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Dating: Manners matter

Atlanta is considered the south. Us “traditional” southerners were mostly raised to behave properly so that people knew you were civilized and socially graceful.

Regardless of where you were born, raised, or learned how to act in a social setting, when you show a serious lack of manners, your dating life can be challenging – as it should.

It doesn’t matter if you are a beautiful woman or a really hot guy, anyone who is rude to a waiter or extremely nasty to someone , it says a lot about their character. A lack of manners could be a symptom of a deeper flaw that would not work well in a dating situation or dating relationship.

Imagine how thoughtless they could possibly be when they have proven how inconsiderate and rude they are to strangers? I think a lot of bad dating behavior stems from a lack of manners. It gets excused and overlooked but if things bug you when you first meet someone, it only worsens when you become involved. This is especially true if you don’t address how it bothers you in the beginning.

How important are manners to you? Do you think someone who has shown poor manners do so because they just don’t know any better? Do you ever feel as if it is appropriate to comment on it?

Have you ever been on a date with someone with bad manners? Do you think they knew how they came across to you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

74 comments Add your comment

Lily

June 4th, 2012
7:09 am

Manners matter!

Good day!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 4th, 2012
9:02 am

Yes manners do matter, but don’t be a fool everybody isn’t receptive/worthy of good manners and respect. On those types don’t force it I beleive them for what they are and my manners go to somebody that appreciates it. I move on to people that are more socially accepting and willing to respect me as I will them. In a relationship it should be mandatory, but in others it is hard to find.

Good Morning:

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
9:16 am

Good morning.

Lack of manners means lack of character and common sense. I agree, BF, everyone may not be receptive, but you use manners not necessarily to please them but to embrace all that is you as a person and not a condescending nut who just crawled out from under a rock.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

June 4th, 2012
9:34 am

“a condescending nut who just crawled out from under a rock.”

Leggs good morning don’t you mean a “bridge”……..LOL

Atlguy

June 4th, 2012
9:58 am

As a southern native, I had manners drilled in to me as a child. In my youth I was always annoyed with Grown-ups correcting me, but today I’m grateful.

Manners make uncomfortable situations easier manage and defuse simple understandings.

Bottom line, they do matter.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
10:04 am

Good morning all,

Why wouldn’t manners be important? I mean c’mon…

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
10:06 am

Being around my mother and niece this weekend reminded me of the ways my mother would correct us when we were young. I was talking to my niece and she said, “huh” back to me. My mom jumped right in and told her that she is not to say “huh” but excuse me or ma’am. Also, she gets on her about shaking her head when she responds to someone’s question as opposed to saying Yes or No ma’am. So it starts early.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
10:20 am

Good morning, BF….A bridge works as well. :wink:

@SlimNu ~ I’ve watched my mother this week too. It has encouraged me to step up my exercise regime!

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
10:25 am

Leggs – So ma dukes gets her workout on?? It’s funny you mentioned stepping up your exercise because last night I told the beau that no matter what, make sure I take my butt to the gym today and not accept any of my excuses. I haven’t been since before I got sick. I’ve been slacking majorly lately. It doesn’t help that it’s all gloomy and rainy today —> Not getting me in the mood to do the gym later :-(

abc

June 4th, 2012
10:28 am

As one that is not a native of the South, but has lived in the SE for 25 years, I can tell you for sure: Southern Hospitality and a supposed proclivity to having genteel manners is completely mythical. It just ain’t so, folks. Good manners know no geographical region. You’ll find a better level in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Omaha, or Staten Island than in Atlanta, by and large.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

June 4th, 2012
10:30 am

yeap

Morning

Celisea

June 4th, 2012
10:34 am

Good manners know no geographical region.

I agree here. What does the “south” have to do with it? Really what does dating have to do with it. Manners should be a given in any arena, area, aspect of life.

Manny

June 4th, 2012
10:53 am

Nothing more attractive than a woman with manners.

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
10:53 am

I cannot stand men with bad manners. My recent ex was bad about not saying thank you. When I would buy him something or do something extra nice and he didn’t say anything, I would just say “you’re welcome” and he would say “oh yeah…thank you.” When we went to my parent’s house for dinner, I would remind him to say thank you when we left. That grated on my nerves. The thing is, I got to know his mother and I know that she didn’t raise her kids without manners. I think he just lost them!

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
11:03 am

Bluz – How are you coming along with your recent deal??

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
11:10 am

You must be kidding??!! Leaving your kid on top of the car?? Aren’t you supposed to put your kid in the car first before you do anything else..

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mother-drives-5-week-old-top-car-164426051–abc-news-topstories.html

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
11:14 am

Slim…thanks for asking. I’m hanging in. I allowed myself two days to cry and be upset and I stuck to that. I’m moving forward. I’m trying to get some things back from him so we can tie up all loose ends and be done. I’m going to email him and be civil, with no emotions, asking for him to give me what I want. He was a little rude to one of my friends when she texted him for me. I do have my therapy appointment (not sure if I should admit that :-) ) today and will wait to email him until after. It’s been a little rough, but I’m doing ok. I had a much needed girl’s day on the river in Helen on Saturday. I’m just keeping busy and trying to not let it really break me down.

GracieL

June 4th, 2012
11:18 am

I went out with a Canadian transplant a couple of times, and he was the RUDEST human being I’d ever had the displeasure of dining with. I thought it really weird, as Canadians are notoriously polite! Then I realized… “Oh.. they kicked you out, didn’t they? Lucky us… you came here.”

He started calling again a few weeks after our second and final date, and I thought, “Dude… don’t you have friends? If you did, surely they’d explain why I will never speak to you again.” But yeah… he probably doesn’t have friends. YUCK.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
11:25 am

Bluz – What’s wrong with admitting to counseling/therapy? It’s no different than going to a doctor for high blood pressure. Mental health is just as important so no shame needed here. Glad to hear that you are sticking to your guns about the amount of time you set for crying/anger etc. :-)

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
11:28 am

I’m not ashamed of going to therapy…I just know the stigma attached to it. I talk a lot about my mental issues in public. It can be a little scary to talk about it with complete strangers. I am on the board of a non-profit for bipolar research and I figured if I start talking about it, maybe it will help the stigma some.

I had to stick with two days or else it would have consumed me! Not saying I haven’t gotten a little upset since then, but I’ve kept it under control. I refuse to give him the power of keeping me down!

Big Al

June 4th, 2012
11:29 am

My manners are OK but I still don’t know if the salad fork goes on the left or right side of the plate, and why do I have 2 knives?

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
11:36 am

SlimNu ~ no, Mama doesn’t get ANY exercise and it shows. Watching her has encouraged me to continue what I’m doing. I wouldn’t want to be an unnecessary burden on lil leggs down the road simply because I sat back and let myself go, then top it off with medical problems as a result.

He was a little rude to one of my friends when she texted him for me.

Bluz ~ most men would probably be rude when a 3rd party is jumping in the mix on behalf of their friend. The discord is between the two of you, not her. He may be looking at it like that and feel it’s immature for another to be texting when he didn’t have the relationship with her.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
11:45 am

I wouldn’t want to be an unnecessary burden on lil leggs down the road

Leggs – That reminds me of that Monster-In-Law show they have on now. I just saw an episode yesterday where they had a mother in law from hell who was bitter and angry about EVERYTHING. She is also going blind so the therapist made her make a sandwich for herself blind folded to simulate how it’ll be if she continues to act the way she does and push her son & DIL away. After that, she broke down and saw how alone she could potentially become having to deal with her failing eye sight

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
11:48 am

Leggs…she was also friends with him, but closer friends with me. I just knew that at the time, I would not be able to be indifferent to him. He did send another text to her that was not rude…I think he must have thought about the first one. It’s just a tough situation. She explained that she was texting because I wanted to respect him and his new relationship…not true! I just don’t want it to be ugly…I want to get my things and be done and move on with my life.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
11:48 am

That MIL show is a bit much for me. The news reporters would be at my door if I had to contend with a witch like I’ve seen on a few episodes last season.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
11:53 am

I know it’s painful, Bluz. Seems like you’re handling it to the best of your abilities. You already know this, don’t let that man have power over you and your interactions.

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
11:57 am

I just hope he complies with getting something very important back to me soon.

I really am surprised at how well I am handling this. A couple of years, I would have turned into a crazy woman! I’m a lot stronger than I used to be. Also, I know that he’s just using this woman like he used me. He is desperate to move out of his car and she’s just another victim for him to use. That’s on them, though. Not my problem anymore.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
12:02 pm

I really am surprised at how well I am handling this. – Don’t be…it’s a testament to your growth. Marvel at that and not at the situation.

Robert

June 4th, 2012
12:03 pm

“Have you ever been on a date with someone with bad manners? Do you think they knew how they came across to you?”

In today’s dating world people have to be told what is appropriate vs inappropiate behavior when it comes to showing your “manners”. For example when I go out on a date I turn my cell phone to “silence” or off because I want to give my date my undivided attention and I do not want to be disturbed. I had a date last month who did not understand when it was appropiate to use her cell phone and other social media gadgets. I immediately told her that my time was valuable and I respected her time. I asked her to please turn your cell phone because I was offended by her lack of respect and proper manners on a date. I hate to see people on a date and both are texting on their phones to other people. People lack respect and feel they can do whatever they want when they want to. Not on my date.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
12:28 pm

That bothers me too, Robert. I feel one should put their phone on vibrate and let calls go to voicemail, unless you have children and one of them may be calling with an emergency, then you take that call. All else can wait…you’re on a date. Not only that, voicemail has been invented, use it.

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
12:35 pm

I think the only time I would answer the phone is if the date is going really bad and I have set up a time for a girlfriend to call to see if I need an emergency exit! LOL

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
12:35 pm

OK…I know it’s a little soon for a topic change, but I need help. My GPS died and I’m trying to pick out a new one. Anyone have any recommendations? Garmin vs TomTom?

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
12:54 pm

Bluz – I’ve heard that excuse used to get out of bad dates..so i wonder if the other person knows the date is bombing and gets offended when told an ‘emergency’ has come up.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
12:55 pm

swiss – Is a bit of a techy…maybe he may know

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
12:55 pm

Bluz – I meant to send that to you about swiss…didn’t mean to address it to him lol

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
12:58 pm

I figured that. :-) Just hope swiss comes on today!

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
1:34 pm

Small random vent….Ok so we have a few new additions to my department. For the most part all of them seem pretty cool but there is one chick who is always so quick to comment or try to answer a question from the other ladies, when they are clearly talking to ME. Plus she is new too so i have no clue what makes her think she knows every damn thing already. Just 3 minutes ago one of them asked me something about a report and as I was in mid sentence, here comes new chick jumping in on it while interrupting me. The lady that asked me knew that her answer was WRONG so see said it in a polite way and redirected her questions back to me…i sat for a few seconds and said, “As i was saying blah blah blah…” STAY IN YOUR LANE!!!! (this is not the first time she has done this either)

Willie Dynamite

June 4th, 2012
1:53 pm

Afternoon All,
Manners do matter. This is not really a dating topic but moreso a life topic. I do believe we as a whole are conditioned (as we should be) to expect good manners. Its only when we are faced with bad manners that we notice. At that point you either address it or K.I.M…..

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
2:00 pm

I personally think it’s rude for ole girl to keep jumping into convos that are not being addressed to her. SHAZAM!

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
2:05 pm

SlimNu ~ she’s “brown nosing” vying for a promotion. Positioning herself to be the “go to chick” for answers.

There’s a girl here who has been on board 3 mos. and is trying her darndest to get a secretary fired that has been employed here for 19 years. She has rubbed many the wrong way coming in here acting like a fake queen bee.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
2:12 pm

Leggs – That’s just crazy to desire to get rid of someone who has that much seniority over them. There is nothing wrong with ambition but does promotion have to be a the hands of stepping on someone else in that fashion? I’m trying to be nice about it but if she continues to throw her wrong input into situations regarding me, then something is going to have to give. I’m just going to woosah it out for now. :evil:

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
2:25 pm

SlimNu ~ you know how it goes, some people can’t smell their own isht….

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
2:27 pm

Leggs – Ha ha ha, just thinking about that statement is funny.

I saw a picture of the homeless guy that got his face eaten off the other weekend. I still can’t wrap my head around that…it was simply astonishing to see the damage that guy did with his mouth all from sniffing bath salts :shock:

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
2:45 pm

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
2:48 pm

Will ya’ll give me your opinion on the email I want to send to him? Here it is…

I’m writing you to ask you to please look for the flute and get it back to me as soon as possible. Donald’s parents are coming to town within the next two weeks to finalize the house and I want to give the flute to them. Please let me know when this can be taken care of.

Also, I’m writing to ask for the money for my front door and for my other items that you say are broken or have not been returned. You had promised $125 for the door and I think an additional $75 is fair to cover my tools and jumper cables. Please mail a money order to me and have it postmarked by Friday.

I am not being malicious, nor do I want this to get ugly. I just want to tie up all loose ends so we can both move forward with our lives. Thank you.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
2:57 pm

Leggs – Sounds like Zombies coming to life…that’s just CRAZYYYYYY!

Manny

June 4th, 2012
3:03 pm

How does this work?

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
3:06 pm

A friend edited it so that the last paragraph just says “I just want to tie up all loose ends quickly and repair my front door as soon as possible. Thank you.”

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
3:08 pm

Manny – By ‘this’ do you mean the blog? Gotta be more specific

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
3:09 pm

That’s a much better ending Bluz.

If this is the email you want to send, then send it. But, doesn’t he know you’re waiting on these items?

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
3:17 pm

He does know I’m waiting on these items, but I needed to give him a date to get them to me. My friend also told me to put in that I would like the flute by Saturday. I went ahead and sent it. I don’t want to drag this out any longer. If I don’t get a reply or if he doesn’t comply by the weekend, then I may even call his mother (who loves me) and see if she will help me.

Manny

June 4th, 2012
3:18 pm

Yes. I peeked in a couple of times and decided to join but it seems pretty scarce compared to when I first stumbled on this site. Am I restricted to the opening post and stay with the thread of conversation or can I just toss anything out to talk about? I don’t have anything particular currently but wondered. What happened to the crowd I use to read? Is it like this during the summer months?

MervTheTerrible

June 4th, 2012
3:20 pm

By the third date, ladies are required to pass the humor test, as in being chased in a public place with a whoopee cushion. No exceptions.

Manny

June 4th, 2012
3:23 pm

Merv meet Manny. Hi! Seems we’re the only two guys here. I like your humourous idea. I’ll have to try it on my date this weekend, even though it’s not our third date. It’s more so like date six.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
3:37 pm

Welcome Merv and Manny!

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
3:40 pm

Manny – We usually try to respond to the topic in the earlier hours of the morning but typically it gets beatened to death by lunch time (depending on the topic)…so we find ourselves creating Off-topic conversation to keep us busy on the blog. I’m shocked by the lack of participation here recently but it is probably due to summer months. Welcome and jump in with whatever is on the brain whenever the mood strikes.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
3:42 pm

Merv – Does it have to be a whoopie cushion though? What about a water gun or a whipped cream pie?? ;-)

Manny

June 4th, 2012
3:47 pm

Thank you Leggs and SlimNu! Some days will be better for participating than others. It’s been a slow Monday so I’ve been able to sort of hang around. I am also hoping slow move is due to summer vacations as well. From just peeking in to read, I would often think wow this place is a riot while laughing the entire time! I won’t veer too much from the thread of conversation but I now understand, whatever I’m thinking just type it. Someone can probably relate or have something to say with me. You guys rock!

MervTheTerrible

June 4th, 2012
3:55 pm

I don’t know about a cream pie, but a water gun sounds fun. I like being a jokester most of the time, and I have no problem keeping a relationship interesting even though I might seem weird from time to time, but that is just me. We are the only men here Manny? Or is that just today?

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
3:57 pm

We are the only men here Manny? Or is that just today?

Merv – Don’t worry, you didn’t stumble in the girls bathroom….there just aren’t any other guys in here at the moment. Some maybe lurking though ;-)

Manny

June 4th, 2012
3:58 pm

MervTheTerrible, I’m hoping just today. There were a few masculine names earlier. I’m assuming those were men posting their comment. I’ve also read on other days a number of men hanging out here. So you’re a jokster I see? I don’t think my girlfriend will laugh at too many pranks. Probably within reason and as long as the joke is not always on her. That would be a riot! If she had a change to be the joker over jokee, she might get a kick out of whoppee cushions.

Leggs

June 4th, 2012
4:04 pm

Males get a kick out of whoppee cushions, not females. Much like men crack up at here “pull my finger…”

Manny

June 4th, 2012
4:07 pm

Proofreading will be key. There’s no way to edit.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
4:25 pm

Leggs – My dad’s birthday was just last Tuesday and I found the perfect card that basically talked about all the different things dads say. Pull my finger was definitely on there. He got a kick out of that card lol

Manny

June 4th, 2012
4:28 pm

Everyone have a good evening! I’m going to try and make a quick visit tomorrow. That is my busiest day.

i'm swiss

June 4th, 2012
4:31 pm

Howdy folks. Better late than never, right?

Bluz — RE; Garmin vs. TomTom… I’ve never used either. What kind of phone do you have, though? MapQuest has a free app for iPhone (and I’m guessing probably for Android, too) that gives turn-by-turn voice directions. I’d use that, if it’s an option for you.

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
4:36 pm

Hi swissie poo…How goes it?

truth

June 4th, 2012
4:44 pm

Manners are important when it comes to dating. Included with manners: social faux pas are also a turn off.
Please be advised; just because a woman appears to speak softly or act demure doesn’t mean that she practices “good manners.” Offenses to good manners include treating waitstaff or others like your personal slave or being condescending to others = poor manners.

Discussing inappropriate subjects during dinner, speaking loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear you, name dropping, and lacking the capability of holding a conversation while seated across from the person who you are interested in also lands in the poor manners category.

Slouching in restaurant booths or chairs =no!
Talking while you have not digested all of your food=no!
CHEAP TIPS = BAD MANNERS!

*Manners are important. They are an indication of social status and class level. The manners someone displays is important. I do not correct poor manners because a grown man/womanshould be aware of their environment and should have received training from home: they are not 10 years old. Only in extreme situations will I say something.

Bluzgirl

June 4th, 2012
4:47 pm

Thanks swiss…I do have an iPhone, but I do a lot of talking on the phone while on the road, so I’m not too sure about that. I had a TomTom and it was ok. Seems like from what I’m reading that the Garmin may be the best option. Now, to decide which one!!!

SlimNu - back to reality

June 4th, 2012
4:52 pm

truth – I just assumed ‘name dropping’ fell into the tacky category, not neccesarily rude or unmannerable (if that’s even a word)…and also, lacking in conversation. Just considered that person boring as hell :lol:

Chanel

June 4th, 2012
4:58 pm

Usually it’s the high falutin people that are condescending and rude to service workers. Usually it’s the priviledged that feel it’s okay to be rude because service workers are beneath them.

cba

June 4th, 2012
5:26 pm

_____________^_______________________^____^_____________________________

i'm swiss

June 4th, 2012
5:30 pm

Hey @Slim. Maaaaan, I’m feeling old & gimpy today. F__ked up my back playing tennis yesterday (and kept playing), but today I can barely walk. At least I won. Lol

Nan

June 4th, 2012
9:00 pm

Manners run deeper than opening doors and pulling out chairs for making great impressions. Or under guise. I have seen people going through the motions only to learn the opposite sex overall holds little to no regard. Manners and carnal desires should always be in competition.