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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Creepy friend or girlfriend test?

Hello everyone! You are all becoming the go to crew for dating advice, apparently. I have received a few emails asking for your opinion. So here is a dilemma with which I am happy to say that I have no experience. Weigh in and give your best advice and share your experiences:

One of our readers has been seeing a guy who is pretty close to his boys. They are all like brothers, having grown up on the same block and are basically best friends. One of the friends made a play for her. A real, in your face, no ambiguity at all – kind of play. He sought her out at her gym, struck up a conversation, and basically said some wildly inappropriate things about her body. Then he asked for her phone number.

She thinks that her man has friends that are protective of him and want to test her character. A girlfriend test if you will..to see how she would handle the situation. Obviously she turned him down flat, but she wonders if she should bring it up to her guy.

If it turns out that it was indeed a girlfriend test – sanctioned by her guy, should she be offended? If it is not a test, should she tell her guy about his friend’s behavior? Should you avoid this particular friend or try to address it since they will have to all be around one another?

I am curious, do men test their women like this often? Are there certain situations that men want to know how you will handle to see what kind of woman you are when he is not around?

What would you do if you found out someone you are dating had been conducting little “character tests” on you?

130 comments Add your comment

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
11:06 am

Dan ~ that’s all I am saying is to tell you. How you handle it is indeed on you.

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
11:16 am

Leggs – Exactly, I’m thinking zoots & fedora’s, not baseball caps & jeans!

Slim – Yeah, the Bama mess is always pretty lame, especially coming from “crazy obsessed with baseball caps, jeans & sneaks”!

Robert

June 7th, 2012
11:16 am

@Leggs – You can find “Fake BAMA gangsters” all over ATL. It is a culture that exist in the deep, deep South (GA,FL,AL,MISS, etc.). You can still see men dressed in Zoot Suits, Suits with loud colors (lime green, yellow, white, purple, pink, etc.) with matching shoes and hats. We call these “Bama’s” clowns, and country.

disco

June 7th, 2012
11:23 am

robert – and every now and again a brother with a real flair for style can wear something “bama-ish” and look so fly in it that others rush to do the same. my mother wore a bright green linen suit to my son’s graduation. my mom is very dark and that green looked very good on her. folks were complimenting her all day and all night because mom’s got her party on. I was almost hating because my mom was getting the props.

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
11:23 am

Robert – Funny, that’s how a lot dudes dress in Detroit. When I went on a cruise with my husband a few years ago, a dude was trying to hit on me wearing a sherbert-colored zoot suit and shoes to match. We nicknamed him Dreamsicle. A coworker of my husband was on the cruise with her family and she’s from Detroit. She said that’s how a lot of those brothers dress up there. Not just a deep South thing.

So let me get this straight – first you said the dudes in the club were dressed in baseball caps, jeans & sneakers. You were saying there should be a dress code at the clubs. Now your saying the wannabee gangsters, this “culture” of men, dress in zoot suits. While certainly “different-looking”, if the men in the clubs are wearing a suit, zoot or otherwise, wouldn’t that be more proper attire than baseball caps, jeans & sneakers? :shock:

disco

June 7th, 2012
11:29 am

where’s Elijah? we need him to come on and request a pic of robert. lol.

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
11:30 am

disco – Yeah, that I would love to see! I bet he’s a REAL gangster, not a FAKE one too!LOL!!!

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
11:36 am

Robert, I am aware you can find fake “BAMAs” all over the ATL. Not a term I used, but thanks for this geography tidbit.

disco

June 7th, 2012
11:42 am

kimmie – or a real bama. lol.

Elijah

June 7th, 2012
11:59 am

Disco at your service…. You know u want to send me that pic….

@Kimmie-Detroit is zoot suite and gator capitol of the world….

Robert what is your opinion about how the women dress in the south?

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
12:23 pm

O/T Ok so i’m reading the various articles about athletes in arrears on child support. I did not realize that Evander Holyfield has 12 kids by 6 different women!!!!! :shock: That just does not make any sense to me. It seems that these entertainers and athletes would either get snipped or wear 2 condoms per session as to not end up with a baseball team of kids and high child support costs

disco

June 7th, 2012
12:24 pm

slim – speaking of athletes and financial problems. one of the radio hosts was talking about an upcoming espn series/special called “broke” re athletes who end up bankrupt or in dire financial straights. someone on the show joked that it needed to be a mini series or a documentary.

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
12:26 pm

disco – I think I heard part of that right before I got out of the car…I’d really like to know what they spend a bulk of their money on. I’d definitely watch that show

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
12:30 pm

disco – I saw an ad for that show. Andre Rison is going to be on it. I’m checking it out.

Slim – I saw the title of an article talking about Evander being behind on the child support. I didn’t even read it cause I said to myself “what’s new”?

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
12:33 pm

Elijah – No, since Robert goes around looking down his nose at folks and calling them bama & country (yet he lives here), what I’d like to know is why he was at such a ghetto club (one where the patrons don’t know how to dress, according to him). I mean, sounds like he’d like to be somewhere a little more high-brow!LOL!!!

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
12:37 pm

If they’re anything like that dumb song “I got a condo on my neck” (something like that), we can see how the squander their money. A lot of it is greed, hanger ons, greed, groupies getting them snared in their web, too many cars, too many houses, making it rain when they should have been doing a slow drizzle.

disco

June 7th, 2012
12:40 pm

leggs – I happen to like that little song (even though i don’t understand about half of what’s being said). “cashing out”.

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
12:45 pm

Leggs – I agree with all of what you said. A lot too is not understanding how to manage their own money so they have to depend on others to do it that don’t have their best interests at heart. I mean, they don’t have to have an MBA in finance, but alot don’t know the bare bones basics. A lot of that comes from being brought up with parents that didn’t know how to handle money and save for a rainy day. Its how the poor stay poor and the used to be poor back poor again.

I’m so tired of seeing and hearing about our people, especially our men, in these types of predicaments!

disco

June 7th, 2012
12:53 pm

leggs – you know I just sat here and flashed back on that old song “hood rich”. I used to like that one too. can’t pull up the lyrics here. it’s blocked but that’s the one that said “can’t pay my rent cause all my money’s spent – got every thang in my momma’s name – got a quarter tank of gas in my new E class”. that song tickled me because as ignorant as it was it was nothing but the truth.

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
12:58 pm

disco – Sadly it is the truth. Misplaced priorities. Some older folks call it “not used to anything”.

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
1:00 pm

I have a condo on my wrist, i’m cashing out. :lol:

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:02 pm

disco ~ I pulled up the lyrics to that song, but too ashamed to post them here (lol). Man o man!

kimmie

June 7th, 2012
1:03 pm

I’m ridin’ round and I’m gettin’
I’m ridin’ round and I’m gettin’
I’m ridin’ round and I’m gettin’
It’s mine
I’m spendin!!!

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:04 pm

A condo on your wrist, neck, grill is ok if you in fact have a condo you can sleep at and able to effortlessly pay the morgage. If not, pawn that bad boy!

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:06 pm

O/T, I’m reading yesterday’s blog because I left at a time when things were about to go left and get even more comical. You guys were straight clowning yesterday. How refreshing!

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:09 pm

BF ~ I am in tears reading your story about the drunk girl in the park lot. I have to wipe my ears I’m tearing up with laughter. All the while she’s searching for some phatonm Michael.

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:16 pm

Elijah ~ yes sir, I have blue pill issues! Older men, blue pill, diabeties medication, gout medication, HBP medication, hard, hard stroking makes me think one is going to have a heart attack…the thought scares me to not even going to try it with them. I don’t want no older man passing the fugg out on me due to all that medicine in his body then his heart start racing, because we will be doing more than galloping. It’s a scary thought.

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
1:23 pm

My song would be more like, “I got a roll of quarters on my wrist and i’m cashing out” lol

Leggs – Your 1:16 reminds me of The Color Purple when they asked the girl married to Celie’s dad, “Well, how did he die?” Girl says, “on toppa me” :lol:

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:30 pm

O/T: Almost broke our safety record here at work. Walking downstairs I lost my footing and nearly feel down the entire flight. Thank goodness a guy was walking up, grabbed me stopped my fall. Unfortuanately, my heel broke…UUGGH!

Robert

June 7th, 2012
1:32 pm

@Elijah – “what is your opinion about how the women dress in the south?”

I love a naturally beautiful woman who carry’s herself with an air of confidence and sex appeal. It does not matter where she lives (North, South, East, West). I hate to see young women dress like “slutts” (fake eyelashes, hair weaves, tatoo’s, etc.). I hate to see older women try to dress and act like younger women. I find both of these kind of women very “unattractive” regardless of where they live. How about you? Would you date these types of women?

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
1:35 pm

Leggs – Dang chica, are you okay? Do you have some flats or something in your car to hold you over until the end of the day?

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
1:41 pm

I don’t. Have to run and get some “these will do for now” shoes.

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
1:57 pm

________________________

SlimUno

June 7th, 2012
2:16 pm

This is one draggin ass day *sigh*

disco

June 7th, 2012
2:26 pm

leggs – watch your step. when dude caught you did you swoon, bat your eyelashes and go “my hero”?

czBrat

June 7th, 2012
2:35 pm

back. briefly.

oopsy leggs. careful now!

is there no longer a topic on the table? or are we talking women’s fashions and how they mark you as “undateable”?

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
2:37 pm

disco ~didn’t swoon, but while falling my wallet hit him in the crotch. I swear it was a mistake. I knew he was embarrassed and so was I. Neither of us said anything. He’s a shy type person anyway so I thanked him and hobbled down the rest of the flight.

I found an inexpensive pair to cover this evening.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:41 pm

Leggs I didn’t know at the time but the lady was married. After she dropped me off I never saw her again. It ran across my mind for months, a married woman slept in my bed. No no no I’m not playing dangerous games with a married woman. Dudes that play with fire can keep it up if they want until the odds catch up to them.

czBrat

June 7th, 2012
2:41 pm

:shock:
:lol:
still a great story for the step-grands. :wink:

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
2:42 pm

Good grief, what is in those bath salts that this is the reaction? Man, we got the munchies when we got high, but never wanted to much on another person. Well, not their face.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/zombie-apocalypse-louisiana-man-carl-jacquneaux-bites-ex-wife-husband-face-removes-chunk-skin-article-1.1091183

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
2:47 pm

You still did good, BF, like the ladies said. Married or not, calling the cops would have had her in a world of trouble. Now, a married woman slept in your bed, but don’t fret too much since you didn’t sleep beside her.

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
2:48 pm

I know if the hubby bust your door down, he wouldn’t even see you on the couch. In his blinding rage, all he would see is his wife in your bed….I gotcha (lol).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:50 pm

Meth is driving folks to do things we couldn’t think of years ago. Governments need to go on and legalize Mary Jane.

Leggs

June 7th, 2012
2:55 pm

It’s not even meth, it’s bath salt. Is that in the meth family???

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:55 pm

That’s right dude wouldn’t have cared if I was on my own sofa or not, all he would have known was his wife was in my house. Not a good look.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:57 pm

I don’t think it is because you can drink bath salt.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:57 pm

As a laxative.

Elijah

June 7th, 2012
2:59 pm

@BF I agree we need to legalize the Mary Jane, The Mexican Gold, The Orgonian, right now!

@Leggs- U are funny, u over there causing heart attacks… Go head with your badself. lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 7th, 2012
2:59 pm

Good folks have it your way, with plenty of love. Good Day!

Mr. Unknown

June 7th, 2012
2:59 pm

Whats up guys..

If it is not a test, should she tell her guy about his friend’s behavior? Yep, point the snakes out. This sounds more like a friend of a friend rather than a best friend that tried to holla.
Should you avoid this particular friend or try to address it since they will have to all be around one another? First avoid buddy and let your dude handle it. If handled right, buddy would be avoiding you in the future. Also on the same note her guy could be the simp of the crew, no respect given. He is too scary to hold his own nuts and expects you to do the work. Every now and then you have to let out a manroar and claim your territory.

I am curious, do men test their women like this often? Nope! We don’t test women like this at all! For what, mess around and get your feelings hurt when she drop the draws for buddy. lol..Plaxico Burress comes to mind here..