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Dating dilemma: Age gap

When you date much older or much younger people, you have probably had to navigate the age gap. Whenever it becomes painfully obvious that you two are from totally different generations, or have polar opposite outlooks on life. How do you hand the difference in age?

A lot of it has to do with maturity and communication. You find a way to work out the differences by acknowledging them first. It’s not helpful to overlook the pink elephant in the room.

A friend of mine is dating someone a lot younger than he is. Still, he is somewhat surprised how she handles certain situations. I feel as if he should understand that it comes with the territory of dating younger. I encourage him to cut her some slack and remind him how he was clueless at her age too.

Do you ever wonder if dating someone who is much older or much younger is worth all the adjustments that you have to make?

They way I see it, every relationship will have it’s own unique set of challenges. If dealing with the difference in age is the toughest part of the relationship, then that’s not all that bad. Then again, I haven’t dated (many?) 20 year olds in a while either.

What age ranges do you think are most compatible to you? Do you think age matters at all?

How young would you date? How old?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

247 comments Add your comment

disco

May 23rd, 2012
11:14 am

leggs – do folks still do that? feed folks after? not me. it’s bad enough I have to wash sheets and remake the bed and you expect me to cook and have to wash dishes too. naw bruh. j/k but serious too.

kimmie – I like the settled-ness (did I make up a word) that comes with the old dude (if you get one that stays in his lane and not one out there trying to front like he’s still got it). the financial perks. in my experience, the old ones are quicker to come up off the money. those young boys still acting like they don’t have to pay for anything. old guys are quicker on the “do you need, do you want, what can I do for you”. it may sound gold digger-ish (did I make up another word) but it is what it is. some of my friends that clowned me about my old dude were in awe when he presented me with a credit card for personal use.

single and happy

May 23rd, 2012
11:16 am

The real reason older dates younger: When men get older things tend to shrink, when women get older things tend to get spread. it’s like driving a smart car through a tunnel!

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
11:19 am

disco ~ i have no idea! :lol: :lol: I remember one time while in college and after doing the do, the guy asked me to get up and fix him a cheeseburger, 4:00 in the morn. Thank goodness it was the weekend cuz my arse was in that kitchen (lol).

Randyt (what do you talk about after sex...or do you talk??)

May 23rd, 2012
11:20 am

@ leggs…I tend to be playful and avoid being serious…in fact (and this drives some women crazy) ,when things or conversations start getting too deep, I will make a joke just to lighten things up. What I have noticed (especially working with engineers) is that you are as old or as young as you project by your demeanor. Some people for some reason seem old no matter what their age…some seem younger just because they act younger. Some people seem full of life, some seem devoid of life. I never understood that.

I can choose to be young, I can choose to be old. Short of the tombstone, it is mostly my (or your) choice.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:22 am

single and happy – You don’t say? I’m going to disagree with you :)

disco

May 23rd, 2012
11:23 am

leggs – now that’s funny. dude must have handled business for a sister to be getting grease popped on her in the middle of the night. the whole thing now seems to me like a “love thang” or a “back before you got cynical and were trying to show a brother what you could do/be for him” type of thing. those days are long behind me unless a ba-a-a-a-d man shows up. lol.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:24 am

Randyt (what do you talk about after sex...or do you talk??)

May 23rd, 2012
11:25 am

@ Leggs disco, etc., This may get me kicked out of the MB society but I do as much of the cooking in most of my relationships, as do my partners. I will have to say that if I wanted a cheeseburger at 4:00 AM, then that is what Waffle House is for. I am dayum sure not going to ask someone to cook for my azz.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:27 am

I’ve cooked in the middle of the night for a s/o its romantic a bit #js but waffle house works too! lol

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
11:27 am

I’m like that too, Randyt! I like being playful and silly. I get deep when need be.

O/T – it was only a matter of time!!! Just logged into my online account and guess who sends me a msg. Yep, 21 days Dude! He says “Hey Beautiful Lady, you know I miss you….”

Crickets…..that’s all I got for him!

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:28 am

Well I like doing a little extra for a man…say cooking. That ain’t my thing to do naturally but I enjoy doing it for a cause. I do though like it when the scale tips to his favor in the kitchen. That’s sexy.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:29 am

yep C it is!

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:30 am

Leggs – You’re doing well with giving him silence. I think the longest a dude held out on me was for about 9 days….I was livid. Needless to say we were done before even getting started. I didn’t say so during the 9 day hold out but when he came back, I gave it to him. Sorry, I did. I tried but I was hot.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:31 am

Lady – sho nuff

Okay, Imma have to work today.

Randyt (what do you talk about after sex...or do you talk??)

May 23rd, 2012
11:31 am

Actually, I think men miss a lot of “intimacy” by not be willing or able to cook. Women I have known seem very impressed when a man is right there in the kitchen with them. As I have said before, one of the things I do well is the help with the cooking, slow dancing with a glass of wine in the kitchen as dinner simmers…and yes, for the record a lot of memorable events have occurred right there in the kitchen floor, table, etc. because my azz wasn’t parked on the couch snoozing or playing PS3.

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
11:31 am

disco – What you said in your post is what my friends that liked older dudes used to say. I was just not ready to put out, or at least not like the way they wanted and expected. An older guy I worked with one summer in college said he didn’t have time to teach and I was certain I needed teaching at the time. I’ve always been more comfortable with someone I could grow with and was raised the way I was – he’s the gentleman, I’m the lady. Not so settled that they are “tired” before their time and have some spunk. Like looking for a needle in a haystack, I know, but I got what I wanted! Oh, and more old dudes smoked too, which I hate and now more and more have health issues earlier. I’ll deal with health issues that come up after marriage(in sickness & in health) but I’m not dealing coming out of the gate.

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
11:34 am

Leggs – That’s another thing, I’ve always been downright silly and crazy! Work and school are for seriousness and deepness – I love to clown and be free after hours!!LOL!!!

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
11:35 am

And disco, a cheesburger from scratch…no pre-made patties in my kitchen (lol).

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:38 am

Off topic: There’s a lady that transitioned to our group a few months back and really I’ve not had a good start with her. I don’t know the group she came from but obviously she was spoiled. I had to school her on how things work here. You do your own work around here. Well, because I’ve had to “set her straight” a ocuple of times, she ain’t feeling me. Cool, cause I’m not feeling her either. Anyway, she’s the chairperson for some culteral event their having in the building today and came by all nice (any other time she’s a stank heffa) and asked me to attend. All I have for her is bite me. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. I don’t play those kind of games. You want to be a heffa, then let the games begin. I don’t get into exchange of words with folks because most times you’re gonna trip your own self doing that. Calm, cool, unrattled and collected is my policy and motto in the workplace. I can show you better than I can tell you. When you “need” something, don’t look for Celisea cause she don’t patronize folks that’s got a problem with her. The event today is all sorts of food from her culture…she’s from another country. All I can say is I’m taking my debit card to the cafe and buying my lunch. Don’t look for me at your event. And it ain’t just me. Another one of my teammates reported her to my manager so she called and asked me about my experience with her. She’s lazy and thinks because of the money she’s making we’re enslaved to her….I DON’T THINK SO. Not me anyway.

kimmie

May 23rd, 2012
11:38 am

Leggs – If I’m doing burgers at home, I hate the premade ones! Then I can’t add my own seasonings!

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
11:39 am

A man in the kitchen is indeed Sexy. You have a great tool, Randyt. Ummm, I mean the fact that you can cook. I had to clarify just in case swiss pops in.

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
11:40 am

I have always been attracted to men that were a little older than me, since i found most to be more mature, settled and their thinking leveled with mine. My soul is old, spirit is humbled and I’m well rounded so I want the same in return. I personally say if you got and old soul, young spirit, and fit body then I can work with that. Now with that said I can’t do the viagra popping, or wheelchair bound that just too for me, neither am I down for teaching some new-new how to hit the bullseye! No for the foolishness that can tip the scale both ways when it comes to age it’s not a primary factor. Too many other things to consider than age alone anyway.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:40 am

chuckle c!!!!!! i certainly got that eff ‘em lol!

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:44 am

Lady – Exactly. It took me years to learn how to play the game, especially in corporate. It gets ruthless. Snapping on folks is the quickest way out the door. Calm cool and collected…and standing your ground…in the right way :)

I see old cats are winning today…hands down. Y’all can have the 20 and older (than 40). I’m taking a pass. I’ll do without and I’m serious about that. Like I said, my age, a couple of years older or younger. When I get to “that” age, I’m done.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:44 am

I have cheddar bacon potato soup today and chips……soothing oh and tea!

Mike P

May 23rd, 2012
11:45 am

Where’s everyone today? I was hoping to read peoples dating stories on the subject.

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:45 am

Lady – I had potato soup Monday. I’m headed down to grab a bite to eat and then I need to get some work done. I’ll be back later.

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
11:46 am

@ Randyt nothing is better than a man putting love on a meal for his woman or boothang. I love a man that can cook main course then have me for dessert!!

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 23rd, 2012
11:47 am

guess I will skip to my lou too C~ bbl!

Robert

May 23rd, 2012
11:48 am

“Do you think age matters at all?”

Yes, age does matter. All my blog buddies know how I feel. I hate to see a older man “Sugar Daddy” (40-50) dating a younger woman (20-30). I hate to see a older woman “Cougar” (40-50) dating a younger man (20-30). “Older Women” will give you the worms my Daddy would always tell me when I was growing up. lol

disco

May 23rd, 2012
11:50 am

kimmie – my youth was my hoodrat days. the biggest ballers were the best catches back then. I got with older dudes back then but not oldhead dudes. my changed view re the full fledge oldhead didn’t kick in until around 30.

C – re workplace issues. I swear just this morning I was wondering if I could get away with whooping a co-worker’s A on the weekend. I don’t work weekends. It would be straight off company time and property. I wonder….

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
11:52 am

disco – LOLOLOL….thanks for that laugh. That’s was funny as heck

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
11:59 am

disco – I needed that laugh. Almost made me flash back in day the to the fights scheduled after school once you stepped off the bus. Vaseline on face…hair pulled back, and earrings off. Don’t do it people don’t fight anymore they just sue! LOL

disco

May 23rd, 2012
12:03 pm

C – I wasn’t even trying to be funny. I swear I was looking for a loophole. there’s got to be a way.

BSV – I actually commented to my boss that the workplace would run a lot smoother if work were like school. just fight it out in the cafeteria, do your 3 days suspension and get on with your life. you all can probably tell that passive-aggressive conflict resolution isn’t my strong suit.

Brownsugarvixen

May 23rd, 2012
12:14 pm

disco- I do believe in talking it out first… but for some people you can’t just talk to them. You have to open up a fresh can whoopa** hospitality. After that ya’ll good, problem solved.

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
12:20 pm

Straight fighting right off the bus! Thank goodness I never had the privilege of riding a school bus. We fought in the bathrooms, in the stairwell, in the street, but never in the schoolyard (go figure).

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
12:23 pm

disco ~ if you’re looking for a loophole, go old school and have someone jump her (lol).

disco

May 23rd, 2012
12:28 pm

leggs – I was a walker too. I can’t imagine having to fight in the tight confines of the bus but it happened. I remember as early as elementary school knowing that if you left school and crossed the street you couldn’t get in trouble for fighting. btw – when I say in trouble, I mean with the school. in my family a kid almost never got in trouble for fighting. fighting was strictly encouraged. heck, I got one whooping for not fighting when I was in the second grade. after that I made sure to fight.

leggs again – re your loophole – child it’s so so so funny that you said that. thankfully I don’t live where I have family. lol. don’t think I haven’t had family members volunteer to drive down and take care of some things for me. I had an issue with a male neighbor where I went off and finally cursed him out. I then went home for the family reunion and told the tale. i had a gang of cousins ready to drive down and handle that.

single and happy

May 23rd, 2012
12:34 pm

@celisea, maybe you keep up with your clegg exercises. thought I might need viagra, turned out I just needed a new girl :-D

single and happy

May 23rd, 2012
12:37 pm

@Robert, not all older men are sugar daddies. A woman at any age saying I need a man to take care of me is my cue to say “on to the next one”.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
12:47 pm

Celisea....still digging William Levy, my "crossover"

May 23rd, 2012
12:47 pm

single and happy – Shamefully I had to google “clegg” but um, no not needed. I know you men believe woman have all sort of stuff falling out by 40 and just no elasticity down there but I know…for me…you couldn’t be “wronger”, as Lena said on Good Times. No hon, I’m nicely in tact. No kegels or none of that needed. There’s a lock and key on the honey pot. Only a few can or have figured out the code. Nuh uh, Celisea is not having NONE OF THAT. Sorry but you made me get all explicit and stuff…lol

No viagra eh? Bummer for those that need it. Maybe folks don’t “need it”, maybe it’s just time to shut it down. Hmmmmmm???

My point was, not sure where you got your theory from.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
12:48 pm

There are women nearly 60 that will put 20, 30, and 40 year olds in their place. Example (Dr. Ro)Rovenia Brock Phd. is 56 and look like she’s 32. Don’t take my word google her. I don’t talk for other guys but I would pause for her. Whom ever decide to chase the young girls can do so I’ll gravitate toward the mature woman everytime.

Lady~

May 23rd, 2012
12:50 pm

OAN: the Get Schooled blog is poppin! well the Dekalb County one wow where is cba @

ok brb

disco

May 23rd, 2012
12:52 pm

BF – I overheard someone say the other day that Aretha franklin must hate tina turner. I had to laugh when I heard it because it’s definitely true that some folks age better than others.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
12:56 pm

disco:

That’s exaclty the point I’m making, no matter what’s your age it’s how you age.

Leggs

May 23rd, 2012
12:57 pm

A co-worker of mine is 63 and she can definitely pass for 42-44!!! Thank goodness we have the pigmentation we have, cuz black don’t crack…

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
12:58 pm

I can spell “exactly” when I have to……LOL

SexyCool

May 23rd, 2012
1:02 pm

The difference between taking care of yourself and not and what effect that has on your body can clearly be seen in the Franklin/Turner example.

And it is why I advise all of my young employees that now is the time to start taking care of their bodies. Maintenance will always be easier than repair and/or replace.
;-)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 23rd, 2012
1:02 pm

Leggs you’re absolutely right, it’s something about that dark skin.