Dating: Do you like them enough?
If you are devoting all your free time to someone but you aren’t crazy about them, you are wasting time -theirs and yours. Single people do this all the time. To stave off boredom or loneliness, they selfishly bide their time until something better comes along.
The reality is that it doesn’t take a really long time to determine if you like someone enough to start a relationship with them. Men are especially adept at figuring this kind of thing out fairly quickly. Once they know, it’s only a matter of when they are ready to tell (and show) the woman that she is the “chosen one”.
How long does it take you to figure out if you like them enough to keep things going?
How can you avoid being someone’s “placeholder”? How can you tell when they like you enough?
HAPPY MONDAY!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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188 comments Add your comment
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
1:46 pm
Blackfoote – I actually like what you said and dig dudes that are attune with a woman and the ability to pace at a speed comfortable for her yet do-able for him. I agree it goes both ways and a man not wanting to be strung along either. There are some chicks out there doing the same thing….stringing dudes alone
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
1:47 pm
along
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
1:51 pm
Randyt – I was talking dating too, I probably tried to cover too much in my post and was confusing. I feel ya though!
C – I get it about taking your time to become physical. I’m talking about moving at a snails pace to get to know someone. You know, only trying to see me every 3 weeks or so, and calling 2 times a month. Then when I check you on it, you say you’re trying to take it slow.
And yeah, it is jacked up when a dude says after 2 or 3 years he’s not ready for marriage, but when you finally wise up and dump him, he meets someone new and marries her after 3 months! Never happened to me, but I’ve seen alot of it.
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
1:54 pm
@abc, there is a practical reason and benefit that comes from jumping out of a perfectly good airplane (not so sure about bungee though). If one can conquer that fear and just jump, not much will ever scare that person again. I know for me, not much (okay, broccoli maybe) scares me at all anymore. It is like getting past a divorce, you believe that you made ti to the ground once, you can do it again.
That is why I tried to ask out the female plastic surgeon in North Alabama whose face was on a billboard, and that is why I can ask a lady out I see in an elevator or in Publix…I know it hasn’t been fatal up to now and I will probably survive (besides, I’ve had the $hyte slapped out of me before and I made it through…although that lady in Bloomingdales in Manhattan did rattle me a bit).
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
1:54 pm
Kimmie – Now THAT’S what I call stringing along…lol That’s why I said we can move it slow..if it’s me needing and he’s cool with but we’re doing things to build trust and assurance of one another’s intentions. Just like I’m looking to be able to trust him, I want him doing the same thing (inspecting…for lack of a better term), making certain I’m a good fit for him. But yeah calling me every blue moon and labeling it “moving slow” is not gonna work. No can do…nosiree
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
1:56 pm
Randyt – If I may, how many kids/sibs do you have? I didn’t realize you had a son. I know you mentioned your adult daughter but I didn’t know you had other kids.
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
1:57 pm
@Celisea re: 1:54…exactly. There is a difference between “taking it slow” and recognizing one is just a backup plan…but I guess they sometimes look similar.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
1:59 pm
Cely I seem to find them with my eyes wide shut. Seriously the minutes after I have approched a lady, I can determine whether or not she may be a fit for me. On the other side, I have to present myself in a way that may make her feel I would be a fit for her. If I’m not her fit I would want her to tell me, without thinking it would hurt my feelings.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
1:59 pm
C – LOL!! I had a guy to try to do that mess with me, and had the nerve to get mad when he DID call and want to do something & I didn’t JUMP at the chance! I told him I already had plans!
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
2:01 pm
Three kids, all grown and on there own (well sometimes my daughter is on her own…she istrying to buy her first house). One has a Doctorate in Religious Studies, one has an MBA in International Business (and will make more than me this year), and one just got her first real professional job as a PR manager for a large medical practice. All have done well in spite of the bests attempts by their mother and I to totally screw them up.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:05 pm
Blackfoote – I’m not saying this to stroke you but I wish more men had your attitude. I can’t say if I know upfront whether or not I’ll like him but being able to scope out she’s a go for you but hanging back until she’s on the same page fully is commendable and not many will do that.
Kimmie – That’s why he got mad. Cause you called him on it and he knew you was dead on. Nothing sweeter than letting some joker know sorry buddy I moved on while you was strategically aligning or so called aligning all your women. Sorry boo boo, count me out. I’m not a part of your little string-along-gal plan
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:07 pm
Randy – That is fantab! Yeah, us parents have a way of screwing things up (to them)…lol That’s really great.
“All grown and on their own” sounds like music to my ears
disco
May 21st, 2012
2:08 pm
randy – re bungee jumping – classic. lol.
kimmie – that’s called “grooming the groom” and I was once a groom groomer. in my 20s marriage wasn’t on my radar. a couple of guys left me and married the next chick after me.
randy – re the offspring making more money. my baby bro is an engineer and when he got that first job making more than me I have to admit that I was feeling some kind of way. all I could think was to be that young making that much paper.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
2:11 pm
disco – Yep, cleaning him up for someone else!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
2:11 pm
Women that string you along. There’s no riding out the storm with them (moving slow), they have to have a steady dose of reality checks. Sure I had one ask me was I a patient guy and my answer was yes. Throughout the ordeal (months have passed) she steadily kept asking me am I still being patient until I wised up and figured I wasn’t the man she wanted.
Lady~
May 21st, 2012
2:15 pm
TMZ is reporting that Whitney Houston’s ex-boyfriend, Ray J, was “almost physically removed from the Billboard Music Awards last night after angry members of her family ordered their security to get him away from them.”
According to the website, Whitney’s sister-in-law and manager Pat Houston was upset because her niece Bobbi Kristina and other family members were seated next to Ray J, the person Pat believes was a bad influence on Whitney.
Minutes before the tribute to Whitney, Pat reportedly asked her security to remove Ray J from his seat, but he refused to budge.
The website says Pat’s security summoned hotel security, along with several uniformed officers to physically remove Ray J.
But apparently, Pat had a change of heart, possibly to avoid public drama, and decided to let it go
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
2:21 pm
It don’t take long to figure this stuff out, most people will show and tell right from the begining.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:23 pm
Nope it does not. True colors always come to surface. And if a person is “that good” your gut and intuition will give you the boost in learning what’s there that doesn’t sit well.
abc
May 21st, 2012
2:28 pm
Rational fear is good; irrational fear is bad. Rational fear == respecting that which can kill or maim, such as skydiving. Irrational fear == every man/woman is a dog that’s trying to take advantage of you, such is paranoia.
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Willie Dynamite
May 21st, 2012
2:30 pm
Afternoon All,
Interesting reading some of the posts. I guess I’m in the minority because my dating life has never been as cut and dry or black and white. I fully enjoyed dating and interacting on whatever level.
Elijah
May 21st, 2012
2:30 pm
I know I want Celisea…and I am to old to be waiting…
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:30 pm
Diva’s post asked about datng someone and you’re not crazy about them….. I have a story.
I have a cousin that’s been married for what, 25 years or so? She was dating this really really cute dude out of high school and just thought he was the answer to her future…lol Well turns out he was a snot. He just knew he was all of that. Anyway, she’s about sick of him and him dragging his feet as well as not being too happy that he’s going off to college. Well she meets another guy and they date a couple of years. In the meantime, the old boyfriend is whooping it up at school and you know hitting chicks up left and right. She’s here, dating the dude she’s not that crazy about. Well they date, like I said a couple of years. Turns out she’s liking him more, he’s a decent dude. Well he asks her to marry him….he does the whole ritual of asking her daddy for her hand in marriage…so forth and so on. Anyway, cute dude comes back in town on summer break (couple years passed). Calls her on her line in her room. She tells him she’s getting married that next weekend. He’s shocked and just don’t believe she’s gotten on his cuteness and was able (yes…able) to move on….lol She said he’s busy saying “riiight, you know you love me…blah blah blah.” She said I told him okaaay, if you say so. She said she tells him she’s gotta run and to call her next Saturday but on their house landline (cause she was having the line in her room disconnected). Well, he calls. He calls her mom’s house and asks for her. Her mom answers and says “I’m sorry so and so got married earlier today” Dontcha just love it.
Leggs
May 21st, 2012
2:31 pm
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. – Ummmm, Ok!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
2:32 pm
The woman I appreciate and have the most respect for is the one that tell me, I’m not interested lets remain friends if you would like to. This is all I ask for is a lady with a back bone like that.
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
2:32 pm
@ BF re the “string along”…ouch!!! I guess it may be responsible for some dry spells for me, but if after the third date or so, if either of us is still wanting to see others then I read it to mean that a connection just isn’t happening. I’m not sure if that means I have jumped off the train too soon, but like I said, I’m not much of a pursuer.
OT…if any of you watch “Missing”, what did you think about the season conclusion last week. Why did I feel I was channeling my hero, Jack Bauer?
Between watching Ashley Judd (I used to watch bits of KY basketball just to see the camera pan over her in the audience, LOL)…and seeing streets I have walked in paris, I enjoyed that show. Good ending but still not “Jack”.
disco
May 21st, 2012
2:34 pm
celisea – biz markie said it best. he caught the vapors.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:34 pm
True story. All of us met him…the cute one Chauncey. My my my, he was a hottie. Too bad so sad for him. She moved on with the nice guy. I don’t think she’s regretted it a day since.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:35 pm
disco – lol…yep
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:35 pm
Elijah – I ain’t no spring chicken but I’m not too old to wait. How old is too old…sir?? Humor me
Leggs
May 21st, 2012
2:41 pm
ARed says hello to all of Blogsville!
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
2:43 pm
C – Yeah, he was smelling himself. And they were young then too – she had the time to date and learn to love nice guy. When you’re 30 something, nobody got time for all that. Cutey had some nerve!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
2:45 pm
Randyt if I’m getting strung along and realize it I’d rather have dry spells everytime.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:47 pm
Kimmie – Yes he was smelling himself…lol The thing about giving folks a chance is the guy she married is just sooo cool. He’s a man’s man. He takes care of her mom about as good as she does. When her dad was dying the took turn caring for him. Her dad and husband grew very close. She could never have kids so they adopted three. He’s so soft spoken and quiet by nature but it’s funny when he’s getting on the kids (typical teenage stuff), you see another side to him. I know I’m on the outside looking in but they always seem happy and do EVERYTHING together. Grocery shop, school/clothes (for the kids) shop, everything.
Lady~
May 21st, 2012
2:49 pm
Waving @ Elijah!!!!!!! LOL C!!!
yall be easy! 4 more days! #yay
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
2:50 pm
Alright Lady, we’ll catch up offline for next week…see ya
Velonese
May 21st, 2012
2:52 pm
It’s nice to not have to worry about these things (props feet up) life is good.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
May 21st, 2012
2:55 pm
Right behind you Lady. Sayonara.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
2:56 pm
C – He sounds cool. Alot like my hubs, as a matter of fact. Sometimes when you take a chance it works out. I think the key is giving the chance to the right one.
It worked out perfect, right down to the phone call after the wedding! Reminds me of when my ex called me – as I was heading out the door to my 1st day with my now hubs. I just laughed when I heard the answering machine pick up! Priceless!!
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
2:58 pm
@ Velonese, LOL…my version of “props feet up” is that warm fuzzy feeling that comes when unsolicited calls from headhunters and job offers pop up
(maybe three or four in just the last month). It is a comfortable “feet up” feeling to know that I could suggest a physically impossible place they can stick my job if they push me too far 
Yes, life IS good!!!
disco
May 21st, 2012
3:00 pm
kimmie – I thought of that famous childhood retort – “that’s what you get”. lol.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
3:01 pm
Kimmie – Sometimes that’s the flip side to taking what’s behind door #1. It could be a wad of nothing and then again, it would be a diamond in the rough. Folks think you’re gonna hang on forever. Sometimes it’s better than having “the talk”…lol Just pick up and move on to big and better. Yes, taking a chance is risky but sometimes the reward outweighs the risk.
Glad for you.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
3:06 pm
C – Meant 1st date, not day!!
Does anyone know what’s up with Cutey these days, Celisea? Just curious.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
3:12 pm
Kimmie – No clue here
Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)
May 21st, 2012
3:13 pm
News today: no comment…
Father of 30 struggles to pay child support
11:46 am May 21, 2012, by George Mathis
“Be fruitful and multiply” sounds like quite the party until the child support bill arrives.
Just ask poor Desmond Hatchett, a Tennessee volunteer if there ever was one.
WREG-TV in Memphis reports Hatchett, a minimum wage worker from Knoxville, recently asked the court for help in making his child support payments. The 33-year-old man has fathered 30 children by 11 women and is having trouble keeping up with the bills.
Half of his paycheck, the maximum allowed by Tennessee law, is garnished. Some mothers receive $1.49 a month.
How did this happen?
“I had four kids in the same year. Twice,” says Hatchett, who is better with the ladies than the ladies are at picking men.
Hatchett was last in court in 2009 when he had only 21 children and he said he was “done” with making babies.
GOOD GRIEF…DUDE IS CHANNELING TRAVIS HENRY…EVERY YEAR.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
3:16 pm
Celisea – I heard my ex is up to his same ole, same ole. One of my best friends used to work with him and introduced us. She said he called a few months after the wedding, talking the same ish.
kimmie
May 21st, 2012
3:17 pm
Randty – I heard about that. SMH. Everyone is at fault, the dude and the women. The kids are innocent.
disco
May 21st, 2012
3:18 pm
randy – that little tidbit is making the rounds. that poor guy’s face/name is all over media outlets everywhere. for the sake of fairness someone ought to print a list of all the baby momma’s. well, all except for the mother(s) of child #1 and child #2. all other baby momma’s, shame on them.
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
3:20 pm
Kimmie – It’s funny how the ones that were just so cute and everybody wanted or they just knew they could get end up being the ones that are nothing. Being all cute and ho-ing gets old. Folks want more out of life than just a pretty face and a healthy dose of schlong…lol That mess gets old. Just like the cute dudes in school hanging on the hall. They take it from the halls to the alleys. Cute runs but so long. If it fads (no matter what), one might want to invest in something more solid…lol
Jake a.ka. Sweet Peeda Jeeda TWB
May 21st, 2012
3:21 pm
I see Mr. babymaker has made to the blog topic today, he for real famous now…not that play play famous in the media…what up peeps
Celisea....life is good :)
May 21st, 2012
3:22 pm
30 children by 11 women and he’s 33???? I’m just SMH. I don’t even have words.