I absolutely would not however, as crazy as this is going to sound I don’t think it’s all that far fetch. I don’t believe the issue with people staying together is so much how long you’ve known one another but rather the inability to commit. Don’t get me won’t, yes you need time to get to know a person but whether it’s two weeks or two years you won’t know until you take that leap. People don’t want to stay and work it out. People have become selfish and all about what works for self, uncommitted and no sticktoittiveness.

• Link
• Report this comment

My grandmother was 13 or 14 when she saw this crazy guy diving off of a bridge into the Tennessee River. She said, “That’s the man I’m going to marry”…and did, “until death do us part” 50 years later. However that was in the 1920’s.

Now I’m not sure how to handicap this. I’ve seen just as many marriages go bad after long courtships (and living together frankly has seemed like a real deal killer), and I’ve seen marriages work well with only the briefest of courtships. At the end of the day, it is all about the COMMITMENT of the two parties (plural).

• Link
• Report this comment

I guess it’s possible for somebody to ‘know’ that they want to marry that quickly, but I definitely wouldn’t do that. What would be the point? What’s the rush?

No sense comparing today’s relationships with those of years back. Times really were different. Divorce had such a huge stigma that many people stayed in horrible, abusive marriages. Women weren’t really in the work force, so didn’t have a way to walk away. Now, of course, the pendulum has swung SO FAR in the other direction, it’s crazy. Seems like we need to find a middle ground. Get married, stay married — but not under all circumstances.

• Link
• Report this comment

“Would you marry someone after two weeks of knowing them?”

I have a friend who finds men to marry women (Africa, Europe, Asia, etc.) who want to come to the USA legally. I met a woman from South Africa and she offered me alot of $$$$ to marry her so she could be a American citizen. People go to Vegas all the time to get married and divorce. It depends on how much $$$$.

• Link
• Report this comment

Oops, lolalee. I was posting something to your question to Randyt then deleted it. Forgot to delete your name as well.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco ~ do you have a ballpark idea of how long you should date before getting married?

• Link
• Report this comment

@Lolalee, regarding why the divorce rate is higher when couples cohabitate before marriage, I can only speculate It always seemed to me that couples that marry after living together still aren’t usually getting the idea of a ‘comittment’ that to me is the fundemental basis of a marriage. It is almost like they think marriage is just an extension of living together, when it isn’t.

But what do I know. If I had all the answers I would be on the ‘happily married’ blog, wouldn’t I? LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

lolalee – I did but as I stated, time changes things. being older I would definitely be a lot more willing to expedite or fast-track the courtship. of course, being older a person should have a better idea of who they are, what they want, what they can/can’t tolerate, etc. they should be better able to make the decision of whether or not to commit. I have a childhood friend who stated back in college that she would be no one’s 5 year girlfriend. at 21 dating for 5 years is no biggie. at 41 or 51 I don’t think a person who wants marriage should allow themselves to be strung along for that long.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco raises an interesting question. When does just a long courtship/friendship become a “string along”? If there is a commitment/exclusivity issue then “string along” is defintely an issue. If two are comfortable with each other and exclusive, then time does not matter. That said, I’ve been in exclusive relationships that ended when my marriage timetable wasn’t as short as my SO’s.

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs – I channeled Oprah when she was in The Color Purple and told the white lady Heyal Naw, when asked if she wanted to come work for her How was your weekend?

• Link
• Report this comment

Morning All!!

I am inclined to agree with Randyt on the why folks who live together first have a high divorce rate. They aren’t committed and never really were. I think unless you’ve got some REALLY incompatible living habits that, beyond spending weekends together, require PRACTICE before you marry, you would just go ahead and get married. It’s about the commitment to each other and the relationship, not just sharing a roof.

On topic – The younger me would say absolutely not. The older and wiser me says it’s not that far-fetched. I’ve seen it happen and work. If they spent those 2 weeks REALLY getting to know each other, as opposed to just getting to know each other’s bodies, why not? It’s not that different from some arranged marriages, which work quite a bit of the time, because both are COMMITTED. It doesn’t take forever sometimes to know whether or not you want to marry either. I haven’t seen it happen in 2 weeks, but I’ve seen plenty 1 month courtships, and they work. Now one couple did get divorced after 12 years, but at that point I would not blame it on the courtship. I heard one was messing around.

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs ~ was that you who was strung along for 11 years?!

Randyt ~ so do you have a general timeframe in mind for how long you’d date before making a decision whether to commit?

disco~ I guess I’d worry whether one person was pushing the other towards marriage if that strategy would backfire. As in, one isn’t really ready to be married, but goes for it because the other really wants it. Maybe it’s better to wait until both are really there?

• Link
• Report this comment

lolalee – Both should be in agreement about getting married, absolutely. But it’s different when one might need a little nudge, versus one that’s taking many years to “get there”. In a lot of those cases, they are already fine with the idea of marriage, just not to YOU!

• Link
• Report this comment

kimmie LOL, guess that would be it when they jump off and marry somebody else soon afterwards!

How do you gently ‘nudge” somebody? and how do you tell the difference between nudging them and pressing them into something they don’t really want?

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs – I must say that the mere thought of chocolate/strawberry wings does not appeal to me. One of those things I guess you just have to try.

• Link
• Report this comment

@SlimUno ~ girl, if I can try them you can do. I srcunched my nose up at the mere thought, but you would be pleasantly surprised. They are truly delicious (and I don’t like strawberry).

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs ~ good for her for stepping away — kinda — finally! At year 3 he tells her he doesn’t want to marry her and she hangs around 8 more years?? Wow. Lets just hope she doesn’t move back in.

Do you think it’s a mistake to move in with somebody you hope to marry before you marry?

• Link
• Report this comment

Randyt~ Could you have the lover/ best friend/ we got each other’s backs without marriage? Then you don’t ever risk divorce. What is it about marriage that appeals?

• Link
• Report this comment

lolalee – A gentle nudge might just be talking about it and asking the other person how the idea sound to them. Maybe they have some concerns that you can help aleviate with reassurance. No pressure though. You have to watch their reaction. If they are not open at all to even discussing it, well then you have your answer. At that point you have to make a decision.

The thing I learned the hard way is being so scared to even talk about it with a man for fear of “pressuring” him or scaring him off. I finally got the balls with a few of them to let them know what I wanted, in a non-threatening way. Either they were on the same page or they were not. Some women do themselves a grave disservice by being overly concerned with not wanting to scare a guy off. It’s your life too, get what you want. Ultimatums don’t work and I would never do that. But don’t waste my time. I allowed too many dudes to do that, not being honest with them or myself.

With my now husband, he had a concern. We had briefly on a few occasions talked about marriage. Finally one day I simply asked him when did he see it happening with us. He told me his concern, I aliviated it for him and had no idea that was what was holding us back. Once we talked, he said “I’m going to make it happen”. I didn’t bring it up anymore, and a few months later he proposed. And he said then he wanted to go ahead and have the wedding sooner rather than later!

• Link
• Report this comment

@Lolalee…I like the commitment part, strangely enough. To just be a couple, suggests to me that a part is still missing. I’ve said many times that the only thing worse than being married, is being single…there must be a better alternative to both, LOL.

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs – I had one guy to tell me on the first date he never wanted to marry. I did continue to date him, but that was always in the back of my mind. I hung out for awhile until I met someone else and say “see ya”. He started really tripping. I gently reminded him of what he said. I told him that I respected his wishes but I wanted and needed more and that I hoped to marry one day. I told him he struck down even the possibility of it to me from jump! He gave some kind of stupid explanation, trying to dismiss what he said. We would go back and forth dating here and there, but it was always in the back of my mind and really cast a cloud over the relationship. I never got over it, because I didn’t believe his mind had changed or ever would. I finally got tired of the bs and broke it off for good, only a year of back and forth, not 11 years!

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs- Did your friend ask you for any advice on the situation? If so, what did you tell her?

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie don’t forget me too…….LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie don’t forget about me j/k……..LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

Would you marry someone after two weeks of knowing them? Yes, I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Sometimes you just know when you’ve met your life partner and no amount of “wait” would be beneficial.

Do you think love at first sight is possible? Yes I do. Although it’s never happened to me but I do believe in it.

• Link
• Report this comment

I have to finish this report if I want to come home, but just a last note for today…I do think it is possible to have one’s best friend, the only lover one would ever need or want, and that person who you can let down the ‘man armor’ and be vulnerable with to be the same person. The idea of ‘having to have multiple lovers (or a bunch of baby mamas) because I’m a MAN” is bs…lovemmaking is as good or as bad as a couple make it (and I can make it good). I’d rather have one lover who I know and who knows me completely than a whole crew of “receptacles”. I’m confident in my own manhood, have produced enough offspring that I love dearly, and don’t have ANYTHING to prove to anyone.

• Link
• Report this comment

“Do you think it’s a mistake to move in with somebody you hope to marry before you marry?” – Kinda sorta. Personally, I think I would prefer the newness of living with my husband first as opposed to living with my boyfriend. The discovery of nuances habitating can be an eyeful and magical, or it can be an eyeful and nightmarish. Nonetheless, I would prefer to find out as husband and wife.

MsMoni ~ she did ask for my advice. I told her to do what her heart and mind is telling her to do. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about the situation. If she wants this man and wants to move back in with him its on her because at the end of the there’s only 2 people she has to answer to and that would be herself and God! Then I went on to tell her she should have listened to him that 3rd year. Told her she can make this man marry her. She sent him a text the other day telling him if he committed to her and came with a proposal she would move back in. Since she read the text to me I offered my opinion. (1) Never give a man an ultimatum. Forcing a man to marry you is receipe for a bad marriage. She laughed and said she was going to lunch with him to discuss things. So, with that there, I shut my mouth because she just might be deaf!

kimmie ~ nothing wrong with still dating him until the next one comes along you’re more evenly yoked with. That’s what women should do more often, file it in the back of your mind and remember it’s there. You can’t change the man’s mind, he changes how he thinks and feels about you. Then, he may pop the question.

• Link
• Report this comment

“Love at First Sight” is a phenomenon brought about by Cupid’s arrow, which incidentally, has been dipped in a powerful drug. In art, Cupid is often portrayed as a cherub, a sweet little angel who delivers the most wonderful, beautiful, meaningful, magical thing of all to humans who are too blind or stubborn to find it for themselves.

Make no mistake: Cupid is not a cherub. IT is a demon, straight from Satan’s Legion. When that arrow pierces your heart, know that the reasons the relationship cannot survive already exist. The pain and drama that ensue are merely entertainment for those who delight in your suffering.

• Link
• Report this comment

GRACIEL according to the scriptures in Genesis 29, Jacob loved Rachel at first sight.

• Link
• Report this comment

Also because of this love at first sight we now have the 12 Tribes of Israel!

• Link
• Report this comment

She sent him a text the other day @LEGGS see that right there let me know that this is some immature stuff. Who texts something as important as dealing with commitment. They should first learn how to effectively communicate verbally/face to face before they even try a hand at marriage.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco – I remember that! I wish more of us would just be straight up like you and like him even! Don’t waste each other’s time.

Some folks need to be taken by the shoulders and shaken!! This is your LIFE, not a dress rehersal! Go for what you WANT!

• Link
• Report this comment

yes I would, I’ve meet that one person that I would have married after a week, but it’s been only one out of many.

and as for living with someone, it surprises me when couples live together for years and get married and expect things to change. The honeymoon was over a long time ago, you’ve been an old married couple for a while.

• Link
• Report this comment

Whatever man, your blog machine ate my post.

• Link
• Report this comment

Does it count if it was love (or so you thought) at first sight or week one….”the one” and y’all didn’t make it? I don’t think you can qualify it as love (or maybe you can), if it didn’t last. Right?

• Link
• Report this comment

3rdWheel ~ I couldn’t stay with a man that told he he would marry me six years later and I will stay and wait around.

• Link
• Report this comment

LEGGS it’s call dopamine
It’s that high you get when you “get one” with a guy.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco ~ very appropriate for this circumstance, very appropriate!!! And, he is a runt in statute. It’s quite uncannny their relationship.

• Link
• Report this comment

C – I don’t believe in love at first sight either. to me, it’s just a romantic notion that sounds all poetic. I can get with perhaps you meet someone and you feel a magnetism or attraction that you’ve never felt before. I can understand you being strongly drawn to a person and any other manner of initial feelings but love? naw, that doesn’t make sense to me.

• Link
• Report this comment

someone wants to get married and have children, my answer would be, you need to move on and put your puzzle together without me.

And if you and the person really love each other, why is marriage such a deal breaker??

• Link
• Report this comment

One thing I’ve learned for sure is that if a man tells me he doesn’t ever want to get married, then I will RUN! No more wasting my time hoping he’ll change his mind. You only drag it out and then it hurts worse when it’s time to make a decision to leave.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco – We are on the same page. Not to sound cynical (cause I’m tired but in a good mood), but most times it’s the folks that’s proclaiming love from the house top because she or he was the ying to your yang, the one you’re going to conquer the world with, the one that’s just bang bang and left all those other chicks or dudes in the dust…that are hit the hardest when the ying and yang ain’t no longer yinging and yanging. IMO and just me, no matter how high the level of “feel good” you’re getting the first year or two, there should be a hint of reality always kept in the mix. No one is infallible. The “feeling” of love (which I don’t really believe in either), will have you on that kind of high that money can’t ever buy. I believe in love and have gotten butterflies, toes curled and all that other stuff but I believe love is action more so than a feeling. That thing that makes you stay when you want to leave, the thing that makes your feet hit the floor in the morning to do it more one time because you’ve taken this person in as your responsibility, so forth and so on.

IMO it’s weird to find a man smitten like that because between the two sexes, it tends to be us women that have to be kept grounded by a man in touch with reality. Too I think a man easily smitten and mostly by looks and body types/sizes are the first ones to cheat….just my humble opinion. I don’t take too much stock in dudes that are all fluffy and stuff with love.

• Link
• Report this comment

celisea – I think just last week I mentioned a friend who is constantly in love with any old body. I personally don’t get it but I’ve met others like her. I also know that a lot of men bank on women being all emotional and quick to fall in love. I’ve discovered that some men don’t know how to deal with a woman whose emotions are in check (namely me). by the way – I like the word smitten. a guy I met recently keeps telling me I’m amazing. I finally told him to shut it up. if that’s the only word in your vocabulary you can keep it. guess I was supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy because he said it. please.

• Link
• Report this comment

“I’ve discovered that some men don’t know how to deal with a woman whose emotions are in check (namely me).”

Yep.

• Link
• Report this comment

yea I figured that Leggs. I just hate to see someone waste their time. Hopefully she is smart to see that it’s not going anywhere and she will up and leave. Personally I was hoping he was joking about the waiting for six years since he already knows he wants to marry her but, I guess not… My coworker and I are taking bets on how long she stays…

• Link
• Report this comment

I might not would have shut it (then again I might would have), but I would have been like “buddy please…k” I soooo know where you’re coming from. Sometimes they keep recycling that kind of stuff until it stops working…lolololol

• Link
• Report this comment

Celisea – I appreciate you 12:16, especially your definition of compromise. I found a lot of men in my early years that misunderstood that concept. I ran into alot of “if you really loved me, or were really committed to the relationship, you’d do…..for me”. As strong a person as I thought I was and how my parents raised me, they had me briefly questioning myself, I admit it. To withstand that, and the naysayers can be tough. I understand why alot of people find themselves in bad situations they are hesitant to get out of, especially younger people. I don’t judge too much, cause I’ve been there. Yeah, some of those dudes messed with my head, questioned my “maturity”, the whole nine. The one ex I remained friends with, I talked to a few months after I met my now hubs. He was one of the ones that insisted on shacking. Both my parents were alive around when we dated and they would have never gone for it! Anyway, fast forward to a few years ago the last time we talked. He said he didn’t marry me because back then he didn’t think I would do what it took for the good of the relationship, the marriage! I wasnt ride-or-die enough, eh, I told him!LOL!! I just SMH!!

• Link
• Report this comment

@kimmie marriage doesn’t always mean commitment, it’s just the next step in a relationship. I know to each they’re own, but sometimes we get blinded by our ultimate goal that we don’t see the red flags as they go by.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco – Well, you can call it keeping score. I would say though, that no one wants to be in a one-sided relationship where you are doing all the heavy lifting! No, everything is not going to be 50-50 all the time. There are times when he’ll be doing a little more and you’ll be doing a little more. You are not able to put in your 110% every day due to circumstances. The difference is, you’ll know that and understand and not feel put upon.

Dude had me making all the tough decisions and compromising! For example, we started out dating here, but he moved back to Cali after graduating. Meaning I was expected to be fine with moving to the other side of the country, with no job and no ring, not even a ring on the horizon. Just be fine with that, explain the insanity of it all to my parents, and HOPE things worked out. This was just the tip of the iceberg, mind you.

No could do!

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie – Thanks! And I hear you too. I’m not too hard on the younger ladies either. I understand the whole get in the head thing is what drives a lot of bad decisions. I have always been one to fall fast and hard but for some reason I’ve always been able to “hold it.” My entire life there’s a line and a point with me and I cannot bring myself to cross it. I have always been like that. Not about being hard (which I’ve been called all my life) nor little miss perfect but I have always felt if I have to do anything that’s not for the good of my side of things, leaves me compromised, so forth and so on then there’s no way he could love or feel for me the way he’s professed and no way I’m doing. That feeling has always stopped me even when I wanted so badly give it a go. That’s why I was saying the other day it was easy for me to “watch” a bunch of crap and not succumb. I sincerely believe any man or woman truly in it for the good of the relationship (as you phrased), there’s no way they would place each other in that position. I don’t replay and talk myself into hanging on. That’s just something that’s been ingrained in my psyche and I have NEVER been able to move around or excuse blatant bad behavior and mistreatment.

• Link
• Report this comment

kimmie/Celisea ~ it pains me when men want this ride or die chick and wants to make sure she’ll stick with him through sick and sin, prove herself to him, etc. but he’s not doing the same in return. A relationship is a balanced, concerted effort from both, not one having to prove more to the other!

But, there are some men out there that can brainwash a woman. My brainwashing years (if I ever really had any) are far behind me.

• Link
• Report this comment

Disco out at dinner…..

Kendarius: How’s your dinner Disco?

Disco: Heyyyyyyy!!! Why did they give you 6 string beans and only give me 4 and a half?

• Link
• Report this comment

“sitting”

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – So true

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – How was the bday?

• Link
• Report this comment

Lady – Hey there! How goes it? Good to see you pop in. Good seeing you as well. I’m digging Loca Luna now….you know that right?

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – A happy marriage

• Link
• Report this comment

“All the hard work my parents put in to raise me as a confident young lady that thinks for herself could be gone in one poof, from some joker whispering his nothings to me! It’s powerful, and some cannot resist it” – If it’s that easy for a man to undue “all the hard work your parents put in” I say that your parents didn’t do a good job then. Stop blaming men for weak minded women. Men nor women have magical powers.

Slim: It was really cool. One of my gifts was a rented boat for two with dinner and likka served for 3hrs.

• Link
• Report this comment

If we’re talking right now…happiness I’m actually happy now and I wouldn’t change a dern thing If getting married means a shift in my state of things now, then happiness.

• Link
• Report this comment

WOW, that touched me, Celisea. Even reading it I can imagine her pain. The pain is in her eyes, in her being and the men know it. She wasn’t whole when she got with them.

Men indeed have a lot of power. I don’t like “weak” women and never can understand why a woman would let a man get into her psyche and tear her up. And the men who do this are actually weaker than than the woman they’re belittling. Put it this way, I’m just thankful I never had to xperienced this because I shut a man down with the quickness if necessary. I rememeber my ex telling me the classic line men say when the woman is leaving and has children “nobody is going to want you because you have a child.” I look around to make sure he was talking to me because that was the dumbest stuff I’ve heard in a long time. I remember laughing and walking out the room.

• Link
• Report this comment

4 Real – I’m not blaming men, and nobody has magical powers. My parents did a great job, along with what I had in me. I “recognized” though, and we’re talking teen years, how a weaker person could fall for the okey doke. I think it’s a form of peer pressure and it’s powerful. Now if you’re grown & still falling for it, then that’s on you.

Birthday sounds like fun!

• Link
• Report this comment

Answer to the dumb question – I already got both!

• Link
• Report this comment

“If getting married means a shift in my state of things now, then happiness.” – For Real now rubbing an analgesic on Celisea’s check while whispering in her “Slickback wouldn’t have had to put the smack down if you would have listen. I know you sorry but let not let that happen again. Now go sit by the fan and let that dry. Cause you know Slickback loves you.”

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – You stoopid…lol

• Link
• Report this comment

I have nothing against marriage, and may get married one day, but to hear someone say I want to be married and have children and you don’t so i’m moving on, “Watch what you ask for, because you just might get it”

• Link
• Report this comment

I don’t judge one way or another because you never know what floats anothers boat.

Willie – That says it all right there. Just like those that choose not to marry or those that say it’s a dealbreaker if someone they meet doesn’t want to.

• Link
• Report this comment

Bluz – You’re gonna get slapped by For Real for that answer…lol

• Link
• Report this comment

“And the men who do this are actually weaker than than the woman they’re belittling.” – That’s an oxymoron Leggs. And I’m calling BS! It’s YOUR fault if you get used and no the person that used you is not worser than you for falling for it. Stop propping dumb people up. It only inable them to keep being dumb.

Kimmie: If you weak a teen then nine times out of ten you will be a week adult. Like I told my son “Peer presure ain’t nothing but an excuse for you not doing what’s right.” – Oh and For Real now medicinally slapping the ish out Kimmie for answering questions that do not apply to her.

Celisea: What would give you the impression that I’m not romantic? For Real now stroking his baby hair.

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – I dunno, maybe it’s your constant outcry women, women in general, the female gender, women with emotions (that’s a one two package), women breathing….need I go on? LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

4 Real – Part of me, a large part of me, is actually agreeing with your stance on peer pressure! I don’t allow my kids to use it as an excuse actually. I tell them all the time to “be a leader, not a follower”. But I do recognize that peer pressure does exist.

Now you know this convo would not be complete without my slapping the ish out of you right back, you do know that?

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – Sounds like a nice Booty…oops i meant booze cruise to me. Glad you enjoyed it!

• Link
• Report this comment

“And the men who do this are actually weaker than than the woman they’re belittling.” – That’s an oxymoron Leggs. And I’m calling BS! And I’m calling BS! It’s YOUR fault if you get used and no the person: – AND, I’m call BS on your post. How is that an oxymoron? The man is weaker than the woman emotionall and mentally for inflicting mental, perhaps even physical harm to the woman. Only a weak man IN MY EYES, tries to destory the soul of a woman by berating her at every chance. If you don’t see it that way, that’s ON YOU. No doubt there are many levels to being used, but seems like you opted to not really read what I said.

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real now walking back 10 paces to get a running start to medicinally slap the ish out of Bluzgirl for reading and comprehension failure.

• Link
• Report this comment

Celisea – I think some men have a problem with women that don’t follow the script. Those that choose to walk when they meet a man whose goals don’t match up with their own. As opposed to playing the stupid role of hanging around, trying to “change his mind”. That’s selfishness and disrespect to me, not respecting what another grown person is telling you about themselves. It could be “I don’t want to get married” and it could be “I want my future wife to bear me 5 kids”. If that’s not what you want, move on and don’t waste another person’s time.

• Link
• Report this comment

“I WANT to get married. Now…I won’t just marry any old fool…I know I will find the right man one day”

Bluz — Not picking on you, but this kind of illustrates a fundamental difference in perspective on marriage. Some people really want to “be” married, and are looking for qualified candidates to fill the position of husband/wife. Others (myself included), on the other hand, have never really cared much about “being” married. When I met Mrs. Swiss, I knew I never wanted to be without her. So, I wanted to marry her. But until I met her, marriage was the last thing I wanted.

• Link
• Report this comment

What up Guys? I don’t have nothing to add to the topic.

Slim~ We had our share of dumb songs MC brains “oochie coochie” lol

• Link
• Report this comment

@Swiss, you said it all, that’s what I call the life puzzle and you’re just looking for the pieces to fit in

• Link
• Report this comment

Off (current) topic for a sec….I am officially hitting the gym everyday this week. Vacay is less than 30 days away. I’m shedding 10 pounds.

• Link
• Report this comment

@Kimmie, yes general statement. when we’re getting to know each other I can get to know alot about you without asking any questions, And a someone looking to get over can give you all the answers you want to hear by the questions you ask

• Link
• Report this comment

Swiss: You are on point. Those people (hey Celisea) seem to think that marriage is some sort of magical elixir that will fix everything in their lives. All they have to do find someone just like their list.

• Link
• Report this comment

For Real – See this is where you’re wrong….about me. I’m there with you on women that play victim or screams victim. So much of what’s gone wrong is due to bad decisions, a lack of paying attention, so forth and so on. At the same time, that don’t give the green light to excuse men from the share in the demise of broken, busted women. IMO it goes both ways…which is not what I often hear you say. A woman shouldn’t allow herself to get taken time and time again and a man shouldn’t do it just because he can.

• Link
• Report this comment

I think you’re (hey For Real), getting me mixed up with other bloggers. I for one know for certain, there’s no quick fix and marriage is not the exlixir for brokeness and past bad decisions. Heck I have to almost hold in my “I am woman hear me roar” feelings, cause I believe you can do the dang thing…live this entire live…unattached to anybody. That’s not my preference but I’m just saying. I think you’ve gotten me mixed up with someone else.

• Link
• Report this comment

Swiss…I don’t want to get married just to get married. I was engaged years ago and could have had that, but I knew it wasn’t right. I do want to meet the right person and get married until death do us part. My ex told me he never wanted to get married ever again and I kept hoping he would change his mind. He never did (with me at least) and I wasn’t truly happy because I could never get that commitment from him. Who knew that he would meet someone after me and after 3 weeks of dating her, propose to her! He used to tell me that I didn’t want the marriage…I just want the wedding. That’s not true either. When I get married, I want to elope to Vegas or have a beach wedding. I don’t want to plan a big wedding…did that once and called it off…not doing it again.

• Link
• Report this comment

Now everyone knows if you rock a rocking chair hard enough, it’ll move. lol

• Link
• Report this comment

Celisea: Here is the answer to your 2:03 – “I guess that’s when a person finds soloace in the fact that the 401k, life insurance, pension etc. is committed to them.” – Remove this as the reason to get married and I promise you the marriage rate would triple in 2yrs. Now to your 2:06, that’s were you are wrong. I hard on these punk ass so called men running around living on women and whining about what the “man” won’t let them do. I don’t like excueses period. Man-up/Woman-up and most importantly shut up and handle your business like an adult.

Kimmie: “Happiness and wanting to share my life with the right person caused me to wait.” – That’s the point of my Happiness or Marriage question Kimmie. You can’t have a happy marriage until you are a happy person. Picking the institution of marriage over your happiness will only guarantee that you will not be happy. Get happy first and find some peace of mind and you will be amazed at the type of people you attract.

• Link
• Report this comment

That is funny, disco. Men just like to say that. Plant that little seedling of doubt hoping it take root and the woman starts sabotaging herself. I feel sorry for weak women, I really do (well on some days).

• Link
• Report this comment

“Now everyone knows if you rock a rocking chair hard enough, it’ll move.” – For Real now rocking Slim’s chair.

Slim: We’re moving.. We’re moving!!!

• Link
• Report this comment

Picking the institution of marriage over your happiness will only guarantee that you will not be happy. Get happy first and find some peace of mind and you will be amazed at the type of people you attract.

4 Real – Agree totally. When I was single and not seeing anyone, I would tell people all the time that my peace of mind was priceless. I would happily do things alone or with friends/family. I told them if I had to choose between having a dude that was putting me thru changes or going it alone and being at peace, I would gladly go it alone and meant it! It’s wonderful to lay your head down and sleep!

• Link
• Report this comment

O/T ~ I just ate a very juicy peach, nice and sweet. Wished I have brought 2 with me to work!

• Link
• Report this comment

For real, marriage doesn’t guarantee you access to those rights unless your state laws say the wife comes first, you can assign those to anyone you want to.

• Link
• Report this comment

for real – I’m not hating on that brother. just saying I’m not that chick that’s trying to uplift that brother. he won’t be living large on my income, riding pretty in my car, having football parties in my house. disco ain’t going out like that. lol.

• Link
• Report this comment

Men aren’t putting themselves out there because it’s just not what men do anymore. You’re giving men way more credit than deserved.

• Link
• Report this comment

for real – not to start a blog confrontation but I’ve been having the kind of day where I’ve been sitting here wishing a ninja would. even an imaginary blog slap might have severe consequences and repercussions today. lol. and by the way, what’s a medicinal slap? is it something I should add to my arsenal?

• Link
• Report this comment

Celisea: “There are more men without than with, so no it ain’t like there are trappings galore for the taking.” – Like I have said before it ain’t the dudes with money that need a prenup cause half of 50 million is 25 million. It’s the dudes with 30K that need the prenup because half of 30K is 15K. So, um yes the trapping are there suga foot.

Disco: Sooooooo, it’s safe to say you will not marry up right? You want husband to make the same amount of money as you do and have all the samething that you do so y’all’s list is equal right?

• Link
• Report this comment

Disco: Medicinal means it’s good for you i.e. medicine to make you feel better.

• Link
• Report this comment

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. But errbody wants to hold on to their nothing, so have at it!LOL!!!

• Link
• Report this comment

Heck if anything the dudes out there now have more baggage than women and I don’t think any of that baggage holds any type of monetary value. Baby mommas, one if not two ex-wives, snotty kids that you can’t say jack to or always up in the mix, child support and spread among so many kids that can only pay $26.37 a month for each child. If y’all go out you gotta pay (NOT ME, NO CAN DO), cause ain’t nothing left after rent (not mortgage), child support deductions, buying rope to hold up the bumper on his busted car. Not to mention helping him make arrangements on all his utilities around all the child support payments garnished out of his pay. Oh, let’s not forget he works for a company where they don’t have a 401K. So for the $10 a paycheck he’s moving into his savings, he’s spending quicker than it can get there and that leaves him with more fees than money in that account. Honey I could go on and on with this busted dudes getting defended….lol

• Link
• Report this comment

I hadn’t read disco’s 2:44….I’m just saying though

• Link
• Report this comment

I’ll ask the question that you Women are always asking us Men.
Where the heyal are yall meeting these folks at?

• Link
• Report this comment

No more broke men for me! I’d like it to be at least close to equal. I’ve been too nice in the past with broke men, but no more. Lesson learned!!!

• Link
• Report this comment

WillieD – I don’t know where women are meeting these men…lol I can’t do it. If you’re broke and busted (not the same as hardworking and coming up), then than means you’re gonna lean on me and that ain’t happening. Might sound mean might sound snobbish but ut uh, I ain’t carrying a trifling dude.

• Link
• Report this comment

Single…I guess I used to, but not anymore!!! I set myself up to be used with the last one and didn’t see it until it was too late. I’m ready for a man who can carry his own weight…

• Link
• Report this comment

If you didn’t strap up time and time again and then with crazed baby mamas to boot, it’s your own dang fault…lol Don’t fault the kids, the child support payments YOU RIGHTFULLY OWE, nor those crazy chicks. Should have thought about that when you was getting your toes curled and your eyes rolling back in your head…lololololol

• Link
• Report this comment

Oh, and the “white man” that created the law for garnishing nor the jail that’s waiting if you don’t make the payments….just saying

• Link
• Report this comment

I love to see that the blog ladies know exactly what I’ve been talking about!!! I, too, absolutely refuse to carry a grown A man. bump that.

• Link
• Report this comment

@kimmie: what’s wrong with being in debt up to your eyeballs, long as you have things to show for it? and not what you used to have. (LOL)

• Link
• Report this comment

Bluz: it would be nice to find a woman than can just carry her own instead of hearing every woman needs a little help sometimes. And I know that’s not all women.

• Link
• Report this comment

Bluz – There’s are PLENTY of men out there still treating women like women indeed. Keep and hold to a standard. It comes with that sort of territory. Yeah, you have some that will blow cause you ain’t buying into their BS, but there are plenty that recognizes a good woman when they see one. Truuust me on that

• Link
• Report this comment

The beau told me over the weekend that if something happened to my job he would be able to take care of both of us… That’s all sounds good and dandy but I want to be able to carry my weight as well. Not looking for someone to ‘take care of me’ because in my eyes, that gives them too much ‘assumed power’ or control over me.

O/T Ok, this is waaaaay off topic. I saw some show over the weekend about a guy that has a 14inch wang. They showed him walking down the street and it looked like he was hiding an anaconda in his pants If a dude pulled that out, i’d run for the hills.

• Link
• Report this comment

Alright folks…my exit left (for now)

• Link
• Report this comment

Bluz –

• Link
• Report this comment

And that’s all I’m saying….just like women are in the condition they’re in because of bad choices, it goes equally the other way when the state is taking all you’re check for all those kids you got not strapping up. Those are the breaks and the price we pay to mend for the mistakes. No point in either saying crying victim. Start with self and the clean-up will be just a little bit easier.

• Link
• Report this comment

@kimmie, wouldn’t want any one to carry me, just ride along with me, and not expect me to carry you. Last time I checked most rent’s and mortgages come around the same time every month, can’t pay yours and mine too. I’m just saying (LOL)

• Link
• Report this comment

I don’t know how many frogs you went through, just glad your clown phase is over. :wimk:

I hope that made you laugh, Bluz!

• Link
• Report this comment

Call me crazy…I went back and read the comments…I’m ca-racking up at myself Kimmie and disco

• Link
• Report this comment

Reading the comments here you would think some men would have common sense with all the forms of birth control they have out there now, even pill form for men. Ah so nice to not have any children and being single. Did anyone hear about the guy that’s got like 20 something kids by 15 women I think, and owes all them child support, man can you say SCREWED??!

• Link
• Report this comment

@MervTheTerrible, yes those women are screwed

• Link
• Report this comment

Single/Merve ~ one of those women only receive a $1.00 in child support.

• Link
• Report this comment

speaking on sorry men, simple women and child support. I worked with a chick who was dating a guy who told her he couldn’t marry her because he was behind in his child support. that chick went and paid all his back support and I guess that was dude’s cue because he did indeed marry her. he is now a stay at home husband and she’s still making his child support payments. she’s happy with her hubby so more power to her and him and his baby momma whose check comes on time each month courtesy of the new stepmom. lol.

• Link
• Report this comment

Enter your comments here

• Link
• Report this comment

@Single and Happy

Unfortunately they are, and the guy may end up in jail for lack of payments, then the gals are really screwed. I double up on birth control (rain coat and pill) and refuse bare back sex, I know parenthood isn’t planned most of the time but darn it I put an effort into not having kids, at least till I am some what ready.

• Link
• Report this comment

Yes, corner is where you need to clear your head.

• Link
• Report this comment

@Merve ~ you take the male bc pill???

• Link
• Report this comment

is it just me or does it seem like the men who pay the “cheap” child support are the ones that complain the most? you know the ones that pay $12/week or other foolishness like that? the guys that should be crying the blues ($1000/mo+) you hardly hear from. of course, I guess those are the guys who probably try not to think about it let alone talk about it. lol.

• Link
• Report this comment

14 inches, dayum, he got me an inch…lol

• Link
• Report this comment

by

• Link
• Report this comment

I sure wished the judge said that to my ex. Nevamind, just remembered my ex wasn’t there for the judge to speak to (lol).

• Link
• Report this comment

Disco…them $1000/mth dudes don’t got time to complain, they at work…

• Link
• Report this comment

single and happy – sho’ you right. let him tell it that $50 got her hair done, her nails done, took her new man out to eat, put gas in the car, got her teeth whitened and bought her other baby (with a different daddy) an outfit. lol.

• Link
• Report this comment

disco, don’t forget, make the house and car payments too.

• Link
• Report this comment

After a couple of years paying the amount awarded, my kid’s dad checked himself in some hordy tordy place and claimed “sickness” for getting reduced. Funny thing, right after that little trick, they confiscated his taxes which was a few thousands. I just got an email saying my payment information had been updated. Logged in and bam, payment in my account the next day. God don’t like ugly.

• Link
• Report this comment

My kid’s dad amount was upped because of the games he played and rightfully so. So to get him caught up the judge stuck it to him.

• Link
• Report this comment

What’s good everyone.

• Link
• Report this comment

Swiss- I pick HAPPINESS!

OT- If I met somone who meets all my criteria for dating, finances, religion, height, and can throw tha “D”! I think I can committ quick…maybe not in two weeks, but 6 months.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dynamic — I think you have me confused with another blogger, but I’m happy for you all the same.

By the way, is your list of criteria in any particular order of importance?

• Link
• Report this comment

opps lurk

• Link
• Report this comment