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Issues getting naked?

One of our readers wrote me asking how she should handle a dating dilemma. She has been dating a man who is a little “husky” and is extremely shy about his body. He was in a car accident last year, so his activity level has dropped dramatically, and he is not at all comfortable at this size.

While he is actively working on getting back in shape, he does not want her to see him without clothes. A lot of people have body issues that can impede intimacy with their partners. When you have this kind of hang up, it helps to be with someone who understands and is supportive.

How do you really show support to someone who isn’t comfortable with their own body?

If you are someone who has this image issue, do you talk about it openly? Would you want your partner to bring it up?

What happens to your dating relationships when you have an issue with your appearance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

331 comments Add your comment

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
6:57 am

Morning all. \it is noon here. A few totally useless comments from England.

1) If a guy is shy about being naked in the company of a lady, yep, certain assets seem to shrivel further…and not the stomach, but what hangs below the stomach, bummer.

2) Not a bad idea if lying around naked after gaining weight to think before stretching out to at least avoid looking like a beached whale…the posture is very critical. Think about the most and least flattering positions.

3) When in doubt, whip it out. When skinny dipping, concentrate on laughing a lot…they will focus on you rather than your parts.

On a serious note, I think all partners should try to make their partners comfortable…if their body is all you like, then it isn’t a relationship anyway.

Final note…not a good idea if you want someone’s affection to lead with, ‘dayum woman, that is one phat azz’…just not good. It will hurt her, frustrate any real lovemaking, and brand you as the horse’s azz you are.

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
6:58 am

Oh… one other thing ;-) big smile. Have a great day all.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:00 am

Good Morning!

WOW, I beat Ms. Lily.

The key is like you stated, “it helps to be with someone who understands and is supportive.” Without those two important things, insecurity will set in and crossover into other areas into the relationship. With understanding comes appreciation. He has to become secure within himself. It’s not fair for her to offer all the support while he consciously undermines her appreciation for him as a whole. The best support is assuring him of your love for him. The body is just the vessel, but the bigger vessel you love about him is his heart. Tell him that.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:01 am

:lol: While typing, Randyt beat me to the punch of being first.

Hey Randyt, I was wondering what the status was with the girl at the drive-thru with only 15 teef. Why you not looking for your love interest??

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:19 am

It sure is lonely in here all bys me self. I think a spider just bushed up against my leg. UUGGH!!!

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:19 am

Exiled!

June 6th, 2012
7:21 am

It cuts both ways Randy!

They are females who won’t want to undress or are tentative untill the lights are dimmed or low etc..(laugh)

And (some) folks with weight issues have issues with esteem..

I bet tiny tatas or a bare chest on a woman is something some men don’t Really …the words aren’t really coming out early this morning.

I think abc will expand on this this ..

Bottom line,it would be nice if she is well endowed on the chest..some women are creative in their dressing to hide the bare chest! :lol:

Women are just so self conscious and dress to deceive/impress,Period! :lol:

Then u woo her and she woos u then we get to be up close and personal and she slow to come to bed…’ Ur lights are too bright’!

:lol:

Some People! :lol:

I miss some humor!

Lily

June 6th, 2012
7:23 am

If you love them then love them. Don’t pressure someone into feeling insecure. Show an appreciation for all their parts, their bum, breasts, thighs and more importantly the heart. Know words can make or break. Being insensitive will only have a negative effect.

Hello Leggs

Good day all!

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:24 am

I have a tiny headache and you just added to it Ex (lol).

I was one of those bare chested women and many tops I refused to wear. No clevage whatsoever. Awwww, memories (lol).

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
7:24 am

There you are. Hello Lily!!!

Exiled!

June 6th, 2012
7:28 am

:lol:

I was just thinking about how some women look so ugly with make up (after spending time on the mirror)

Now imagine after taking out the make up at night before going to bed…..

and u(the guy) u lying naked in bed,waiting for her to come out of the bathroom,ur blood pressure is pumping….

……she cuts off the lights ………

Laugh ..xxxxxxxxx:lol:

Exiled!

June 6th, 2012
7:32 am

Ok going in the shower

But the topic is making me laugh

Diva Really!

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
8:19 am

Hi Leggs, Ex, and all. Re the gal with the 15 teeth, I justdrove through the McD’s drive through and have to admit I did wonder but she was gone. I guess if you snooze your lose (she was maybe 4′ 9″” and had red curly hair as well as the 15 teeth. I’m guessing she has met a 4′ 10” curly headed guy with the other 15 teeth and they are having toothless babies). She was pleasant though, but with that Cumbrian accent, it was a biotch trying to get my order understood.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
8:30 am

I pop up from the stairwell and find this. I’m closing my eyes and hoping I didn’t see Leggs and Randyt together in England balling with the Queen. Go on with your bad self Randyt I aint mad at ya…..LOL I’m going back under the stairs where I belong.

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
8:35 am

BF are you suggesting a threesome with me, Leggs, and the Queen? Now that is a visual that \i’m struggling with. \lol

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
8:38 am

You’re hallucinating, BF. Randyt is in England having crumpets and tea. I am here with droopy eyes. Been up since 4. Took Mama to airport this morning. Between the walker and waiting on a wheelchair, I’m spent. Damn, I’ve been up 4.5 hrs already!!!

Lady~wow factor

June 6th, 2012
8:52 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!

Back to re-read the topic……lol ;)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
8:55 am

But this before I vanish, I’ve had some very sexy big girls and did’nt mind seeing them naked. Some I wasn’t to cool with but that was my problem not hers. I’ve seen some sexy curvy girls naked so it varies and I never make comments about their weight or how they look naked.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
8:57 am

Thanks for the laugh, Randyt. Yeah, I’m struggling with that visual too.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 6th, 2012
8:57 am

Issues, misshues

You were born with what you got, earned the rest through (in)activities that you willingly participated in – or not. No sense in being self conscious about either of those facts.

Never took to ‘feeling bad about myself/how I look’, I earned my weight (or lack thereof), and it just is what it is until I get ready to change what I can.

Good morning

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:02 am

Leggs don’t you mean you left Randyt having crumpets and tea in England and you arrived at the airport this morning I get the code……LOL

Randyt a threesome with Leggs and the Queen might not be all bad. Think of the privileages you and Leggs can get around the world……LOL

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:06 am

@Dan ~ you were born as a baby, growth of those baby parts is a given. However, how the body shapes itself doesn’t necessarily rest with activity or inactivity one “willingly” participated in. Some aren’t afforded the opportunity to “willingly” participate.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:07 am

That was a good spin on the airport, BF!

Lady~wow factor

June 6th, 2012
9:10 am

hmmmm as I age gracefully this has become a non-issue. once upon a time I could care a bit a two but not hardly now. Dan summed it up nicely. ;)

lolalee

June 6th, 2012
9:10 am

i want some of the coffee y’all drinking this morning…too funny.

OT: Candles are a wonderous thing.

And, you never know what somebody else finds attractive anyhow, so be what you be and be happy.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:14 am

And, not only the privileges, BF, Randyt need to look at how quickly The Queen will tire for us be fancy free and footloose on her dime.

Ok, ok, I digress.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:15 am

“Randyt beat me to the punch of being first.”
“BF. Randyt is in England having crumpets and tea.”

Is this what you said at 7:01 and 8:38, like I said I get the code…..LOL

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 6th, 2012
9:15 am

@Leggs

If – as the guy in the post – I’ve been in an accident, there’s little I can do about my ‘huskiness’ if I don’t have the energy or I’m not healthy enough to get to the gym.

If, on the other hand, I simply make excuses for not going to the gym, or not exercising at all, while maintaining a high caloric intake, then the fault is mine.

And while the body ’shapes itself’ genetically, there are proven methods of helping the body maintain a healthy shape/weight. My issue is when people complain about how they look (weight) when they can do something about it and don’t.

Now unattractive features are something only God can help with. Though, everyone is attractive in someway to someone – but that needs to start with self.

Celisea

June 6th, 2012
9:16 am

Morning lovelies,

Again I wasn’t going to play on the playground today but Blackfoote’s 8:55 was very nice.

On topic: I’m happy with me…all of me, the flawed me. Not a me though that can’t get naked. I’m not a teenager and I don’t want a nincoompoop or numbskull expecting a 19 year old body to emerge. That ain’t gonna happen…lol Take me as I am (because I do) or not at all :)

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
9:24 am

On topic…NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EXPECT MORE FROM THEIR PARTNER THAN THEY DO OF THEMSELVES

(Randyt now climbing down from his soapbox and putting down the megaphone). It pizzes me off when I see a guy criticizing a lady for not being a size 6, when his belly is hanging over his belt. As I have suggested on here before, it is okay to reach a little above your own level, but don’t get pizzed off if the lady is more than you and thusly wants more than you.

Bluzgirl

June 6th, 2012
9:25 am

My advice on how to handle his insecurities is to show him that I love him for him. I would turn the lights on and undress him and kiss him all over! If I truly love someone, then I don’t care about their body.

I have some issues with my body, but when the mood hits, I throw it all away. No point in hiding with the lights off…he can feel everything anyway! Love me…love all of me!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:29 am

LOL……@Randyt

Leggs got you talking in code,
“soap box” = jacuzzi,
“putting down the megaphone” = I’m not touching this one…….LOL

I’m deciphering all codes today.

Celisea

June 6th, 2012
9:31 am

Randyt said It pizzes me off when I see a guy criticizing a lady for not being a size 6, when his belly is hanging over his belt.

I just wanted to repeat that…lololol

Randyt (in England, and not searching for the gal with 15 teeth)

June 6th, 2012
9:31 am

To clarify my last statement, you shouldn’t chide your SO for not looking like Beyonce Knowles if you look like Jabba the Hut (or Pizza the Hut)! Heal thy self first.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:32 am

Lady/Cely/Bluz

Those are all nice post, I love women that love themselves and not be condescending about it.

Lady~wow factor

June 6th, 2012
9:36 am

Celisea....today is my Friday!

June 6th, 2012
9:37 am

Blackfoote – Thanks. Honey I see so many men that “require” a certain look. Honestly I don’t want to deal with that foolishness. Seeing I’m not 13, please don’t come with comments and remarks. Take or leave it…lol Yes I can stand to tighten up a bit but that’s for me to do and decide.

I’m laughing at MMeello’s in the dark/light comments. I actually prefer dark or dimmed I should say. I do want to see you and you me :) Nothing to do with body shape or size. It’s just more intimate…IMO I don’t even like watching tv with the lights on :)

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:39 am

“You were born with what you got, earned the rest through (in)activities that you willingly participated in – or not.”

Dan, I was only harping on that part. Some are born with a body that prevents them from willingly participate..Your post sounded like everyone had a choice and that’s just not true. That’s what I was getting at.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:39 am

I totally agree with 9:31 Randyt. He looks like Jabba the Hut and expects his girl to be like a Beyonce now that’s funny.

kimmie

June 6th, 2012
9:42 am

Morning all!!

Really like Dan’s 9:15 and Randyt’s quote about criticizing dude’s belly hanging! Always wondered about the nerve of some folks to criticize when they themselves need to look in the mirror and make some changes!

I’ve never been one to like to walk around naked, always been a bit modest, but it never got in the way of intimacy. Yes, there are things I’d like to change and I’m working on them, but otherwise I’m pretty comfortable with me.

Lighting does help. I remember in my early dating years, most men did not understand that. While no it does not need to be pitch black, but there is absolutely nothing romantic about stark, bright overhead lights, especially trying to adjust to them when coming from dark or your eyes have been closed. I remember feeling so “exposed”! Softly dimmed lights or lamps, candles, make everyone look better and feel more comfortable.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:43 am

@BF ~ I almost choked on my breakfast with your “soap box” = jacuzzi,”

Too funny, but real cute! I see your antennae are up.

Sassy Me...Mi want go home :-(

June 6th, 2012
9:44 am

How do you really show support to someone who isn’t comfortable with their own body?

If my mate was going through a situation beyond their control that caused their weight to climb a little, I would definitely understand and do whatever it took to make him feel comfortable. If he decided to start or resuming a workout routine, then I’d workout with him to show support and give encouragement…now on the other hand if he started looking like he swallowed a small animal and didn’t care…well we might have to have a lil talk..eventually.

Celisea....today is my Friday!

June 6th, 2012
9:45 am

A big bellied dude is a no go.

Sassy Me...Mi want go home :-(

June 6th, 2012
9:47 am

Softly dimmed lights or lamps, candles, make everyone look better and feel more comfortable.

I concur…candles are soo romantic and the ambiance is really nice.

kimmie

June 6th, 2012
9:48 am

And yes, really there is only so much camoflaging one can do. I’m talking shapewear. Most astute men I know over the age of 25 are not fooled into thinking your A cup is a DD in that pushup you got from Vicky’s Secret! If you were fooled, then that’s on you!LOL!! If you really require a DD, there are plenty that have them in full view – you won’t have to guess and you’ll get what you expect.

Sassy Me...Mi want go home :-(

June 6th, 2012
9:49 am

A big bellied dude is a no go

That’s ALWAYS been a deal breaker for me…I don’t want to have to move that belly to get to the…well hell y’all know..

disco

June 6th, 2012
9:50 am

good morning folks. now this is a topic that I predict will give us lots of laughs. I always thought that body image issues were primarily a woman thing. not that men didn’t have them but when it came down to getting “some” most men temporarily forgot about those issues. me, myself, personally – I’ve got my share of issues but body image isn’t one of them.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:55 am

Kimmie/Cely/Sassy
Y’all are too funny this morning.

Leggs

June 6th, 2012
9:55 am

@Bluz ~ that is a nice way to show your support. That should put any mate on Cloud Nine (9:25)/

“A big bellied dude is a no go” – I feel the same way. I don’t need you to pick up your belly to get to the ding-a-ling!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 6th, 2012
9:57 am

disco somebody is gonna ask you to send them a picture.