Exes and friendship?
When a relationship ends, you usually don’t just stop caring about the person. There are lingering emotions and sometimes attraction. So does this mean forming a friendship is a bad idea or the best idea?
When you go from friends to lovers then back to friends again, how should the dynamic change?
A lot of us have a particular ex who we prefer to pretend does not exist anymore, but what about the former loves who you really want to stay connected to? Those great people who turned out not to be a great match for you but you want in your life. Is it naive to expect a friendship or can it be done with good expectations and communication?
How many of your exes are you still friends with and have kept communication?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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217 comments Add your comment
Leggs
May 22nd, 2012
12:16 pm
@Randyt ~ the husbands doesn’t know their wives are confiding in him (lol). I don’t know one man that would put up with that.
Interesting him not disrespecting himself nor his ex’s by sleeping with them, but they in turn still ask for a tryst with him (lol).
Robert
May 22nd, 2012
12:22 pm
@Randyt – Most women will never tell their husbands they keep in contact with their exes especially if he knows about him from the past. She is usually trying to protect his fragile feelings and does not want her husband to feel jealous and confront the ex-man. If their marriage is in trouble most women will look for the security a “good friend” can offer (house, money, etc.). Ex-men can also be a deterrent if there is abuse in the relationship (physical/mental). For example I had a friend who got into a fight with her husband because he caught her on the phone talking to me. He slapped her. I called the Police for her protection and went to her home. I told her husband “if he wanted to hit someone hit me” . I am 6′2″ 220 lbs in shape. He thought about the consequences of his actions and left the house.
Willie Dynamite
May 22nd, 2012
12:24 pm
Afternoon All,
I don’t have many true exes as I’ve never really been the relationship type. I am friends with my sons mother as we were really good friends before our relationship. She is now married and I’m cool with her hubby as she is with my wife.
I am cool with a few old friend-girls but I try to respect the space. I know me and know that sooner or later……….
I’m still a flawed work in progress and every so often I’m on one but luckily I hadn’t completely went over the edge.
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
12:26 pm
wow robert 0_o serious stuff~
abc
May 22nd, 2012
12:26 pm
You should have caught a cap, Robert.
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
12:28 pm
@ Leggs re: “I don’t know one man that would put up with that”.
I have heard of some that would, and most of the time they ended up paying a horrible price. Divorce, painful breakup, sometimes even murder-suicide start with physical affairs. Physical affairs usually start with emotional affairs. Emotional affairs usually start with “confiding” or having inappropriate intimate conversations. It is what it is.
Willie Dynamite
May 22nd, 2012
12:35 pm
Robert – ironically I had a very similar conversation with the sons mom husband. Not that he actually hit her but the convo centered around being physical with my son and/or his mom. In hindsight I was probably out of line but that was/is my thought process.
disco
May 22nd, 2012
12:36 pm
abc – agreed. he should have caught a cap, a right hook, a baseball bat or something. dude had no business going to that man’s house.
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
12:37 pm
@ Robert…I understand that there are exceptions…and I understand that some, maybe many people are with someone they should not be with. I just know that it is human nature to typically default to the worst possible thought in the absence of all information. Like someone said earlier in a post…to paraphrase, “one should avoid placing themselves in problematic positions”. To me, emotional intimacy when one or both are involved is putting oneself in a”problematic position”. When i was raising my daughter, I taught her to try to never place herself in a vulnerable position…that it is better to not go to places alone with someone who she did not know very well, etc. Better safe than sorry.
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
12:37 pm
Robert – Why were the two of you on the phone? That seems inappropriate…IMO No matter the issues, I don’t think a third person should have any jurisdiction between a married couple. If it was that bad, why didn’t she call the police? Since you showed up, I’m curious what you would have done had the husband come at you….I’m just curious That was pretty ballsy of you.
Leggs
May 22nd, 2012
12:41 pm
Exactly Randyt. Most men probaby would not be comfortable knowing his wife is confiding in another or better yet, even has a best friend in a male other than himself. Most affairs start in the mind. An emotional affair can be worse than a physical one. Once she or he has the mind, the body usually follows.
Leggs
May 22nd, 2012
12:44 pm
Celisea ~ wouldn’t you agree most men (ex’s) know the stature of the current, body, weight, punk or no punk (lol). It’s that knowledge that lets one go over to another man’s place and confront him. He knew he could kick his arse, and not get his handed back to him.
disco
May 22nd, 2012
12:44 pm
C – I just had to google this william levy character. must say – not bad.
disco
May 22nd, 2012
12:46 pm
leggs – bump that. I think back on good times when james told JJ that home is the one place where you don’t break and run from nobody. if I had a man that got punked like that I’d leave him immediately.
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
12:46 pm
Leggs – I dunno.. I think he was ballsy and leaned on being the size he is. What I think he failed to consider is buddy could have been Prince’s height and a gun…lol He crossed the line talking to that man’s wife, he crossed the line calling the cops and he crossed the line showing up. I don’t know Robert personally and I don’t anything personal against him but FOR THIS SITUATION, HE SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT ASS TAPPED….and thoroughly.
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
12:48 pm
disco – William can get it ANYDAY with me. Anyday, any time, anywhere…lol The pics don’t do him justice. You need to see him on tv, THEN you’ll understand my fantasy
abc
May 22nd, 2012
12:48 pm
Weapons make up for any other deficiencies when comparing one man’s ability to whup another man’s behind. Confrontation in a scenario that was absolutely none of his business, that he shouldn’t have been a part of anyway, was foolish. It’s not as if it was child abuse. The woman could either defend herself of call the authorities as she saw fit. None of his business. He’s lucky he escaped unscathed — if the tale is even true.
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
12:48 pm
lol C~
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
12:49 pm
Hey there Lady…how goes it??
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
12:50 pm
if the tale is even true.<<<<I was pondering that to a bit………..just read like wow really…………….
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
12:50 pm
just chillin’ C!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
May 22nd, 2012
12:51 pm
Again, complicated.
I’m not a proponent of butting in other folks bidness, but no male – and I mean no.male. – strikes a female in my presence. Be it on the phone or in person.
That’s some cowardly isht no matter the relationship or my involvement in it.
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
12:51 pm
Yes IF it’s true, she probably wouldn’t have been slapped had she not been on the phone with another man.
Robert – In all your intentions and efforts for being a hero to your exes, consider your actions and put yourself in that man’s shoes. I don’t know ANY MANY ANYWHERE that’s cool with his wife turning to another man. Whether anything phsical is involved or not.
disco
May 22nd, 2012
12:53 pm
alright C. you sounding like that old janet jackson song.
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
1:02 pm
All things considered…right now, I would rather be lying on the beach in Cabo, beside a beautiful woman, and having the beach bartender bring me a marguerita every 20 minutes until he sees my head in a trash can…then every 40 minues after that. I really need a break.
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:03 pm
disco – Here you go…he’s a good one
http://twitter.com/#!/willylevy29/media/slideshow?url=pic.twitter.com%2FQ6MRZxqM
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:05 pm
here’s not he’s
Not sure why that entire link didn’t work. I took it from the url
Willie Dynamite
May 22nd, 2012
1:09 pm
RandyT- ditto, 2.5 wks and counting down. Ugh
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:09 pm
Lady – You said that like Bro Man from the “fif flo” (while holding up 4 fingers)…lol
Leggs
May 22nd, 2012
1:09 pm
James gave JJ some good advice, disco!
“I think he was ballsy and leaned on being the size he is.” – I thought he leaned on his size as well as the presence of the police.
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:10 pm
lol smh Love me some Martin!
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:11 pm
Well I won’t be downing drinks (I don’t think) but in less than two months I’ll be in Orlando with a bunch of other “grown folks.” Condos already reserved as well as rental cars. Like we always do, just about every night out on the town…eating, dranking and making merry
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:13 pm
yep summer is coming a vacations far far away along with concerts in between…………good times await~ enjoy C~
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:14 pm
Lady – I plan to
I’m still looking to get away to the Carribean later this year…awwwwwww sookie sookie nah
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:14 pm
no one is biting @ Frankie Beverly, The O’Jays(this is who I want to see), Patti LaBelle concert lol
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
1:14 pm
I wonder how many Delta skymiles to Cabo…and how many Marriott points I need? …or maybe Costa Rica?
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
1:16 pm
I’m still holding out for Thailand for a few weeks on the company dime…Phuket I hear you calling.
Willie Dynamite
May 22nd, 2012
1:19 pm
Cel – are you actually going to partake in the festivities this time? Just remember to use a spoon for dessert. Hahaha
Lady – Frankie Beverly and the Ojays? That may be a lil too grown for you. J/k
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:21 pm
WillieD – I can’t wait!!! Spooning dessert you say? Spooning dessert it will be then…lol
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:22 pm
lol I can handle it WD…….I want to see the O’Jays bad. I remember one december I skipped going to see them for a Falcons game. I shall be there July 19th………….lol
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
1:22 pm
Where are you heading WD?
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:24 pm
I just hope Aunt Flo either hold off or come ahead of my vacation. Talk about vacation blues…gheesh
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:25 pm
lol your dry humor is funny today C~ smh
Celisea....William Levy is my "cross over"
May 22nd, 2012
1:26 pm
Lady – That’s the worse. Carrying or stopping for “items” while sunning and funning
Randyt (what you talkin about Willis?)
May 22nd, 2012
1:31 pm
I’m shocked C…the commercials make it look like you will be wearing skimpy light colored shorts and doing sommersaults!!! Are you suggesting it isn’t like that?
When I was still married, we would do the family vacations, and it wasn’t usually hard to figure which sister-in-law had the curse.
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
May 22nd, 2012
1:31 pm
What up…had this discussion recently….I have two exes that I still speak with semi-regularly….every so often we talk, how’s life and whatnot, there is no discussion of a return to the old, just two friends checkin on one another….and yes ladies, the Mrs. knows about them…lol
Willie Dynamite
May 22nd, 2012
1:37 pm
RandyT – The Dominican
Cel – spooning huh? You cutting up now. Hahaha
Lady – what venue are they performing?
kimmie
May 22nd, 2012
1:37 pm
I think everyone does what they need to do to make their life as “uncomplicated” as possible. If you need to cut all ties and move on, so be it. If you are able to maintain and everyone involved is happy, do you.
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:38 pm
Chastain
Lady~Love will win the fight~
May 22nd, 2012
1:38 pm
Kimmie my thoughts exactly 1:37…………….