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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Why do women cheat in relationships?

Author Tucker Max appeared on The Dr. Drew show and the topi was why do women cheat in relationships. The author said there were basically two reasons women cheated in relationships: they had deep emotional issues to work out or they have relationship unhappiness.

I should say that I a not a fan of this particular author because he usually says something wildly offensive about women. In this particular instance, I admit that I agree with him here. Often times, women are compelled to cheat on their partners for emotional reasons in an effort to get their needs met.

This doe not excuse the behavior, mind you. It is still an incredibly selfish and wrong thing to do to your partner. However, I would argue that men have their own reasons for cheating as well. Does it matter what drove them to it?

Why do you think a woman cheats in her relationships? How do their reasons differ from a man’s possible reasons?

Have you ever been cheated on? Do you think you know what led them to do it?

Does the reason someone cheated make a difference your forgiveness?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

191 comments Add your comment

Trouble

May 31st, 2012
6:38 am

Did you proof read this?

Lily

May 31st, 2012
7:24 am

On this type issue, women aren’t wired that much different from men. For various reasons, because they lack, because they can, because they see better…or believe so, for selfishness, etc. All the same reasons men do.

Jeff

May 31st, 2012
7:31 am

Women rename the reasons they cheat so they can attempt to claim moral superiority to men. It’s BS. If men are scum for cheating, so are women.

Lily

May 31st, 2012
7:48 am

I hope this isn’t an opportunity for all the Bitter Bobbys out there. It happens, men do it as well as women. It should NOT come as a shock to anyone.

Good day!

Dr. Ruth

May 31st, 2012
8:36 am

In recent studies, 61% of men have cheated on their spouse at least once and 54% of women have done the same. The study pointed out that men do it for more physical reasons and women tend to gravitate to the more emotional reasons. Pointing out and criticizing men is more of a staple, while doing the same to women has started to catch up. There are also the percentage of men and women that do it strictly because their sexual needs aren’t being met at home and they have decided to go out and find it elsewhere. Any reason, both for men and women, is wrong…period. But these same cheaters will admit that they knew it was wrong but rationalized that they needed it, wanted it and saw no way of receiving it at home. In todays world, boundries are being pushed as to what those “sexual needs” are and it can be frequency of sex to the pushing the envelope to make sex more exciting such as threesomes, S & M, role play and risque locations that their partner simply won’t consider. Just “going through the motions” isn’t enough to get the job done anymore. We can blame the media and ourselves for that as well. We want it more, we want it differently and the world has given us countless fantasies to feed our minds. It all boils down to needs (whatever those needs are) not being met and the partner feeling trapped, lost or ignored when those needs are brought up. But it’s still wrong.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 31st, 2012
8:53 am

If she cheated on me, there’s a good chance I didn’t live up to the expectations I said I would. Since I failed her it makes no sense to hash things out because she may feel trapped or obliging later on. I would need to do some soul searching to ensure I don’t fail again to another and no all the blame can’t be placed on her.

Big Al

May 31st, 2012
8:53 am

Men cheat because they can. Women cheat because they can. I don’t cheat which is why I don’t date much.

SlimNu

May 31st, 2012
8:55 am

Good morning all (bitter Bobby’s included) ;-)

So far I agree with what everyone has said.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 31st, 2012
8:58 am

Dr. Ruth I like that.

disco

May 31st, 2012
9:04 am

hey folks. it’s my Friday and I can’t wait to be up out this piece!!!! cheaters and cheating is always a fun topic. maybe we’ll hear some interesting stories throughout the course of the day. personally, I don’t think the why of cheating is all that important so I won’t go into all of the so called reasons. unless you are sleeping with the DA to get me a reduced sentence (or something equally beneficial to me) I’m not trying to hear it.

Mike P

May 31st, 2012
9:10 am

Morning Folks

(1) First of all: Satisfying ones emotional “needs” are no more/less of a valid excuse to cheat than satisfying ones sexual need.” Both excuses are of the same merit; worthless!

(2) I believe the reason men, as a group, appears to be the biggest cheaters is because men’s needs or desires are of the physical, as in sexual. So cheating will always be physical whereas, women needs are of the emotional, which does not always mean sex or other physical. Also women are more likely to forgive the (sex) cheater way more so than men.

(3) WD wrote: “Does the reason someone cheated make a difference your forgiveness?”
–No way! please see paragraph (1). If I were cheated on, I would eventually forgive the woman over time for cheating but the relationship would definitely be over.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
9:17 am

Morning all,

Physical, emotional….whatever. There is no reason. Not a valid reason anyway. Sorry. Any reason IMO is just plainly justification. If something is amiss, lacking, not enough of, too much of (i.e. nagging), talk it out or walk it out. But cheating is not the answer.

disco

May 31st, 2012
9:23 am

looks like the general consensus is that cheating is not acceptable and there is no justifiable reason why one should cheat. why, oh why, do you all think so many folks justify staying with a partner that they know has cheated in the past and/or is currently cheating? (aside from the typical: low self esteem issues, in it for the kids, in it for the finances, he/she loves me and the other person is just sex).

Dave

May 31st, 2012
9:24 am

I think that the biggest problem is that people pay attention to their partner in the way that they want attention paid to themselves. Problem is that their partner has a different idea or view as to what that attention is to them. You must find and pay heed to how your PARTNER wants to be paid attention, not how you want to give it. This goes for both men and women. It’s not all about you and your idea of attention is no truer or better than your partner’s idea of it. That’s the single biggest problem in relationships these days. It’s a ME first mentality and you aren’t going to anything you don’t want to. You also expect attention or respect paid to YOU before you will reply with the same. Relationships don’t work that way.

Bluzgirl

May 31st, 2012
9:25 am

Cheating is cheating…no matter the reason. I’ve mentioned on here before that I cheated on my fiance when I was 20-21. I validated it to myself because I just didn’t love him anymore, but he loved me more than anything and I didn’t want to leave him and break his heart. It really is the worst thing I have ever done to someone (even though he never found out). I swore I would never cheat again.

I tell men that I get serious with that if they feel they want to cheat on me, then they should just call me first and break up with me. If I find out later that they cheated, there is no telling what I would do to him. I will NOT tolerate that and forgive. No one deserves to be cheated on. Break off the relationship before it gets to that…

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
9:30 am

Dave – Not all people are of the ME first mindset. I agree with what you said but within reason. At the same time many folks are skewed with selfishness and if you aren’t leaning to their every desire and whim, cater to them constantly, stroke them beyond what’s reasonable, they feel neglected. It’s draining have to constantly affirm and reaffirm your love for someone.

BALANCE IS KEY….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 31st, 2012
9:46 am

Cely that is draining, constant, and constant affirming. Of course that’s not enough to feed some egos before you eventually walk away and never look back.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
9:52 am

Blackfoote – Exactly. I think for either side of the coin, it’s impossible to draw a hardline either way. Too much of the ME mentality or not enough attention to YOU. If you’re that kind of mate that’s lived believing a woman (or man) is not in love because they’re not hanging to your every need then yes, you’ll say your SO operates under the ME mentality and if you’re that SO that’s all about self then yes, you’ll neglect the relationship. So I would say it depends on the side of the coin you speak from. Regardless, nothing justifies cheating.

disco

May 31st, 2012
10:08 am

my cousin’s ex-wife once made the statement that she felt like her husband was cheating on his girlfriend when he spent time with her. guess that’s when she finally decided it was time to get divorced. that same cousin remarried and his second wife divorced him because he never set boundaries with the first wife. now in his mid 30s and twice divorced he insists he’ll never marry again (as if either wife was the problem. lol).

kimmie

May 31st, 2012
10:10 am

Morning All!!

I remember this song that was out years ago – “cheaters never win, winners never cheat” were some of the words in it.

Sure, it’s no justification for it, but just as sure as you’re breathing and have been in a relationship, you’ve probably been cheated on or been the cheater. And again, while there is no justification for it, I can see some situations where it was understandable that it happened. Humans are subject to failure and are weak – some more than others. Some have the strength of character to walk away from a bad situation before they mix cheating up in the pot, whereas others are more prone to yield to temptation. It’s just life. Like this and all lifes problems, you have to find the best way to deal with it.

Mike P – I agree that women tend to be way more forgiving of such an offense than men. It can take courage for a woman to decide cheating is a dealbreaker for her. She may have outside forces telling her that if she leaves, especially if kids are involved, that SHE is destroying the family. Dude certainly was not concerned about destroying the family when he cheated though!

This was a topic on Michael Baisden one day. A lady called in that had left her husband for cheating. Her, along with the kids entire standard of living dropped. They lived in a big, nice home in a nice subdivision. Now she and the kids live in a small apartment and she went from driving a fancy SUV to some little used Ford or something. But she just could not deal with his CONSTANT disrespect of her. But Baisden was tripping on her, asking her if it really was worth all she was giving up. Even though he admitted he couldn’t deal with a woman that cheated.

kimmie

May 31st, 2012
10:13 am

disco – That reminds me of this song my hubs was talking about the other day “Your Husband Is Cheating On Us”!!LOL!!

SlimNu

May 31st, 2012
10:18 am

But Baisden was tripping on her, asking her if it really was worth all she was giving up. Even though he admitted he couldn’t deal with a woman that cheated

OMG, what do yall think of this?? I know children are supposed to be a high priority but are you supposed to forego any happiness at the cost of staying in a crazy situation? Like, as the kids get older, will they begin to lose respect for the parent that is being blantantly disrespected/cheated on, if they start to put two and two together?? (I don’t have kids but was wonder what you parents out there think)

disco

May 31st, 2012
10:18 am

I know that both of my grandfathers stepped out on occasion. one of my grandmothers made the comment that her husband had the kind of side-piece that he didn’t have to give any money to. she had 12 kids and claimed that while she could spare her husband from time to time she couldn’t spare his money. my other grandfather had a key to his other woman’s home and my grandmother got a hold of the key. family legend has it that she would enter this woman’s home and simply move things around. lol. one set of those grandparents are both gone but the other set are still alive and married for nearly 60 years now.

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 31st, 2012
10:21 am

Good day..

“Why do you think a woman cheats in her relationships?

I think women cheat in relationships because it is always available for them to do..they just have to pick the guy.

I think alot of women also cheat out of EGO. Some women think they are slicker than oil, they can do what they want and their guy will never find out.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:21 am

Kimmie – And again, while there is no justification for it, I can see some situations where it was understandable that it happened. Humans are subject to failure and are weak – some more than others

I’ll have to respectfully disagree. I agree it happens and I agree too about much as we breath but I don’t find any reason “understandable.” There is ALWAYS that thing there before you do anything directing you in the other direction. I agree the will is sometimes weak but the opening you need for walking away is ALWAYS there. If you choose to ignore under “duress” you simply chose to ignore. But according to how this world is tempered, right presents itself, giving you that opening.

Now with that being said, I have cheated…. Years ago and spitefully (kid’s dad). It wasn’t physical but I had everything aligned to move on to the next…. It got real for me when I had a dude ask me if I wanted him taken out….and he was serious. For one, I’d shared too much with the next man, and two I was playing a dangerous game. At that point I backed it up, got out of it and moved on. That dude hated my kid’s dad all because of what I shared.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:26 am

Some women think they are slicker than oil, they can do what they want and their guy will never find out.

LOL…this made me laugh. Most women that cheat gets it done without ever been discovered. I have too many (past)friends, coworkers that did it and the husband/SO was none the wiser. Not saying it’s cute but man women not only think they’re slick, they are slick.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:26 am

I had two coworkers (not really friends) that double dated every other weekend with their side men. Both were married.

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 31st, 2012
10:34 am

@Celisea

LOL you aint never lied. Its funny because sometimes the guy is doing his own thing also or he may be faithful but being cheated on also.

An interesting question I have is in the dating game, if people dont have official titles, how much cheating is going on with someone you are dating but not with? Is it safe to assume that they are seeing other people, but if they arent together its not cheating I guess? Thoughts?

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:35 am

That same dude that wanted to take him out was the reason kid’s dad and I got into a huge argument. Kid’s dad came over one Sunday and things were really ramping up and escalating with the other dude. The other dude and I was going out (off and on) and talking on the phone pretty regularly. Not wanting him to call while the kid’s dad was over, in a panick I turned the ringer off. Well kid’s dad was lying on the floor/carpet watching the game…next to the phone. And he looked up at me and said why is the ringer off? OMG…I lied, tried to act casual and said I don’t know. He looked at me and turned it back on. The look though was it better not ring. Sooooo, not even 10 minutes after he switched the ringer on, the phone rings and it was him. I wasn’t going to answer it (I’m laughing as I type this…forgive me), and froze. He kept saying…”answer the phone”….so I did. I tried to sound like I was talking to one of my girls. As soon as I hung up, he asked who it was….from there it was on. Yelling, grilling and back and forth for what seemed like forever.

This was the dude 10 years my senior. Oh what a tangled web we weave…..

See, I’m nowhere near perfect :)

disco

May 31st, 2012
10:35 am

celisea – dang girl. you were about to be all over oxygen, lifetime and own. lol.

re the women cheaters. most men are so “confident” that they are putting it down and handling business that they can’t imagine their woman stepping out on them. when a man cheats a woman will just chalk it up to his trifling, doggish ways and her female support system will be there for her. when a woman cheats a man takes it much more personal. it’s almost more about his shortcomings than hers. of course, that’s just my perspective. I do know lots of female cheaters though and their men are almost clueless.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 31st, 2012
10:37 am

Women cheat Because Of, Men cheat Because

In most cases, a woman who is being treated well, emoitionally engaged with her man, in a secure relationship will not cheat, she has no reason. Even if seduced, she will weigh those actions and its detriment to her relationship, and typically remove herself from this situation. (there are exceptions, but this is the norm)

Conversely, a man who is being treated well, emotionally enagaged with his woman, and in a secure relationship may still cheat becuase he is capable of detaching his real-life from this opportunity to hit some strange. He could have that experience and it may not have an effect on him at all, if does, he will rationalize the act, deal with his guilt internally, and move on.

There is psychological effect of Sex that women experience that men don’t deal with. The Entry, for a woman, Sex comes with you literally allowing someone into you, it carries an emotional weight which is why she will always fall for a man if they continue to be intimate. A man’s psychological effect of Sex is not emotional, but a validation, its a conquest, its a Charlie Sheen….WINNING!!

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:37 am

disco – I ain’t gonna lie…I was scared…for real. Nothing too much popped off but he was pissed for eternity.

Skip

May 31st, 2012
10:37 am

I work in an office that actually TALKS about the “in office cheating” going on with each other! It’s like a secret society in here. Everyone knows that one or the other is sleeping with and they make no effort to conceal it. They even talk about who is good in bed and who isn’t. Then they go back home to their SO. I haven’t been included (I’m single….maybe that’s the reason) and many of these people are really, REALLY attractive. Little nuggets about locking the office door behind them or sneaking off to an empty area…they come back a little rumpled up and it’s giggled and laughed about. I even think they (both the men and women) come back strutting because they just got laid during the “break”. It’s all funny to me and the subject of countless water cooler conversations, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be funny if the news ever got home. It’s like musical chairs in here!!!!

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:38 am

disco – Imma have to agree with your 10:35

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 31st, 2012
10:39 am

Question for the women; What are the signs guys should look for that a woman is cheating on them?

I think the signs are:

1. If they always have social plans that don’t include you.
2. If she mentions a lot of guy friends that you have never seen. (If she even mentions them)
3. If her phone goes off at random times but she doesnt pick up in front of you. That guy may or may not know about her man but he doesnt care if he calls your girl after 10 pm.

kimmie

May 31st, 2012
10:40 am

Celisea – When I say “understandable”, I’m saying I can see in certain situations a weaker person falling victim to it. 2 wrongs never make a right. The option is always there. But when you’re treating this individual you deem weak like dirt, don’t be surprised if the tables are turned on you. We’re talking about cheating, it could be beating. You hit someone so many times and get away with it, one day they may pick up something and go in on you! Maybe understandable was not the best word.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:43 am

Kimmie – I gotcha.

I will say though, I don’t have too much respect for any person that tolerates cheating. I don’t. Only marriages I think deserves examination and the effort to make it if something breaks down. I don’t view any married person negatively for staying and trying to make things work. I’m not talking getting slapped around…that kind of stuff. I’m talking infidelity. I can understand any man or woman wanting to make it work.

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 31st, 2012
10:44 am

@disco

“I do know lots of female cheaters though and their men are almost clueless.”

You make a good point. Why are the guys so clueless? I think the guys dont have a lot of attention to details and LISTEN when women talk. If you listen and cross reference what she says, you will definitely learn a lot more.

Like I always say..

“Guys lie but women are slick, slick is an entire operation” lol

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:47 am

MDot – That’s the thing. Usually there aren’t any signs.

SlimNu

May 31st, 2012
10:49 am

When a person in a relationship starts to carry on a full fledge sitatution with another person, the significant other is bound to feel some difference at some point. Whether or not they KNOW for a fact the spouse is cheating, i’m sure they pick up on different routines that bring up red flags. As much as some folks desire spontaneous activites, we tend to stick to some sort of regular habit of living. The beau just got back from Miami and he mentioned he went shopping while he was gone. Why did i see he had bought like 8 shirts similar to what he already has in his closet. I couldn’t help but to laugh. :lol:

kimmie

May 31st, 2012
10:51 am

An interesting question I have is in the dating game, if people dont have official titles, how much cheating is going on with someone you are dating but not with? Is it safe to assume that they are seeing other people, but if they arent together its not cheating I guess? Thoughts?

M dot – I learned early that you can’t just “assume” anything in dating. In fact, I kinda learned the hard way. If there is no understanding that the 2 of you are exclusive, don’t assume the other person is not seeing other people. Make it clear what your expectations are and either that person can roll with it or not. Early on, I would make the mistake of thinking that if dude is seeing me 3 or 4 times a week and talking to me every day, we must be exclusive. How about I got my little feelings hurt. I need the title AND the agreement that we’re exclusive. Yes, it kind of hurts when you THINK the 2 of you are getting closer only to see evidence that that person is seeing others, but if you don’t have any kind of agreement in place, you’ve got to deal with it, or not.

Sassy Me...Sun Kissed :-)

May 31st, 2012
10:52 am

Guys lie but women are slick, slick is an entire operation

Intersting evaluation…good comments y’all :mrgreen:

When it comes to cheating I have zero tolerance and will not accept it from my man or participate in it with another woman’s man. What goes around always comes around and KARMA is a b!otch. I think it’d be better to sever ties than to cheat.

disco

May 31st, 2012
10:54 am

Mdot – I think men are clueless in these situations because they can’t handle the truth. heck, a woman can have a baby that looks like someone else and the man will try to justify why the baby has those features. lol. (okay. that was a slight exaggeration but it’s still been known to happen).

Mdot – also, as far as signs, I won’t say there aren’t any signs but the signs you selected aren’t likely. by the way, in support of cheating women everywhere I will not post any signs. 1) most couples do things separately and it’s not likely to be considered a big deal. a lot of guys will feel like they’ve been let off the hook not to have to do some things. 2) as for mentioning guy friends you don’t know, trust me, if she’s mentioning him – he’s not the one you have to worry about. and 3) that calling thing is a woman thing. women call trying to cause drama in the home. men don’t. the typical man is grateful that he gets the benefits without the work, commitment and cost. he’s not going to call and mess that up. he’s not trying to take the real man’s place.

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:54 am

MDot – I often say that exclusivity is almost a given rather than spoken…IMO and for “grown” folks. Folks that treat others they way they want to be treated. Folks that don’t have an appreciation for you sleeping around on them. But for those folks always practicing under shady behavior, you might want to speak to it and have that conversation….lol Otherwise, all they’re gonna say is oh, I didn’t know we were a couple. We didn’t say or make it official.

SlimNu

May 31st, 2012
10:58 am

Skip – What kind of industry to do you work in, if I may ask?

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
10:59 am

When I say there are no signs….I should say nothing overt. Never what you think, never what you’d expect. Nothing sloppy and the biggest oversight is the assumption (by men) that women or your woman don’t cheat. Nothing like numbers left lying around, finding his underwear or earrings (stuff men have to happen to them), catching her with him….that sort of stuff

kimmie

May 31st, 2012
10:59 am

Celisea – Your 10:54 – I operated on that GROWN assumption too, until I got burned. I really didn’t have to worry much about it as I got older because dudes were pretty quick to try to “claim”, but if it is a concern, make it clear that the 2 of you are on the same page.

Oh, and your line “I didn’t know we were a couple” reminds me of that topic we had on here awhile back about folks not knowing when they were on a date!LOL!!

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
11:04 am

Kimmie – Such a shame that folks are acting on it and acting as a couple but have to concretely confirm. I don’t think I’ve ever had that “do we go together” conversation since high school…lol Too, I run and avoid dudes where you have to make sure we’re on the same page…by physical stating when all along we’re acting it out. Nuh uh…no can do. That’s a indiscretion waiting to happen. To me and IMO, it’s speaks to that person’s character. Grown folks still checking the “check yes or no” box…lol

Celisea

May 31st, 2012
11:06 am

“AN” indiscretion

Skip

May 31st, 2012
11:06 am

Slim, I’m in manufaturing and sales. Most of the shananagins are within the management, admin and sales departments (which makes up about 70% of the company). About sixty employees in all. It’s really laughable and I admit, it is enjoyable living vicariously through all of the stories and comments.