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Would you marry after 2 weeks?

I really was not going to get into the new HBO, show Girls. I am soo far from being a young girl (birthday is in 10 days!) and I don’t live in New York (not yet, that is.). Yet here I am, thinking about last night’s season finale.

One of the characters decides to up and marry a guy she met a whopping 14 days earlier. Now, I am all for spontaneity and living in the moment, but how does a two week relationship evolve into a marriage? Well, it’s fictional and on HBO, which isn’t just TV, so whatever.

The reality is though, there are people who believe in love at first sight. Some fall so hard and so fast, that they commit to a life together right away. Does that mean their love isn’t real, though?

I really want to know the marriage statistics on people who met and married in a short amount of time, compared to those that didn’t. What do you think those numbers would be?

Would you marry someone after two weeks of knowing them? Do you think love at first sight is possible?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 18th, 2012
6:37 am

I absolutely would not however, as crazy as this is going to sound I don’t think it’s all that far fetch. I don’t believe the issue with people staying together is so much how long you’ve known one another but rather the inability to commit. Don’t get me won’t, yes you need time to get to know a person but whether it’s two weeks or two years you won’t know until you take that leap. People don’t want to stay and work it out. People have become selfish and all about what works for self, uncommitted and no sticktoittiveness.

Lily

June 18th, 2012
7:01 am

correction: fetched and wrong (not won’t)

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
7:55 am

My grandmother was 13 or 14 when she saw this crazy guy diving off of a bridge into the Tennessee River. She said, “That’s the man I’m going to marry”…and did, “until death do us part” 50 years later. However that was in the 1920’s.

Now I’m not sure how to handicap this. I’ve seen just as many marriages go bad after long courtships (and living together frankly has seemed like a real deal killer), and I’ve seen marriages work well with only the briefest of courtships. At the end of the day, it is all about the COMMITMENT of the two parties (plural).

Bluzgirl

June 18th, 2012
8:59 am

No

This topic is a little sensitive to me, so I’ll check in later when ya’ll have moved off topic.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
9:01 am

I guess it’s possible for somebody to ‘know’ that they want to marry that quickly, but I definitely wouldn’t do that. What would be the point? What’s the rush?

No sense comparing today’s relationships with those of years back. Times really were different. Divorce had such a huge stigma that many people stayed in horrible, abusive marriages. Women weren’t really in the work force, so didn’t have a way to walk away. Now, of course, the pendulum has swung SO FAR in the other direction, it’s crazy. Seems like we need to find a middle ground. Get married, stay married — but not under all circumstances.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
9:02 am

Randyt ~ interesting that couples who live together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce. I’ve always wondered about that. Why do you think it’s so?

Robert

June 18th, 2012
9:08 am

“Would you marry someone after two weeks of knowing them?”

I have a friend who finds men to marry women (Africa, Europe, Asia, etc.) who want to come to the USA legally. I met a woman from South Africa and she offered me alot of $$$$ to marry her so she could be a American citizen. People go to Vegas all the time to get married and divorce. It depends on how much $$$$.

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
9:28 am

NOPE!!!!

lolalee

Good morning. WHY????

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
9:29 am

Oops, lolalee. I was posting something to your question to Randyt then deleted it. Forgot to delete your name as well.

disco

June 18th, 2012
9:29 am

good morning. I’m with lily and randy on this one. commitment isn’t really based on the amount of time you know a person. now I’m not fronting like I wouldn’t pass judgment on someone who got married in two weeks because depending on the circumstances I might. I do have an acquaintance who married someone she met online within 2 months of meeting him. a lot of folks told her it was too soon. I just told her to protect herself and her assets. she was close to 50 (he was in his 30s), she didn’t have any children but he had a couple. since she was moving to his hometown I advised her not to sell her house immediately. it’s been nearly 6 years and they are still married. when I was younger I always thought I’d date X amount of time, be engaged X amount of time before getting married. now that I’m older both of those amounts of time are moot. not saying there’s a sense of urgency just saying that time is a lot more precious (to me) now than it was 20 years ago.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
9:45 am

disco ~ do you have a ballpark idea of how long you should date before getting married?

SlimUno

June 18th, 2012
9:46 am

Good morning and my answer would be HEYAL NAW. lol

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
9:49 am

@Lolalee, regarding why the divorce rate is higher when couples cohabitate before marriage, I can only speculate It always seemed to me that couples that marry after living together still aren’t usually getting the idea of a ‘comittment’ that to me is the fundemental basis of a marriage. It is almost like they think marriage is just an extension of living together, when it isn’t.

But what do I know. If I had all the answers I would be on the ‘happily married’ blog, wouldn’t I? LOL ;-)

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
9:50 am

SlimUno ~ :lol: :lol: I originally said Hell No, then changed to NOPE!

disco

June 18th, 2012
9:50 am

lolalee – I did but as I stated, time changes things. being older I would definitely be a lot more willing to expedite or fast-track the courtship. of course, being older a person should have a better idea of who they are, what they want, what they can/can’t tolerate, etc. they should be better able to make the decision of whether or not to commit. I have a childhood friend who stated back in college that she would be no one’s 5 year girlfriend. at 21 dating for 5 years is no biggie. at 41 or 51 I don’t think a person who wants marriage should allow themselves to be strung along for that long.

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
9:50 am

(dayum typos)

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
9:55 am

disco raises an interesting question. When does just a long courtship/friendship become a “string along”? If there is a commitment/exclusivity issue then “string along” is defintely an issue. If two are comfortable with each other and exclusive, then time does not matter. That said, I’ve been in exclusive relationships that ended when my marriage timetable wasn’t as short as my SO’s.

Celisea...dragging and tired :)

June 18th, 2012
10:00 am

Morning,

I’m Lily on this one. I don’t think the issue is so much the amount of time. If you’re going to marry, courting until Jesus return will not guarantee a happy long marriage. I wouldn’t say two weeks but I’m more so for jumping in there especially if you’re no teeny booper.

What I find strange is that nowadays people will have sex less than a week’s time of meeting or “knowing” someone and think nothing of it but find short engagements odd or strange. Yes, two weeks is a bit short but I’m just saying. Really what’s the difference? Heck if you slept with him or her after only one week of meeting aside from marriage what else is there to do?

SlimUno

June 18th, 2012
10:02 am

Leggs – I channeled Oprah when she was in The Color Purple and told the white lady Heyal Naw, when asked if she wanted to come work for her :lol: How was your weekend?

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
10:03 am

When does just a long courtship/friendship become a “string along”? – When after 11 years he finally tells you he doesn’t want to ever get married!

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
10:04 am

Morning All!!

I am inclined to agree with Randyt on the why folks who live together first have a high divorce rate. They aren’t committed and never really were. I think unless you’ve got some REALLY incompatible living habits that, beyond spending weekends together, require PRACTICE before you marry, you would just go ahead and get married. It’s about the commitment to each other and the relationship, not just sharing a roof.

On topic – The younger me would say absolutely not. The older and wiser me says it’s not that far-fetched. I’ve seen it happen and work. If they spent those 2 weeks REALLY getting to know each other, as opposed to just getting to know each other’s bodies, why not? It’s not that different from some arranged marriages, which work quite a bit of the time, because both are COMMITTED. It doesn’t take forever sometimes to know whether or not you want to marry either. I haven’t seen it happen in 2 weeks, but I’ve seen plenty 1 month courtships, and they work. Now one couple did get divorced after 12 years, but at that point I would not blame it on the courtship. I heard one was messing around.

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
10:07 am

My weekend was quite pleasant. Went to Chocolate Bar and had chocolate wings and strawberry wings (at first sounded disgusting to me so I asked for a sample). Man o man, those wings are DELICIOUS and I’m a picky eater.

Had a spaghetti dinner last night for same friend who finally moved out after those 11 years. Even made my own garlic cheese toast (lol).

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:11 am

Leggs ~ was that you who was strung along for 11 years?!

Randyt ~ so do you have a general timeframe in mind for how long you’d date before making a decision whether to commit?

disco~ I guess I’d worry whether one person was pushing the other towards marriage if that strategy would backfire. As in, one isn’t really ready to be married, but goes for it because the other really wants it. Maybe it’s better to wait until both are really there?

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:12 am

leggs ~ just followed your post, see it wasn’t you. But what happened? Did the other partner say they wanted to get married eventually? Or… what?

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
10:21 am

lolalee – Both should be in agreement about getting married, absolutely. But it’s different when one might need a little nudge, versus one that’s taking many years to “get there”. In a lot of those cases, they are already fine with the idea of marriage, just not to YOU!

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
10:26 am

@Lolalee, regarding a timetable…I have no hard and fast rules. I’ve been divorced for twelve years and been in several relationships that I was hoping would end in marriage. My hesitation, when I hesitated, had to do with having NEVER wanted to go through a divorce ever again, so I wanted to make sure it was right (with the full commitment of both parties). First one…she had commitment issues, second one…I wanted her to go three whole months without threatening to leave, third…I needed to know she wouldn’t expect me to disown my children which I will never do. I loved them and was content with them all, but there are a few things I have to see first…and it never quite worked out that way.

That said, I’m older and so were they. All of the ones noted, including myself, did not have the issue of wanting to start a family because all of us have completed our families. That may be different for someone younger.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:28 am

kimmie LOL, guess that would be it when they jump off and marry somebody else soon afterwards!

How do you gently ‘nudge” somebody? and how do you tell the difference between nudging them and pressing them into something they don’t really want?

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:30 am

Randyt ~ sounds like you dated each long enough to know they wouldn’t be the right person for you. What about marriage makes you want to marry again?

SlimUno

June 18th, 2012
10:31 am

Leggs – I must say that the mere thought of chocolate/strawberry wings does not appeal to me. One of those things I guess you just have to try.

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
10:35 am

lolalee ~ I look at her and sometimes SMDH. The man she wants to marry is a bonafide IDIOT. I also look at her and feel she’s a lot like other women who refuses to hear what the man says. I asked her how long was she in the relationship before she found out he doesn’t want to get married. She said about the 3rd year they spoke about marriage and he told her then he didn’t want to get married. She said she heard him, but didn’t believe in. Right there is where so many women make their mistakes. They don’t listen to the words that are coming out of his mouth. She felt after she showed how good of a woman she is, her domestic skills in the home (which are lacking), along with her bedroom skills he would change his mind. Love can make some blind and deaf….hings came to a head when she asked if he ever planned to propose to her because she couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer w/o marriage. He told her he would not be marrying her and that he was going to sell the home and move back to MS. He wrote her letter, which when I read it sounded more like a business letter than a goodbye letter. He told her that he wished her well in finding a husband but it won’t be him. She moved out with her 2 children and he’s still at the house now lonely and wanting her back. They’re back to dating, but she won’t move back in with him as he is now asking her to do.

Fellas, this girl has sex appeal ooozing everywhere. She’s pretty and somewhat smart. I say somewhat because I do not see what she sees in this non-english speaking country bumpkin. I don’t think I have ever been around someone who breaks up the English language like he does. Hey, I’m on the oustide looking in!

Leggs

June 18th, 2012
10:36 am

@SlimUno ~ girl, if I can try them you can do. I srcunched my nose up at the mere thought, but you would be pleasantly surprised. They are truly delicious (and I don’t like strawberry).

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
10:37 am

@Lolalee…I’m a hopeless (or hopeful) romantic. I truly believe that life is best when shared at the most basic level with another. I want my lover and my best friend to be one and the same…and the security and the comfort of knowing that she has my back and I have hers.

Sex is easy…it is love and friendship that is hard…and infinitely more valuable. This is best accomplished in a truly committed marriage…just is…(I think, LOL).

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:40 am

Leggs ~ good for her for stepping away — kinda — finally! At year 3 he tells her he doesn’t want to marry her and she hangs around 8 more years?? Wow. Lets just hope she doesn’t move back in.

Do you think it’s a mistake to move in with somebody you hope to marry before you marry?

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
10:41 am

Seems like the hard part for many women is figuring out when they are ‘the one’…or just a convenient ‘receptacle’. I guess from the woman’s side, they both look similar. Sounds sad doesn’t it? As a man, I hope I am never that way.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:44 am

Randyt~ Could you have the lover/ best friend/ we got each other’s backs without marriage? Then you don’t ever risk divorce. What is it about marriage that appeals?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 18th, 2012
10:47 am

I wouldn’t judge anyone that marries in 2 weeks or 2 years. We marry for various reasons and I agree age matters with that said I don’t want to waste time having a long engagement then decide we don’t want to marry. If people are committed to marrying within days, weeks, or months that shouldn’t be a problem to no one.

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
10:47 am

lolalee – A gentle nudge might just be talking about it and asking the other person how the idea sound to them. Maybe they have some concerns that you can help aleviate with reassurance. No pressure though. You have to watch their reaction. If they are not open at all to even discussing it, well then you have your answer. At that point you have to make a decision.

The thing I learned the hard way is being so scared to even talk about it with a man for fear of “pressuring” him or scaring him off. I finally got the balls with a few of them to let them know what I wanted, in a non-threatening way. Either they were on the same page or they were not. Some women do themselves a grave disservice by being overly concerned with not wanting to scare a guy off. It’s your life too, get what you want. Ultimatums don’t work and I would never do that. But don’t waste my time. I allowed too many dudes to do that, not being honest with them or myself.

With my now husband, he had a concern. We had briefly on a few occasions talked about marriage. Finally one day I simply asked him when did he see it happening with us. He told me his concern, I aliviated it for him and had no idea that was what was holding us back. Once we talked, he said “I’m going to make it happen”. I didn’t bring it up anymore, and a few months later he proposed. And he said then he wanted to go ahead and have the wedding sooner rather than later!

MissMoni

June 18th, 2012
10:53 am

GOOD Monday Morning All!

Different strokes for different folks! If a person is 100% ok with marrying someone after 2 weeks, then go for it and see how it works out for you. Personally, I would not. At least that’s what I’m saying now as a single woman who hasn’t been proposed to. However, if the my Mr. Right came along and wanted to go ahead and “Jump the Broom” then after Pre-Marital Counseling then I would be all for it. :-)

Randyt (48 hours and I'll be in the air heading West)

June 18th, 2012
10:54 am

@Lolalee…I like the commitment part, strangely enough. To just be a couple, suggests to me that a part is still missing. I’ve said many times that the only thing worse than being married, is being single…there must be a better alternative to both, LOL.

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:55 am

kimmie ~ A friend of mine wants to initiate the discussion but is afraid to seem pushy or needy. She did ask him once whether he’d “ever get married again” (he was divorced once) and his reponse was something like ‘I’d really have to think about that.” Then a few times after that he made some pretty negative comments about marriage. I’d take all that as a “I’m not going to marry you”, but she is still hopeful. What do you think?

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
10:56 am

Leggs – I had one guy to tell me on the first date he never wanted to marry. I did continue to date him, but that was always in the back of my mind. I hung out for awhile until I met someone else and say “see ya”. He started really tripping. I gently reminded him of what he said. I told him that I respected his wishes but I wanted and needed more and that I hoped to marry one day. I told him he struck down even the possibility of it to me from jump! He gave some kind of stupid explanation, trying to dismiss what he said. We would go back and forth dating here and there, but it was always in the back of my mind and really cast a cloud over the relationship. I never got over it, because I didn’t believe his mind had changed or ever would. I finally got tired of the bs and broke it off for good, only a year of back and forth, not 11 years!

lolalee

June 18th, 2012
10:57 am

Randyt ~ Yep, the grass is greener… LOL. Being single in a world of married people is strange indeed.

MissMoni

June 18th, 2012
10:58 am

Leggs- Did your friend ask you for any advice on the situation? If so, what did you tell her?

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
11:05 am

lolalee – I would tell her to go for it. At this point she doesn’t have anything to lose. As for seeming pushy/needy, it’s all in how she goes about it. Calmly let him know that she doesn’t share his views of marriage and that commitment and family are important to her. That while she understands and respects his apprehension because of his divorce, at this point in her life, she’d like their relationship to move forward to the next level. If he really doesn’t see doing that with her, then she’s got to make a decision and be prepared to follow thru. If he sees the least amount of apprehension from her, he won’t respect or take her serious.

The funny thing is while she’s afraid of speaking up, this same dude would go and marry the next chick that comes along and is just as pushy as ever!

Life is just too short to waste precious time with a person that does not have the same dreams and goals as you do. There are plenty men out there that would welcome a committed relationship with a special woman(like Randyt!).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 18th, 2012
11:07 am

Kimmie don’t forget me too…….LOL

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
11:09 am

Leggs – That dude has her convinced she can’t do any better. He sees and knows she’s pretty and all and that if she had higher standards and self-esteem she could have & would have dumped his zero behind and met a winner a long time ago. Of course he’s going crazy & lonely – 11 years is a long time! He had his way for over a decade, things were just like he wanted!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 18th, 2012
11:10 am

Kimmie don’t forget about me j/k……..LOL

kimmie

June 18th, 2012
11:10 am

You too Blackfoote! :wink:

Button

June 18th, 2012
11:12 am

Would you marry someone after two weeks of knowing them? Yes, I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Sometimes you just know when you’ve met your life partner and no amount of “wait” would be beneficial.

Do you think love at first sight is possible? Yes I do. Although it’s never happened to me but I do believe in it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 18th, 2012
11:13 am

Usually the men that puts a woman off for that long will whine and cry to have her back. It’s the old adage I want you back, but I don’t have a ring yet.