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Dating: About that magic number…

If you can’t handle the answer to something, you should not ask the question. That is a life lesson that people refuse to learn. Asking the question without being prepared for the response doesn’t stop some people from asking their partner the “magic number”.

One reader asked her man what his magic number was and the answer literally made her gasp..out loud. Should she tell him that his magic number really bothers her? There is not much he can do about it, what’s done is done. Repeatedly.

What would you do if someone’s magic number made you uneasy? Should you let them know? Do you find out how or why the number is what it is?

Should it matter to us what our partners did before they met us?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

73 comments Add your comment

Lily

May 25th, 2012
7:19 am

Anything prior to the current potential SO is not up for discussion. It’s irrelevant for where we’re HOPEFULLY heading. All that matters is the long lovely weekend. Come Tuesday I hope another chapter had been added :)

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
8:18 am

Magic Number??? Um, I’m sorry but could someone enlighten me to what the magic number is????

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 25th, 2012
8:41 am

@Slim

How many people you’ve ’slept’ with

On topic:

Yes it matters. Not the who or what, but the ‘why’ matters. If your girl was out freaking the next door neighbors because she was bored, does she still harbor those inclinations?

If she was a willing participant in a Soul Train, is that something she still wants to engage in?

For the ladies: if he was gay for a summer, does it matter?

Context matters. ‘Why” matters. But what matters most is despite what they may have done – judgment aside – is that something their still looking for and/or something you are.

Morning

Lady~Smiling

May 25th, 2012
8:49 am

Fantastic Friday MIA!!! ;)

interesting dialogue…………

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
9:01 am

Dan – Thanks for the clarification…I don’t see what’s “magic” about the number of folks you’ve slept with but okie dokie. I guess we have to change the outfits of the topics to keep this thang up and running. Btw, how have you been?

I’m glad I only have to be up in this camp until 12 today, then my 4 day weekend begins. YAY!

roberta higginbotham

May 25th, 2012
9:07 am

It takes a peculiar kind of insensitivity for a woman to want that kind of detail. Here’s how I would handle it:

Her: “Gee honey, as you know, I have zero boundaries when it comes to asking people insensitive, personal questions, so I have a question for you. How many women did you dance the horizontal mamba with before me?”

Him: “You know, I really couldn’t tell you. I never kept count.”

If she keeps pushing, you have to get to the bottom of why she needs to know. Help her sort out that insecurity rather than feeding it.

Lady~Smiling

May 25th, 2012
9:11 am

yeah roberta its a fine line with this question……………

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 25th, 2012
9:18 am

Been good Slim, grinding, what’s been up with you?

disco

May 25th, 2012
9:19 am

good morning. I don’t think the past number is what’s important. there’s a lot of folks out here who need to concern themselves with their s/o’s current number. not trying to sound all cynical so early in the morning but cheating is rampant and I can’t imagine that many folks are totally in the dark. just my opinion though.

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 25th, 2012
9:32 am

Funny this should come up today…. I was jsut recently having a conversation with my “friend”, and this very topic came up..It started off with us talking about the things we enjoy most and why… That lead to where did we learn it from then lead to what was the number…I looked her in the eye and politely said 164……she said wow and we moved on with the conversation. I think the key is just like with most topics, treat the informationn like an adult and all will be fine ;)

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
9:42 am

Dan – Nothing much…taking everyday as it comes. ;-)

Row – triple digits = triple threat :lol: i kid…If she told you that number, would that change your thoughts about her?

mark

May 25th, 2012
9:45 am

I could really care less how many men my current lady has slpet with. that was before me and i LOVe her for the woman she is now and how she treats Me. My only question about her past was if she had ever slept with a WHITEMAN now that i would not been Able to Handle…YUCK!

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 25th, 2012
9:49 am

I think the number question is a hard issue to deal with and I think guys especially should not ask the number because that is one of the #1 things that most women will lie about because of the negative stigma associated with it. Therefore, I would not ask but if she did give me a number, I would just multiply it by 3 to come up with the real number. If she says 5, that means 15 lol

The question is, has anyone here ever lied to a partner about their number and why?

Good day everyone and have a safe weekend.

GracieL

May 25th, 2012
9:56 am

Hahaha! I call it the “body count,” and it’s an individual choice whether or not to divulge it. If anyone is feeling awkward about theirs, but not comfortable saying “None’a yer beeswax,” I recommend picking a number you feel comfortable sharing, and stick to that. In my opinion, if someone is trying to convince you that you’re required to share all your historical information, it’s a form of emotional control and/or blackmail. If they’re worried about cooties, there are tests for that.

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 25th, 2012
9:58 am

Slim, My friend is 51 years old….. how much of a hypocrite would I be If I passed a negative judgement on her life choices when I fully expect and demand that I not be judged on mine….. We have both lived a full life, and made the choice to be involved in a pyhsical way….We got tested together and agreed to be exclusive on the front, so what she did prior to me is viewed kinda like practice before before teh big game!!! LOL

disco

May 25th, 2012
9:59 am

gracie – lol re cooties. I remember going “circle, circle, dot, dot, now I’ve got my cootie shot”. guess it’s much harder to get rid of grown folks’ cooties.

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
10:02 am

My only question about her past was if she had ever slept with a WHITEMAN now that i would not been Able to Handle

mark – Um…isn’t a wang is a wang is a wang no matter what color it is?

Row – Gotcha homie..lol I liked that you guys did decide to go get tested together then decided on exclusivity. Sounds like you two handled it with much maturity. ;-) You get an “A” in health class today.

Elijah

May 25th, 2012
10:03 am

Good Morning All!

Here is what I need to know, what is your (today ath this very moment) VD/HIV status. I need to see those papers. Actually, I agree with Disco, I need to know if you are currently doing the do with someone who may get mad if we start doing the do… lol

GracieL

May 25th, 2012
10:04 am

disco,

Hahaha! Cootie shot. IF ONLY!

Remember folks:

Some boyfriends and girlfriends are like the cops. Anything you say can and WILL be used against you in a future, totally unrelated argument. You DO have the right to remain silent! {;->

DJ Sniper

May 25th, 2012
10:06 am

I’ve never understood people who need to know this “magic number.” Thank God me and my wife weren’t hung up on such stuff. When we were getting to know each other, she told me about some of her past experiences, and she knows that I’ve participated in my share of debauchery as well. That info didn’t affect either one of us.

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
10:12 am

Some boyfriends are like the cops. Anything you say can and WILL be used against you in a future, totally unrelated argument

Gracie – Try dating a federal agent man :roll:

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
10:16 am

I’m more interested in behavioral patterns and decision making…Do you have a low creep factor versus a high one, Do you lack impulse control, does your wang do most of the thinking for you, Are you one of these folks cruising for random hook ups on craigs list etc

Leggs

May 25th, 2012
10:29 am

Personally, asking someone their sleep number is immature. What can that information really provide? Does 25 vs 100 really make a difference depending on one’s age? If the man was a man whore back in the day, does that necessarily mean he’s a man whore now? Can a slut change her slutty ways? Hell, look at the person you’re involved with and let their actions dictate who they are TODAY. What one should be asking is for the AIDS/HIV papers. What happened before the present relationship (sexually), is irrelevant IMO absent criminal records/pervert status/kidnappings.

Good morning.

Celisea

May 25th, 2012
10:34 am

Well gosh, I had a pretty lengthy post.

Celisea

May 25th, 2012
10:37 am

Celisea

May 25th, 2012
10:41 am

Third and last try…

Good morning all,

The only magical number I see and IMO is zero. If you’ve gotten this far not having had sex that’s dang near mir a cu lous (that’s what got my post banned). Not impossible but a mir a cle none the less.

I try to live where I’m not ashamed or have to conceal my past. Even so, my past, my life and really not the next person’s business. I’m only concerned with your behavior as a mate, your ability to practice fidelity, discretion and decorum. Your ability to resist temptation. Your ability to respect me as your partner.

mark

May 25th, 2012
10:51 am

@slim i dont know if a wang is a wang..lol

I just know i dont want to deal with a sista that has been Touched by a WHITEBOY she would be the scum of the earth she should be in MIB3.

DJ Sniper

May 25th, 2012
10:55 am

Mark, have you ever slept with a white woman?

Leggs

May 25th, 2012
10:56 am

Oh boy, would love to stick around and read those that blast mark, but my hairdresser just arrived.

What a beautiful day for a graduation!

Have a fabulous Memorial Day Weekend!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 25th, 2012
10:57 am

White, black, from Mars don’t matter to me

Like M Dot said, I too wanna see the paper (I carried mine with me every six months until the new one came).

Other than that, didn’t matter.

My standard answer “enough to know I like it, and enough to know I’m pretty good at it”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 25th, 2012
11:01 am

I would tell her I don’t have a score card because I never kept count what I do have are health records stating where I stand today. If she’s clean I wouldn’t give a sh!t what number she have, I’ve never ask any one a stupid question like that.

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:02 am

Alrighty then… Personally, scum of the earth comes in all colors…but I digress

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 25th, 2012
11:04 am

Damn Mark….. Whatupwitdat????? Did a white guy take your lunch money when you were a kid or sumthin??? Did the really fine girl you were trying to catch up turn you down for Opie Taylor?? What ever it is, Dude…You gotta let it go!!!

mark

May 25th, 2012
11:08 am

@dj no i havent sistas only!

@ row125 there isnt a whiteman alive that could take my woman from me. i promise you that.

disco

May 25th, 2012
11:09 am

O/T – I’m overhearing phone calls again. co-worker has a problem child and is constantly getting calls from the school re said child’s behavior. she just spoke to the kid and said “hey sweetheart blah blah blah, tell mommy what happened yada yada yada” in a syrupy sweet voice. to myself I’m thinking had it been me and my kid I would have said something like “you little ignorant so and so. didn’t I tell your blank A if that school called me one more time it was going to be me and you?”.

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:09 am

“enough to know I like it, and enough to know I’m pretty good at it”

Dan – John Legends song “Best you ever had” comes to mind lol

Leggs – Congrats to lil leggs and good job Mom to you :-D

If a chick/dude is 30yrs old and he/she says his/her number is 15…which is worse, doing those 15 people in a one summer time span versus over the last few years of their life?

Mike P

May 25th, 2012
11:19 am

If a man leave your behind after you tell him your “magic number” DOES NOT mean he couldn’t handle truth, rather it means he used the truth for his vetting process; some guys look for the innocent while others look for the experienced. It is what it is. Stop the Hate! Everyone should go for and get what their hearts desire.

Good Morning Folks!

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:20 am

mark – well it surely sounds like you have some unresolved issues from the past that causes you to have that much disdain for the caucasion race.

disco – Well you should go in there and beat her behind lol

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 25th, 2012
11:21 am

@Slim

Can’t say that…there are (statistically) people better’n me; but I am the best at what I do.

And, it depends on when that summer was? Last summer, you was on your Dougie. At 18, as a camp counselor – was you at the kids? How big a camp was this? Was you in the woods?

Yeah, numbers don’t matter if you average them out. But, I’m worried if my girl is averaging 2 a month over the course of her (sexual)lifetime….double standard? Yeap. It is what it is though

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 25th, 2012
11:26 am

Mark he might not be able to take your woman, but he for damn sho’ has taken a piece of your mind….. ( You would have been better of had he taken the girl)

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:26 am

Mike P – I was actually going to say that earlier but it slipped my mind. It’s basically like looking for a reason to dip on yo ass.

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:29 am

And, it depends on when that summer was? Last summer, you was on your Dougie. At 18, as a camp counselor – was you at the kids? How big a camp was this? Was you in the woods?

This cracked me up :lol: On a serious note of all the teachers, administrators etc that have been caught for inappropriate contact with kids is so freaking crazy to me. What is the attraction to little kids??? Anyway, not trying to get all serious on yall today.

O/T: Any of you all see the pic of Rocsi & Eddie Murphy together? Seems strange but if that’s what they are digging, then so be it.

Row 125, Seat 11B

May 25th, 2012
11:34 am

Slim, I wonder if Johnny Gill Knows about that??? :) :) :)

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:35 am

Row – Someone in the office asked that same question. Maybe Eddie is ready for some new new. lol

Mike P

May 25th, 2012
11:37 am

Life is awesome! choose to enjoy it and don’t give a fugg about what others think,
Do whatever you like, and do whomever you like. Just remember others will do the same, even if you don’t like it.

People are who they’re suppose to be.
People are where they’re suppose to be.
Stop the hate folks, its 2012!!!

Happy Holiday Weekend!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 25th, 2012
11:43 am

@Slim

It’s starting to give me a complex, like I wasn’t good looking enough. Sheeeiiiuuuutttt, I had at least 2 teachers that could’ve got the bidness.

Funny how you’re not being ‘fresh’ when you say the same thing the day after graduation that you did the week before….

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:47 am

Funny how you’re not being ‘fresh’ when you say the same thing the day after graduation that you did the week before

Dan – Yeah you aren’t being ‘fresh’ because there aren’t any legal lines being crossed at that point…moral maybe but nothing that’ll get yo arse locked up lol Almost all of my teachers were female so I can’t say I’ve ever had a thing for anyone….the only person that would come close was probably my drama teacher who was a dude and he was Indian. He actually was dating the dance teacher.

disco

May 25th, 2012
11:52 am

mike – I thought of blog folks holding hands singing “what the world needs now, is love, sweet love”. that’s much to sappy for me. we need a little bit of the “hate” to keep things interesting.

y’all remember van halen’s “hot for teacher”? lol. these teachers need to stop.

Elijah

May 25th, 2012
11:54 am

Man, I need to go back to high school some of these teachers are hot…. Rosco must like dating, royalty first the prince of Lisa Raye and now the prince of Zamunda!

SlimNu

May 25th, 2012
11:59 am

Elijah – HA

Yall be easy folks…don’t speed and be vewwy vewwy careful. I’m OUTTA HERE! :-)