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What counts more: Actions or words?

There are some single people that have perfected the art of lip service. I am sure you have met this type! They make lofty promises, lead people on, and generally talk a good game. If you ever discover that you are dating this type, beware. They may talk a big game but they have little to no action to back it up.

Dating does not have to be such a game of cat and mouse. Saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and being consistent goes a very, very long way. Men enjoy seeing a woman who is true to her word. Women love it when a guy is willing and able to prove he is who he says he is.

Of course it is great to hear beautiful words, but do they matter more when they are not reinforced with actions?

If a guy is telling a woman she is his girlfriend but when she isn’t around he behaves like a totally free, unattached guy – does it matter? What is really interesting is that a lot of people get away with a lot of bad dating behavior because they can always talk their way out of it.

How do you hold someone accountable to their words, or can you? In a dating relationship, what is more important to you – actions or words?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

201 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 5th, 2012
7:24 am

Diva I would be here the entire morning on just the first paragraph alone. Not to seem cynical or cocky but I’m always blown away by some cat that’s been cute enough or fine enough to believe that behavior works on every woman they encounter. What’s even more amazing is the shock it brings when their smooth words fall on deaf ears. I’ll nod and smile all day with smooth words and cookie cutter women traps. But until and unless I SEE actions align with all your sweet words, I’m not budging. You can make your mouth say anything.

single and happy

June 5th, 2012
7:39 am

Action speaks louder than words!! You can say anything, but if you don’t follow it up with actions, then what was the purpose? If all we do is talk about things that we want to change in our life or relationship and never follow it up with actions, what good is it doing? Playing the game is a big part of dating, the problems a lot of people get caught up in the words and ignore the actions, because they have potential.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
8:01 am

Actions!

Lily you know those dudes, all words with little action. One reason for no action the guy beleive clothes, jewelry, and style is all that’s required to woo you.

Good Morning:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
8:17 am

In my experience knowledgeable women follow the script until they find there’s no plot. Mature women don’t subscribe to words, and in this city that is a neccessity.

Lily

June 5th, 2012
8:21 am

@Blackfoote, so true sir.

Good day!

disco

June 5th, 2012
8:30 am

good morning guys. as the saying goes “don’t talk about it, be about it”. even with that, i’ll always give mad props to anybody with mad talk game. at the end of the day, a good talk game is a tool. it’s a character trait that some are just born with. ever seen a kid get caught with his hand in the cookie jar and find yourself amazed at his/her quick thinking when explaining why they are in the cookie jar? that’s the start of maximizing your talk game. while i’m not always listening to or feeling the words that come out of someone’s mouth i can appreciate the fact that someone is trying to get their words to work for them. i can’t stand an old tongue tied joker who can’t figure out what he’s trying to say.

Elijah

June 5th, 2012
9:05 am

Good Morning Ladies!

Fast, smooth talkers is what cause a lot of folks to accept bad home loans they could not afford.
I give no props to those who have a good talk game but nothing to show for it.

To Ms. Bluzgirl.. U might want to accept not getting your back money for the door and the getting the flute back as a loss. A person who is living out of their car will probably sell everything to survive. So this does not continue to drag on (IMO) keep it moving and don’t look back. This will only hurt your future development of becoming a well rounded person who can begin a new relationship with limited baggage.

disco

June 5th, 2012
9:21 am

elijah – thing is (guess i’m feeling all “urban” this morning) – don’t hate the player, hate the game. was predatory lending jacked up? yep. did it wreak a lot of havoc? yep. still, those folks who got bamboozled were adults who could have prevented the situation that they allowed themselves to get into. smooth talkers may not necessarily be in it for material gain though i’ve seen them run game that produced financial gain. i’ve got a cousin driving a new audi that some side piece chick pays for. that’s talk game. smooth talkers are in it for the digits, for the sex. smooth talkers get warnings instead of tickets or punishment.

SlimUno

June 5th, 2012
9:22 am

Good rainy morning…Imma need your actions to line up with your words to the best of your ability.

How’s everyone else this fine howdy doody morning?

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
9:32 am

Good morning!

ACTIONS! If your actions don’t coincide with your words, your words become whispers in the wind.

lolalee

June 5th, 2012
9:35 am

so true the talkers can get away with — and get — a lot. Whether it be somebody paying their car note, or paying the rent, or giving them what they want. The game works. But at the end of the day, that game is all about that person getting over and getting what they want. It’s all about them. Nobody who is all about themselves is a good mate, ever. Still, I can appreciate a talker, just to hear the quick tongue. But I wouldn’t get to dating one, either.

Been there, done that.

lolalee

June 5th, 2012
9:36 am

and gm, rainy cool day welcome.

Elijah

June 5th, 2012
9:48 am

Disco- Why does the consumer have to worry about getting a good product if you are advertising that you will give them a good product… Do what you say and promote and many folks would have one less thing in life to worry about.

In regards to your cousin, he represent the current sign of the times selfishness, no accountability and no respect. Really showing what is it to be a real man eh! lol

disco

June 5th, 2012
10:01 am

elijah – my grandmother always said “see a fool, use a fool”. am i condoning? not necessarily but the reality is the reality. there’s always going to be folks who use and folks who get used. it’s all in perspective. you see my cousin as wrong for taking advantage. i see the chick who pays the car note as the fool in the equation.

lolalee – agreed. i appreciate and even respect the talk game but i’m not trying to hear all that BS.

Shaunie

June 5th, 2012
10:09 am

@Disco-For every Soothsayer…There is a bigger Soothsayer. Your cousin will find out that Karma is a bytch.

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
10:13 am

disco – You know I was gonna pass this topic by today and let y’all have it but I think something is slightly off with a person if they can find humor even to the slightest in people getting used. Nothing is cute or funny about that. Nothing is cute about a dude (or chick) that’s mastered using people. If it was my cousin, I would be on the phone telling that chick to keep her money and that he’s using her. I’m getting on off this thing because I don’t want to stop the flow (as it seems to be moving along this morning) but it ain’t right. Just because I’m not a victim, it’s not funny when other are.

But I agree, I don’t care how much it’s a game and how much you’ve mastered and how you lack in morals and ethics, no stone goes unturned. He’ll (and all other users), will get it paid back to them somewhere in life. Even if it’s down to his precious little offspring. Yeah…..no it’s never funny then.

Oh…morning folks :)

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
10:15 am

Excuse my typos please :oops:

disco

June 5th, 2012
10:18 am

C – i’m not bragging on cousin. i know he’s wrong. thing is – the chick knows she’s being used. she knows he has a woman (heck, more than one). he didn’t make her buy the car. i stand by my stance of “shame on her”. this world is full of folks who set themselves up to be taken advantage of and those same folks want to whine and cry when they realize they’ve been played. they want to blame the user but the blame lies (in my opinion) primarily with them. i learned early in life not to blame folks for what i do.

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
10:22 am

Action for sure! My ex showed me good actions for a long time, then it just turned to words. It’s when the actions stopped that I decided to end it.

Elijah…thank you for your input. I don’t know if you saw why the flute is so important to me. It belonged to my recently deceased friend. I would hope he’s not cruel enough to not get that back to me. I’m really not counting on the money, but it doesn’t hurt to try to get it. The flute means a lot to me and I will fight for that. He says it’s in his storage unit and he hasn’t had time to look for it. I’ve now given him a deadline to get it to me and I hope he complies so this doesn’t turn ugly.

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
10:23 am

disco – Yeah, I hear you. Still and even so, just because it’s there for the using/taking it’s also there to take a pass. Nobody is holding a gun to his head or any other user’s head for that matter. I see chumps all day but just because they’re a chump that says nothing to me about pouncing and taking advantage of.

You’re blaming folks for being gullible and naieve but I blame folks for using folks when they can just as easily not do it. It goes both ways. Just like you can you also have it within your power to take a pass. Why don’t y’all (family) take the high road and tell him to be a man and pay for his own? If you want it, work and pay for it?

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
10:24 am

The most important thing is to be able to not get all caught up in the words and to notice the actions. I’m the type of woman who likes to hear “I love you” often, but if it isn’t backed up with actions, then it really has no meaning.

Robert

June 5th, 2012
10:26 am

“In a dating relationship, what is more important to you – actions or words?”

I can only speak for myself – actions are more important. I have dated women all across the USA who would charm you to death with their words and break your heart with their actions. I learned the hard way. Watch what people do not what they say. Be careful who you trust.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
10:28 am

Paying folks rent, car notes, and giving them what they want is a con and if anybody wants to get with that you have my blessing. It may be smooth talking if anyone listens, I consider them smooth predators. Preying on people who are heart strung isn’t mastering anything. I’ve been a part of that low lifestyle briefly now I’m not because it takes an emotionally detached human to pull that off and there’s plenty of them around.

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
10:33 am

“…just because it’s there for the using/taking it’s also there to take a pass.

EXACTLY. Just because temptation is knocking at your door, doesn’t mean you have to open it. Too many want to get over on the next person. If more put themselves in the alleged “victim’s” shoes, maybe, just maybe, you’ll pass on using that person. I know this is farfetched because there are too many greedy, conniving folk walking next to the good ones waiting to pick their pockets.

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
10:35 am

Blackfoote – Sho nuff. The dude that was 10 years my senior was soooo easy to get over on. I did it. I did. We (girlfriends) laughed at him. I got so much money out of him and felt nothing about it. Tricking starts waaaay before hitting the sheets. I never slept with that dude but I knew how to keep dangling in the front of him “the possibility of” Yeah, I was in my twenties and felt the same way too (back then). I even justified by saying “this ain’t no booty swap” every time he put cash in my hand but I was fully aware that he did it believing eventually I would come around. I learned from that one experience using folks ain’t right and definitely not funny when the lightbulb comes on for them. Like I’ve said before on here, buddy borderline stalked me because the realization set in that I was never gonna “do it” nor give him a real shot.

And to take the high road, I paid him back….some of the money. Nowhere near what he’d spent but the effort if nothing else to admit what I’d done was wrong and validate his feelings (of being used).

Sassy Me...Mi want go home :-(

June 5th, 2012
10:38 am

I sooo don’t feel like being here right now :-(

On topic: A mouth can say anything…I’m from the show me state of thinking so actions definitely speak louder than words.

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
10:39 am

I have no respect for users. I will be honest and say that I fall hard and give as much as I can to my partner. I can be blind. I am very generous with myself and my things. It hurts bad to realize that you’ve been take advantage of. Yes…I’m learning life lessons to not give so freely, but I will not totally change myself just because one jerk used me. I have a big heart and I love hard. I just know that the next guy I get involved with won’t need anything from me, except my love. My eyes are opening to the users and I will not put myself in that position again.

Kimmy

June 5th, 2012
10:43 am

I dated a guy for a long time. We would argue about what he did. He would apologize and promise to be better. It would last 1-2 months and we would be back to square one. His apology was so sincere (or seemed) that I would forgive him. When we broke up I told him that I had no faith in his words and that my lesson from the relationship was “talk is cheap”. People DO what they want to. He still sends texts to this day. Never know what you have until it’s gone, but now all the words you used before can’t be used now with any impact. What you say speaks louder than words.
Song: Chrisette Michele “What you do”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
10:49 am

Cely/Leggs
The con happens and will continue, greed amplified is what the next generation has to look forward to. I know your daughters know the difference because you both are right there pointing the way to steer them clear of predators. No gaurantee they will dodge one but yet it will be instilled in them to give zero credence to the con and make better judgements in their life.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
10:53 am

Bluz when is the meet up with Dr. Britt? Is he in England honoring the Queen this week? They’re having a ball over there right now.

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
10:54 am

@Kimmy ~ no one can climb on your back unless you bend over. A person is used because they allowed themselves to be used. Not talking about you, just in general.

What’s worse for the person on the other end is that once their words have no impact on you and you feel liberated, they’re left scratching their heads wondering what the hell is wrong with YOU….gotta love their stupidity.

SlimUno

June 5th, 2012
10:54 am

I sooo don’t feel like being here right now

sassy – From the birthday drinks, to sleeping on the couch all weekend long to being up late, I think it has all caught up with me. So I totally feel you right now. Apprently I slept pretty good last night since I was told I had a few snores in there. lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 5th, 2012
10:55 am

LOL…..@Leggs

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
10:55 am

Exactly BF. Although I’ve guideded her doesn’t mean she won’t fall victim.

Everybody plays a fool, no exception to the rule!!! But one doesn’t ALWAYS have to be the fool/used.

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
10:59 am

Blackfoote – Thanks and I agree. I can only tell my kid but I’m far enough along in life to know, she has a young tender heart and the same way “love” reacted in us years ago (I still love love but I’m just not silly), it’s going to react in her the same way. I try as best I can to shield her from users and heartbreakers and things going wrong but some things I know I can’t. Some things, as with us, will be by trial and error. And frankly that’s life. There’s not a woman alive that’s not had a pinch of heartache. The difference is not living your entire life asleep and hitting repeat until you’re 35 or 40 to learn. So when I speak up, I’m speaking in her behalf and all the young women that’s going to venture down the path of life.

Just this morning, a homeless dude was walking through the parking lot asking for money. He walked up on me before I realized…even though I was in the car and about to back out. There was an elderly dude pulling in and he pounced on him the moment he opened his car door. When I say elderly I’m not talking newly retired. I pulled back and waited. I rolled down my car window so I could hear. He asked the old man for money and he pulled out a dollar bill. He had the audacity to say he needed more….all because the man was old and vunerable. Yes he was saying he needed so much for this and so much for that. If he would have made one attempt to take anything from him I was gonna be all over him. I yelled out the window that he’s young enough to work and it’s wrong to take from the elderly. The old man asked him what I was saying and he said she’s just being difficult. He then walked to my car and said “just take your mercedes benz and go” I said…”after you” He left. My point is, when it’s within your power to do something and something right, dating not excluded….do it.

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
11:01 am

Okay…I’m done for the day

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
11:03 am

I have been sleeping on the couch for the past 14 days. First time sleeping on my couch and it has been so pleasant (lol). Thank goodness.

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
11:07 am

BF…he’s in DC now for work and then his father is coming over from England this weekend. I’m not sure for how long. After his father leaves, he will pick a date to come down here. We’ve been texting a lot and posting music on each other’s Facebook pages. We’ll see what happens!

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
11:10 am

BF…also…he makes good money, so he won’t be using me for a roof over his head or any other material items!!!! It’s about time I’ve met someone who has their isht together!!!

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
11:13 am

Hey Bluz, do you think he will think you have your isht together? Don’t get me wrong, not saying you don’t, just that people see things differently.

Many want to meet someone who has their isht together, but there’s aren’t.

SlimUno

June 5th, 2012
11:14 am

Leggs – 14 days on the couch…why? lol I was on the couch because I gave my mom and niece my bedroom. Plus when I came back in from having drinks, they were knocked out so I didn’t want to disturb them with my off balance attempt to throw some pjs on. I actually fell asleep with all my clothes on. lol

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
11:24 am

Leggs…I have most of my isht together. I am working on a few things…he knows about my mental issues. Doesn’t know about the recent break up issues (unless our mutual friend told him). I’m getting that together so that when things start moving forward with us, I’ll be over all of that. I have my own house, a good job (for 14 years), a new car, lots of close friends. I am a good catch, even with my few flaws.

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
11:24 am

Same reasone here, SlimUno. Mama still here, she has my nice King size bed!

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
11:29 am

Excellent to hear, Bluz!

Nice that you’re confident things will move forward with the two of you! Stay positive.

Elijah

June 5th, 2012
11:35 am

Great comments Leggs, Blackfoote and Celisea.

People have been used for centuries by smooth talkers, is it not time for people to treat each other like how they would like to be treated.

@Bluzgirl…. With the possibility of starting relationship with the new guy, I think you will better your chances if you can walk away from your current situation.

Bluzgirl

June 5th, 2012
11:36 am

I can tell you that my mom has said if things don’t work out with Dr. Brit, she may be more disappointed than me! LOL! He’s pretty perfect on paper and we have a good connection via text/emails. Just have to see how the connection is in person. I’m hoping for the best, but not putting all of my eggs into his basket. If I get a chance to date someone who lives here, I will. I’ll just keep a lock on my heart for a while and not jump in like I have in the past. Time to change the mold!

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

June 5th, 2012
11:39 am

What up Good People…its a little wet out, Ladies if need somone to walk you to your car with an Umbrella, call that other Sapsucker, you saw the dayum weather report….lol

How’s everybody?

Celisea

June 5th, 2012
11:43 am

disco All in love…come on back now :)

Leggs

June 5th, 2012
11:45 am

I can tell you that my mom has said if things don’t work out with Dr. Brit, she may be more disappointed than me! – HUH???

Have the two of you conjured up a relationship that hasn’t even taken off the ground yet??? Bluz, I really mean no disrespect but I immediately pictured the two of you looking through wedding magazines with that statement.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

June 5th, 2012
11:49 am

Awww, the fallacy of technology…..”He’s pretty perfect on paper and we have a good connection via text/emails.”

Not trying ride you Bluz, but be careful about the stock placed in romanticized digital interactions!