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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Do you like them enough?

If you are devoting all your free time to someone but you aren’t crazy about them, you are wasting time -theirs and yours. Single people do this all the time. To stave off boredom or loneliness, they selfishly bide their time until something better comes along.

The reality is that it doesn’t take a really long time to determine if you like someone enough to start a relationship with them. Men are especially adept at figuring this kind of thing out fairly quickly. Once they know, it’s only a matter of when they are ready to tell (and show) the woman that she is the “chosen one”.

How long does it take you to figure out if you like them enough to keep things going?

How can you avoid being someone’s “placeholder”? How can you tell when they like you enough?

HAPPY MONDAY!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

188 comments Add your comment

Lily

May 21st, 2012
7:00 am

Right now we’re in deep like. To answer your questions, I’ll check back in a few months :) I’m a testament and digging love right now. I’m past 30…..with a great guy and no cats. (lol)

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
7:36 am

This is one subject I have no t-shirts on and am totally clueless. I don’t date to be dating, so for me there are no “placeholders”, nor will I be a “placeholder” for someone else. I can sort of understand FWBs, but “placeholders”. That smacks of using someone (no, it IS using someone), and as they used to say on “Living Color”…”Homey don’t play that game”..

Randyt (is it Monday, or what???)

May 21st, 2012
7:38 am

Now that begs to question, does that make me a “clown” like Homey? Uh oh.

Single and Happy

May 21st, 2012
8:21 am

It depends on what you’re looking for, every single person out there are not looking for a relationship with everyone they meet. Some people share the same interest in alot of things that sometimes don’t include each other. Just be honest about where you are, and take it from there.

Shaunie

May 21st, 2012
8:27 am

I’ll know when he shows me with consistant and focused love that I am his one and only and the same for me….as long as we are still smitten by others, we are not ready.

Trouble

May 21st, 2012
8:45 am

Don’t leave your girl around me.
http://youtu.be/37iuauzMWxo

lolalee

May 21st, 2012
8:52 am

Shaune “as long as we are still smitten by others, we are not ready.”

Huh?

lolalee

May 21st, 2012
8:52 am

meaning, how can you be smitten by others when you are with somebody already?

Trouble

May 21st, 2012
9:18 am

Enter your comments here

M. (pronouced M dot)

May 21st, 2012
9:23 am

This all boils down to effort. Effort=Results. If they make the effort and really want to work things out, they do, if not they don’t. Simple and plain.

disco

May 21st, 2012
9:24 am

good day good peoples. today is my last day of workplace bliss so I’m in it to win it today. it typically takes me no more than 3 phone calls to determine whether or not I even want to see a guy or not. it’s amazing the kind of foolishness that can come out of someone’s mouth so early in the game. it’s also amazing how many men must have used up all their courage asking for the number because by the time they finally call they have no backbone left. they are just breathing on the phone waiting on the woman to take the lead. I can also usually determine whether or not there’s something there i might actually be interested in on or whether or not he’s a “placeholder”. I was just telling a guy last night that some guys are placed in the “I don’t want you as my man but you are cool and might have some value to me whether it’s just to hang out, talk occasionally or what have you”. the placeholder phenomenon is real. it simply ties into that reason/season thing. some folks are there simply until the season changes.

Mike P

May 21st, 2012
9:35 am

The only “placeholders” I have are the ones who cannot take the hint that I am not interested in her(s). How many times do I have to say no! or decline your invitation before you finally get it. I tried to avoid embarrassing you in front of your friends/peers.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
9:50 am

Mike P – Sounds like you’re a bit annoyed as a certain someone…Do tell lol

Oh, and good morning peeps

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:22 am

Don’t everyone talk all at once…

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
10:30 am

On topic: Place holders? Blah…foolishness

Off topic: Reluctantly jumped on the scale Saturady….I’M DOWN SIX POUNDS :)

Another off topic: I bought a 36-inch flatscreen from Sears for the LOW LOW. Over 50% off :)

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
10:30 am

32-inch, not 36…oops

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:34 am

Cel – Well congrats you slim jim ;-) I didn’t make any big purchases this weekend but I did go end up with a hangover Sunday morning :-(

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
10:39 am

Morning All!!

I learned awhile back that men know pretty quick if they are interested in you. So it’s no need for a woman to wait around and “give him a chance” very long. When they are interested, you know it. If you find yourself questioning – well you have your answer – he’s not into you. He’s not playing hard to get. As for women, I can’t speak for all of them, but it’s pretty much the same. If she’s not really interested and he’s just a placeholder for him, she’ll put forth a half-azz effort. He’d have to be a little slow not to notice.

A lot of folks hope against hope though.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
10:39 am

Slim – What did you do/hang that caused the hangover…sounds like a blast…lol

On the weight thing, I started eating breakfast (for me NOT GOOD) and was gaining weight. So I decided to do the grapes and cheese a few mornings. Too, I changed my parking. It’s like two blocks or so away from the building and the walk is much, nice but much. It’s saving me $120 a month for parking…WOO HOO. A lady at church lost her car but works for the hospital in the next block so she volunteered her card until she’s on her feet again. It’s free for her so she said no point in not being used at all.

On the tv, I purchased the display and of course did a bunch of talking…lol

disco

May 21st, 2012
10:40 am

C – you don’t buy the whole placeholder thing? guess it’s just perspective. I look at it as making do with what you have until you can get what you want. in my mind, anything “starter” is a placeholder. that first starter home, that first entry level starter job. all just placeholders for better things to come. granted, I guess on some level it’s wrong to do people that way but it is what it is. oh – and congrats on your tv purchase. I’m on shopping withdrawal. it has now been 10 days since I have spent money on anything besides groceries and gas. at one point over the weekend I thought I was going to have the shakes.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:44 am

Cel – Well, in the words of Jamie Fox I had one too many drinks…but really I didn’t feel wasted honestly. I really feel like I got ’sick’ because I ate some shrimp & grits at dinner at Strip first then went over to Shout. So I didn’t feel bad until I got back to the house. I felt better probably after 2 Sunday afternoon lol…..So what were you eating before for breakfast? I heard that skipping breakfast was not good and that it actually helps in boosting your metabolism

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
10:45 am

disco – I don’t like the idea of placeholder but yeah, it exists…at least I think so. I just think it makes us (”us” in general) feel better to call it something different or deny that’s what it is. I believe anytime someone has pretty much decided that he or she is not the one but continues interacting for the sake of company or a warm body or something to do, until something better comes along then yep pretty much that’s what it becomes. Being strung along, just not that in to you, let’s see where things go (when you know definitely there are not), are all phrases that mirror the placeholder thingy.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:47 am

I just had deja vu after reading disco’s 10:40….weird

DreamsMaterialize

May 21st, 2012
10:50 am

Morning
I guess the only people worried about placeholders are the ones not getting what they want out of a situation. I try not to be in those situations…I like getting what I want. ;-) How was everyone’s weekend?

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
10:51 am

Slim – It probably was the food…dontcha just hate it? Glad you’re feeling better.

I actually started eating breakfast because of the same reason…like everyone says, you need 3 meals a day and that it drives metabolism. I’m not one that gain weight too much but at the same time, I’m not one that eat a lot…never have been. I eat but not big portions and I stop when I’m feeling full. I would change up from a variety of things….eggwhites, hashbrowns, cheese toast (1 slice), maybe french toast. Not meat too much. Always two items. So I stopped going to the grill and started pickup up the fruit cups. I really like the grapes and cheese so, I stuck with that a few mornings. I’ve been walking to the new parking spot a couple of weeks. You know how big one block is downtown. The walk from here to parking is a bit more than 2 blocks. I’m going back to laying off breakfast and have a treat or fruit and coffee.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:53 am

Dreams – Well I guess you pretty much summed the topic up. Weekend turned out better than expected. How about you?

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
10:56 am

Cel – You are about like me when it comes to eating in that I cannot eat a whole lot at one time. I eat a little here and there and actually I go through phases where I feel hungry and crave to eat…other times I have to almost force myself to eat. (I hate that) This morning i’ve only had a greek yogurt and half a cup of coffee. I bought a bagel but have yet to have a desire to eat it. I’ll probably eat this banana before I eat that bagel though. Since I was sick last week, I skipped out on the gym so I guess i’m going to try to get back in the swing of it this week. I finally bought me some workout gloves to keep the callouses away from the weights

DreamsMaterialize

May 21st, 2012
10:59 am

Hey Slim. I’m sure we’ve all been on both sides of the placeholder equation at one point or another. It’s life right. My weekend was packed. Family was in town for my cousin’s graduation. I’m super tired this morning. lol I see you had a good weekend…lots of libations. lol

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
11:02 am

C – I think I’m going to start doing what you do – park a little further away to get in a brisk walk in the morning.

To me, it seems to be a little more acceptable for men to use women as a placeholder until he meets “the one”. It’s okay for him to date around, see how it goes, etc. But I find alot of women are criticized when we know early on that we really are not interested in a guy. We are expected to give him a chance and “maybe” feelings will develop. Are told we are going to end up alone if we keep being so “choosy”. I know I got put down alot for it from both men & other women. I always know pretty quickly if I am interested and if I’m not, I throw that fish back in the water. I’m not wasting my time or his. I’ve never regretted doing it. Just cause he might look like a “good man” to you, and he might be but just not for me.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:03 am

Slim – Yep, I’m there with you. I don’t have to have a gang of food plus I don’t like the heavy feeling that takes the next day to feel relieved from. I can’t sleep if I’m too full…lol

I’ve given up on the gym thing….lol Never been my thing as far as commitment. I looked at treadmills while at Sears. I did see one I might be interested in but that’s about the extent of working out aside from hitting the gym here and there or walking in the afternoon.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:05 am

Dreams – I guess you could say that lol Goose all night long with the exception of one Apple Martini earlier in the night. There were a lot of folks down at Atlantic Station too. I was not aware that they show movies there in the grassy area. They had Harry Potter showing.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:06 am

Kimmie – Good for you. When the lady first offered me the card, I took it but didn’t use for a couple of weeks because of the dreaded distance…lol But, I bit the bullet and did it and I LOVE it now. It’s cool in the morning, which I know won’t last but I put on my flip flops and make it in. I did it more so because paying to park is a beast downtown.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:09 am

disco – at one point over the weekend I thought I was going to have the shakes.

LOL…I just caught this. I got the tv because I NEEDED a new one for my room. I wouldn’t have if I didn’t need one.

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
11:11 am

Slim – Me & my college buddies were down at Atlantic Station Sat night. We went to eat at Agave first and then decided we wanted to shop a little so went to AS after. I didn’t know they did the movie thing either. We went in that store Fabrik and the little guy there gave us some mimosas! It was a nice night to be out.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:12 am

Cel – I remember when you were pricing treadmills a while ago. Ellipticals are good too

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:13 am

O/T: Did any of you see the vid of Will Smith slapping the reporter that kept trying to kiss him? LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cBRfjcY9SQ

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:15 am

Slim – I think I saw one I’m pretty much gonna go with but I’m waiting for my brother to finish. Outside of the tv, no more spending until we’re done.

disco

May 21st, 2012
11:15 am

kimmie – I met a guy at the gym a couple of weeks ago. single parent to 13 year old daughter. during a conversation yesterday he mentioned that he wasn’t really looking for anything serious as right now raising his daughter was his priority. I followed up by confirming that he meant he didn’t want a relationship for the next 5-6 years. he answered with maybe 4 years. so I at that point indicated that I had no desire to be the chick that hung on for 4 years hoping for a payoff down the road and I’m not the chick that’s going in hoping that he didn’t really mean what he said. he then accused me of attempting to punish him for his honesty. told him there was no punishment involved but I wasn’t going to be that string along chick. I then went on to say that he was a nice enough guy and that if he wanted to attempt to play the “I’m wearing her down” game (that he cannot win) then I’d gladly let him buy me meals and take me out in the meantime. no shame in my game.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:15 am

Get it Ms C!!!!!! Good deal with your super weekend sis!!!!! ;)

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:17 am

kimmie – I’ve never heard of Fabrik but it sounds interesting…who doesn’t like to drink and shop lol

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:17 am

Hey there Lady(bug), I’ve been waiting on you this morning :) How was your weekend?

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:19 am

I saw a clip of that spar with Will Smith and the photographer. I didn’t catch what he did though. Did the guy feel him up or something? I can’t watch the clip here…YouTube is blocked.

disco

May 21st, 2012
11:20 am

C – I didn’t realize I often I shopped for no good reason until I consciously made the decision not to shop. I think shopping almost became a pasttime to stave off boredom. I’m shooting on keeping my money to myself until the first of the month. 10 days in and 10 days to go.

Lady~Love will win the fight~

May 21st, 2012
11:22 am

It was great!!! The Funkfest concert was awesome!!!!!! Saturday was softball games and Gresham Day (grilling out, etc) Sunday I got some rest in and studied. Can’t complain at all~ Thanks for asking!

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:23 am

disco – It almost sounded like because buddy was honest with not wanting anything serious, that he expected you to sign on for that. So i’m glad you let it also be known that you honestly didn’t want to be the ‘get-a-long girl’ for him for the next 4 to 5 yrs lol That’s so crazy to me to say that out loud. Four years may not sound like a long time but it is definitely a waste of time if you’re doing something you really don’t want to do

SlimNu

May 21st, 2012
11:24 am

Cel – He sort of push the guy away with the mean mug face then slapped him with the back of his hand lol

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
11:25 am

disco – See he couldn’t handle the truth. You were not being mean, just pointing out the obvious program he wants for the next 4-6 years. You let him know you’re not the one. He let you know up front and you let him know up front. I’ve done the exact same thing. Dudes have told me up front they were not looking for a serious relationship, never wanted to be married, didn’t want kids, etc. I’ve thanked them and went on stepping. It shocks some of them when you do that. One even told me I was moving too fast and to slow down because you never know what might happen and he might change his mind, etc. I called him on his bluff. I told him I took what he said very serious and I respected it, but it was different from what I was looking for. His eyes and mouth were wide open!LOL! :shock:

disco

May 21st, 2012
11:25 am

slim – I did appreciate his honesty but the cynical chick in me still recognizes that as game. that’s that line fellas throw out there and then when a chick finds herself caught up he can say “I told you when you met me that I didn’t want anything serious”. I’m too grown for that foolishness.

Celisea....life is good :)

May 21st, 2012
11:26 am

disc – I hear ya and feel ya. Aside from getting my free panties from VS (with my mailed coupon), I walked past shoes and clothes looking straight ahead and on a mission for my tv. I’m done really well these last couple of months just saving the money I was using to buy stuff…just because. I’ve even kept with not eating out so much :) It makes a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE when you stop buying and count what you’ve saved.

kimmie

May 21st, 2012
11:26 am

Slim – It’s a cool little boutique like shop, with a few locations around ATL. And yes, it helped to keep our earlier buzz on!LOL!!