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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Exes and friendship?

When a relationship ends, you usually don’t just stop caring about the person. There are lingering emotions and sometimes attraction. So does this mean forming a friendship is a bad idea or the best idea?

When you go from friends to lovers then back to friends again, how should the dynamic change?

A lot of us have a particular ex who we prefer to pretend does not exist anymore, but what about the former loves who you really want to stay connected to? Those great people who turned out not to be a great match for you but you want in your life. Is it naive to expect a friendship or can it be done with good expectations and communication?

How many of your exes are you still friends with and have kept communication?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

217 comments Add your comment

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:27 pm

Kimmie – LOL

Lady – WillieD tryna make me cut up. You know that’s what he does best…lol

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:29 pm

Kimmie – The Grey? Okay, Imma have to check that out. Not scary is it? Y’all know I can’t do scary movies…lol I took my mom to the hair salon last week. When I got there they were watching the movie with the chick from Little Red Riding Hood/Big Bad Wolf (can’t think of the title), where this man kidnaps her first and then her sister. Everybody thinks she’s crazy and she’s on a hunt for him and her sister. Chile I was on the edge of my seat. I had to pull out a game on my phone. I couldn’t watch it all.

kimmie

May 22nd, 2012
2:32 pm

Celisea – It is suspenseful in kind of a scary way.

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
2:33 pm

On topic…the proble that sometimes does not get recognized is that just because you are cool with telling others about your relationship does not mean that your spouse/SO is cool with it! One of those painful lessons I have had to learn is just because my life is an open book does not mean that the person I am with’s life is also. Better to err on the side of discretion…safer and keeps one out of trouble.

As a salesman’s sign in his office said. “Sampson killed ten thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an Ass…fifty thousand sales are killed daily with the same weapon”.

kimmie

May 22nd, 2012
2:34 pm

Lady – Both of those sound like they would be good.

Mr. Unknown

May 22nd, 2012
2:34 pm

I’m sure this has been discussed already

So does this mean forming a friendship with an ex is a bad idea or the best idea? Depends on the level of love, how it ended, where did you guys start as.

I think because your ex possess a lot of your personal secrets that it feels easy to confide in that person again even after the relationship is over but its a bad idea. It comes down to respect for your current partner. Lakers suck!

Elijah

May 22nd, 2012
2:34 pm

I agree with Mr. Jake… Topics like this always reveal a lot about the character of a person;s relationship and the person themselves. I have ex’s who I have remained friends with for years. I do not listen to relationship problems you will have to consult someone else. past Now that we are older some of my ex’s are no longer are attractive to me.

Celisea- You can tell me…

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 22nd, 2012
2:35 pm

Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB

May 22nd, 2012
2:36 pm

For the record…I definitely believe in keeping the business of your relationship within your relationship. I commenting on continuing to have friendships with exex, I don’t tell’em nothing bout the inner workings.

Willie Dynamite

May 22nd, 2012
2:37 pm

Cel- for the record I try keep my horns retracted as well. Sometimes tho they have a mind of there own. Stay away from the virgin drinks and the shirley temple. Shiiiid that’s just small talk . We looking forward to the shoe show hahaha

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 22nd, 2012
2:38 pm

my issue isn’t the ex mate its maybe a current mate keeping in touch with former mates family yeah disco hashed this out and many folks do this I am from the country and see it all too often however I don’t subscribe to it. I never hung around my ex husband family six years strong. I will compromise with a current mate to a degree. give and take

Elijah

May 22nd, 2012
2:42 pm

Did someone say shoe show…. I need to get in on this meet and greet..

If your wife or woman cannot come to you with the problem, then sir u already have a problem. If I have to worry about someone else getting it, I need to step right away.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 22nd, 2012
2:42 pm

alright folks!!!! C hold it down with those fiyah shoes honey!!!!! hahaha

peace out~ ;)

disco

May 22nd, 2012
2:42 pm

Elijah – re the ex no longer being attractive. I definitely have to admit that I do get gassed up when my exes compliment me. more so than when a run of the mill new guy compliments me. there’s something about them having known the before (little skinny 100 pound flat-chested project me) and the after (got my grown woman weight and professional on and you can’t tell me nothing me) and knowing they were checking for the before and feeling the after is a big ego boost.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:43 pm

Hey there Elijah! So I just beckon and you come? I LOVE it :) :) Right now I have nothing to tell :) I’m leaning on you though if gonna be my blog boo…check yes or no

kimmie

May 22nd, 2012
2:44 pm

See all the “can’t discuss this, can’t discuss that,can’t do this, can’t do that” – why not make it easy on you and your SO and just don’t do it?

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:45 pm

WillieD – If I come, I’m wearing flip flops :) Ha!!

Elijah

May 22nd, 2012
2:48 pm

Hello Ms. Lady!

C- Your Blog man is here!

Often times it seems once we are in relationships we expect someone to give up something especially if they are still communicating with an ex’s or remain friends with the ex’s family. You need to ask yourself is it me or is it something I see in him/her that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:49 pm

By Lady :)

I have a friend that booked a hotel room for one of his boys. You can image the backlash from the wife and the uproar at home. Well he called me upset. He said he told the truth and wasn’t going to continue to have her going around and around with it…said he was done discussing. So…..I listened and let him finish. Then I told him first and foremost, if he wanted to stay married, marriage comes first. I didn’t really get into the hotel room issue (cause frankly I wasn’t sure either) but I just said no matter how innocent you are or she for that matter in her issues, you have to do things conducive and that keeps both happy. So if booking a hotel room is a problem, talk to her about it first or don’t do it at all. I told him being a woman I can imagine how it feels getting left with it on the cc bill. His arguement was if he was doing something on the side he would have hid and took another route. But that wasn’t the first time I had to tell him, check with your honey first.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 22nd, 2012
2:51 pm

Elijah you so right it is a “me” issue that is why I have dealt with it………..its been okay (nothing suspect) lol Hey there too!!!!

Bye C LOL!

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
2:54 pm

Alright now Elijah, don’t have ole Celisea growing weak in the knees. Your coming out of lurking at the call gives me the blog heebee jeebees :)

So you checked yes?

disco

May 22nd, 2012
2:58 pm

Celisea – boy oh boy. the creep cover up stories I could tell. once many years ago a female friend borrowed my apartment to creep on her man. it was a hookup after the club and in the meantime I went to her house. how come her man came home while I was there. he wasn’t living there at the time and didn’t have a key but it was mad awkward being up in there while he was banging on doors and windows trying to get in. another friend was out creeping one night and I guess she had a close call. my phone rang in the middle of the night and she asked me to wake up so she could give me the details that I needed to cover for her. the funny thing is that she kept saying “are you up? are you awake?” guess she wanted to make sure I got the story straight.

Willie Dynamite

May 22nd, 2012
2:59 pm

As for the who/what/when and how much you discuss about your relationship; I don’t place much stock in any of it personally. At the beginning and end of the day we have to work it out together. Whether your confidant is an ex, therapist or church pastor if we can’t move forward then it really doesn’t matter. To each their own.

kimmie

May 22nd, 2012
3:02 pm

C – One should avoid even the appearance of impropriety. It should not be left up to me, as a wife, to have to figure in my head “well if he WAS up to something, he wouldn’t be so brazen as to put it on the cc bill, WOULD HE?” The mind is a powerful thing. It can have you imagining all kinds of things going on.

I trust you until you give me a reason not to. If there are too many times I have to sit down and figure things out, at some point I am being played. Don’t even mess with me like that. When things are on the up and up, your mind is at ease and your SO keeps it that way by their actions.

kimmie

May 22nd, 2012
3:05 pm

disco – I covered for a friend ONE TIME, fresh out of college, and I never did it again for anyone! My friends know don’t get me involved in their messes!! I’m not getting shot in the crossfire!!!

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
3:05 pm

I would agree with this with a caveat, “If your wife or woman cannot come to you with the problem, then sir u already have a problem”. This is true but two things that need to be considered before following this path, 1) if you start confiding in others, you may soon have a BIGGER problem, and 2) the only people who don’t have problems are usually in a cemetary somewhere…everyone else has them. This confiding can make small problems big ones more often than the reverse. ( I may have a t-shirt or two on this…let me look).

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:07 pm

disco – LOL…that’s funny asking if you’re awake. I tell you that just seems like so much work keeping stuff straight. Just not worth it…IMO I guess back then or during that time, to them it was…

For this dude, honey I was a constant for him bouncing things off of me or as he said, I was the right that kept him straight. I will never forget when he introduced me to his wife, aunt and cousins. Boy did I get the cold shoulder. I told him that came from prior shenanigans. Of course he denied… Oh, how about him coming by the house and doing lunch, bringing his son. He brought around me so much the kid started recognizing me. How about he jumped in my arms around his aunt and again, another awkward moment. He would call me for EVERYTHING. Most of the time it would be things he knew wasn’t right or would upset home and wanted to do but knew he shouldn’t. Sometimes he needed me to say “go home”… I know he didn’t “need” me like that but I just think he was so torn all the time and struggled with it. That’s the one I told the blog he told me when he married his wife he was really in love with another. The one he said he never got over moved to NY. Yeah, he ran with a pack of wolves…yessiree. So many times he’s asked me to hang with him and wolves but I don’t because I don’t want anyone to ASSUME anything so I ALWAYS declined…hanging with the wolf pack. Nuh uh.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:09 pm

Kimmie – I’m just seeing your 3:22…exactly. The Good books says shun the very appearance of evil. It’s not a matter of worrying about what others thinks or saying as long as I know it’s not wrong or I’m innocent. Sometimes you do have to do things for the sake of the other person…for the sake of their happiness and their sanity. If they mean that much to you.

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
3:10 pm

The rule of thumb here is that if you would be uncomfortable confiding with someone while your wife/husband/SO was standing right there, then you shouldn’t be telling it. In this, to use Dan’s phrase, it isn’t complicated.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:11 pm

Elijah did you leave? Come back and hang out with us :)

i'm swiss

May 22nd, 2012
3:12 pm

Randy — +1 on that 3:10

i'm swiss

May 22nd, 2012
3:13 pm

Willie D / Cel / Jake / any others — Did you have a specific day/time/location in mind?

Bluzgirl

May 22nd, 2012
3:14 pm

I do believe we all need someone to confide in about issues, but there is a line. You have to be careful how much you reveal and who you choose to talk to. My ex confided in one of his female friends about me and she ended up talking ish about me and disrespecting me. (This is the same friend I told ya’ll about that I made it difficult for him to talk to). You have to be respectful to your mate. There is a very fine line on too much information.

After today, I just have two more work days until I go to Charleston!!!!!

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
3:14 pm

i would never cover for anyone, nor would I expect them to cover for me. Dig your own grave dude, I’ll dig mine alone thank you.

DreamsMaterialize

May 22nd, 2012
3:15 pm

Hey how’s everyone doing? What are we talking about now? And is that Elijah from back in the day back on the set? What’s good man? I see Celly Cel done got a blog boo…I’m saying.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:16 pm

Swiss/Willie/Jake – If we’re talking next week Thursday? I don’t mind the location as long as getting there won’t cause me to be turned around…lol

Elijah

May 22nd, 2012
3:17 pm

Of course I check yes!

Celisea I am going out this Friday with some co-workers and they some of the ladies have that look in their eyes. I am letting you know in advance since I am your blog boo…

Robert

May 22nd, 2012
3:18 pm

@Randyt & Celisea….William Levy is my “cross over” – The reason we were on the phone was discussing how to help her resolve her marriage issues (abuse). She had enough of his bullsh!t and was looking for someone to help her remove her things from the house. She had no family and very few friends who live in ATL. I called the Police because I knew he was a coward and would take his fustrations out on her. When I arrived I put her in my car and confronted her husband. I knew he was a sucker and a coward so even if he had a gun he would be too afraid to use it. I stayed at the house until the Police arrived and escorted him away. I would do the same thing again if she needed help. That’s what friends are for.

Elijah

May 22nd, 2012
3:18 pm

What’s Mr. DM… All is well!
How are u and the kids doing?

disco

May 22nd, 2012
3:20 pm

randy – these days I wouldn’t cover for the creeper. I might give some “how to get away with your creep move” advice but I wouldn’t volunteer to lie to the significant over. these stunts were way back in the late teens early 20s. life has been pretty vanilla since then. lol.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:22 pm

Elijah – In real life you can do as you please :) My blog boo is strictly virtual. Tell me about this “look” though…sounds interesting. You got it like that ey? Don’t go trying to make Celisea jealous now. I don’t take to kind to other ladies. That’s real life…lol But again, it’s all virtual and all good. Have a blast Friday :) You can’t post your shenanigans in virtual land though.

Willie Dynamite

May 22nd, 2012
3:22 pm

Swiss- whenever after Tues and anywhere and I’m good.

DreamsMat – you gotta come hang out man.

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
3:23 pm

@ Robert, i have nothing but contempt for men who hit women…I think they are cowards and scum and chicken syhtes. Sounds reasonable to me in this instance. I just think that as a rule, people should not confide in others regarding their relationships…abuse excepted however.

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:23 pm

I’m not covering for grown folk shenanigans either. That’s too dangerous and too much work. Shoot don’t go telling me, I might start preaching at you….lolololol

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:25 pm

If you gentlemen don’t mind can we do Wednesday or Thursday? Friday I’m busy :)

i'm swiss

May 22nd, 2012
3:25 pm

You got a hot date on Friday, C? You cheating on us??? :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

May 22nd, 2012
3:27 pm

DreamsMat – you gotta come hang out man.
Willie I’m down. Weekends are usually best for me, although I might be able to make some room during the week after this week (school lets out). Where’s everyone trying to go?

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:27 pm

Robert – You know I’m against domestic violence. I just think that situation from what you posted seemed volatile and I’m not sure taking that on was the right thing to do. You could have been shot or killed. Just a good thing buddy didn’t take it there. You being in the grave would not have resolved or accomplished a thing.

Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)

May 22nd, 2012
3:27 pm

;-) I understand disco, I just am one of those guys who, if I have the urge to step out, believe that means I should not be in the relationship to begin with. I might walk out of the door (read relationship), but I won’t betray it. I’m kind of weird that way. Never seen a lot of sense in effing around…I’m either in or out, no in between (terribly old fashioned, I know).

Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"

May 22nd, 2012
3:29 pm

Swiss – I do :) You know I have nothing but love for all of you though :) I can’t do saturday, I have a hair appointment. And nobody bet’not say a thing about my hair. My appoint ain’t until Saturday. If y’all gonna love me, you have to take the good with the bad (i.e. nappy hair).