, and being a little unreasonable about who would be a good match for us. Is it really mandatory to have all that in one person to make us happy with who we pick?
Often, I am inclined to agree that we focus too much on perfect matching, and less on authentic compatibility. How close do we need to be to get the most important things we want in a mate?
If we think we want a certain type of person, does it count if you meet someone with 80% of what you think is ideal?
If you rank the top traits of an ideal mate, what do you do when you meet someone with most, but not all of those traits? Do you hold out for the 100 %? Is it foolish to believe that the person actually exists?
When it comes to being with the someone you can build and share a life with, what is the one thing you believe could seal the deal for you? Is the one thing something you would keep waiting for if you are not finding it anywhere?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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172 comments Add your comment
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
11:36 am
First of all, in reading MMeello’s rant and I must say I’m a bit disappointed. Not surprised but disappointed (love you still) at all the assumptions and stereotypes and double standards.
People should be free to do what they want, date who they want, void of judgement judgement. People shouldn’t be held or measured up against what you feel you’ve accomplished as your “to do” list could very well not align with theirs. Nor should you feel they ain’t living because they aren’t doing what you consider “living.” There are a bunch of things I read on here that’s not my cup of tea and I know vice versa. I’ve posted stories from my past as it relates to the various topics but for selfish reasons and stereotypes and clowning (lol..yeah I do it too)and the broken busted women bashing/syndrome, I WILL NOT post anything personal and currently happening. It’s private and personal. But there shouldn’t be biased assumptions just because a person hasn’t said so.
Now, unless you’re just a receptacle (and I don’t believe any of us on here are), you have something in mind as it relates preferences, what’s do-able, deal breakers and so forth. Your right, your choice. Who am I to bash you for that? Even to folks posting stuff that’s apparently and seemingly stupid it’s them and their life and frankly if they like it I love it. But for the most part everybody wants to be happy and your happiness just may not mirror mine. So as I said earlier, keep with your standard and live by a standard (or not) and go on and get your happy on.
Dynamic
June 19th, 2012
11:38 am
Exiled this is what I said yesterday- If I met somone who meets all my criteria for dating, finances, religion, height, and can throw tha “D”! I think I can committ quick…maybe not in two weeks, but 6 months.
You are bringing what I said yesterday into a conversation today.
I am woman enough to understand that good sex is an important quality for my marriage,…. maybe not for you which is your choice for your life. But don’t degrade me on a blog for my desires. They are simply different from you. No I don’t have a long list of things that I require in a mate, nor did I list them all on yesterday.
BTW- What kind of degree do you have?
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
11:41 am
czBrat – That show was like watching a car accident…just couldn’t turn away
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
11:44 am
And to tack on to my last paragraph, I don’t believe a list is mature…just my humble opinion. I believe go with what you desire and preference (some may say it’s the same…for me it’s not). I mean go with what meshes with you, go with what vibes with you. Usually for me none of what “clicks” for me is on a list. It just works well for the both of us. I think too, that list will skew your outlook. If you have one and no one comes along, be careful because you’ll start adding stuff back in that you wouldn’t have done say 10 years ago. That’s why I fall back on living by a standard. That’ll weec out the crazies (and all that other stuff) for you everytime.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
11:57 am
Cely I learn soemthing new everyday from you guys and I’ll admit it’s been very helpful to me. Y’all keep it so real, blunt, and straight forward even when joking and the way y’all gather and pull each other up instead of down is gratifying. Thank y’all for helping me to remain a balanced and happy dude. I wasn’t always that but now I am.
Mike P
June 19th, 2012
11:59 am
Good morning!
I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with having a list per SE; the trouble get into with this whole thing is lots of times they don’t know their “worth or value” to others. I think someone early used a car analogy… well it’s like when a person has a certain possession that has special value to her; like a family heirloom for example. It just may be very valuable indeed to you, your family, and some of your closets of friends, but you can’t trade it for a brand new Benz with it. I doubt that the auto dealer will take you very seriously at all… “you cant buy new car from my lot, all you’re worth (to him) or all you can afford is a used, beat up clunker from the used lot (fl’ck-able but not marriage worthy).” he says
Just remember. you can have all the lists and requirements you want. you can choose whomever you desire… but know that he/she has to choose you as well.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
12:02 pm
I did learn how to spell “something” I promise I did. Something, something, something, something just aint right.
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:05 pm
Blackfoote – Thank you for the compliment. Most folks think straight forward is being mean or bullying or bashing (notice how I’m singled out a lot) but really frank and honest with a hint of tack (yeah I’m working on it), goes a long way. Like I said, it keep the crazies at bay. I must move it along or move over when I see/feel/hear it…lol
I get the feeling though that you’re one of those that stand out. You strike me as already being a gentleman. There are others but I peeped that long ago
I for one appreciate you and never taking an opportunity to bash and degrade and disrespect women. It’s easy to do but not going there goes a long way with me. Not just the blog women but women overall. I have much respect for you and cba, and others.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
12:05 pm
Captain Caveman is in the building…you should not compromise much on what you want if you really know what you want, but understand that no human will ever be 100% perfect, because they are human, and the person that you meet; will always be the same person. They may change some behaviors, but a person’s core doesn’t change.
Slim-I didn’t watch it, but I saw pieces as Mrs. was tuned in and I must say, its trash TV, but they have found some nice fat bootays to put on the screen. I also noticed that they were panning in on said bootay’s in a way that you don’t typically see. Shawty in the torquise mini looked delicious!….lol
disco
June 19th, 2012
12:08 pm
mike p – you make me think of all the folks who get on that “know your worth”” kick. while I’m all for self worth and knowing your value and all that I also understand that others have a role in determining worth. granted this is primarily when dealing with tangible things but can apply to people in another sense. I’ve heard people say “I’m worth it” under certain circumstances when they feel like they are entitled to something and I’m thinking “yeah effin right”.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
12:10 pm
BF-11:57, I see you, dropped some cool on them didn’t you, where you get that sheepskin…lol
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:14 pm
I hit the gym yesterday and I am sore
Gotta get in tip top for vacay 
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
12:15 pm
Awww shucks thanks Cely. Elijah bruh, you know you got come correct to see Cely.
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:18 pm
Blackfoote –
You alright with me.
Mmeello – I still love you though
disco
June 19th, 2012
12:18 pm
ex – I know a lot of guys go for the path of least resistance and some claim to love the challenge of chasing “out of their league.” of course, there are some guys who don’t admit to anything being out of their league – lol. anyway, my question is – are any guys on here willing to admit that they actively seek out “low hanging fruit”?
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
12:21 pm
LOL……@Jake
Jake a hand tailored new and improved sheepskin, you can’t even tell where the hem lines are…….LOL
Cely you know I’m fooling around with Jake.
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:24 pm
There was a guy on here during the holidays that said almost every other day that his goal in life was to now only date low hanging fruit…I can vouch for him that he was one. He’s not here now…I don’t think…lol…or maybe he is…hmmm
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:24 pm
Blackfoote – It’s okay, I’m a sucka for a gentleman
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
12:25 pm
“I for one appreciate you and never taking an opportunity to bash and degrade and disrespect women.”
Now Celisea-who does that, you might not agree with some of us “others” belief system, but I’m not sure I ever see degradation and disrespect…
I gotta back Ex, the women that he is speaking of exist, he didn’t say the entire gender is this way!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
12:29 pm
LOL……@EX
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
12:29 pm
they have found some nice fat bootays to put on the screen. I also noticed that they were panning in on said bootay’s in a way that you don’t typically see
Jake – Dayum you too? lol The beau was all up in them bootays on the show and was sitting there smiling and shaking his head. Even I had a little bootay envy for some of those shots.
czBrat
June 19th, 2012
12:32 pm
blog Mafia eating posts
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
June 19th, 2012
12:33 pm
Cely and I’m just a sucka for a pretty face. Remember that song?
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:33 pm
Jaaaaaake – I guess it just depends on what you would deem “disrespect.” Most times no, not all out bashing but the undertone says a lot. You gotta admit though, there are plenty times when the menfolks are screaming bloody murder against the womenfolk…lol
Yeah, that was smooth of Blackfoote wasn’t it? lol
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:35 pm
Blackfoote – Yeah I do
Mmeello – If he goes to wrk,nine to five,join ur 35$k with his $36 and uall got $71k Progress!
I don’t know why but that read funny to me…lol
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
12:42 pm
Slim-I knew I wasn’t crazy, each time one would stand or something, the camera would zoom in.
Cel- i think thats part of the ebb and flow, the ladies were all over broke/sorry dudes yesterday… I believe that the guys here speak from their experiences, and have opened Pandora’s box a bit, ya’ll didn’t know there was so much low-hanging fruit, its not just that one friend of yours who is a hoe, but every woman has a friend like that, and we know who she is.
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
12:47 pm
Jake – We did clown a bit didn’t we? On those days, I for one am responding but more so cutting and having fun. I guess though I should see it that way when a certain someone LOOOOOVES to talk about having 12 kids by 18 different baby daddies and a grandma by the age of 30…lol I actually agree with your 12:42. A friend was just saying the same thing to me….almost verbatim.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
June 19th, 2012
12:52 pm
@Jake
Depending on how many drinks they’ve had, one woman will tell you about the ho3….
#teamfemalefriends
#backwhenIwassingle
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
12:58 pm
Its true, not just the being easy and whatnot, but everything else. That one crazy friend, which in many cases is the hoe as well, as she has gone crazy from hoeing…every woman has that friend, the friend with the bad childhood who makes bad decisions, but is really a good person, every woman has that friend, the schemer, if he can’t help me with this or that, every woman has that friend, the church girl, who screwin the deacon, yep seen it before, etc……..we just get a chance to tell yall about it
Both men and women are looking for a needle in a hoe stack…we just don’t mind fiddlin around the stack, we figure, if you keep waddlin through the stack, the needle will find you!!
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
1:00 pm
Dan-Exactly
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:02 pm
And the hoe always thinks the hoe is someone else
(just felt like jumping on the bandwagon)
Celisea
June 19th, 2012
1:04 pm
Only if you’ve hoe’d around. If you haven’t then there’s no mistaking.
Leggs
June 19th, 2012
1:06 pm
disco ~ easy on the eyes for me mean, you don’t have to be FOINE, just pleased when I open my eyes. Never been with an ugly guy, but some of my friends may have thought so!
SlimUno ~ I saw Love and Hip Hop last night and I was surprised at many things, Pimptress Mama Dee, that skank of an artist Stevie J has, Stevie J himself, and his gullible woman trying to hold onto to the belief that she’s not sharing her man. Good grief, that show is a freaking mess. The skank artist (whatever her name is) has crossed so many boundaries she needs a muzzle. AND, Stevie J’s woman needs to check that trick with the quickness!!!
Willie Dynamite
June 19th, 2012
1:21 pm
Afternoon All,
Topic – Everyone is an almost. I never kept a list but I understand why someone would. Rather it is long or short most folks have some idea of what they “THINK” they like. Most lists are moving targets and decipherable only to the person that makes them. It could be as simple as like/dislikes, negotiables/non-negotiables, etc. At any rate I think its just a way for folks to find their lane. Problem is some folks never find the right lane yet keep blaming the traffic.
Willie Dynamite
June 19th, 2012
1:23 pm
oh yeah, Attaboys, fist bumps and a virtual drank to the fellas for holding it down so far today. Men in general took a collective beating from the female-folk yesterday.
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:28 pm
Leggs – I thought to myself that they really packed a lot of mess in the first show. Did you catch the skank artist tell Stevies woman that she was not going to ride with them anywhere with that attitude after they were accused of kissing?
Side piece is not supposed to be flapping them lips at the main chick. lol Pimptress Kingpin Mama Dee reminds me of Jim Jones’ mother minus the deep smoking 8 packs of cigarettes voice…plus Keyshia Cole’s mom all in one. Did you catch the apartment of Lil Scrappy’s baby mama? I was like, she must be off Godby road someone..I haven’t seen cabinents that old in a while. There was so many things wrong with that show. And did you think Skank artist was trying a bit hard to be a Rihanna type?
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
June 19th, 2012
1:31 pm
Slim-you are welcome to jump on this wagon anytime you like…hehe
czBrat
June 19th, 2012
1:36 pm
slim, leggs … i was slack-jawed at “you betta act like you know”. what woman can say that to a man that is not HER man?
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:38 pm
you are welcome to jump on this wagon anytime you like
(Slim chanting to herself, “i’m not da hoe, i’m not da hoe, not gonna be da hoe..uh-un, no sireee)
czB – Home girl looked a bit scary. The beau was like, does she have an accent or does she just sound dumb lol I get to work and one of my co-workers said the same thing
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
June 19th, 2012
1:42 pm
slow golf clap to the producers for the slow booty shot…
Leggs
June 19th, 2012
1:44 pm
That’s my point, SlimUno, who is she to tell his woman she can’t come to the studio with an attitude messing up her musical flow??? She should have been cold co*cked just on GP! And, if she’s not emotionally invested in him, why take the time to throw your drink at him. The show had me laughing and tsk tsk tsking much of the time.
Yeah Mon, a bit too hard trying to be Rihanna. The Pimptress is bipolar….
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:44 pm
Dan – Just goes to show how the eyes tend to drift to certain parts of the human body. At one point, I thought I was watching Love and Hip Hop Booties of Atlanta
Leggs
June 19th, 2012
1:45 pm
i was slack-jawed at “you betta act like you know”. what woman can say that to a man that is not HER man? – Yeah, what woman would have the nerve to say something…she’s a isht starter.
kimmie
June 19th, 2012
1:48 pm
Dang, imma have to check out that crazy show!! All the other shows I watch are showing reruns now anyway.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
June 19th, 2012
1:51 pm
@Slim
It’s Atlanta, what else they going to focus on?
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:52 pm
Leggs – Yeah I was cracking up almost the whole show and even talked to the tv like Oh no she didn’t. I almost forgot about ole girl throwing her drink at Stevie as if she has any right to be upset. And as far as Stevie goes, why would you have your side piece on the show when you know your lady will be watching it. I wonder just how far out that house he bought for her was because she really didn’t seem thrilled.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
June 19th, 2012
1:53 pm
As for the ‘act like you know’ comment, any (most) chicks would say that. From the perspective of the show, ole girl (the skripper) looks like she’s the side piece. For all we know, the BM could be the fries…
Either way, that arse was……..
czBrat
June 19th, 2012
1:55 pm
leggs, it could just be the way they edit that scene, but it seemed like when she threw the drink at him, he turned around and came back to sit by her. almost like she checked him with that move and he obeyed. who the f@ck does that and claim there’s nothing going on between them?!?!?
i mean, how the he!! is that a manager/artist relationship?!?
SlimUno
June 19th, 2012
1:57 pm
I was cracking up with Scrappy’s mom was saying his ex Diamond needed some massengil and should’ve put that hoe on the track
Leggs
June 19th, 2012
1:58 pm
Stevie J has game! He’s smooth. Any of you laugh when she’s trying to chide him for buying that house away from the city while he stays in town and in the middle of her rant he smoothly and softly says “I love You?” Lil leggs and I both fell out laughing.
Bet many people said “oh no you didn’t” at least twice. I know we did. Even her boobs look r idi cu lous. Watching her, she looked a little like Prince, RuPaul, Rihianna and Rosie Perez.