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Dating: Ready for the road test?

A reader sent me an article, Make or break? Travel tests your relationship and I immediately thought of the nightmarish trip that torpedoed a romance for me. Well, maybe not so much the road trip but the crazy trip personality my beau displayed did us in.

In hindsight, I am happy we traveled together when we did. Although we had only been seeing one another for a few months, the trip was eye opening, to say the least! Mr. Laid Back and mellow had another side to him. He pretty much behaved like a tyrant and I was starting to think he had an evil twin that showed up instead!

I agree with the author of the article, travel can be tricky when you are a new new couple. Unless you are feeling pretty confident with how things are going, putting your new relationship on the road could make or break the budding romance. Tread lightly!

When do you think it is appropriate to take a trip with someone you are dating? Is this more of a relationship thing or could it be a great activity to do with someone who is new in your life? Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else?

What was the best trip you took with someone you were dating? What made it so successful and what advice would you give someone to ensure a drama free road trip?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

160 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2012
7:45 am

My best trip was also my worst date. We took a trip which also happen to be our first date because of distance, to a romantic island that turned out to be anything but romantic. We didn’t have any drama, but I guess we found out we weren’t compatible. But what made it a great trip was that we did things together and had great time regardless of the circumstances. I’m one that likes to do beach vacations and get in the water, and she didn’t have a problem with getting her hair wet, we also did a lot of walking and site seeing. But the strangest of all, that made it a memorable trip for me, was that I was making all the plans, but wanted some input, so I was asking what did she want to do, she said I probably wouldn’t want to do it because most black people don’t like to do it. It was para sailing, jet skiing and scuba diving. Well we went and had a great time, and now I’m a certified scuba diver. My #1 rule now is, regardless of who I travel with, or what happens on a trip I’m having a great time!

Golden Pig

June 11th, 2012
7:55 am

Travel for the first date and get it over with…and so you’re trapped in a room with a single bed you have to share…works every time. Hells yeah!

Randyt (whya re people wearing coats and scarves outside here?)

June 11th, 2012
8:19 am

Hello from England…I’m so ready to fly west!!!

“When do you think it is appropriate to take a trip with someone you are dating? Is this more of a relationship thing or could it be a great activity to do with someone who is new in your life? Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else?”

The answers are: yes, yes, and yes. I think an overnighter is maybe a month or so in…and you should already at least think you know the person. I’m not sure that it is the best starting place fror the first “sleepover”, but instead a measure of how well you get along when you are together ‘after the loving’.

Let’s be real, most of our initial encounters physically still end with one or the other going home sooner or later. You may have breakfast, but seldom are you staying together for more than 24 hours the first time. That is what the initial road trip answers. Most of mine have been great…(except for some of those with my wife in the day ;-)

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
9:22 am

Good morning.

czBrat

June 11th, 2012
9:25 am

HiYas!

quiet start to the blog this a.m. i see.

our first out of town getaway was about 3-4 months into the relationship. it was great. a road trip to the memphis in may jazz/bbq festival. he has since told me that it was on that trip that he began to see things in me that made him tumble.

for me, it was very settling to know that i could spend three days away with someone “new” and have no thought of regret. i was completely comfortable and well taken care of. it was especially cool to be with him in a large crowd of strangers and watch him take lead, interacting with people and mapping out our course and time so that i could just hang back, observe and soak it all in.

having said that, our first international trip was tons of fun UNTIL we missed our flight off the island. i got a little pissy about his unscheduled pit-stop that caused our delay, but he stepped up to the counter and worked it out; no fuss, no muss, no charge.

i have since come to recognize my dude as the great negotiator. i no longer worry about snafus. i just let him do what he do.

czBrat

June 11th, 2012
9:37 am

When do you think it is appropriate to take a trip with someone you are dating?
after you have introduced them to someone close to you, and that someone has all of their contact info. you know, in case you never return.

Is this more of a relationship thing or could it be a great activity to do with someone who is new in your life?
i think the best approach is as an opportunity for adventure and new experience. if you don’t set out expecting a love lightning bolt to hit you both while taking a moonlight walk on the beach, you’re less likely to be disappointed.

Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else?
i do indeed. i think it’s harder to keep up appearances of stability and sanity for more than 24 hours straight. :lol:

Single and Happy

June 11th, 2012
9:38 am

@golden pig: trapped in a one bedroom suite with sleeper sofa, no expectations!

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
9:51 am

Happy Gloomy Monday No Sun-day morning,

When do you think it is appropriate to take a trip with someone you are dating?

Whenever the two of you feel comfy enough to do an ‘Overnight, together 24/7′ deal…if you don’t feel you know each other at least well enough to at least feel comfortable about then it’s too soon. The time frame will be different for each couple. Our first road trip together was not an over nighter but we had to drive a few hours away for his old roomates wedding. It was cool getting all dressed up to go to an event such as that. And the conversation in the car was pretty cool too. However, our first weekend trip was just last year to the cabins. He was feeling a bit awkward at first since so many other people that he didn’t know was going to be there. Once he got there and saw how cool everyone else was, he was having a ball. That’s all he talked about a long time after the trip and excited about the next one.

Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else? Since you are together the whole time you’re on the trip, it just gives you a clearer view of how that person could be on a regular everyday basis. Typically in dating, you aren’t seeing each other everyday and when you do see each other, it’s for a limited time and of course you’re excited to see the other. Everything doesn’t always go as planned on a trip so you get to see how the other handles those types of situations, whether it be one of them gets sick, isn’t open to trying things the other wants to do, complaining about everything, bathroom behaviors etc…

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
9:58 am

Good morning!

I’ve been on a few trips with men in the past that were real eyeopeners! 2 of them pretty much spelled the end to our relationship. All were at least 6 months in the relationship so we were not that “new”.

With now husband, our first out of town trip was actually with his family to Orlando for Christmas. We had been dating a little over a year and our first Christmas together. That trip was absolutely magical! Part was doing something very different from my normal Christmases with my family. The other was just affirming was I already had observed about him – that he was a take-charge and handle things type of man. Me, the kids, had not a worry in the world!

We took another trip together a few months after that to a cabin in the mountains. We met 3 other couples there and had a fabulous time.

All of our travels have been wonderful together!!

disco

June 11th, 2012
9:59 am

good morning y’all. I wish somebody would call me up right about now and invite me on a trip. they sure as heck wouldn’t have to ask me twice. I definitely agree with the concept of using traveling together as a sort of compatibility test. the possibility is there for all kinds of hidden personality quirks to come to the surface.

slim – here’s a complaint for you. my mom is visiting. she wanted to go have a drink Saturday night. ended up at a bar/restaurant and she decided she wanted to eat. she enjoyed her food and then had the nerve to complain that she was full. I was like really. the restaurant brings out complimentary dessert samples and my mother had the nerve to be mad that they brought her something else to eat.

disco

June 11th, 2012
10:01 am

kimmie – I’m not trying to sound like a hater this early in the morning but dang girl – you just sound too daggone happy. geesh. lol.

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
10:01 am

Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else? – I would think it would. Road trips typically shows how a person reacts to the quietness in the car when there’s a lull in the conversation. Can’t get up and feign a bathroom run. You’re also privy to how they handle road rage (if it should come up). I suppose road trips can show how each other handles things when they go awry because on trips, something usually goes wrong.

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
10:03 am

When we spent that weekend in the cabin, the other couples were friends of mine and he had only met 1 of the other couples. I liked how he hit it right off with the other guys and how the other guys found him cool. I’ve dated others that have been standoffish. I was so glad he wasn’t like that, because I’m not like that.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:05 am

Sorry about the long post…didn’t realize it until after it was sent.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:08 am

disco – That’s funny about your mom…it isn’t like it’s against the law to say No thank you :lol:

disco

June 11th, 2012
10:13 am

leggs – re quiet in the car. i ride quiet and live quiet. I can go extended periods of time without talking and long stretches of silence don’t bother me (I do live alone after all). I’m always amused (and sometimes slightly perturbed) by people who feel like they have to fill the silence with words. once after a particularly stressful trip home I drove back the entire 9 hours without even turning on the radio. I’m all for conversation but I definitely appreciate silence and don’t need constant chatter.

slim – she was actually away from the table trying to see the score to the game when they brought the dessert out. she did tell me that I could have rejected it on her behalf. I was just like whatever.

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
10:18 am

disco ~ I was thinking why get mad, just decline, but I see SlimUno beat me to the punch again. Mothers are quite a trip now that they are older. Let’s just hope we make it to an age where our children may be irritated by us as well. :wink:

disco ~ I went out on a date a few months back and he told me he liked me because I didn’t talk much (little did he know) and that I didn’t feel the need to fill in the silence gaps with idle chatter. He said “I’m glad you kept your mouth closed for the most part and didn’t talk much through dinner.”

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:20 am

On road trips I don’t always have to be chatter boxing…silence is good. Often times, I look forward to my short road trips to AL because it gives me time to think & ride or sing as loud or dance as crazy as I want to in the car to some old cd’s (yes some folks still rock cd’s lol)

abc

June 11th, 2012
10:24 am

I once went on a cruise with a girlfriend. What a disaster. Never again will I sail on that line, I already knew it was not my speed, but she did the booking. I spent 3 of 4 nights sleeping in a deck chair because she locked me out of the cabin. The first day was the end of the relationship for me; it actually persisted for a month or so after our return, during which she went psycho a couple more times.

What a bad memory. Thank you Lord for my excellent wife!

Robert

June 11th, 2012
10:25 am

“Do you believe that traveling or road trips brings out a different side in people that you can’t really see anywhere else?”

This weekend my friend and I went on a long drive to the beach (Destin, FL). I love to travel at night (12:00am) to beat the traffic and get to the beach by sunrise. While driving long distances I like listening to books on tapes/CD’s. I love listening to my Bible CD’s and while driving. I thought she was asleep. She heard the CDs and was impressed. She commented how good it was to hear the scriptures read out loud and was happy to wake-up and listen with me. She was happy to learn how I maintain my “personal relationship” with God and how important spirituality is to me. I may not go to Church regularly but I still find time to read or listen to God’s Word. This road trip was good for us. We both felt something different and new happening in our relationship.

Lady~wow factor

June 11th, 2012
10:33 am

Sweetness Robert~

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:33 am

Let’s just hope we make it to an age where our children may be irritated by us as well

Leggs – This made me laugh because I just had a conversation about this very thing when my mom was here for my birthday. We were watching Monster-in-law and my mom said just slap her if she ever acts like that. Seems like older folks get to say and do whatever they please (in their minds anyways) lol

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:34 am

abc – What happened to where she locked you out of the cabin??

disco

June 11th, 2012
10:39 am

slim / leggs – I’m just going to chalk it up to a parent/child thing because I can’t even blame my mother’s age. heck, she’s only in her mid 50s. I’d have a lot more patience if I was dealing with someone in their 70s or something.

abc – yes. do tell. what happened to get you locked out of the cabin?

czBrat

June 11th, 2012
10:39 am

can’t figure out the blog monster’s issue with my post.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
10:41 am

disco – Did she not want to box up the dessert for later? Maybe she felt it would be rude not to eat the complimentary treat ;-)

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
10:41 am

disco – I am. I actually keep a lot to myself because I’m sure I’d sound sickening! It’s kind of like pictures of your kids – after a point nobody really wants or needs to see every new one you get every day!!

That’s cute about your mom! You’re so lucky to have one that’s cool to hang out with. My mom was like that too.

abc

June 11th, 2012
10:42 am

Various stuff Slim. Let’s not think about it. Chick was nuts.

Agree Robert, regarding church being not that necessary, and mostly (for me) a negative influence in my relationship with God. Churches want one to honor the church more than anything else. Want to find some self-righteous, judgmental and prejudicial people? Check out a church. I saw a book title once, “I’m fine with God, it’s Christians I can’t stand!”. Yep.

disco

June 11th, 2012
10:46 am

slim – the dessert had whipped cream on it and so she also got to complain about not liking whipped cream. (my momma is a piece of work and kids don’t take after strangers lol). she did however, poke at it to make sure it wasn’t served to someone else.

kimmie – I was (mostly) kidding. no harm in you being happy and still in love. heck, most of us aspire to be where you are. still, I had to throw out my little janky comment. see above where I said kids don’t take after strangers. lol.

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
10:51 am

I brought a dude along on a cruise once and it was a disaster! He acted like a whiney, complaining punk baby the whole time. The end!

Bluzgirl

June 11th, 2012
10:54 am

I’ve had pretty successful road trips with previous SO’s. But…we didn’t take the trips until we were in full relationship mode. I was worried about the long drive (one trip, we were in the car for about 8 hours), but worked out pretty well. I like when you can have long conversations, but then you can be comfortable being quiet and just listening to the radio. You can definitely see a different side of your partner on a road trip and it can be good or it can be bad. I’ve been lucky to not have had the bad at this point.

Now, when I was dating psycho in Seattle, I went to visit him a couple of times. The first trip was wonderful! The second trip…not so much. There was so much tension before I got off the plane and I was wishing I could just get on another plane and go back home. He was a whole different story, though, because he had severe mental illness that I didn’t think he had in the beginning.

abc

June 11th, 2012
10:57 am

And what did he whine about, kimmie?

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
10:58 am

disco ~ I’m a very picky eater, but watching Mama these past 2 weeks had me SMDH on more than one occasion. There wasn’t anything this lady liked at any restaurant we went to. From Pappadeaux to Legal Seafood to This is It (lol). I cooked all the other times and although she loves my cooking, she couldn’t help commenting on something, ANYTHING..too much salt (which I don’t cook with) to too peppery, to sauce too thin. I chalked it up to “it’s just what she does and not to take anything personal.” My mother is in her 70’s but acts a good 85.

disco

June 11th, 2012
10:58 am

dang. not just a baby but a punk baby. that’s deep.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
11:01 am

kimmie – What was he complaining about? I can see maybe motion sickness but other than that what was his deal?

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
11:01 am

abc – More like what didn’t he whine about!! He didn’t have any issues with the cruiseline or the accomodations. He didn’t like the entertainment, everything I suggested he didn’t want to do or criticized, didn’t want to do anything at any of the places we stopped, didn’t like what HE brought to wear to dress for dinner, you name it!

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
11:02 am

@kimmie ~ my marriage was already suffering when I planned a cruise to The Bahamas with lil leggs. My ex didn’t want to go and I was thankful. The week before we were scheduled to leave he speaks up saying he would like to join us. I said “oh no, I’m not going on a cruise to be miserable, and I don’t want to land in jail over there after I throw you overboard.” He didn’t say anything else to me.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
11:05 am

Leggs – When my sister was doing my nieces hair the other weekend, apparently my mom thought the part wasn’t even so she ended up re-parting it. My sister got mad because she said she just can’t seem to do anything right when it comes to her. I suppose they just have their own ways of doing things and want what they want the way they want them done lol. God bless them though

abc

June 11th, 2012
11:05 am

Sounds like he’s a girl. Er, ah, no offense!

I actually far prefer to be on ships as part of the staff. Being a passenger is a little bit boring after awhile.

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
11:07 am

Slim – I got motion-sickness on a cruise me & hubs took. Constant complaining won’t cure anything. I just dealt with it the best I could until it subsided. But that’s one of those things you find out on a trip with an SO. You find out how they deal with adversity, be it sickness, getting lost, car trouble, etc.

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
11:10 am

abc – No offense taken, he certainly acted a bit of a girl!LOL! Anyway, that’s some other woman’s problem now, not mine!

You know, you are right about being a passenger though. A few days is all I can take. It can get old after awhile.

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
11:14 am

kimmie – Out of the cruises i’ve been on, I’ve probably only experienced the motion sickness thing once because of a storm we went through causing rough waters. I just tried to stay liquored up and eventually it passed. lol I’ve gotten sick here at home with the beau and he was pretty good at looking after me. I don’t think he’d complain if it happened on a vacation. He’s usually pretty level headed and non-affected by things like that.

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
11:20 am

O/T: Can anyone’s union last? 115 years

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/turtles-throwing-towel-115-years-marriage-article-1.1093118

The funniest line is :Animal experts have put the pair through counseling in hopes of sparking a reconciliation.” Heck, she bit him (lol).

abc

June 11th, 2012
11:20 am

I’ve spent a lot of time on cruise ships. The cure for sea sickness — which is caused by motion and your bodies reaction to it — is to eat a lot of bread. The most common cause is liquid sloshing around in you.

kimmie

June 11th, 2012
11:22 am

Slim – I’m prone to motion-sickness. I used to get car-sick during my child/teen years. I still can’t read in a moving car. I’ve gotten air-sick too! The worst sea-sickness was when I went on a little 3 hour whale-watching cruise. I’ve kind of grown out of a lot of it, but if I’m going on a cruise I have to start taking the Dramamine early before. That last time, we too hit some very rough waters. Guess what the staff gave me to cure it? Green apples! They actually worked too!!

Sounds like your beau is a good travel companion too!

Bluzgirl

June 11th, 2012
11:25 am

Speaking of cruises…my best friend and I are talking about taking a cruise in Sept. He’s the one that lives in Charleston and cruise ships port out of there. I’ve never been on one and worry about sea sickness because I am prone to motion sickness. I’ll just make sure I have the dramamine with me! I take it before I fly.

Kimmie…I’m like you…I cannot read in the car. I will get so sick and dizzy if I do. I also do not like sitting in the back seat for very long (especially if it’s my dad who is driving).

SlimUno

June 11th, 2012
11:31 am

I’ve never heard of bread or apples as a remedy for motion sickness. I’ll have to keep that in mind ;-)

Bluzgirl

June 11th, 2012
11:51 am

Is everyone sleeping on this dreary Monday! :-)

Celisea

June 11th, 2012
11:54 am

Morning all…peeking in for just a moment as I’m super busy today:

Topic: All my traveling with a mate has subsequent to an established relationship. So if or when disagreements came up was sort of normal activity in our relating and interacting. Nothing that caused us to split or leaving thinking WTHeck?? Almost like not skipping a beat and just a part of how we interacted….again, if there were disagreements just not at home but a far away location. So by that time (before traveling), I was use to bathroom activities, the likes versus the dislikes, habits and what not.

For me: I’m not traveling with someone I’m not solid with. For a number of reasons…I DON’T KNOW YOU…I mean “know” you. Having slept together does not qualify “knowing” a person. Part of my timeline in getting intimate. Plenty of folks at the bottom of the river because they slept with someone too early and thought they knew them…just saying. I don’t know you as in your habits and what you like. I don’t know how you’re gonna respond to nature if we’re out in the woods. If you like hunting and if I’m gonna be the huntee (y’all watched the movie Strawdogs??) Okay I’m somewhat paranoid but I’m somewhat kidding.
So in essence, traveling with a companion for me is subsequent to nailing it and getting something solid underneath us. I don’t want to explore on the front end of things in some faraway land…lol I might not come back. Even worse, you might not come back…lol I’M KIDDING AND IN A SILLY MOOD :) I dunno and just for me, the better already acquainted, the better the time together while away.

As it relates to motion sickness…never done a cruise and probably won’t do. I can do a cup of water, a tub of water and the beach/shoreline but out there in the middle of it and nowhere to run if things run amuck….nuh uh I’ve flown many times now and never gotten sick. Sleepy as soon as I’ve sat down but not sick. As a kid I would get sick riding the bus (to and from high school)..that would make me queasy at least a couple times a week. Too as a kid, riding in a car I would often get sick. I don’t know if it’s that I’ve just outgrown but I don’t so much have that as an issue now.

On riding the distance…I can ride up to about 13 hours and I start feeling some kind of way…like trapped or something. I can ride about 6 hours and really enjoy the ride. I can ride alone and be cool but I’m very cool riding and talking and listening to music with a companion.

Late morning!

Leggs

June 11th, 2012
11:54 am

The last night of our cruise (supposedly the best night) the boat hit some turbulent waters. It was horrible. As we were making our way to the rooms people were spitting up in just about every corner of the boat. I was so dizzy, sick, downright miserable. For those that didn’t get sick, there was a firework/food specatular on the upper deck. We missed it all because we were huggng the porcelain goddess much of the night.