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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: No regrets?

Do you ever look back on past relationships and wished you worked a little harder for someone? I am not just talking about the one that got away, though. I am referring to the one that got pushed away, faded to black, or put on the back burner.

When we figure out that there was more we could have done or shouldn’t have done, do we ever look back in regret?

Is there someone in your past who deserved better than how you treated them?

Do you think that someone regrets they way the treated you? Have they ever told you about their regret?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

65 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka diligently seeking new t-shirts)

May 29th, 2012
6:59 am

Greetings from England with four days warning…for all who remember, I will check out today to see if the gal with 15 teeth is still at the drive thru at McDs. Some people thought I should not have let that one fade away (per the topic).

single and happy

May 29th, 2012
7:12 am

Is there one that I hate I let get away, yes there is. Do I think I could have done anything different. No I don’t life happens and we move on.

SlimNu

May 29th, 2012
8:37 am

Morning all (blogging from the car on my way back to Atl)

Nope, there isn’t anyone I regret letting go but recently I got a call from a talk show about someone wanting to reunite w/me. According to the producer, the guy realized the error of his ways/mistakes or whatever, had some things he wanted to say. I took a pass on that…

Mike P

May 29th, 2012
8:39 am

Good Morning,

WD – “Do you think that someone regrets they way the treated you? Have they ever told you about their regret?”

Yes, a few of the women in my past have came out of the “wood-work” with regrets. Some have shown it in their body-language and tone. With one of them, I could see it in her face, and one woman have actually admitted that she had regrets.

CoolShadow

May 29th, 2012
8:42 am

When I reflect there are regrets in some instances but overall I can’t complain much. Some women in the past that I didn’t take seriously I occasionally second guess whether or not that was the wrong move to take with them. There have also been women I where I was hurt by their rejection at the time but eventually moved on; in some cases the rejection turned out to be the better outcome. But then I think that rejection is sometimes nature’s way of saving you from yourself…

Lily

May 29th, 2012
9:06 am

Yes, I have a regret or two but you have to continue on with life. However I strongly believe whatever is not meant to be would not have occurred anyway.

Good day!

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
9:22 am

Pardon me, but I’m very bitter this morning. Just a warning! LOL

I have some major regrets about the last one…mainly that I let it go on too long. I worked my tail off and he was not worthy.

He called me yesterday (while I was on the road home from Charleston) to tell me that he’s getting married!!!! For 2 years, he told me that he would never marry anyone. Now, we’ve only been broken up 3.5 months and he’s met someone and proposed. I’m allowing myself 2 days to be upset and then he’s dead to me!

czBrat

May 29th, 2012
9:31 am

lmao @ slim. classic!! :lol:

regrets? nah. i tend to enjoy relationships to the full and stay until i’m CERTAIN i wish to go no further. the only decision i’ve ever questioned was having stayed in the marriage as long as i did. but if that decision ultimately led me exactly where i am today, then it was right as rain. indeed!

i’d like to think that the ex has matured enough to apologize for his shenanigans, but i doubt it. nor does it matter to me anymore. i’m happy with the “come to jesus” moment he had just before i divorce was finalized.

i trust all had a lovely, long weekend. wishing you a quiet, short week ahead. :grin:

disco

May 29th, 2012
9:32 am

lol bluz. just last week kimmie mentioned “grooming the groom”. I also love that you said “he’s dead to me”. lol. not that I’m mocking your pain but sometimes, girl, you just have to laugh. well, later for him and later for his bride to be.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
9:42 am

disco…I’m sure I’ll laugh about it in the future. Right now, I’m devastated, but I know I’ll get over it. It’s just a shock. That girl is in for a big surprise because he is nothing but a big old fat loser!

czBrat

May 29th, 2012
9:42 am

sorry to hear of such a crappy end to your weekend, bluz. hope you had a blast in sc!

couple thoughts:
could be he’s playing you for a reaction … don’t fall for it. don’t look back.
could be he wasted your time and quickly chose to commit to the next chick … don’t sweat it. don’t look back.

SlimNu

May 29th, 2012
9:48 am

Bluz – Awww damn Gina! Well let him be her problem now. I know its a major blow but don’t give him any more energy than you have already. Curious though, what did you say when he told you that?

SlimNu

May 29th, 2012
9:51 am

Cz – or he could be looking for another person to mooch off of? Stable place to stay, regular cootie perhaps lol

disco

May 29th, 2012
9:55 am

slim – lol. re looking for a place to stay. I have a male cousin who is currently crashing on the couch of a female cousin. female cousin and I both joked that he’d better get out there and get his game on. we figure if he gets 2-3 dingbat chicks on his team he can juggle them, keep his belly full and stay off the streets.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
9:59 am

I cussed him out pretty good and told him to get my stuff back to me (including a flute that belonged to my deceased friend) and get the eff out of my life and never contact me again. I called him a lier, user, and told him that she would find out what kind of a pathetic loser he really is.

I know he was living in his car for some time, so I’m wondering if it’s about money and a place to live. I still don’t get it. He had all that with me. I imagine the news will start getting out and I may be getting calls, texts, messages…I’ll tell everyone that I already know and I’ve moved past it and I don’t want to hear anything about him ever again (except of course when the divorce happens within the year).

I had such a great weekend and it ended on that note. I slept horribly last night because I kept dreaming about all of this. I’ve been on the verge of tears all morning. The depression set in last night, but I’ll get through it.

On a good note…he had given me a bass guitar because I want to learn to play and it got smashed to pieces and put in it’s torn up case for him to pick up when/if he drops my stuff off. I may have a friend text him to find out how soon he will get it to me. It sure felt good taking a hammer to that bass! I’m not crazy at all, am I? LOL

czBrat

May 29th, 2012
10:02 am

slim, disco … i have a brother who’s had about a dozen fiances. his schtick is to propose to every female he dates in order to have a place to lay his head.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
10:13 am

I wanted to marry him…guess I should be thankful that I dodged that bullett. I know for sure I will be thankful in the future…I just have to get to that point.

At least I have Dr. Brit, who is really sweet! We’ve texted a lot over the weekend!

disco

May 29th, 2012
10:13 am

brat – not mad at your brother. you gotta do what you gotta do and why blame him when the chicks who take him in are the bigger issue. he’s not outdoors and he’s not hungry.

bluz – any property you haven’t received back by now you need to chalk up to the game. you need to set dude’s number to no ring and no incoming texts. quit wasting perfectly good tears on the man.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
10:16 am

disco…I figured I may not get certain things or the money back from him, but this flute that he has is important to me and he knows it. I told him to drop my things off on the back porch…he knows what time I work. My friend has offered to text him for me to find out a timeline. I really don’t care about the other things, but I want this flute back really bad.

Like I said…I give myself two days to be upset and get the emotions out, then I will suck it up. I know he’s not worth my tears. I just feel like a big fool. He wasted 2 years of my life. It hurts that it has now been confirmed that he really did use me all this time.

disco

May 29th, 2012
10:24 am

bluz – okay. here we go again with telling you to put on your big shoes. that man didn’t take any time from you, you gave him your time freely. no point in being mad at him, be mad at you. accept responsibility for your part. please don’t turn this into a pity party. it’s not that real. he’s not that real. do you still have the clown’s phone number? lol. call the clown. girl, we trying to keep it light and entertaining up in here. we (i) can’t be consoling you all day. tell us what was good with Charleston. what restaurants did you go to? what did you order?

Mike P

May 29th, 2012
10:30 am

@disco: there you disco! I like how you think, making ‘em accountable for their own actions and decisions. ”

Responsibility, it’s what’s for dinner!.”

Mike P

May 29th, 2012
10:33 am

**There you Go, disco!**

disco

May 29th, 2012
10:33 am

mike p – I read someplace that “no one likes a whiner, not even other whiners”. that’s the truth right there. now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good angry tirade but that’s a different monster than whining and crying.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
10:38 am

I know I share in the responsibility. I just want to blame him for now. Pity party only short lived. I promise that I’ll be ok after a couple of days.

So…Charleston was wonderful! My mom and nephew went with me and it was their first time there. They loved it! We tried to go eat at one restaurant Friday night, but the wait was over an hour! We ended up eating at a restaurant on the Isle of Palms called Coconut Joe’s…not impressed! I had a salmon BLT, which was ok. The service stunk!!! We spent half of the day on the beach Saturday. My mom and I went out Saturday night to see one of my friends perform, which was only 1.5 miles from where my best friend lives. Sunday, the wind was so strong that we couldn’t stay on the beach. We took mom to Sullivan’s Island and because of the wind, the sand was pelting us. We took that day to walk all over downtown. My nephew is really into history so we took him to Battery Park. He was in heaven! The drive home yesterday was long and stressful. Took over an hour longer to get home because of traffic leaving Charleston. Just glad we made it home safe and sound. I can’t wait to go back!!!

Thanks for making me keep in light today. The clown has forwarded two texts to me. One more and I think I’ll tell him to delete my number. I don’t want mass texts from anyone, let alone him!!!

Celisea

May 29th, 2012
10:39 am

Alright, let me see….

Bluz – I’m sorry for the blow as I’m certain it only made things worse. I would say assess where you really are in all of this (as you thought you’d moved on) and see it for what it is and what it was and what it’s pretty much been. I don’t mean that as to sound mean or without empathy but be honest with yourself. As cliched as it sounds to say “learn from your mistakes”, take that to heart. It’s easy now to blast him for all that he’s not or wasn’t but be honest with yourself and the role you played. Another cliche is men do what we allow…..this is true. A lesson to learn going forward is, if you are not getting out of a relationship all that you know you deserve (shet up For Real), all that you know other women are getting from good men, don’t hang on in hopes of someone changing or things getting better. Cut it and K.I.M. People are who they are. As much as we hope usually and unless there’s some sort of ephipany with them, what you see if pretty much what you’ll always get…if not less. Don’t give it too much more credence by reliving and reliving and reliving. Stand back, look at (for a second) on how you allowed it go, all the while hoping….have that moment you need and don’t look back anymore. If he’s trifling and no good, leave that to the next woman to worry about. If he turns over a new leaf and become a husband of wonder, still don’t knock yourself and lean on what you could have had. He won’t be no more with you than you experienced…no matter what he is or becomes with another because that’s the deal you bought into. Love yourself and know you deserve better than scraps. Concentrate (not too much) on the Dr. Brit and take it as “new beginnings.”

single and happy

May 29th, 2012
10:42 am

Bluz it’s only a waste of time if you didn’t learn anything from it! Life is full of lessons and blessings, we have to be willing to accept them for what they are, not for what we want them to be. Don’t waste any energy being angry, accept the joy of knowing this looser is out of your life.

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
10:58 am

Morning Peeps!

Had a great holiday weekend! My little man turned over a new leaf and started hanging with a different crew – the smart kids!! As a result of that, his hard work and plenty of fussing from me & his father – HE MADE HONOR ROLL!!! He was SO proud of himself! And up on that stage Friday at the awards ceremony with him were all his hanging buddies!! One even made the principals list for having straight A’s! I was in tears I was so happy!!

On topic – There were certain guys I used to think back on and regret that I either let go maybe too soon or didn’t dump soon enough. But thats when I was single and between boyfriends. Now being married to the greatest guy ever, don’t have a single regret anymore. Things happened the way they were supposed to. To say I regret not giving a few more of a chance would be like saying I’m not grateful and happy for what I have now, and that is simply not the truth.

Bluz, SMH & OMG. Be back on my take of the situation.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 29th, 2012
11:09 am

What up folks, hope everyone enjoyed their weekend.

Bluz-don’t mind me, but I have to say this…the situation is unfortunate, but dude cannot defend himself here so I will not run with the he a loser talk. It may be so, but you loved/love him, which is why it hurts you so. The property destruction was wrong, but it was your way to hurt him. On the real though, I hope you feel better, but all that actin out has to stop, you are hurtin yourself. Don’t be depressed, you got rid of him right?

disco

May 29th, 2012
11:15 am

jake – I read your post and was like “property destruction?”, where? I missed it. had to go back and re-read. looks like he gifted the guitar to her and so technically she tore up her own stuff. that doesn’t count and – yes – I was ready to give her some props for tearing something up. lol. wrong? maybe but it is what it is. (whew, I’m cracking myself up).

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
11:16 am

He had given the bass to me, so it was mine. I didn’t want it anymore because it was his. So…I’m giving it back to him…redecorated!

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
11:16 am

Bluz – I’ve seen this happen so many times. It never happened to me, but I was fully expecting it to. My greatest regret in my dating career was the time I SPENT with certain dudes. I, ME, gave alot of my better years to men that, while were decent enough guys, were not as into me as I was them and were never going to marry me. And they were honest about it, but I didn’t “get a clue” until precious time had passed. I kept thinking if I just loved and niced and gave and cooked them to death, they would see how wonderful I was!! The only person I could blame was myself for allowing it!! My mom and the other strong women in my life and great men taught me better, so I could not blame it on my environment!

Like others have said, dude is probably looking for someone to take care of him. I had one just like that. He did wait a year after we broke up, but dude found a woman to “wear the pants”. I’m not the one, so they were much better suited for each other than we were! I wish you had been able to contain your anger and disappointment when he called, but I have to realize everyone is not “ice woman” like me!LOL!! I would have been SO BEAUTIFUL if you could have simply said congratulations! Then told him to leave the flute on your back porch. If he mentioned calling or texting or anything, let him know that would be inappropriate being that he’s soon to be married & all. Well, if you are not “ice woman”, man up girl, and become one!! Anyone that comes to you about him say “that is so fabulous, now I KNOW he’s out of my life for good! I wish him nothing but the best!”

Girl, this is the best thing to ever happen to you! Try to look at it like that! Really, now did you REALLY want to be stuck with a dude like THAT?!!!

czBrat

May 29th, 2012
11:18 am

hola kimmie

no doubt you’re beaming. the kiddies benefit (and appreciate) when we don’t give up on them. great job!

soooo, yeah. on our way back from the jazz fest sunday. i mentioned to s/o “don’t forget to swing by the goodwill to drop off this stuff.” he responded with “ok. but i gotta stop for gas first cuz your fuel light just came on.”
and then gave me that side glance … with a smirk thrown in for good measure.

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 29th, 2012
11:33 am

My bad, guess you broke up your guitar.

Bluzgirl

May 29th, 2012
11:38 am

kimmie…I am glad to be done with him. This just stings and feels like a slap in my face after all I did for him. I loved him with all my heart. I wish I could have reacted differently, but that’s just me and he knows it. At least I didn’t cry and ask him what was wrong with me and all that. :-) I was just in shock. The only reason I called him back was because the tone of his voice sounded like someone died. Well…his soul died. He never had a heart, so that’s not what died!

I do know that it really was a life lesson and that I can’t look at it as two years wasted. The last 6 months was definitely wasted, but we did have good stuff for the first 1.5 years. Right now, I just feel like it was wasted because of this. I know that I learned a lot from this relationship. I’ll come out better because of all this. I know it. No longer will I waste my time with a man who says that he will never get married to anyone. I will not keep waiting and hoping for him to change. If he doesn’t show his love to me completely, then there’s no point in continuing. I know what I want and what I deserve. I proved it to myself in breaking up with him that I can be strong enough to get what I want. I will get it. Nobody is going to bring me down and let me believe that I’m not worthy. I know I’m worthy. I’m a darn good woman and a wonderful girlfriend. I will get a good man when the time is right!!!

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
11:42 am

Hey Brat!!

I know we’ll have to stay on both the kids, but I really think little man has turned a corner! He’s seen first hand both sides – what can happen when you do wrong and hang with the troublemakers and how great things can be when you do the work and strive for higher achievement. You see both sides, now choose what you’d rather have.

I was talking to his little sister and she was talking about how she saw some other parents crying. I told her those were tears of joy and I’d rather be crying at an awards ceremony or a graduation any day of the week versus crying at the jailhouse or a courtroom! She thought I was being too dramatic, I told her I was just keeping it real!LOL!!!

disco

May 29th, 2012
11:52 am

kimmie – not to mention crying every time you had to buy a money order to keep your baby in cup of noodles and postage stamps. lol. (although the prisons now have it where you can set your loved one up on direct deposit). technology.

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
11:55 am

Bluz – Any guy EVER tells you that he wants something different than you want, take him at his word, thank him for being honest, and MOVE ON!! Don’t look back! If a guy feels like there is even the remote possibility that he may want a future with you, he is NOT going to risk losing you by saying something like he doesn’t ever want to marry or he’s not looking for anything serious or anything like that. Period, point-blank! Once I got hip to that, I saved myself a lot of grief. Not saying I never got hurt again, but that feeling that I was wasting my time was not the source anymore. It made me feel alot more empowered. I was claiming my life again and my right to go for what I wanted. No more feeling desperate. I started attracting a different type of man as well. You will too.

Oh, and it doesn’t take a guy forever to DECIDE if he wants you either, so don’t fall for that okey-doke as well!!

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
11:56 am

disco – You are a riot!! :lol:

disco

May 29th, 2012
12:02 pm

kimmie – not a riot. I’m like you. keeping it real. folks are quick to say that the jails/prisons are providing “3 hots and a cot” but the real is that a lot of inmates aren’t getting enough to eat. those meals are sparse and they have to supplement with the commissary and that’s where momma and her money orders come in at. I was watching lockup last night and an inmate was bragging on his janitor job paying $65/month. sometimes it takes going to prison for someone to respect minimum wage.

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
12:05 pm

disco – Dang, yeah I’d rather be sending a care package to a college versus a prison. Dang! :(

Willie Dynamite

May 29th, 2012
12:11 pm

Afternoon All,

Topic – I can’t say I have many if any regrets. Sure I couldv’e handled some differently. Sure I couldv’e spared some heartache but as always hindsight is 20/20. When given the opportunity I have went back and apologized sinculy for whatever indiscretion I may have done. I don’t walk around with a list but it was a few that I needed to atone. Probably more for my benefit than them but it is what it is.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 29th, 2012
12:24 pm

Like WD,

I wish I would’ve handled some things differently and the instances I was a jerk, I apologized for.

But regretting things – in the since of feeling bad/wishing I could change them – is not a feeling I’ve ever had. I looked back on my mistakes, corrected them (sometimes too late), and KIP.

I’ve always known that life was too short, too precious to “worry about the things I cannot change”

Exiled!

May 29th, 2012
12:38 pm

He had All that with Me’-Bluz

I don’t get women!

You wanted him but he really wanted U ..um,just to use U…
and u realized that and kicked him out….

Now you wondering why he chose that girl because..’he had All that with U!’

What kind of ummmm….

It’s a woman’s logic really…no problem

Sooo…how are you folks?

Had a wonderful heroes Memorial up here in Boston barbecuing and liqoring!

Exiled!

May 29th, 2012
12:43 pm

Ohh,on topic..

No regrets,Everything is God’s will

Sorry for being a Thumper this Tuesday. :lol:

Sassy Me...Sun Kissed :-)

May 29th, 2012
1:21 pm

Robert

May 29th, 2012
1:29 pm

“Do you ever look back and wished you worked a little harder for someone?

Yes – 1975-85
1. Debbie Allen
2. Oprah Winfrey

Exiled!

May 29th, 2012
1:38 pm

kimmie

May 29th, 2012
1:54 pm

What’s up, Exiled?!!!

czBrat

May 29th, 2012
2:07 pm

@ sassy, must be lots of bloggers on vacay.

my boss lady is in s. america. co-worker is in fla. our office is blissfully silent. luvin it!

Exiled!

May 29th, 2012
2:41 pm

Hey Kimmie,what going on!?