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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Do you like them enough?

If you are devoting all your free time to someone but you aren’t crazy about them, you are wasting time -theirs and yours. Single people do this all the time. To stave off boredom or loneliness, they selfishly bide their time until something better comes along.

The reality is that it doesn’t take a really long time to determine if you like someone enough to start a relationship with them. Men are especially adept at figuring this kind of thing out fairly quickly. Once they know, it’s only a matter of when they are ready to tell (and show) the woman that she is the “chosen one”.

How long does it take you to figure out if you like them enough to keep things going?

How can you avoid being someone’s “placeholder”? How can you tell when they like you enough?

HAPPY MONDAY!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

188 comments Add your comment

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
11:28 am

@ kimmie re: “I always know pretty quickly if I am interested and if I’m not, I throw that fish back in the water. I’m not wasting my time or his. I’ve never regretted doing it.”

RIGHT! A lady I was involved with (that eventually threw me back said somthing that hurts but is so true “if it isn’t right for one, it isn’t right for either” ;-) I think that has tempered my approach. If a woman doesn’t want me (or me her for that matter), I’m not going to try to change her mind. One thing that is almost a universal truth, you can’t MAKE someone love you…it eaither is or it isn’t. Life is that way sometimes.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:29 am

Lady – Good for you. Sounds like a good time :) We should aim for next week. You’re off then right?

disco – On the honest dude. You know I can appreciate a man’s upfront honesty but the only reason I want it is to be positioned to do what’s best for me. I don’t get his reaction. He was honest with you, allowing you to be honest with him. That’s all both parties can ask for. Frankly I wish more men would be honest and just state their intention. Of course, getting in would be a bit more limited but then the upside is all hearts and minds are clear and on the same page and have an understanding.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
11:31 am

(dayum typos, wish this thing had a spellcheck)

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:31 am

Slim – Okay. I tuned to the story but I think I missed some of it. I did see Will getting huffy…lol

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:32 am

Yes May 30th is perfect! Loca Luna (550-C Amsterdam Avenue,
NE Atlanta) you name a time sis thx for the reminder hope this venue suffice

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:32 am

its off piedmont C

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:34 am

May 30th is perfect…nothing on my calendar. You say off Piedmont? That might be even better. Okay I’m gonna put on my calendar for say 12:30?

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:34 am

when a chick finds herself caught up he can say “I told you when you met me that I didn’t want anything serious

disco – EXACTLY! It’s almost like the male disclaimer they throw out there. In the beginning some chicks would take that as “well he doesn’t want anything serious RIGHT NOW….but he’ll change his mind because I’m just that great of a catch…i’m going to feed em, and fugg him into a relationship and wanting all the things he said he didn’t want” :lol:

Cel – I’m about to start eating out less and bringing my lunch more often to work. That stuff starts to add up quickly. I can easily spend anywhere from $20 – $40 a week on just grabbing some quick, whether it’s breakfast in the morn, lunch or some fast for dinner. I’m hoping to buy a new car by the end of the year ;-)

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
11:35 am

Off topic, I just read that the number two draft pick Reggie Griffin III’s fiance has already picked out a a new Bentley and he hasn’t even signed a contract yet with the Redskins. That is going to one expensive toy (and I’m not talking about the Bentley).

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:37 am

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:40 am

Slim – Me too. For me and the kid it’s a butt load I was spending a buttload just eating out alone. Paying for her lunch everyday, me buying breakfast and lunch for me everyday and then dinner out for the both of us. So right now, no parking = $120 month, less eating out has been a savings around $60 a month. I did have a weak moment and almost decided to look for a new top for church after getting the tv but I thought to stick with saving….lol Stick with it Slim. I’m hanging in there myself.

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
11:40 am

Randyt – You are so right, can’t make nobody love you! You can’t “nice” someone into loving you either.

I’ve also found that if you just pay attention, people reveal an awful lot about themselves early on. People talk about meeting the representative and all that, but looking back you’d be surprised at a lot of stuff that was presented to you in the beginning that you didn’t see or didn’t want to see. Those dudes that I felt were stringing me along and using me as a placeholder actually showed me signs early on. I got better at not only spotting those signs, but taking them at their word, literally.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:41 am

Typos…my bad

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
11:42 am

A small bit of advice here…if someone says they are not interested in an LTR…listen. If someone says they are…listen. Both can be scary because they are both taking out the ‘personal’ element from the situation and just setting rules. I’m not much in to rules ;-)

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:44 am

I dunno, if I feel a dude is TRYING to string me along, I just develop so much disdain for that person that I can’t even be friendly. Just the thought of placing me in a lineup with others just does something to me. I don’t understand the juggling and game playing. At this age why can’t a person just say it’s bad timing or you’re not the one or I not feeling the vibe? Stringing people along is just selfish. Cut off the straglers and go with what you feel is solid. You can’t have your cat and eat it too. You can’t keep a person on hold while you try and work something out with someone else. I’m not sticking around at the first sign of game playing. Nope, I’m out.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:45 am

cake…NOT CAT…I have must have Steven Q. Stanley on the brain…lol

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:45 am

On topic: Actions are inspired by words & Actions are louder than words. You will know bc I believe in the writing being on the wall. Its what you do with the writing. If you chose to stay know that you will be strung along til you are replaced~ #mytake

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:50 am

yeah being direct is key C~ easy said than done…….though. but still I feel one will know when ‘ish don’t add up……that rotation is timely and you don’t get all the time. (inconsistencies) but if a person is honest its no misleading~

disco

May 21st, 2012
11:53 am

lady – speaking of strung along until replaced. I know a chick who was the sidepiece for many years to a married guy. they had a kid together and she just loved that man. fast forward and his wife dies and chick is all excited thinking her time has finally come. how come he upped and married somebody else. she was crushed and pulled a what’s love got to do with it. dropped her kid off with dude and the new wife and she rolled out.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:53 am

Lady – Exactly. You can’t really depend on going in and expecting honesty. Most times you have to rely on gut and intuition. It’s just icing on the cake (for me), if a dude says exactly what he’s looking for…whether I’m it or not. That just saves us time, energy and probably from getting into ill feelings.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:55 am

disco it happens nothing new~

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:56 am

And hanging around waiting for a dude to finish off one relationship while he’s benefiting from you is what I’d call being d!ckmatized, sadly.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:59 am

You can’t have your cat and eat it too

I’m just sitting back waiting for swiss or For Real to pop out on that one. :lol:

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
12:00 pm

LOLOLOL @ “d!ckmatized” that is funny!!!!! and so accurate!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 21st, 2012
12:06 pm

I let them know after a few weeks in what I want with them. Some have let me know I’m moving too fast for them, when I slow down they ask me what happened to my intentions. Have to explain I like you but time is not on my side for long engagements. You’re into me or you’re not, if not don’t play just say it then I wont ask for anymore of your time. Nothing hard for grown ups to do and nobody gets hurt.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
12:10 pm

On a more serious note, sometimes ‘caution’ can be confused with a lack of interest. This is where I have a problem with a certain characteristic of the female psyche called “over thinking”. I pretty much play with my cards face up. If I like someone, I tell them. If I don’t, I leave.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 21st, 2012
12:14 pm

Randyt exactly to the 12:10 post.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
12:15 pm

O/T: Okay, talk about weird…I just got a call from the Bill Cunningham show in New York and the lady said it was regarding my ex but of course I could not talk to her since i’m at work. I told her to call me back after 5. What in the hell could this be about?! I’m not sure what the premise of that show is or what I would need to talk to them about. :shock:

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
12:15 pm

Randy I don’t think its rocket science or takes many months of “What could it be” Where is this going? if you will……but maybe

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
12:17 pm

Randyt/Blackfoote – Then why can’t you just say you’re moving slow for the sake of being cautious rather than allowing the person to believe you’re not interested or finding the right spot for them in an imaginery line-up? I know I’m one that if I can’t get answers and feel a person is not being direct then my thinking or overthinking goes the other way and I’m taking the next exit. I can build trust easier if a person talks to me rather than have me blind when really what I’m blind to is not another person but just you needing space and time to feel more assured.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
12:18 pm

ther than have me blind when really what I’m blind to is not another person but just you needing space and time to feel more assured.<<<<<so true~

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
12:20 pm

Lady – Communication is key. Doing things the way you’re use to doing things (both male and female), I’m sure have caused many potential relationships to end prematurely.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
12:23 pm

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 21st, 2012
12:43 pm

I communicate my interested from the begining it’s all I can do. If a lady show me interest, give me the indication I’m the only one she wants to see, why the hold status(not talking about sex just emotions) when both parties agree a relationship could be attained. I go slow because it’s caution I know she feels. At the same time if the feelings aren’t mutual the ship sinks.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
12:49 pm

@ Celisea re: “Then why can’t you just say you’re moving slow for the sake of being cautious rather than allowing the person to believe you’re not interested” …I can’t speak for BF, but I have done/said exactly this, and somehow the other party still thinks I am playing a game with her head. I’m not that complicated. If I say “I am interested in kowing you better”, I’m interested…If I say that “I’m not sure this is the right thing for either of us”, I don’t see a future, if I say, “I think I like you a lot but I am going slow” it means “I think I like you a lot but I am going slow”.

The message is clear, not in code….I swear it ;-)

abc

May 21st, 2012
12:49 pm

I’ve known plenty of guys that will string along with a chick they don’t really like that much, just because otherwise they think they’ll get lonely or something. I know a couple of chicks that will go out and be intimate with men they know nothing long term is there, just because they’re bored. So, it goes both ways. Some folks like it better that way. Too bad they don’t come with obvious disclaimers.

I’ve done it myself, both on the giving and receiving end.

disco

May 21st, 2012
12:55 pm

BF – re slow and caution. dude (mr. 4 years from now) asked what my last name was and I said it’s too soon for him to know. he was taken aback by that and I actually understand but I also understand that you can get too much personal information with just a first and last name if you are of a mind to.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
12:56 pm

Blackfoote – Okay…gotcha it’s more so moving slow for her. I’m sort of there with you. I’ve been seeing someone and so far it’s been ummm…okay…not bad at all :) But I’m not one for jumping in the sack quickly but I do like for things to progress. I think Kimmie said it…it don’t take eternity for me to know I want to see where things can go.

Randyt – LOL…Okay I hear you. You said it plainly. I guess it’s on her then to move along your pace. Sometimes us women (okay I’ll speak for me) can hear a different message. Honestly it’s not mishearing it’s just so many play games that I know I for one don’t want to be a victim. I don’t play the victim but I also don’t want to be a victim. Alongside communication being key, I guess patience should be added.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:01 pm

To abc’s 12:49 comment.

I agree that this happens a lot, maybe most of the time. But one size does not fit all and it just never felt right for me. I’ve said before in the blog, I don’t like to have work hard and i like things comfortable not complicated so it is easier to sterr clear of ‘entanglements’.

My wise uncle told me many years ago that “I was tying a knot with my mouth, that both hands and both feet would have a hard time untying”. Another one told me about “catscratchers”…they follow you home and scratch on your screen door sometimes…so be careful who you hook up with and what the consequences might be. I figure I don’t know eerything so I listened to them. I’ve seen a lot of guys that didn’t…and paid a price.

My point is whether in downtown Atlanta after dark, or in romance…always be doing a threat assessment…always.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:03 pm

(my typing suxxx)

disco

May 21st, 2012
1:03 pm

Randy – that made me think of my momma saying that “my mouth was going to write a check that my behind couldn’t cash”. lol.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:16 pm

LOL @ disco…re “check writing with mouth”. That is how I ended up bungee jumping. I was staring at a bungee tower with my teenage son, when he suggested that I should try it. I told him that I would but it was kind of expensive, and it was Christmas and I didn’t want to spend the money (BS you know). I did not know that my brother-in-law was standing right behind me until I heard the words that made certain portions of my anatomy shrink…”Well Randy T, have I got a present for you…I’ll pay for it”. I was…well you know what I was…starts with an f and ends with a d. Coming from East Tennessee, I was not allowed to show fear so up I went. Fun (afterwards) but it was much more scary than skydiving.

So I know about “check writing” up close and personal ;-)

abc

May 21st, 2012
1:27 pm

Now, I don’t do ANY of that kind of thing, Randyt, no matter what anyone else thinks about it! I have never found any entertainment value in scaring the hayell out of myself: roller coasters, bungee jumping, hang gliding, fuggetabaddit, not happening! I’m more than happy to say “no thanks, I’m too chicken”.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:34 pm

LOL @ abc…I try to collect a new scar or two every year to go with my collection ;-) I swear I have scars where most people don’t even have places! Like Indiana Jones said in the “Raiders of the Lost Ark”…”its not the age, honey, its the mileage”. I’ve beaten the haell out of my body and it reminds me a lot lately ;-) Payback is a biotch.

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
1:35 pm

disco – I’ve seen that mess happen so many times it’s not even funny, your 11:53! Dude had no intentions on marrying her, whether he was married or not.

Be it someone tells you upfront or you have to use your intuition, once you get the memo, its on you.

And that “I want to take it slow, be cautious” stuff – baloney. Life is too short. I’ve told dudes to call me when they are ready and got it together – IF I’m still available.

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
1:36 pm

I don’t have a problem at all telling someone I’m too chicken to try something!!

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:39 pm

@ Kimmie LOL, I was talking about marriage, not exclusivity…I’m exclusive by nature. When I say cautious, I mean I want to get to know someone, inside and out. I may know in the first five seconds if I want to make love, but it takes a little longer to want to stay with someone. After having said that, I know it sounds like the normal BS line from a player. Those a..holes have really screwed it up for those of us who really mean just go slow.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
1:40 pm

I can dig moving slow because for me, I’m not going to get physical quick. So the slower the better…lol I just don’t want someone claiming they’re going slow and trying to string me along. For those types, it’s gonna come to surface and you won’t even have to wait long. Now moving slow don’t mean we aren’t interacting. No interacting then I’m inclined to believe what you say you want versus what I see are two totally different things and I need to take actions….the actions of moving it right along. Now taking it slow and getting to know one another void of sex, I can do…lol :) All the while though, we need to be doing things together. Not taking it slow as in we talk once every two weeks…or example…lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

May 21st, 2012
1:41 pm

disco/Cely I understand a lady has fears she may need to get over and too much too soon can prohibit her sense of comfort. She has the bull by the horns and will know early on how I can contribute to the relationship. I give her all the time she needs to decide if she wants to walk this walk of course in the mean time I don’t want to be strung along cause I have been that and wondering where I stand.

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
1:43 pm

To put my last few emails together…I guard my heart more than I guard my body. LOL