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Dating dilemma: Age gap

When you date much older or much younger people, you have probably had to navigate the age gap. Whenever it becomes painfully obvious that you two are from totally different generations, or have polar opposite outlooks on life. How do you hand the difference in age?

A lot of it has to do with maturity and communication. You find a way to work out the differences by acknowledging them first. It’s not helpful to overlook the pink elephant in the room.

A friend of mine is dating someone a lot younger than he is. Still, he is somewhat surprised how she handles certain situations. I feel as if he should understand that it comes with the territory of dating younger. I encourage him to cut her some slack and remind him how he was clueless at her age too.

Do you ever wonder if dating someone who is much older or much younger is worth all the adjustments that you have to make?

They way I see it, every relationship will have it’s own unique set of challenges. If dealing with the difference in age is the toughest part of the relationship, then that’s not all that bad. Then again, I haven’t dated (many?) 20 year olds in a while either.

What age ranges do you think are most compatible to you? Do you think age matters at all?

How young would you date? How old?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

247 comments Add your comment

Robert

May 23rd, 2012
1:06 pm

@Brownsugarvixen – “I have always been attracted to men that were a little older than me, since i found most to be more mature, settled and their thinking leveled with mine. My soul is old, spirit is humbled and I’m well rounded so I want the same in return.”

As a mature older man my lifestyle would ruin you. Too much of a good thing is not good for you. Any young man who might like you and want to marry you never will because he won’t be able to meet your expectations (passion, desire, money, freedom of choice, etc.). My advice is to not take things for granted. Wait for Mr. Right and not settle for Mr. Old Man. Life is to short to make serious mistakes that can detroy you forever. No man wants a woman who thought she was all grown-up by dating older men. What did you learn?

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
1:08 pm

Most people don’t get or understand “beauty.” It’s not some image of a pin-up or the mirror of some chick on a magazine. What’s put into those type women, the typical beauties? What I find and just IMO are the get up and go, those that age gracefully, those with little to no maintenance. Heck we all can be beautiful for the right price. I giggle at the folks that think beauty is on the cover of a magazine, Hawaiian Tropic gals. When you can go/do without make-up, ain’t gotta kill yourself, starve yourself to death, ain’t gotta buy add-ons and implant stuff. Having the confidence to go as you are and go okay in that department….that’s what I find beautiful. And really if it not resonating from within, then likely it won’t in the outer appearance.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
1:10 pm

“do” okay in that department not “go”

By far (and please I don’t mean to offend), black women take the lead in aging gracefully.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
1:14 pm

That’s what I see all the time Cely, black women do age different and gracefully.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
1:20 pm

Blackfoote – Right now, my mom would fool anybody over the phone. Her voice is strong as ever. She didn’t start looking “aged” until mid 70s. Even now, when she’s in the hospital, it’s hard getting folks to talk to us about her because no one believes her condition is what it is. Well, after she’s repeated herself a gazillion times they figure it out but initially they have a problem in tell us (me and sibs) what’s needed and what we need to do because they think my mom (looks/speech) is 100%. I’m proud of what and where she is now but yes, an aged black woman is a beautiful thing :)

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
1:21 pm

C lady=beauty!!! lol great post chica!

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
1:24 pm

@Robert — I don’t soley date older men to feel like a big girl, it’s just a preference based on my experience of dating men in my age bracket during my youth. My expectations may be a tad bit old fashioned but not unrealistic. I don’t wear the superficial mantra that boast Ms. Independent, or Ms. High Standards with unrealistic expectations. Matter of fact im anything but such. Passion, desire, money etc… never really fell short in those areas in the relationships that I have had. I’ve learned that people change, grow and find themselves and sometimes it leads to one or both parties departing ways for those reasons. As for Mr. Right our paths just haven’t crossed yet so the jury is still out on that one.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
1:25 pm

Twenty somethings are good to look at, some may be as mature as some older women. The lock, stock, and barrel are the one’s no matter age that can make a man feel manly. In return if I’m given that kind of treatment the kitchen is open for business. Translation I’ll cook my ass off for ya.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
1:32 pm

Robert is amusing……..

Robert have you been married before?!? #curious

Bluzgirl

May 23rd, 2012
1:33 pm

Cel…I agree with you. I work with a few older black women and was blown away when they told me how old they are. I’m jealous as to how good they look for being 60+…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
1:35 pm

Cely I’m glad for your mom because I have seen women in their seventies that made me think I was having eye problems. I introduced to lady at a cook out and was told she was 72 and my drink almost slipped out of my hand.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
1:35 pm

Bluz – I think someone said it earlier, it’s about taking care of yourself too. There’s room on the “looking good over 40 bench”…we’ll save you a seat when you reach this age :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
1:36 pm

I “was” introduced. I haven’t had lunch yet maybe it’s time.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
1:38 pm

Blackfoote – Sho nuff. Living hard and wild does nothing but age you just that much faster. I know quite a few woman that look good for their age. My mom grayed in her thirties but in all of her pictures her face looks oddly young.

My kid’s dad looks like a dried up prune now. He was soooo handsome younger but all that boozing and womanizing and doping has caught up with him. I told him he needs to stop living hard and fast but noooo…now look at him.

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
1:48 pm

Hey SCool!!

You get my text??

LL411

May 23rd, 2012
1:53 pm

I’m 50, so 7 years older/younger is where I am right now. Current will be 55 this year, wow.

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
1:56 pm

Yes we most definitely age well, especially those of us who take good care of our bodies. I still snicker when I get carded buying scratch-offs, or alcohol (in my mind im like really)? I havent been 18 or 21 in a very long time. Guess it’s true what they say inner happiness radiates outer beauty (not talking cozmo mag type either).

@Celisea – I agree a hard life, does not do justice for the body. Having a YOLO motto is good at times, but on a daily. Looking 65 at 42 is not the move.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
1:57 pm

living for the moment does not rock long term~

SexyCool

May 23rd, 2012
1:59 pm

Oh..I did…

And….er…um…yeah…no…that’s not going to happen.
(lol)

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:02 pm

BSV – You are spot on with inner beauty radiates outer beauty. And no, living hard is all good and fun (to some) but you have to get off that ride or else it’s going to take it’s toll.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:04 pm

Lady – So true. There are definitely pros and cons to living in the moment and definitely a difference in living in the moment in certain instances versus an living your entire life in that way

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:07 pm

Indeed~ I don’t knock it one bit but making it a way a life is no good…….

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
2:08 pm

And to think H2O is the best free anti-aging drug on the market.

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
2:08 pm

SCool – Dang! :( :cool:

Bluzgirl

May 23rd, 2012
2:09 pm

Yeah Cel…My mom was getting onto me about my facial regimine (sp?)! I guess now that I’m over 30, I need to make sure to use the right products. I’ve never been a girly girl and am having to learn to stock up on product! LOL

SexyCool

May 23rd, 2012
2:09 pm

And depending on what moment you are living in makes a helluva lot of difference as well.

Continually being in the moment enjoying sunrises on your upper deck with a cup of coffee and your favorite magazine is a lot different than always going on drinking nights out with your best party buddies.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:11 pm

eh yeah…….

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
2:13 pm

Usually, if you focus on being healthy, it will directly affect beauty. Our people age beautifully in the face, but I wish more would work on their weight and develop better health habits like a healthy diet, regular exercise, proper rest and regular health screenings.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:13 pm

Bluz my mary kay girlie keeps blowing me up…I know she needs to make sales but I don’t wear make up at all. Some days I want to bc my face can get pale and a good concealor (sp) is needed or I would love to play with some eye shadow but don’t……..I do use the Time Wise facial cleanse system for cleaning but that is it……….I buy lip gloss from her. smh lol

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:15 pm

she wants to come over and give me a free facial but I know I will feel bad if I don’t purchase something…..I keep prolonging

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:15 pm

Bluzgirl – Funny you say that, your regimen will change on many things as you get older. Don’t get nervous, just make the shift and move with time. I wish I could recommend something good for you but I don’t really use face products. Just a clean cloth and a tad hotter than warm water.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:17 pm

Clinque was my favorite facial clense! awsomeness!!! ;)

disco

May 23rd, 2012
2:17 pm

since we’re still on aging. I had my son young and for many years got asked if he was my brother. by the time he was in high school folks started asking if he was my boyfriend. we were at a party once and all the grown folks were out by the pool and the kids were in the house. after about an hour or so a guy asked me what happened to my man. I was confused but totally tickled when I realized he meant my son. I answered that he was in the house with the rest of the kids. now anytime we are together folks assume we are a couple.

BSV – I was recently carded at my neighborhood liquor store where I just so happen to be a regular. I literally asked the guy if he was purposely trying to flatter me.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:17 pm

Lady – Just tell her it will be gloss only for your purchase…lol I went to the Mac Counter for gloss and this dude started putting foundation on my face. I was like whoa buddy, just the gloss…lol He was a “birl” and just couldn’t believe I didn’t want any make-up. He was acting as if I was commiting some huge beauty crime…well maybe to him I was…LOLOLOLOL

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:19 pm

Mac is too much for me sis no ma’am yep gloss that’s it……

I have never wore lashes either but folks love them………

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
2:20 pm

Bluz – If you don’t already know, the best thing you can do is use sunscreen every day. Not only does it protect from skin cancer, it helps keep wrinkles at bay as well.

A lot of AA think they don’t need it, and the melanin in our skin does protect, but not always. My godbrother is a nice dark chocolate and is a skin cancer survivor.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:20 pm

Honey that gloss was $18…I was NOT happy about that

Bluzgirl

May 23rd, 2012
2:20 pm

I’m an Avon lady and people laugh because I don’t wear make up and I have tattoos, so I don’t look like the typical Avon lady! LOL

I was using Proactiv, but seems that problem is going away. I bought a handmade soap set at a silent auction and there is a face soap made with mud from the dead sea and it’s wonderful!!! I just gotta figure out the right moisturizer. I don’t wanna be all wrinkly in 10 years! :-)

SexyCool

May 23rd, 2012
2:21 pm

A “birl”…lmao…I saw one of this guy yesterday and it is still just amazing to me that you can tell a man is gay by the way he sits on a bench, with his legs crossed and that “you stank girl” expression on his face.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:23 pm

Bluz – I was going to recommend Proactiv but didn’t know if it was a cleansing regimen you were looking for or something for acne. I have a cousin whose face was horrendous looking and for the last 3 months or so he’s been using Proactiv. HUGE difference. His skin is not completely cleared but it looks 75 percent better.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:24 pm

mary kay gloss is a dollor or two cheaper…………I am not high maintance with make up………I am still using samples too

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
2:24 pm

@kimmie – You’re so right about being healthy, overall.

I get so much flack by coworkers at my job for being a vegetarian, and eating organic foods. It’s like they’ve adopted this whole may as well eat whatever cause we all gonna die attitude. My thinking is yes we will, but it’s to much life in me left to live to be cutting it short over some food. I refuse to wheeling and oxygen tank around when I reach my golden years!!

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:24 pm

LOLOL…a man sitting with his leggs all tight just ain’t natural or at least to me don’t look natural. I like them wide (nothing sexual intended) as it looks natural and laid back. Don’t be sitting all tight and holding ‘em close…lolol

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:28 pm

I’m trying to do better (slightly) with my eating habits. I agree, I know we’re all going to die but it’s the quality of life that matters. I know vitamins don’t beat the real thing but I’ve been taking vitamins for a few months now. I’m liking the results.

disco

May 23rd, 2012
2:32 pm

lady – re overpriced mac products. I just asked a guy to go on a mac run for me and he had the nerve to say it was like buying feminine hygiene products. of course, my objective was to get the product without paying for them. don’t judge, we’ve already determined the stuff costs too much. lol. I use the powder foundation and blush. I can buy lipstick/mascara at the dollar store. no shame, I’ll still sport wet and wild lipstick.

BSV – I’m one of those chicks that say eat what you want. mostly because I come from small folks with relatively few health issues and so tripping off of those things wasn’t in my makeup. still if push comes to shove I’ll just have to become an exercise fiend because I’m not going to deny myself the food I want to eat.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:33 pm

Oh, I do put just a bit of Oil of Olay lotion on my face after washing. That’s so my skin is not dry.

The other thing I’ve changed is laying off sodas..diet coke was my thing. For the last 3 weeks I’ve bought 2 cases of water and added Crystal Light. That’s so I can drink the water…get it down easily. I can just “drink water” all day like that. Much water intake makes a difference.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:34 pm

disco you funny as heyal!!!!!!! lol

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
2:35 pm

That’s why I said “slightly” with my eating habits. For the things I know are death traps, okay I’ll ease up but for the most part, I like what I like :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
2:35 pm

Told ya Cely that word would stick birl, birly…….LOL Nope dudes can’t get away sitting with their legs closed gay or not it’s stil birly.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
2:36 pm

i never got into wearing foundation…..I am boring….a simple dresser too not a shopper or latest fads or fashions……..I was just thinking next school year I am going to get back to wearing suits at least 3 times a week with heels. Thinking turning 33 calls for some definition fashionably…….lol